Welcome to my life
by ALightInTheDark12
Summary: It all started on a Friday night, a day without many events, a common day to be at home for some, to party for others, that until someone knocks on the door to change things. (Poor summary, but the important thing is the content). Complete AU. Jaylos. Jay's POV. Rated M for language and future situations.
1. Welcome to my life

I honestly didn't think this story would begin to materialize so fast, and I still have a lot of things to think about, but anyway I still give you a new Jaylos story with the inclusion of some OCs that don't have so much relevance in this, thing is that they're somehow necessary for certain things to happen, I hope you like it.

Besides I don't promise to give updates every week or on a specific day, I will do them when each chapter is ready. Needless to say, fav, follow or review, enjoy :)

* * *

 **Welcome to my life**

Blink. Blink again. Do it one more time. Then another. One more. Well, one of the things that someone can't stop doing even if they wanted to. Like breathing, though I'm not the kind of person who dreams of quitting doing so.

I look up from the computer over my chest and become aware of what I'm doing, and also of what I'm not doing, lying on the couch, half watching a movie that calls itself 'terror' while I'm looking out of the window, the starry sky and full moon seem to have decided to shine a little more tonight. If the little door to the roof wasn't locked then I'd be watching them for hours until I heard dad's voice calling me from the third floor, or to that small, annoying ballast that calls himself as my younger brother, younger saying sixteen, asking me to do something that his laziness doesn't allow him to.

I really hate apartment complexes, there are very few options for space or things to do in such a confined space, but dad's salary isn't enough for us to get a house, besides there would be only three people living there, and the couch almost has my silhouette more than remarked by spending almost three quarters of the summer vacation thrown on it without much to do except look inside my small and not-at-all fancy bookshelf to read again whatever they have to say. I have taken over the stupidly comfortable couch.

"Yeah, work. That's what I should have been looking for in all this free time" I say out loud, not expecting any kind of response since I'm alone, and if I had received one I would have set the whole place on fire since it's not the first time I think something else lives in here. I still have the theory that somebody died inside these walls and at any moment it will decide to kill us while we sleep.

Instead of continuing to think about it I roll over my right side, trying to pay attention to what happens on the flat screen embedded on the wall, although I'm still a little tucked into my thoughts. And hungry, I'm starving even though I had finished dinner no more than twenty minutes ago.

I get up and drag my bare feet into the kitchen, the next room, the change of temperature between the warm carpet in the living room and the cool tiles that resemble wood-illustrated stamps that adorn the rest of the apartment send a chill through all my skin.

I open the cupboards for the thousandth time in all day long and take out the first thing my memory recalls that is at first reach, a box with seed bars with a chocolate base. Somewhat grotesque for dad by the looks, Joel would take only the naturist part since he has a style much more hippie and ragged than mine, always looking for the most natural and expensive things there may be, but they are the only thing I dedicate myself to look for more in the visits to the supermarket.

I take three, open one and pull it out of the package holding it with my lips, taking a bite and holding it there while I return to the couch, which seems to signal me to not walk away again until the next school period begins.

Jafar, Jay and Joel, I don't quite understand dad's penchant for the initial letter, I suppose it has something to do with 'the raw, laborious and somehow sad life' he had as a child, or maybe it has something to do with our stranger mother. Joel and I are the children of the same mother, and we don't know anything about her anyway, not even the name, and it's not like if we wanted to ask dad about it unless we wanted to see him drunk on the two-seater couch, one less than mine's, and leaving aside another job that 'so much' it cost him to get. The advantage of plunging him into those states is that he literally gives away to us the money he reluctantly gives for school expenses or hanging out with friends.

In contrast the only thing I've been doing all this time has been 'recovering all the energy I lost during school day's' and thinking about the hundreds of things I could be doing if I did something that paid for it, a job as dad suggested earlier in the day for vacations to start. Something that seems ironic is that I am someone energetic enough to play high-performance sports, but lazy enough to wander around looking for a job all over the town, with a pile of applications prepared under my arm.

It will be another boring vacation period without anything important to come, as it usually happens to me. Also I'm sure there are better ways to spend a Friday night, that without considering that next Monday I will go back to school.

I finish with the second bar, something I hadn't noticed, before opening the third one and put the computer back on my chest, seeing on Facebook a lot of videos that make me laugh for things that would be considered stupid, like the misfortune of others, brutal and graceful falls, and even cats that get the scare of their lives, almost to the point of causing me to choke with the pieces of seeds and chocolate I didn't chew or swallow completely. That's another thing that adds to my leisure for vacations, spending long hours or all day long in that infernal social network, being it on my phone or on the computer, but it's something that I have simply implemented in me and that, without it, I probably would stare at the ceiling, waiting for something good to happen. Besides it's also the most direct way I have to talk to my circle of friends since I hate phone calls or those long text messages.

I appreciate doing sports constantly, otherwise I would be a total lazy dude in the same style of Joel, although strangely he's not obese, something that doesn't make much sense if I consider his love for sweet bread, 'naturist' pizza that drips fat, among other things. Maybe that little girlfriend of his makes him to work out, using the word in a double sense, though we've never talked about it, or anything.

Dad has made sure that his greatest teaching for us is to live as solitary wolves, independent people, each one of us by his side. His mantra and that of our little family is simple: there's no team in I; with that in mind I can explain the reason why Joel and I don't talk so much, except when he tells me about the occasions when he gets drunk a little with his friends stuff like that. That's how he is with me, but with dad it's with whom he exchanges almost everything that happens to him, how he feels and those things that he must consider to be boring; they're attached to such a point that Joel sleeps with him, something he has done always because, when he was six years old, I might have made him believe dad was going to abandon us given that he used to be late from work, Joel cried and asked for him every two minutes, to which I responded enraged: 'He'll never come back! He's gone because of you!'. I take all the blame, though now he's a slightly tough dude.

I move my look towards the flat screen, avoiding think/laugh at the cruelty committed against my poor little brother, watching the right moment when a girl gets stabbed in the back, she drags herself an inch before her hair gets pulled backwards and the killer draws a smile on her throat with a kitchen knife. I yawn and roll my eyes, determined to bug a bit those people who see my posts. I'm too bored.

 _Someone tell the love of my life that they can knock on my door whenever they decide, I'm alone at home and with a lot of energy for anything ;) ;) ;) ;)_

I smile with satisfaction when I do the post, entwining my hands and placing them behind my head as the world burns slightly.

It doesn't pass more than ten minutes when my nonsense gets liked to more than seven people, something like a record since I don't consider myself as popular to receive a response in such a short time, but I try to write some nonsense in this thing from time to time to not lose the habit of good leisure, plus the comments are really hilarious.

Things that go from: 'Why do you want the love of your life if you have me only a text away? :*', 'Address, to make it simpler ¬w¬', 'I don't know what ya craving for but whatever it is make it to never forget it ;)', even to one or another family member with comments like 'Does your father know that you are writing this sort of things in such a public place?', 'Is something wrong with you?', and the funniest of them all is one that says 'LIBERTINE' in such big letters I can almost swear they would be shouting at me if they had the chance.

Dad is not much interested in the kind of things I do from that kind, as long as it doesn't involve the procreation of a grandchild for him, besides I'm not an active person in that sense. I'm not waiting for someone special or something like it, there are only times when I want it to happen and others where I don't.

I answer some comments when I finish with the last bar, happy because the bad movie is finally over since the serious melody of the credits sounds along with the name of all the actors on the screen. I've seen it about three times in all this time, three months of freedom, and even from the first time I watched so it didn't make an impact on me.

I take the remote control and surf on the channels, grunting at the same time as hating the insipid nightly programming, repeated things, romantic chick flicks that would like many girls I know, programs of boring contests and infomercials. I didn't think cable TV could be so tedious.

Before I can turn off the television someone knocks on the door, a knock that is barely audible between the volume of television that usually annoys the neighbors and my playlist of songs; it's not even ten o'clock for them to decide to make a fuss about it, although it's considerably late to have visitors. I get up when the knocks come back.

I look at the keyring hanging on the wall behind the door, noting that Joel's key pair is here. I roll my eyes and growl, hating I have to get up from the couch just to help him when it's his fault that he has forgotten the keys. His girlfriend is bad for him, I don't know her since he's afraid I'll try some move with her, but that would be a violation to the bro-code: mess around with his girlfriend, and even if she offered herself to me I wouldn't do it. He's my brother anyway, but if he does this kind of things he can piss me off.

"You forgot your keys, I hope ya like to sleep outside, anyway the neighbor's doormat looks comfortable enough to be a cozy pillow" I say against the door, smiling as I imagine his expression. I can't see it since there's not a peephole, after so many years dad still doesn't get one.

"Uh… I don't think that's the way to talk to a visitor".

I arch my right eyebrow at the strange voice, a tone that is different from Joel's by far, and even from my friends who tend to appear at my door from time to time with beers or another kind of alcohol so that we spend time playing videogames or eating some junk, talking about sexy girls or attractive dudes depending on the case and the person with who I talk to, or simply because they have nothing better to do.

When I open the door I'm surprised to see Carlos de Vil, the white-haired boy with black roots who came to my trainings no more than two months ago, he dedicates himself to doing the exercises, he greets cordially and says goodbye to everyone without missing, he arrives on time and talks to anyone other than our teacher, that in the few occasions when he addresses the word straight to him, otherwise it would be thought he has no voice. He's about Joel's age, however he's smaller than him in addition to having the face of a teenager of fourteen, or even less.

I take a look at him now that I don't see him wearing the uniform we usually wear at the time, a loose black trousers with a red stripe on the sides of each leg and a black shirt, now I see him wearing shorts with multiple pockets, a black shirt of the same color and a leather jacket I would like to have for myself although surely it wouldn't fit me for our difference in sizes; I have way more muscles than him. He stands there, trembling and with his hands in his pockets, he looks at a point in the void and plays with an invisible pebble beneath his combat boots. He looks completely different from the guy I usually see every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for two continuous hours.

I clear my throat, drawing his attention back and seeing that a slight blush takes possession of his cheeks, covered with freckles, something that caught my attention the first time I saw him running at my side, that and his strange hair.

"Well, this is a surprise" I cross my arms in addition to arching my eyebrow in his direction, to which he shrugs and tilts a smile. "How did ya know where I live? If you don't respond then I'll think you've been stalking me".

He laughs softly, however he lowers his gaze and scratches his right arm with the opposite hand, like if I had caught him in some sort of trick, or like if I had found out he was actually stalking me. He doesn't seem like the kind of freak who is into that thing, he rather seems like the kind of guy you would catch while he's following you on the streets, very obvious and not knowing about discretion.

"Um… c-can I come in? It's freezing out here" he wraps his arms around him, emphasizing that last thing, and it seems the nature smiles at him as a chill breeze blows, causing his hair and mine to move. Bad idea to be in the streets wearing shorts for him, bad idea for me not wear sleeves.

"Of course, come in" I open the door completely, giving him free space. When he pass by I perceive a scent of synthetic chocolate, one similar to the lip gloss that Evie often uses when we hang out with Mal and Ben.

I close the door behind me, when I turn around I realize that he's standing in the middle of the small living room of the apartment, his arms still wrapped around himself, like if he were waiting for an order.

"Sit down, unless you want to stand there all the time".

He nods and sits on the edge of the two-seater couch, about to fall off since he doesn't seem to be at all comfortable, not on the couch, the cushions are so soft that it's impossible not to take a nap on them, though because of the skin lining they are somewhat annoying. He seems to be uncomfortable with the situation.

I return to my position in the/my couch, seeing his right leg moving swiftly against the floor, like if he were anxious. We stopped seeing each other at eight o'clock when the training was over, and I don't remember hearing anything about him visiting, though I don't spend all my time saying where I live or something, and I don't have him added to my list of friends for him to see the nonsense I wrote down, something strange since Facebook is something a person of his age should have by law.

"So" I say, breaking the ice and drawing his attention back since he was about to pierce the floor with his penetrating gaze, "can I offer you something? Water, tea, non-alcoholic beer, anything?" he licks his lips, pink lips that have small cuts on them, like if he had bitten them.

"I'd like some warm milk with a little sugar, of course, if it's not too much to ask for" he looks down, like if he were afraid I'd reject him.

"Warm milk with sugar, coming up".

I take my cell phone and get up, I enter the kitchen crossing the useless swinging doors that Joel accepted from one of his friends, like if the apartment were huge enough to make it look like an old canteen. I take the milk out from the refrigerator, a little pewter pot from the cupboard, sugar and coffee powder for him and me; second dinner.

Through the gap between the doors I can see him better, he's watching the television closely while his back is finally placed in the soft back of the couch, however his leg keeps moving.

"Shit" I hiss in low voice, hating the scent of the barely visible coat of hair of my hand when it gets burned by the blue flame of the stove. I pour the milk into the pot and place it on the stove, taking my cell phone with my free hand, looking at him once more.

 _I know you're there disgusting human being with purple hair and green eyes similar to the tone of a spit, answer now or you'll regret it the next time I see you!_ , I type, knowing I will receive a similar answer and with more insults from Mal.

Mal and I have been friends for three years or so, not that we care much about the date to celebrate or something similar, but she's the person with whom I have most connected with, she understands me in different ways, and in different likings, the same way in which I understand her, we get ahead in the good and the bad, we discuss and tell the other to screw off almost every day before talking again like if nothing had happened, besides that training with her is great because I can insult her as often as I want for her to be useless and I know she will do the same, also the moments when we can fight with blows and kicks against each other causes tensions to oxygenate, so that there are no grudges.

 _What do you want, idiot? I'm in no mood for your stupidities, that monthly curse decided to appear and all I want to do is die for a good damn time and forever_ , I receive in response in the next few minutes.

 _Do ya remember the new guy in the training? Carlos? You know, the one with white hair and who doesn't make any noise._

 _Of course I remember him, quite weird and quiet but he's cute, although he's two years younger than me like to try something on him_ _ **D:**_ _I don't wanna go to jail, yet._

 _I am a younger than you and we're here anyway ;)_

 _Nothing had happened, besides you're missing the point, idiot. What's the boy in this?_

 _Sure, Carlos. It turns out he's in my house, he seems a bit anxious and out of his mind, like if he's distracted by something._

 _Well, maybe he is distracted by something, you should ask him and not bother me about the hook-ups that come to your house. But wait, how did he know where you lived?_

 _That's precisely the question, I assumed that you or someone else had told him._

 _Dude, barely and we know that he complains during the exercises, he didn't come to me to ask nor anyone I knew. Do you want me to find out a little?_

 _Later, now I have to attend a surprise guest._

 _Sure, and I hope you don't make him regret doing things with you._

 _You said it, he's under-aged, so I better abstain from anything_ _ **._.**_

 _You're under-aged too, so I don't think there's any problem._

 _Whatever._

 _Die already._

I take that as a goodbye, besides she's insufferable when the monthly curse as she calls it decides to attack, before anything she's irritable, besides her eyes seem to shine in a frightening way when she's about to explode.

I turn off the stove and pour the milk into two cups, I prepare what he asked for and the one for me, I take Joel's special reserve of cinnamon-covered donuts with chocolate sprinkles, without sending him a warning message, before going back to the living room, watching Carlos completely immersed and absorbed in SpongeBob, my favorite cartoon of a lifetime, mine and Ben's by far.

"Here ya go" I say, reaching out my arm with the cup in my hand, he takes it and I realize just how soft his hands are, he held mine for support before taking the cup. "If it needs anything else, let me know" he nods slowly and with a smile, looking at me straight in the eyes before taking a sip. His eyes are big, not disproportionate to his face, but big anyway.

"It's perfect, thank you, Jay".

I return to my place in the couch, with a handful of donuts in my free hand, he has the rest of them with simply stretching his hand. He eats one after another, interspersing each with a sip of his drink, and with each one he seems to grunt with satisfaction more loudly. I don't care they run out, they are things that can be bought again, what surprises me is that it seems he doesn't eat that kind of thing very often. He seems very happy.

I stay quiet, watching television and sending glances in his direction, noting he bites his lower lip but smiles, like if he were making the greatest effort so his laughter is not audible. I've never heard him laughing. And even with all that happening his leg doesn't stop moving. What's wrong with him?

I make a quick move to take a picture of him, I send it to Mal, being angry or not, since I really don't know what to do. _Apparently he likes SpongeBob, and it's still weird that he doesn't stop moving._

 _The weird thing is taking a picture of someone who's distracted, freaking pervert. Besides knowing there's another moron who likes that nonsense is awful._

 _SpongeBob is classy as hell, besides you're missing the point, wannabe-fairy._

 _Call me that again and I'll kick your balls so hard you'll feel them in your throat._

 _You know I'm not afraid of you, and I don't even respect you ;) But that's not the point, what do ya think I should tell him to know what's he doing here?_

 _Go straight to the point, you don't know much the word subtlety, nor touch, nor anything about decency but that's another story, just ask and period._

 _You really aren't helpful._

 _Whenever you want it :*_

I throw the phone to my feet, it reaches to slide between the cushions, otherwise it would have fallen on the carpet or against the floor and the screen would have shattered, but anyway I need a new one since it is too small for my taste, about the size of my hand.

I turn my head at the moment when I see him looking at me, frowning and with the remains of donuts all over his face.

"Everything's fine?" he asks, his voice horribly worried. I give him a smile to reassure him, one that he returns to me.

"All is good, it was just an explosive moment, don't worry".

"I hope it's not a nuisance that I'm here".

"Not at all, anyway I wasn't doing anything important" I turn off the computer and slide it under the couch without taking my eyes off him.

"I'll believe you" he says, looking at his cup and frowning. "Would it be too much to ask for a little more? I understand if you don't want to get up but…".

"It wouldn't be too much to ask" I say, standing and taking his cup before he can even lift it. "You should stop giving excuses before people act, not everyone will react in a bad way".

"S-sorry, it's s-something I do all the time".

"You don't need to apologize".

I take my phone one more time, go back to the kitchen and prepare what he asked for, using the same measures in everything, so there isn't an excess and neither a lack, also filling my cup again, to take advantage of the second trip.

The vibration of a text message makes me growl, since the only ones who send them are dad and Joel. The vibration of a second message makes me roll my eyes and swallow the growl, Carlos could misinterpret it.

"So then, Carlos" I say, looking through the doors at him raising his head at the mention of his name, "I say again it's not a problem that you're here, but that's my question indeed. What brings you here?".

He swallows hard and lowers his eyes, he shrugs and it's like if his whole body wants to vanish at that moment, like if whatever that brought him here in the first place was something latent and from what he was trying to escape, like if a couple of donuts, warm milk and SpongeBob would have done it.

"W-well, honestly I-I don't know, you were the first person in which I could think of because… because…".

He gasps, he takes a deep and agitated breath, dropping his head back before releasing a heavy sigh. I return to his side and give him his cup, I go back to my couch and this time I don't lie down, I remain sitting, noticing that now his hands are shaking just like his whole body; ironically his leg finally stops at that moment.

He catches me looking at him and I give him another small smile, I turn the volume of the television mute so it doesn't become a distractor for either of us. He swallows the sip he drunk, a drop slips by the corner of his lips but I don't bend to wipe it away, I just let it go its way, and I shouldn't look at it.

"W-what happens is that…" he hesitates, which gives me the opportunity to sip my cup before it cools, though anyway being cold or hot it tastes good. "I told my mother that I'm into guys, that I'm gay".

It's inevitable the moment when I choke, I do it by surprise and by the strange laugh that takes hold of me to hear him say that, one that succeeds in getting out while I start coughing so much for the milk with coffee to leave my body, to not choke and die right now.

I hit my chest hard, making an echoic sound on the way, while my breathing is leveling, I stop coughing after fifteen seconds that seemed like eternal hours, but the laughter doesn't give up until I look up again and see him with his eyes wide open, blushing, his cup lies on the floor and his hands are placed over his knees. Once again he's shrugging and looks smaller than he already is, looking for shelter on the cushions.

"I-I'm sorry" I say, laughing one last time and placing my hand over my mouth to try to hide the smile, but since it's a real one it tenses the corners of my eyes, something that surely he's watching. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I-I'm sorry".

"I-I didn't think you were going to laugh in my face…" he looks into my eyes, something that allows me to see something dying inside of them, like a little spark of hope I hadn't seen before and that now goes off like the flame of a candle at the mercy of the wind. When he blinks it's when I see the tears about to come out, which makes me feel like the worst person in the universe. "This was a bad idea, I-I shouldn't…".

I stand up at the moment when he leans forward, which is why the hug I wanted to give him ends up wrapping his head and pressing it against my chest. I caress his hair, something that gives me satisfaction to some extent since I had wanted to touch it for a long time, as well as the softness I feel against my hand, but I'm not sure if it's what I just did or if it's the fact he's certainly crying but he trembles, violently, like if I had given him a scare of death, like if I had disappointed him.

"I'm sorry, Carlos, I'm really sorry for what I said and did. I didn't mean to laugh, it's just that what you said was… surprising, or whatever".

His arms wrap around my waist weakly, he rubs his cheek against me, like if on my chest were the comfort he needed, the support he was seeking and that his mother didn't give him in a moment of uncertainty.

But we just met, I don't think he can see that in me.

I move to sit beside him, forcing us to split our hug, and it's now when I can see his eyes reddened because of the tears, the traces of some that streamed down his cheeks; a face completely different from the shy boy who was standing outside my door a couple of minutes ago.

"Then I assume your mother kicked you out and that's why you're here" I say, sounding too rude with those words. Maybe Mal's right, I don't know that much about subtlety or touch.

"N-no, I-I escaped from my house, m-my mother would have done e-even the impossible so I would never get out".

"Are you sure about that? Don't you think you're overreacting a bit?".

"My mother is called Cruella de Vil, she has it explicit in the name, that's why I know I'm not overreacting about fearing her, besides she was about to throw me stuff for what I said, since I thought I could finally tell her after all this time that we have shared together as a family".

The raw honesty, the hidden fear and the serious tone of voice with which he talks about her makes me feel chills, worse than those that occur on winter nights. I don't remember seeing his mother attending to the trainings to ask for some kind of information or to talk to our teacher, he only showed up one day and asked about it, he was received on the spot as is often happens with people who attend alone.

"But… your dad, what does he think about it?".

"I don't know him" he says without even thinking. I really have many things to know about him, too many now that I think about it. "Mom makes no mention of him, she only refers to him as a freaking coward who left her with a son at the best moment of her life".

"Alright, don't talk any more. And just because it's sharing time, I don't know my mother either".

We stay quiet, the cartoons on the television move but there is no sound to accompany them, the wind doesn't blow on the outside, not even the crickets seems to be willing to sing. It's like if all this situation had polarized to the outside and everything was sunk in complete seriousness.

He wipes a few tears with the sleeves of his jacket, takes his cup again and gives it small sips, making a couple of gestures since I suppose he hoped it would stay warm, or maybe it have lost its flavor.

I take that moment to take my cell phone and read the annoying messages, just to know that I'm not losing anything. _I just finished working, I'll be home in half an hour_ , that from dad; _I'll spend the night at Jane's place, dad knows so don't make no-sensitive inferences,_ from Joel. I give him an answer, _Have fun, if ya know what I mean ;)_ , while I don't send anything to dad, as it usually happens when he sends me text messages.

"Why did you turn to me?" I look away from the phone in his direction, he looks at me and frowns, distressed and surely formulating countless things that he thinks I'm thinking about him. "I'm only asking".

"I-I told you already, I don't quite know it… I-I just thought you could help me, like a f-friend who helps another in a time of n-need".

I look at him carefully, thinking about what he says, seeing that he perceives a kind of bond that has been forged without much effort, which in a certain way has been given just like that. But he sees it in me, he believes in things I could do and in ways I could help him; Carlos believes in me, or something.

"C-can I spend the night here? Please" he asks, finally revealing all that was behind his surprise visit. I meet his eyes at the right time, again the spark shines in them. "I don't wanna be abusive, it'll only be tonight, I promise, surely tomorrow everything will be better and I can talk to my mother".

I keep looking at him, it's like if every word engulfs me in some sort of trance, like if he were hypnotic, and I don't know if I can give an explanation that is more or less coherent.

He does his request enlarging his eyes, something I'm sure he doesn't realize he's doing, and by the tone of voice, in addition to the desperate way in which he seems to be looking for someone, I'm pretty sure he'd be on his knees in this same moment, begging me to let him stay, and being a little more imaginative I imagine him crying, something that would be an excessive limit.

Finally I lower my gaze, when it's my turn to get into this. Dad would not bother because he is here, he doesn't usually bother about many things, although I have never brought someone home to spend the night, in any way, the one who is responsible for that is Joel and it involve his friends in the living room, chatting late and sleeping on the carpet.

I let out a sigh, causing him to move in his place, anticipating once more things that I'm not thinking about, I will not think about and that I will not say anything about. I don't understand Carlos very well now I think about it.

"You can stay, yeah" I look at his cheeks and then his eyes, noticing a blush and the glowing being more present respectively, "but I'll have to talk to dad when he gets home to give him a superficial explanation of what happened to you, I promise not to go into details".

He doesn't respond, he just wraps his arms around me, sinks his nose into my neck and takes a deep breath, something that makes me shrug because it's a spot too sensitive in me.

I give back the hug, bringing his body closer to mine, sliding my hands slowly over his back, seeking to reassure him, something dad used to do with me as a child, on the few occasions when something truly frightened me, like electrical faults during the storms.

He moves his head further, like if he wanted to nest on me, something I don't think I would deny, and in any case something strange happens, in me. It's like we've done this more times, he looking for help and me giving him my best, but dammit, we just met! I think I should take care of the chemicals I eat from now on, or maybe I'm just overreacting, like him.

"Thank you… Jay" he whispers in a voice barely audible, almost eclipsed by the cars passing through the street. I shudder again at the heat of his breath against my skin.

"No problem" I say, taking him gently by the shoulders, something to which he gives in without trying to make our hug to last any longer. "Now come on, I'll show you where you'll sleep".

"Oh, that's not necessary, I can stay here" he snaps, jumping up and down on the couch, "it's quite comfortable actually".

"It is, but I can't let ya sleep in the couch, it wouldn't be like a host to have people sleep in the living room".

"But…".

I take his hand before he keeps insisting and I force him to get up almost in a jump, since the space in which we are is too small it doesn't take us more than fifteen steps to reach my room. I turn on the light after groping on the wall, when it lights it I almost want to run away because of the mess that represents my bed, the sheets and blankets spread everywhere, the pair of pillows I use laying right on the floor; a mess. Besides Joel's mattress lies beneath mine.

"Sure, I'd forgotten a little detail" I say, and it's until I realize the softness of his hand when I realize that I'm still taking it, which is why I release it, something it didn't seem like he was going to do. I don't ask for his help to get the other mattress out from underneath mine, not even for him to help me to settle up where he's going to sleep, I only do it while he stands there in the doorway. "We're doing something like a remodeling with the furniture of the house, the first was the bunk in which I sleep, so I hope you don't mind that we sleep on the floor and in the same room".

"Not at all, I could use better than where I sleep in my house" he answers almost superfluously, like if it were a statement that doesn't cause others to ask questions. "But wait, I don't think that other mattress is down there for fun, I guess someone else sleeps on it, who does it? Cause I wouldn't want anyone to end up sleeping in the couch, or on the floor…".

"Oh, my little brother, Joel, but before you even think about going back to the couch, I'll tell ya that he shares bed with dad" I turn to see what he's doing, noting that he opened his mouth to ask a question. "Whatever you wanna know, I will not talk".

He closes his mouth, but he smiles.

I get up when the bed is ready, which seems to be a sign that lets him get inside to inspect the rest of the room. All painted with pale yellow, a wooden chest of drawers that matches a small piece of furniture that has the abundant pairs of Joel's and mine's shoes, which don't exceed beyond five, the jackets hanging on the wall on the left, the desktop computer, the printer and everything else lying on the floor, my mattress next to the wall on the right, Joel's a few inches away. Not very much to see in such a little space to live, but Carlos seems to enjoy meeting new spaces.

"It's…" he begins to say, taking a full turn, like if he were in the most stunning place there may be, "it's cozy, pretty much".

"Really?" I ask, actually surprised by his words.

"I mean it, it's very different from my room".

"But I remember hearing that you moved recently, that's why it's strange you say something like that" he turns to look at me, giving me a small but very warm smile. I place my back against the chest of drawers, as a support, feeling my knees a little weak from one moment to the other, although it wasn't a day of exercise so intense to feel such as tired after so much time.

"My mother makes sure that the houses where we move to get redecorated so that they don't lose the original design of the house that she had to sell when I was born, so that's why I have that feeling when I'm here".

Before I can say anything else by his comment he drops something to his side, a small backpack I don't remember he brought on his back. I look at him again and I see him rubbing his eyes, yawning, like if he were a small child who went through a very long day and wants to sleep. Sometimes I do the same thing.

"Very well, I'll leave you alone so you and your luggage can get a little more comfortable" he arches his right eyebrow at my statement. I answer the question without being formulated by pointing to his backpack with my head.

"Oh, it's not luggage as such, they're… vital things so to speak, I brought them in case everything had gone to hell at one time to another, which in some way it did…" he hesitates and shrugs, like if he were saying a lot of information, and he did, although I didn't quite understand it.

"Okay, get comfortable" I point to the door to the left, "that's the bathroom, the next room is dad and Joel's, I don't recommend you to enter because there's not much to see in there" we both let out a little laugh, something that is forced on both of us, "and… here between us, I honestly don't know what you're going through, it didn't happen to me, but I heard a situation like that has consequences, so if you wanna break into tears or whatever then don't hold back, I promise not to say anything about it".

He sits on the mattress, he gives a light kick to the backpack before sighing, from the bottom of his small body. It's like if the relief at least had come to him, like if the problems in which he was thinking about were being solved; everything in him has changed since the moment he arrived, he has his back upright, he shrugs only occasionally, he smiles and speaks with a more firm voice. His leg no longer moves; the calmness is with him. Or at least that's what he makes me think.

"Thanks, Jay, again" he looks at me and smiles.

"It's like you said it, I do it to help a friend" I grab the doorknob and start to leave, until the pinch of curiosity now passes to me, with a question that surely will sound stupid. "Before I leave I just wanna ask one more thing" before he can say anything I let the question out. "Are you really gay? I mean, are you one hundred percent sure you are?".

"Is it so hard to believe?" he answers, and among the few things I hate is when someone answers a question with another question.

"Well… yeah, if I were extremist I'd say there's nothing in you that lets know you are, and having heard you admitting it so suddenly caused a short in my head, that's why I didn't know what to do besides laughing, I'm sorry… again".

"That's okay, I got over it, I think…" he hits the tips of his boots a couple of times, like if that were enough to divert my attention from the question I asked him, "But yeah, I am".

"Surely-sure?" I arch my eyebrow.

"As sure as the fact you're Jay every day when you wake up".

"Fair enough" I say, admitting my defeat somehow, "if you need anything you know where to find me, anyway I always sleep late. Oh, and welcome to my life, in some way".

"A warm welcome too, I must admit it".

No word comes from any of us after that, to sign the conversation is over at last. I leave my room letting the door minimally open, just a slit that lets out the light from the inside, giving him the privacy enough he needs to do whatever it is he does before bedtime.

I turn on my heels and return to the living room, I take the mute mode off from the screen before taking the dirty dishes and take care of them, thinking that the new guy in training is sleeping in my room, something that would give me some reputation if this were a competition. I have no one to compete against in that regard, and I wouldn't feel well doing it.

When I finish them all I do is turn off the light in the kitchen and throw myself once more on the couch, feeling the cold cushions sinking by my weight. I take my cell phone to write again to Mal, being in any mood that she is.

 _Short story: he fled from his place for… stuff, so he'll stay here._

Surprisingly, her response arrives only a minute later.

 _And what're you doing telling me? Go and try something with him, because at least I would do anything for a guy so attractive to sleep with me ¬w¬_

 _He's too sad, besides I never said he was inclined to that side._

 _Boys of his age run away from their homes for things like that, or they get kicked out, I don't know, but I'm sure when you say 'stuff' you mean that._

 _Anyway, I'll not try anything._

 _You're boring._

 _And you a wannabe-fairy ;)_

I leave the cell phone between the back cushions and focus on the television, in a program that has any sense, but it's the best distraction I have.

I see him out of the corner of my eye when he comes out once more, with a brisk pace, he enters to the bathroom and comes out the next second, I hear him brush his teeth in the sink outside (the structure of the apartment is a bit weird), before seeing him when he enters to the room again, this time the light inside goes out, telling me he has finally decided to go to sleep.

Being as light of feet as I am, as well as curious, I stand up and walk without making the slightest noise towards the door, I kneel down and I move the few centimeters that I lack to arrive slowly, I stop when something like a murmur achieves to leave, a lament that produces shivers on me for the long sobs coming with it.

I get up and go back to the couch. I don't want to hear him while he cries.

* * *

"Jay! Wake up!".

I open my eyes by the voice screaming in my ear, and if I hadn't heard dad's voice at that very moment I would probably have punched him in the face, or if it had been Joel I would have put his face in my armpit until he pleaded for mercy since he knows that never, ever, for any reason, he should wake me up.

When my heart starts to beat in a more human rhythm I turn my head, seeing dad in the individual couch, with a sandwich in his hands and a smile on his face, something that is not very usual.

"What the fuck…?" I ask, disoriented by the sudden nap, and his expression changes to a reprisal one for my vocabulary, something that will not change in a long time. "I'm sorry, I guess, but you're gonna wake him up if you scream like that again".

"Joel?" he asks, taking a bite of the sandwich and talking with his mouth full. "He said he would spend the night with Jane".

"Not him, I mean Carlos" I get up and stretch, listening to the creak of some of my joints in the process. When I look down in his direction I see him still, he stops chewing, and I could almost say breathing.

"That explains why that door is closed, who is that Carlos you said?" he asks after a second, then he swallows.

"Oh, right, I forgot that little detail" I sit back and rub my eyes, trying not to feel so disoriented. "Two months ago a new guy came to the trainings, Carlos, and he's here because he needed somewhere to crash, he ran away from home because his mom went crazy when he said to her that he's gay".

"What age you say he has?" he asks, something he tends to do, go through the branches before returning to the point.

"Sixteen, and I don't remember mentioning it".

"You didn't mention it, and that's a problem" he takes another bite of the sandwich, which looks so good it makes me hungry, and this time he worries about swallowing before he talks. "He's underage, he wouldn't have to be out of his home, so the best would be…".

"He's sleeping, I can't wake him up and tell him to just leave" I argue in his defense, something I don't understand why I'm doing. "Besides, I'm sure if it was a friend of Joel's you'd let him stay without a word".

"That's because they've known each other for a long time, you just told me that you met this kid only two months ago, and I can swear you haven't spoken more than three times since then" he says, striking at everything he says.

"Whatever, I can't tell him to leave".

I look at the flat screen, noticing the nonsense program has now become a documentary on the history of Mesopotamia, something that will surely come to his aid in his antiques shop, his work of weekends. I still feel a little ungrateful to see he does everything here while I sneak guys into the apartment, but there's Joel too, and of course there have been times when I work for him, but he always gets a grunt when he gives me an order, like carrying heavy things or changing the shelves.

He finishes with his sandwich and cleans the corners of his lips, like if he were a complete gentleman. He growls and runs a hand over his face, reflecting the obvious weariness that always seems to drag behind him.

"Alright, alright! He can stay, geez" he stands up and turns off the television, staring at me sternly when I look back at him. "But I don't want you sleeping with the door closed, no talking at two in the morning, and I especially don't want any kind of noise before noon.

"You know I hate sleeping with the door open, besides for some reason it's cold at night although it's summer, also it would be even simpler than being closed you don't listen to our talks at two in the morning, and especially it would prevent us from making some kind of noise before noon".

"Just go to sleep and leave me alone, we'll talk in the morning" I wink my eye at him; victory for me. "And if he needs to stay longer for whatever the reason then he can do it, just tell me before letting him sleep in your room".

I give him a mocking smile, I stand up and slowly open the door of my room, fearing the light from the outside could wake him up. The rhythmic sound of his breathing tells me that nothing seems to be enough to wake him up, not even an elephant stampede would.

I leave the light off to be able to change my clothes freely, without the curious look of a boy who is sleeping in the bed next to mine, a boy who claims to be gay although I don't believe it for anything. I put on a pair of cotton pants along with a simple white shirt, but before I slide between my blankets I place one more over him, the night seems horribly freezing for some reason, before which he lets out a deep sigh of satisfaction.

Curiosity returns to invade me, I turn on the light bulb of warm light since the closed curtains don't allow the moonlight to filter in the room, besides I don't remember they were like that when I left. He must have done it, it was that or the entity that lives in the department decided to play a little prank on him.

In addition to a complaint, something that was bound to happen by the sudden light getting on, I'm surprised to see that he's extremely comfortable in the blankets, the one I have just put over him envelops his face in the same way that would make a blanket to a baby. He outlines a smile in his dreams, and the expression of his face, vulnerable, serene, calm, makes him a smaller being than he already is, more exposed to the world around him.

I keep that image in my head when I turn off the light again, I slide between the blankets and place my head on my pillows, turning on my side to look at the wall. I close my eyelids slowly while drowsiness steps over me to take me with it.

So many questions, so many things I would like to know about him. There's time for all that, for now the only thing we can do is sleep.


	2. For him

So, that's right, I made a few modifications about the ages and all that, because this is an entire AU, but I like the way I'm conceiving everything, I hope you too. Fav, follow or review, enjoy :)

* * *

 **For him**

I completely recover my consciousness while I turn around over myself and lie down on my stomach when it pleads to be feed, I try to mitigate the deep growling it produces, but it's like if this morning it was willing to take me by the entire opposite because the sound becomes more and more deeper by the movements I make.

I stretch my left hand, disconnecting my phone from the charger and from the electrical outlet on the wall, to see the time. Fifteen minutes past noon.

I leave the cell phone next to the pillow, growl against it and turn again to lie on my back, stretching under the blankets and taking strange positions in the process, feeling how my whole body seems to be waking up little by little. The mornings are slightly warmer than the nights, but apparently, at the moment when you step out it's when the real cold attacks without the slightest kind of piety.

Another trap for the apartments.

Before I can close my eyelids again, since the tiredness hasn't completely gone, I turn my head when I see movement happening to my right, I hold my breath in the moment when the head with white hair stands out in the darkness of the room, not even the most powerful sunlight gets through my dark blue curtains. The best thing that can be in the room.

I turn on my side and I lie down for a moment, my arm under the pillow, breathing again and struggling not to fall asleep. I don't know why a part of me thought it had all been a dream, like if that sudden nap I had on the couch had been extended longer and covered from the moment Carlos was on the other side of the front door.

I glance at him, noting that he's still in a world completely foreign to this, in the dream world. His mouth is slightly open, as much as it's needed to see some of his front teeth, his hair is ruffled and it covers his eyebrows, his eyes slightly, his shoulders and the blankets move with the rhythmic pace of his breathing; the whole set seems to say that he will not wake up in the next couple of hours, even until tomorrow.

Mal's right, I admit it, Carlos is cute, and I shouldn't be making that kind of linking right now that I have him less than a meter away from me.

Hunger overcomes me and without grunting I force myself to get up, to be split from the heat provided by my seven blankets, including sheet, and to walk on the tips of the feet before leaving the room, reclosing the door behind me when I notice that the sun shines on the outside with all its force, illuminating every corner of the apartment, there is no cloud that prevents its appearance.

On the dining table lays a small note, written by dad. Judging by the hour it should be something related to things I should do in my last free weekend, the chores to keep everything clean more than anything. Now that is an advantage of the apartments, all those jobs are finished quickly.

 _Good late-morning, son. I leave something for you, for your hanging out with your friend Audrey (if it's not true then I expect this money back), I'll be in the store until late, and also I left something on the stove for you and your friend, "breakfast" for you to say it. Keep me up, your bro will come back when you're gone. Dad._

I crumble the piece of paper and slide it into one of my pockets, taking the fifty bucks that seem to shine on the table while I head to the kitchen to find a pan with what appears to be scrambled eggs and a few strips of bacon. Dad is not a great cook, besides the menu of things he prepares is not quite great or varied, however everything he does has a great taste, things that Joel also learns from him, and I do a little.

I serve two quite large portions, mine with two strips of extra bacon, preparing some coffee for me and warm milk for him, and I even take four slices of white bread, two for him and two for me, to spread them with blackberry jam and a strange mixture that Joel found of white chocolate with dark chocolate, a mixture that is delicious.

I swing the plates full of food in my left arm and take our drinks by the handle in the right hand, walking at a hurried pace so nothing ends on the floor since I don't have the preparation of a waiter to carry so many things in the arms without causing a disaster. Now that I think about it, it wouldn't have been such a bad job, I would have free food from time to time, and tips, which might increase considering my looks, although I don't boast about it but I don't reject comments from others about it.

I walk into my room in the moment I see him spin completely over himself, sinking deeper into the blankets. I place the dishes on the chest of drawers and I sit on my mattress, starting with my late breakfast since he really seems ready to sleep there until tomorrow, or until dusk.

Maybe he's a vampire or something, and that's why he was here so late.

I take my cell phone and active the Internet connection, waiting a moment since the horrible device always takes a little to recover its reason, that if I don't want to restart it so it doesn't finish filling my patience. I want a new phone and I have no way of getting it, how little I get from the money dad gives me for school would make me get it within two years or more, hopefully.

Luckily this time it decides to cooperate with me, making a little sound with every message that comes, including the notifications related to the stupidity I wrote yesterday. Mal tells me about how ambivalent the relationship between her and Ben are, they're friends but the excessive sexual tension and all kinds of there between them is highly frustrating to be tolerated, and I've told her to just tell him in the face but her pride manages to impose. Evie tells me a couple of nonsense, besides sending a few pictures that makes me laugh under my breath because I don't want to wake Carlos.

The only thing that catches my eye is Audrey's messages, since I have forty-two entrees, of which more than half are about my name in those silly pseudonyms she puts me, trying to get my attention. I go through the long list until I find the message itself.

 _Jaysee! Remember, this afternoon in the mall, 3:30, I run the tickets to the movies, you get the ice cream afterwards ;) ;) ;)_

Alright, I totally forgot I was hanging out with her today, and its good dad reminded me from the beginning, because if I didn't appear I wouldn't have heard the end of the drama she would orchestrate, like if she were a spoiled princess.

We have been friends for six years, for her all the dates matter, since we met at school, we started to be good friends but I wanted to give a different way to all that relationship. She was the first person with whom I started to go to the mall, walks through the parks and all that, but since each time I saw myself more boxed in the window of 'friend' it came the moment when all that got sublimated and nothing happened, we're still friends.

However I think she knows about it, she's not obtuse in that sense, because she doesn't miss the chance to comment about my physique, to touch my arms or my torso when I'm distracted, to make tantrums when I leave comments of a girl or a boy, and there are even times when she stops talking to me just by simple decision, before returning like if nothing happened. It also reigns in me the fact that she changes her boyfriend recurrently, so I wouldn't want to be another one.

Even now that we're in different schools some people ask if we are a thing, or if we were once, and when I answer no they choose to not believe it and keep asking questions about it.

 _I honestly forgot it, but thanks for the reminder. See ya later_ , I reply, knowing that she will make a scandal anyway.

I set the phone aside when I saw him move, like if a startle had woken him up, spinning through the blankets before he turns on his stomach and stretches out in the next second, the blankets falling down his back. He's wearing a t-shirt of what appears to be flannel, with a pattern that resembles a Dalmatian's fur, something that contrasts with his skin tone and the freckles on his arms.

"What…? Where…?" he doesn't finish any questions since his gaze centers around the room, like if he really were lost. I thought I was one of the few people who feel disoriented in the mornings, but he seems to have degrees of morning amnesia.

"Hangover?" I ask, laughing as I turn on the light, causing both of us to look down when the impact of the warm light blinds us. The impact of the light would have been worse if I had run the curtains open.

I'm the first one to look up, seeing the moment when he begins to rub his eyes and yawns, making a strange sound, like if he were a puppy waking up from a long nap.

He yawns again when his eyes adjust to the new light source, he blinks a few times before looking at everything that surrounds him closely, again, like if he were confirming that his dream was something real, or it rather seems like if he believed he appeared here overnight. I bite my tongue to keep from laughing.

"What… what time is it?" he asks after a long third yawn, before answering I get up to take his plate and hand it to him, which he looks with open eyes. I guess he must be surprised by the amount.

"It's past noon, probably one o'clock judging by the sun" I say, taking my cell phone to rectify. "One o'clock".

We have breakfast in silence, I continue with half of each thing in the dish while he takes small pieces of each portion and tests them, slowly, like if he were deciphering each thing. He smiles at the scrambled eggs, a little salty since dad enjoys food with too much salt, he growls with joy at the crispy strips of bacon, but his attention is mostly on the slices of bread and the warm milk, more specifically it is in the one that has chocolate.

«Then he likes sweet stuff», I say to myself, taking the last sip of my cup and putting it aside.

I'm surprised by the speed with which he eats, he doesn't finish swallowing what he has in his mouth when he directs the next bite to the inside. I get up to run the curtains open and stretch again, this time I feel the vertebrae of my back creak as well as they fit together, like if they give me a little more height, besides the impact of the sunlight against my skin produces a nice heat.

I turn my attention to him when I hear him belch, a barely audible sound, and he's not quick enough to look away from me. I look down at his plate and walk back to my bed with a smile. It is totally empty.

"Satisfied?" I ask while I stretch my hand out, he shrugs, but in the end he understands that I'm asking for the dirty dish, but he moves it aside.

"A lot, everything was delicious" he says, sketching a smile that shows his white teeth, although that doesn't prevent the word 'bootliker' from jumping into my head with big flashing letters. Again I feel my knees weak, and I'm not even standing up to give it a justification, "but you bothered to make breakfast for both of us, so I want to help you with…".

"Oh, actually my dad prepared it, if I had then we would probably have had to run the hell out from a building set on fire" he laughs under his breath. From now on I can boast that I heard him laughing, and talking.

"Fine, no matter who did it, the point is that I wanna help".

"Yeah, sure, the point is that I will not let you do it" I move to the left and he does too, the distraction necessary for me to take the plate and stack it with mine, without him being able to say anything. He frowns and purses his lips, then he crosses his arms, like if I were really going to believe he's upset.

"I wanna help!" he insists.

"Whine all the time you want, I'll not listen to you".

He rolls his eyes and turns his head to his backpack, at the foot of the bed, before stretching to take the first shirt and shorts he finds. I cross my arms before lifting them above my head, flexing them to my sides and then pulling them down, letting all my fatigue to come out with a sigh; I'm really going to miss waking up so late.

I look at him again, the blush on his cheeks tells me he saw everything I did, and perhaps he also wants something else, like last night when he asked for more warm milk and he thought I would deny it. I'm not _that_ bad, if I'm not provoked to, or if I don't get too bored.

"Uh, c-could you… look at another s-side?" he hesitates, and it's inevitable I don't notice the blush still taking over his cheeks.

"Are you naked down there or something? Cause sometimes I also like going to sleep like that" I say, smiling and pointing to the mound of blankets covering his lap, but it's the way in which he shows himself towards my comment, uncomfortable in its entirety, flushed to such a degree it reaches his ears, and moving into his place, which makes me feel like the biggest jerk in all of the entire history. I shouldn't make such jokes with him, I still need to know him a little more so I can be so confident, even if he had slept here. "Carlos, I'm sorry, it was a very bad joke from my part, I'll not do it again" I scratch my nape, really feeling ashamed of what I just said.

"It's okay, but no, I'm not, it's just that I don't like getting dressed when people are around, besides I should leave soon to see if my mother is still upset with me or not" he says, sounding sincere with letting my stupidity pass.

I don't say anything else, because I know I'll say some other big stupidity, so I raise my hands and look down, offering another kind of apology, then I cover my eyes with my right and turn on the mattress, turning my back.

I honestly don't know if the snort he lets out is as a result of not seeing him or as some kind of resentment to what he really feel for my comment, but when I hear movement I can relax my shoulders and take out the air I didn't know I had trapped inside my chest, knowing that that was a surpassed bump and is a subject of which I shouldn't speak, at least with him.

But that damn bit of curiosity overcomes me again, causing me to take my cell phone and turn on the front camera, placing it on my shoulder, making an opening between my fingers and aligning the thing so I can see him, without making a recording of what he does, something that I would really like to do.

I see him in tight briefs, black with white speckles, similar to those on his shirt, which has disappeared and now shows a small back, with white skin and dotted with freckles in different regions that doesn't follow a pattern. His legs are also thin, hairy and freckled, and all his skin gives the appearance of being so smooth that the tingling I feel at the tips of the fingers is inevitable, I want to touch it and have that feeling in my hands. Fucking hormones.

Which makes me close the application, pull the cell phone down and cross my arms over my legs, putting them against my chest and feeling that my curiosity will someday get someone to punch me in the face, are the bruises that abound in his body, The long scars he has on his shoulder blades, the pink spots on his waist, all of which is added to the new marks he has, red ones, like if they had just been infringed and the movements he made while spinning in his dreams made them come back to life.

I shouldn't do that again, and I shouldn't ask him about it.

Many questions pop inside my head while I hear him opening and closing the backpack with luggage which he says isn't luggage. Why does he have so many scars at a relatively short age? Was he a daring boy when he was little? Does he do self-injuring? Does he enjoy being hurt and that's why there are so many scars? Does he live with someone who hurts him? And I think the worst of them all is: does his mother hurt him?

"You can look now" he says quietly, and the innocence in it almost makes me confess I spied on him.

I turn again and drop my legs to the sides, seeing that he's ready to leave. He has his backpack on his back, an appearance that he took some time to get dressed, besides a fresh face, which would not show that he just got up if it weren't for the messy hair.

He wears a black shirt with buttons and white sections on his chest, his leather jacket, his shorts with a kind of tail hanging on his side, although I don't quite understand his fascination with those colors I admit that they look good on him, they contrast with his skin and face, and I don't know why I say that if I'm not the kind of person who knows how to dress.

In addition he's wearing a red tie, something that makes me bite my lower lip from the inside to see the classy and rebel style he can carry.

"Something wrong?" he asks, pulling me out of my thoughts and sketching another of those smiles. I shake my head before clearing my throat, hating myself a little for staring at him for so long.

I don't answer, I just get up and open the door, bowing so he's the first one to step out. I lift my head to see him laugh, he shrugs and passes by my side, not before him giving me a hit on the arm with his knuckles and ruffling my hair, something that would have managed for me to get him submit to the floor since I hate when someone touches my hair.

We walk the ten steps that are necessary to reach the living room, I take my pair of keys to take care of the locks. Carlos is the only one stepping out, he turns on his heels and looks at me with his big brown eyes, arching his right eyebrow a little and again it causes me to stop looking at him closely, only with the fleeting look with which I tend to contemplate things.

"I don't feel quite comfortable saying thank you after everything you did for me, you and your father, but I can't think of anything else to say".

"It was just breakfast and a more or less comfortable place to sleep, not a big deal" I lean over the door frame, crossing my arms.

"It meant a lot more to me than just that" he looks at me sternly, like if I weren't seeing the most obvious of the topic, and truth is that I don't see it.

"Come here before ya break my heart" I say, opening my arms, and it seems to be what he was waiting for since he immediately rushes forward.

His head rests back on my chest, his arms around my waist with a little more firmness, and again he lets out a sigh. My right hand runs down his back, slowly, as a consolation, while my left reaches into his hair, caressing his nape and noticing the softness of the tufts.

I place my cheek on his head, looking at the birds passing through the sky and the squirrels running through the branches of the trees, avoiding closing my eyelids. The hug that join us now makes me feel something strange, not because it's something that displeases me, it's rather the fact that it feels so good to have his little body in my arms which makes me feel that way.

It's something I can't put into words.

"You'll be fine?" I give a slight squeeze on his shoulders before moving away, his cheeks tremble since our eye contact isn't lost, all of it, only on the occasions when he looks to my right.

"I'll be it" he smiles but tilts his head a little, confused. "What is the question coming for?".

His hands, small, warm and extremely soft, lie on my forearms before he begins to move them all the way through them, reaching down to my elbows and going back. His fingers trace over my veins and their forks, causing me to have chills in every section he touches, feeling how his touch sends electrical impulses along my skin and my whole body, making looking at his eyes for a long time to be an impossible task without me confessing what I did in the room and without… without…

Without me wanting to kiss him.

«Dude, chill, you're only invaded by many fucking hormones, nothing that an icy cold shower can't solve out», I internalize, grunting inwardly while the lies are getting formulated in my head.

"It's just that yesterday you seemed very terrified of what could happen to you and your mother, now it seems that you want to jump straight into the fire".

"Yesterday was a bad day for her, I shouldn't have told her if I knew she was in a bad mood, that's why I know it's my fault, and that's why I know she'll be more relaxed today, so it'll be easier to talk to her".

I lift my hands from his shoulders, almost knocking him on the head with my knuckles, since if his mother took what he said wrong then she will continue to do so until there's a point where she truly accepts him, or where she truly kicks him out of his house, anything without turning back. It's simple deduction.

"I'll pretend to believe you" I say, doubtfully, placing myself against the frame again. "But if something bad happens, and now that I have my dad's permission, I assure you that here you have a place to which come back".

His face seems to brighten after what I say, the smile on his face grows more and more, everything in his body seems to have changed with that simple pair of words, to such an extent that he almost jumps in his place, but instead of that he throws himself at me again, wrapping me in a surprising hug, causing me to step back a little until I regain my balance.

This time I just place my hand between his shoulder blades and pat him, like if he really were such a close friend. He raises his head, smiling so broadly that his freckles pass to be something in the background, and the angle in which he's positioned is perfect for me to lower my head and let out the strange sensations that have seized me since I saw him this morning.

"Now I'm limited to just saying thanks, and that you're the best" I feel warmth in my cheeks, the worst of things that could happen to me now, so I ignore the last comment.

"And I'm limited to seeing you when ya leave" he smiles sideways. "But before you go, give me your number".

"I don't use a cell phone, my mother says it's a huge waste of time, besides she doesn't have enough to buy me one".

"Facebook?" I ask, raising my eyebrow.

"We don't have internet service at home".

"Correspondence? Signs of smoke? Courier pigeons? Nothing?" I ask, raising my voice each time, and with each thing he shakes his head no.

"None of that, just home phone, but mom uses it all the time".

"I was about to think ya lived in a cave or something" he chuckles, "so I guess I'll see you on Monday".

He nods again before looking down and split our hug, he takes the straps from his backpack with both hands before turning and starting going down the stairs, echoing with each step, until I hear the door of the building open and close. I rush towards the balcony to see him walking towards the adjoining building, toward the guard who watches that everything is alright in the complex, and finally I stop seeing him since the tree tops obstruct the view.

I snort and go back to the apartment, closing the door soundly behind me before placing my back against it. «What the fuck was all that?».

* * *

While Bon Jovi and Radiohead resonate alternately in my earphones I move among the ocean of people who represent a mall on a Saturday afternoon, dodging the huge shopping bags that almost hit the ground, being pushed by the constant flow of people, and some curious hand that ventures to touch me, using the amplitude of the word, while I continue walking towards the fast food zone, next to the cinema.

Somehow I went to an automatic mode when Carlos left, I don't remember very well to have washed the dirty dishes, do my part of the chores, have that cold shower which was so needed, get dressed and take the bus to get in here, but I already did.

I stand up, rolling my eyes in the process, and I start walking around the mall, for the third time, stopping at every sideboard I can and in every store that is in my path, watching a couple of video games I want to get, a couple of books I could get based on blackmailing towards dad, even to Joel, and the stores that offer countless stuff to eat.

It shouldn't surprise me, Audrey may be fussy, slightly haughty in addition to being conceited, spoiled and all the adjectives a girl with princess attitudes may have, but she has never been punctual, _ever_ , or at least not usually when it comes to me.

I look at the screen on my phone, it says _**4:15**_ and she hasn't sent any messages saying that she's on her way or something similar, which means she's about to get in here, or she's already here, and it's me the one who is wasting time.

I look up from a sideboard that contains cinnamon buns stuffed with chocolate and covered with powdered sugar, feeling the deep growl of my stomach plaguing my whole body, embarrassed to see the dude who is in charge of selling them while laughing, probably for the guttural sound that my body emanated. I should have eaten something before I arrived.

"Looks like someone's starving" he says, his cheeks flushed and a smile on his face, leaning over the counter. Okay, we both can play the same game, someone will lose, and it will not be me.

"Seems like it" I say, placing my right hand behind my neck, flexing my whole arm and widening my shoulders, squeezed by the red T-shirt I'm wearing, letting out a small grunt as well as biting my lower lip when I'm done. I look at him again, noticing a greater blush, in addition to also him nibbling on his lower lip, to such an extent that he almost crosses it by the force he imposes with his teeth, "so I'll take one" I snap, causing him to leave his trance and return to his cinnamon bun seller stance.

He takes the biggest one with tweezers, all of them look the same and contain the same thing inside anyway, he places it over a small surface of cardboard that serves to transport and eat it on the way, very wise on his part, before sliding it on the counter, smiling again and with something shining inside his brown eyes, something that could be described as "pin me against a wall, _now_ ".

I wink my right eye and place my hand in the back pocket of my jeans, the place where I put my wallet, but I don't take it, instead I enlarge my eyes and touch every pocket my jeans has, hyperventilating and thinking out loud over the money it had in it.

"I knew that freaking bastard hadn't accidentally crashed against me down there in the parking lot" I run a hand through my hair and grunt again, this time louder, tightening my jaw to make my act more credible. "I suppose today isn't day of free buns, besides I'll have to go home sooner than expected. Fucking luck of mine".

He lowers his gaze and mutters under his breath, like if he were in the midst of an internal debate between what is right for his work and what is right for the desire he wants to fulfill with me. It's not something I suppose, it's a fact, he still has it written all over his face and in the movements he makes with his hips, something that is partially hidden by the apron he's wearing.

"Let's do this, you'll get the bun" he leans over the counter again, something I do too, "if I get your number, it's my last day here anyway, I don't think I'm gonna get in trouble".

A pretty banal deal, and very a fortunate one for me.

I wink my eye again, I take the pen he has over his left ear and his hand, writing the number on it, but obviously I will not give him mine.

I hope that whoever owning the number doesn't bother too much by receiving strange messages from this dude, whose name I don't even know, I haven't bothered to see the little letterhead attached to the apron.

"Text me, we can hang out sometime" I say, placing the pen between his fingers before lifting his hand and kissing the back, for what he laughs softly.

I take the bun, I give him one last look and he's still leaning on the counter, about to fall face down by the inclination he has. «Meh, screw it, anyway it's likely that you'll never see him again», I say to myself, before leaning forward and leaving the shadow of a kiss on his lips, before winking and turning over my right flank, heading back to the area where the cinema is. I don't know if it's made by my imagination or what but the buns obtained in that way have a peculiar flavor, they taste like victory or something.

The moment I turn in the aisle to get there I can feel a penetrating gaze, so intense that it almost makes me turn and go back from where I came. A stupid act takes over me and I look up, seeing Audrey with her arms crossed, wearing a pale pink dress that contrasts nicely with the tone of her skin, but that doesn't remove the fact that she's fuming by the ears and lowers her head slowly, like if she were threatening me.

I snort and walk the necessary steps to get there, I stand in front of her, being shorter in height than I, and the first thing she does is pinch my cheek, another of the many things I hate from people to do with me.

"Jaysee!" she exclaims, using a squeaky tone of voice so sharp she makes a couple of people to turn around, "can you tell where the hell you were? I've been waiting ten damn minutes for you to show up" another thing about her, she doesn't have the vocabulary of a spoiled princess.

"Let go" I order, pushing her hand away with a bit of roughness, something that is inevitable since she knows I hate when she does that. "I got us a cinnamon bun, in case you hadn't noticed it" I lift it up to the height of my head, the signal of my victory from today, but all she does is take it and eat it with a single bite, something possible because it was what I was going to do.

She smiles widely and wrinkles her nose in my direction, which I mimic, although I know that my expression of disdain should be seen in it. Audrey takes my hand to entwine our fingers and we walk like this, she practically jumping like a deer in the meadow while I shuffle and with a smile tightening my lips a little. I like this girl, a lot, also I can't imagine the change we would have had to have been a thing.

Luckily she has the tickets in her free hand, she bought them before I arrived, but because of her excessive delay we can only buy a bucket of popcorn before we run to our respective auditorium and take our places when the trailers of the upcoming premieres have finished, just in time.

I pay partial attention to the movie while I send popcorn towards my mouth, thinking about what I did to get a dumb bun. In certain words what I did was to use the guy, to abuse from him in some way, although I paid with something much more beneficial for him, and I still feel a little bad for it, more for having gotten a stranger who would impersonate being me.

I would apologize if it was something I did, and I would give him my real number if it weren't going to start with an awkward moment. Besides, in other senses, the dude doesn't attract me, although he was attractive, brown eyes, stubble and pink lips, surely a year or two older than I, but I don't usually give importance to someone's looks, I focus more on the kind of bound I form.

All that makes me think of Carlos again, in the fact that he hasn't left my mind for a long time without thinking about him and his scars, how yesterday he seemed about to fall into a fit of desperation and this morning he seemed like if everything was in order.

Carlos de Vil, such a name he has. All in all I suppose his mother is one of those overprotective women with their children, so that she doesn't let him get in on the hidden mysteries of the Internet and she doesn't let him have a cell phone so he can't buy poison with a call or something. Although if he's so afraid of her, if that's the right word, then perhaps he lives in a dungeon and his diet is based on crackers and water, little sunlight and forced labor.

I don't think there are people like that now, we're not in the sixteenth century.

"Oh, yeah, take it off" I growl with a smile when something good happens in the movie, shirtless people, a dude and a chick. I didn't think I was going to lose a bet against Audrey and I would end up watching a romantic comedy with her, it was her choice because horror movies made her have nightmares, according to her words, but at least I got her to pay the tickets to this thing.

"He has a good body, she a waist that many would envy, but I think you're not so bad yourself" she says, squeezing my arm and kissing my cheek.

"I want both of them" I say, arching my eyebrow more, for which she hits me in the stomach.

I drop my head back when she places hers over my shoulder and sighs, in the moment when I hear heavy breaths and the unmistakable sound of people kissing in the back row. I turn my head a little to see with my peripheral vision, watching a couple, two guys, while they move in their seats, joined by their lips and their hands inside their privates, with expressions that are getting obscured because of the movie.

I close my eyelids and place my head on Audrey's, perceiving the scent of her perfume, roses with a touch of vanilla, while I keep fighting not to fall asleep right now. It's a boring film, according to the reviews I watched before coming here it's a bad movie, but Audrey wanted to watch it because the main actor is her favorite one.

After a torture of an hour and a half the lights get back on, we're the last ones to leave since Audrey always waits for the auditorium to be empty. I still feel drowsy, there were parts where I fell asleep, the only thing that woke me up were her expressions, exalted or sad at uneven intervals.

"Next time they'll be superheroes, or terror, I choose".

"Nothing very spooky, or with too many special effects".

I grunt before she stands up and takes my hand for us to get out, the impact of the light on the outside makes me blink a couple of times. Now it's me who takes the lead, making it pass by the people who stop in the rows to use the bathroom, who enter and those who leave, until we reach the outside of the cinema, where she places my arm over her shoulders and she places her hand on my waist, we walking towards the fast food area.

I walk on being alert, looking from time to time in all directions not to meet the dude, which wouldn't happen since he was in the opposite aisle, although we're in a mall, I could find the least expected person while we're wandering around the whole place.

In our recurring store of natural yogurt ice cream, a taste I purchased for her, I order our favorite, a large one with four toppings, distributed in: topping, ice cream, topping, ice cream, topping, ice cream, and topping. We discovered it on one occasion when we both had too much to spend, since then it became in our favorite, and it's grotesquely delicious.

We find a free table in the farthest part of the food area, she sits in front of me while she eats her ice cream and takes parts of mine, she knows I make good combinations even if they don't look like it. Sweet food is my thing.

"So? Something interesting happened?" she asks, eating the top of my ice cream that combines chocolate with chunks of cherries.

We don't usually talk a lot, in fact it may take a month or two without us saying a word to the other, but it's one of those friendships in which that isn't substantial, what matters are the good times. Sometimes she's boring with what she says, and I know I'm boring with what I say, so there's no problem with it. Besides she tends to earn my hatred for those sickly occasions when she calls me on the weekends, early, just because she has nothing else to do than disturb others who sleep until noon or later.

"Nothing really, trainings, videogames, hanging out with the training guys or with you, reading, watching TV, sleeping late, Internet, same boring stuff that always happen" I take aside Carlos's part of him staying in the apartment because I know she'd start asking questions, or yelling at me for no reason, so it's best to remain anonymous. "And you?".

Huge mistake, I opened the door to an endless conversation.

She tells me about her parents, Aurora and Phillip, who are quite pleasant, I've only gone to her place once, because Audrey forced me, and they're kind, they joke with each other like teenagers in love or something. Then she tells me about what she did in her long vacation period, long road trips and visits to the beaches that are in other places, she even shows me pictures on her cell phone.

The worst part comes when she starts talking about the big bunch of guys who are running behind her, a long line of idiot suitors who will never stop being that, idiot suitors, not just because they have to pass me as approval, but because most of them sound like being a bunch of boring nerds, and Audrey is the kind of girl who looks like a regular girl in the outside, but deep down she's the girl who's got the beer bottles, pretty good party song lists, and fooling around with one guy or another. It's not that I lived it, I'm not the kind of guy who likes going to this or that party, she tells me about it, and the friendships we share also rectify those stories.

My ice cream decreases in quantity for the long story, I end up eating hers because she never finishes them, she always leaves a layer or two, and the combination of chocolate cookies with mango extract produce the worst flavor that can exist in the whole world. Again I enter in that automatic mode because it's like if someone else made me get up, discuss the tedious movie, walk to our respective bus stops and say goodbye, not without her giving me a crushing hug besides a kiss on the cheek, that would rather be a halfway a kiss on my lips. It would be something that would give me goosebumps if I didn't think of all the guys who have kissed her so far.

Immediately when I arrive home I start receiving all the notifications of the incoming messages, I see the screen only to see who are sending them but I don't answer because in the next instant I leave my eyelids closed, which I was doing from the bus, but listening to dad talking on the phone and Joel in the living room is like a lullaby. What adds to my room is that smell of synthetic chocolate, the smell of Carlos. Carlos.

* * *

Dad has a strict policy about hanging out the day before the start of the school year, in short we can't leave the apartment for any reason, not even a leak of gas would be enough to let us step outside.

I'm not complaining, I really don't have the slightest intention of doing anything in the outside since thinking about the subjects I'm about to face, meeting new people and seeing some with whom I've already got along, going back to the tourney team, waking up early, and everything else, make my energies to get drastically reduced, almost leaving me lying on the floor.

I listen to the TV program that Joel is watching now, a boring medical drama, like many on TV, while I finish with the last details in my backpack, stuffing a huge folder with hundreds of writing sheets, a calculator, pencils and pens, said in plural because I always lose them.

"Jay, can you do me a favor?" dad asks from his room in a bossy tone, I stand up and walk towards him. That's another implicit rule that exists in the apartment, one of many, this states that whenever he calls us we have to go where he is, because he hates shouting the things that happen here.

When I enter I see him comfortably in his recliner, with papers on his right side and his cell phone on the left hand, but he seems more focused on his cell than on the papers.

"Go to the car, I left a couple of boxes and other things in the trunk, I want you to bring them up" he orders, not taking his eyes off his phone.

"Why don't you ask Joel to do it?" I inquire, reason why he now moves his eyes from the phone. He hates when I confront him that way, but I hate being the one who has to carry heavy things or do small errands while Joel spends all day in front of the television or talking to Jane.

"Because I order you to, now do it" he throws me the key, which I catch before it falls to the carpet. I spin it on my index finger, smiling sideways.

"Can I take a ride? I mean, taking advantage I'm going down there".

"You don't have a driver's license, but it wouldn't hurt you to spend a few days in prison, for you to learn a few things about life".

"School year begins tomorrow, it's just a reminder" he takes the serpent-shaped scepter next to his chest of drawers, to threaten me. "Fine then, the boxes and that stuff, anything else, your majesty?" I bow, so that he rolls his eyes and raises the scepter higher.

"Do it, now" he says again, pointing at me with that thing. I nod and turn on my heels, feeling really scared.

Dad isn't a violent person, he often stands my nonsense and Joel's very calmly, together and separately, but as everyone he has his limits, and that scepter has been the one who has given us good hits, as correctives, since he has never lay a hand on us, he prefers to use that thing instead.

I have a scar on my right shoulder for a blow he wanted to give me on the head and I dodged it, which ended there, striking the part that symbolizes the nose in the bone and the skin, which he healed while he continued telling me that I was an idiot for breaking the neighbor's windows. A good father.

I throw myself over Joel, in the single chair, and I sink his face into the leather of the cushions until he can't breathe, then I get up and remove the locks on the door, whipping it shut when I step out. I always express my bad mood, either with gestures or whipping things, and dad grunts because he can't help it.

I walk down the steps jumping and doing tricks on the rails, taking advantage that there's nobody else outside. When I step in the outside a cold breeze hits my face and my arms, shaking my hair a little.

"Dad could very well let Joel do heavy work, so he could also learn some things about life, like it's not simple, that he's going to have to move his lazy limbs to do things, neither dad nor I are going to be there all the time as long as he doesn't want to do anything" I soliloquy, removing the alarm from the car, a small truck, and opening the trunk, stacking the three boxes and two bags with strange contents inside, surely more things for his store, but he has to check how valuable they are before bidding them.

I close the trunk with another whip and activate the alarm, because even with the few security measures that exist here we don't live in a neighborhood that is completely safe, not for nothing it's called as the Isle of the Lost.

I grunt out loud while I lift the boxes with both arms and head towards the building, but the sound of a fervent argument to my right makes me turn my head, seeing an unmistakable head with white hair while it's arguing with the guard, who is in his little watchtower, something he doesn't usually do because of the hour, and because he is too old to be of helpful.

"I'm sorry boy, I can't let you walk in" our old guard says while I approach to them more and more, the funny thing is that I don't know his name, I only greet him when I enter or leave this place. Carlos is blushed, like if he were about to scream in anger, or rather like if he had finished crying. I think I'll vote for the last option.

"I was here on Saturday morning, you saw me when I was leaving" he says, his voice low, like if he were masking how shaky it is.

"I don't remember it boy, that's why I can't let you in, besides you don't know which address you're going, I can't let you in just because…".

"Is there a problem?" I ask, intruding on this.

Both of them turn their heads slowly towards me, Carlos smiles a little while he shrugs, the guard crosses his arms over his huge belly, his baldness doesn't help in the least for him to be intimidating. I suppose they gave him the job because he needed it, merely for that.

"He's not letting me in" Carlos mutters, when he looks at me I wink my right eye, which makes him look down again.

"And why is that?" I ask the guard, who only breathes.

"Visitors should know where they are heading, and I should get some notification from the tenants to let them in".

"Well, he's heading towards my apartment, and my notification is that you're gonna let him in the next time" we're both looking at Carlos, who's moving uncomfortably in his place, "anyway he knows where he's going. Thank you".

Reluctantly the guard opens the door to the main street, Carlos takes his new luggage to enter the complex, he stands in front of me and it's like he wanted to do something, hug me maybe, tell me something, act on something, but he refrains from doing so, instead he smiles and begins to walk.

I pick up the boxes and follow the cobblestone path to the entrance of my respective building, I put the boxes on the floor and I don't finish getting up when he's hugging me, his hands make fists on my chest and takes my shirt, lifting it to such an extent that I feel the cold of the air against my lower back, his face sinks once more against me, looking for someone, and he begins to cry, this time I feel his warm tears slowly wetting my shirt, his body shivers with every sob and the barely audible wails come from his lips.

Immediately I wrap him in the hug, slowly caressing his back, letting him vent whatever that is bottled inside him while he's crying over my shoulder, while the wails are now audible and each one of them makes me feel nauseous, for the little tolerance there is to him and to the people that goes through the same situation. Deep down I would have liked to be rejected in that sense, so I would have formed more character in myself; I would have become stronger.

"I-it was a mistake" he mutters, when his voice is understandable, "yesterday e-everything was in order, n-nothing had changed, a-and then today w-we were in the dining room, having lunch, w-w-when she threw herself on the table and gave me a s-slap, m-making my teeth to shake b-by the force of the s-stroke, she said I was n-nothing more than a disappointment for her, a s-scum, and she kicked me out, she threw my things through the w-window, turned off the l-lights and left me outside, in the c-cold, very confused and without n-nothing more than her hatred".

Each of his words makes my anger to boil, to run to wherever he lives to knock down the door and have a chat at all nice with her backward mother about what she's doing to him. I press his body against mine once more, causing him to sigh, then I loosen my arms and that's when the hug breaks, when he raises his swollen face and I can see the paths the tears had traced as well as the mark of a hand on his cheek right.

"Jay, I-I have nowhere to go, and I-I don't want you to see me like t-this" he whispers, covering his face with his hand and shrugging his shoulders to such a point that, if he were a turtle, he would have his head inside his shell, willing not to leave until the world is a better place. I raise my hand, outlining his right eyebrow with my thumb, feeling the tingle of the hair and heat over my cheeks, the total opposite to what I should feel for him. «Stop it».

"You have a place, here, with me, a place that my father also gave you too, and you shouldn't feel ashamed, or whatever that you're feeling" I say, using the lowest voice I've ever used, not even when I whisper I use a similar voice, and the warmth it has, dammit, it's like if I were talking to someone convalescent, about to leave the world. Carlos is the one to blame for all this, although I can't really blame him completely. "I'm with you, you don't have to worry. I will do my best to help you out with this".

He opens his fingers a little, enough so that I can see his left eye, I give him a smile but his face doesn't change, I don't see the slightest attempt for him to also smile, he doesn't move, he doesn't even blink, he just stays there, looking at me.

"I swear" I say, moment when he blinks.

We go up to the apartment and what follows is a brief explanation to dad about what happened with Carlos, to give him his permission and the official welcome to our place, that Joel looks at me inquisitively but only for him to win my middle finger against his face, and that there are ice packs on Carlos' cheek to reduce the swelling. He stays on the bed next to me, which was never touched just to be laid by me, smoothing the uniform of his school, Auradon Prep, on the desk chair, he leaves his luggage next to him and throws himself on the bed, he wraps himself up like a protective cocoon until I turn off the light.

My night is prolonged because I can't sleep, I have cultivated that thing about sleeping late for a long time so that the off light would not be a reason for me to close my eyelids until the next dawn, but it's also prolonged because I dedicate myself to caressing his eyebrow while he sleeps, it's something that seems to reassure him since he has stopped moving in the last half hour, he no longer fights with the nightmares he has and now he sleeps more calmly, although frowning.

I can't sleep because I'm worried about him, how he's going to school in the morning, how he's going to deal with what just happened, how his mood will be in training, how he'll be when he gets back from school, that's what prevents me from falling sleep, in an "important" night.

I made him a promise, I will fulfill it. For him.


	3. Different

So the original draft of this chapter was almost done and gets lost by a problem of storing in my computer, from where I could rescue some of the main ideas, my cell phone is destroyed in pieces, and in conclusion soon I'll go back to school; basically the reason why this chapter has taken so much to appear, although this story is read by almost anyone, but it doesn't matter, there will be more of this. Fav, follow or review, enjoy :)

* * *

 **Different**

My ability to make good decisions can be measured with the fact that all my subjects are optional, there was a pool of options for each one, both for schedule and teachers, I chose all that start at seven o'clock in the morning, and I'm not a morning person. Yeah, that's how good I am.

I open my eyelids by the startle that my alarm causes me, the loud beeping make me open my eyes completely but they don't manage to wake me completely, so I just twirl to stand on my right side and turn off the alarm, growling before leaning on my back. _**5:20**_ in the morning.

"Why did I decide to wake up so damn early?" I blame to the darkness of my room, stretching my hands to emphasize.

"Maybe you like suffering in the wee hours of the morning" I turn my head, his voice piercing through all the darkness, and it's almost like if he were saying every word in my ear, which gave me another start, more like a shiver.

From this position I can see his distinguishable white head contrasting with the gloom that surrounds us, but he's not sleepy, not even lying down, he's against the wall, sitting. To think that he's looking right at me with his big eyes makes my narcissistic part to feel satisfaction, besides producing an idiotic smile that grows on my face with every second that passes.

"That was your third alarm though, maybe you should get up".

His comment makes me to sit immediately, feeling that I am now waking up, stretching my neck, back, arms and legs so that each part regains their reason and sensitivity slowly.

I have five programmed alarms, the same ones I have been using to arrive on time for two years, each one resounds five minutes after the previous one; I can regularly wake up with the first two of them, the third and fourth tell me that I will arrive a little late, but the fifth is the one that tells me that, no matter how hard I try to, I will not get there in time. Dad also storms in without warning and usually waking me up, knocking down everything he has in his path and telling me to find somewhere better to be because he doesn't want to know that I've had my laziness at home all the damn day; those are his words.

"Watch your eyes" I warn him before reaching out and turning on the light, feeling that even with closed eyelids it's like if the sun has struck directly into my face.

I rub my eyes and let out several moans, hating myself completely to have chosen such a schedule, symmetrical and somewhat exhaustive, but if I hadn't done so then I would spend all day in school, which would mean that I would stop training, which can't go for any reason. It's my place, besides _he's_ there and here.

«Wait, what was that?», my drowsy inner voice asks.

I wiggle my eyes a couple of times, to get used to the light, and turn my head in his direction when he's also rubbing his eyes. With his tousled hair and the clothes that are a little big on his body he looks like a little boy who just woke up from a long and well-deserved nap; I don't know very well how to call that thing urging me to hug him just like that.

"How long have you been awake?" I ask since I don't remember hearing another alarm that wasn't mine, besides putting on all that takes a while, at least it took me about twenty minutes.

"At home I wake up at four-thirty, I have to make breakfast for mom before she goes to work and take it to her bed before I continue with everything I have to do" the honesty of his words reminds me of those of a child, he doesn't measure the impact of what he's going to say next.

I swallow the words while he continues rubbing his eyes and I take a look or two at his clothes. The uniform from Auradon Prep hasn't had changed in the slightest since the last I wore it, and it doesn't appear that it is intended to do so for the next fifty thousand years: the same khaki trousers, the formal sack, in its different shades of blue depending on the year the student is in, the formal white shirt and the blue striped tie with some gold, all of that concluding with some lustrous black shoes; horrible for someone who likes leather like me, something that fits to a scholar-boy like him.

I frown when a strange idea pops into my head, a probability to the reason why he was sitting there and looking at me: he is actually a vampire, or he just likes to watch others while they sleep, like if he were going to rip their souls off to devour them calmly, but since I don't have one then he surely will die of hunger.

"I don't know about ya but I'm starving" I say, being now the one who looks at him while he is distracted, at my voice he raises his head and his eyes meet mine, he moistens his lips to speak but a scream interrupts him.

"Whoever that's not at the table in the next five seconds will leave this place with an empty stomach!" exclaims dad, gasping for breath at the end.

The order seems to go straight to his constant fear because he stands up like a spring and stands close to the mattress, the bed perfectly stretched and the pillows fluffed, I laugh under my breath before standing up, leaving my blankets made a mess, opening the door, bowing down to give him direction.

When he passes by my side I hear his laughter, following my joke, I raise my head to see him raise his hand, like if he were giving an order to his servitude; I think it's something I will not do again, even though it was fun.

The dining room table is rectangular, dad sits on the first chair, Joel on his right, I on his left, the chair between dad and I is regularly empty, for the few times when we get visitors, but it's like if Carlos knew it by heart since it he's the one who takes it, he sits with his back upright, his hands over his legs and his head bowed. The position is too rigid, like if he had perfected it with the passage of time, and that forces me to want to ask him about it, although he will surely feel uncomfortable and it will make me stop.

Joel gets up from the individual couch and drags his feet over here, his head falling since he keeps feeling sleepy, the only thing that stops it from falling to the floor is his neck, in addition to his impulse to eat.

The moment I sit in my usual place is when dad emerges from the kitchen, swinging three plates in his hands and placing them in front of each of us. Eggs with bacon and a few slices of rye bread along with a huge vanilla milkshake, like if one of them were needed to nullify the fats of the others.

"Good morning, Mr. Jafar" Carlos says in a cordial way, causing the three of us to look at him strangely before he smiles, takes a fork and begins attacking the helpless breakfast, taking small pieces but doing so speedily, like if someone were about to take it off from him.

"Good morning, Carlos" dad says, recovering from the surprise he received since neither Joel nor I usually say such words before the day starts, but he speaks with a smile on his face, "and to you two too" he adds, frowning and with that expression of constant disapproval, back to the usual stuff.

Breakfast goes on without events, the silence is interrupted by the sound of the forks when hitting the plates and the news on the flat screen, to which only dad pays attention, although Carlos turns his head a little from time to time to them, in random notes to form a pattern about his interest.

"You will not eat anything, Mr. Jafar?" he asks, his tone shows that he really worries whether he will eat anything or not.

I see that Joel rolls his eyes and focuses again on the pieces of bacon that he hasn't eaten, something incites me to kick him under the table for having rolled his eyes, I'm not sure what, but I bite my cheek from the inside to not do it.

"My day begins later, I have to get up early to feed something to the beasts I have as sons" dad says, like if calling us beasts were usual among his small social circle.

"Oh, then I hope I'm not a reason you have had to wake up earlier than you usually do" Carlos leaves his fork on the side of his plate and shrugs, shifting in his place.

"Not at all, boy, I just had to take a little of their portions to form yours, anyway they need to reduce their amounts of food".

"But I'm the one who exercises, he's the lazy one between us" I point to Joel accusingly with my fork.

"All I know is that if you ever get kicked out of another school for being late or for bad behavior I'll have to enroll you up for Sherwood" he announces in a firm, triumphant way, almost jumping for leaving me quiet.

"No way, their tourney team sucks".

"Yeah, dad, I don't want Jay to be there, imagine the kind of scandal if they knew we were brothers, terrible!" he says, tapping his fist on the table.

"Of course, no one would understand why I'm the handsome brother and he only lives because he breathes automatically".

"Jane says I'm adorable" he bangs his fist against the table again.

"Jane probably has some visual impairment and that's why she thinks you are, it's good that she doesn't distinguish well what she has in front".

"Just because she wears glasses sometimes doesn't give you the right to talk about her like that".

"I don't know, lil' bro, I don't know her, but that prevents ..."

"Shut up you both and hurry up once and for all, the two of you are under my warning radar" dad concludes, slipping back into the kitchen, cursing under his breath because of the useless swinging doors.

"I'm still hungry though, it was too little to call this a breakfast".

Carlos shrugs more and stands up, taking his plate with him before dad takes it off to wash it for him, that's the moment when I kick Joel in the shin with my heel, luckily not breaking the bone, but with enough strength so his groan can be audible even on the lower floor.

Maybe I should have clarified the propensity of Carlos to take the comments of others very seriously, but I really needed to hit him.

I get up with the plate between my hands, Joel's insults towards me sound like warlike music after an imposing victory, Carlos sits in the two-seater couch, again on the edge of the cushion and like if he were about to fall while he keeps his shrunken shoulders.

Dad takes my plate off before he growls at me the command to hurry up, I roll my eyes and when I turn on my heels to get out of the kitchen he hits me with a metal spoon on the head, causing the vibration of the impact to reach the last of my teeth. I refrain from turning to yell at him.

I squeeze Carlos's shoulders until I feel him calming down, he lets out a sigh to make it clear, then I leave him in peace to enter my room and continue my routine of every morning. The school shouldn't have a morning shift, in fact mornings shouldn't even exist, I can't be the only one who can't properly carbure if he's awake since so early.

I leave my bedroom door ajar before opening my drawers, I take a pair of black denim trousers, a red T-shirt that fits precisely loosened at the height of my chest, belt and socks, I take off the clothes I use to sleep and I put on the pants, thanking my overnight showers so I don't have to get up early and do it, as dad or Joel does regularly.

When I see my feet again I stop to think when I had to wear the same uniform as Carlos, the same cerulean blue coat for the sophomores, and how slowly I was letting my desire to get out of there to beat me. Rules are not always my thing, I stick to a few of them, but that thing of wearing uniforms that weren't made of leather was one I couldn't tolerate at all, also everyone behaves too well to make it healthy.

Dragon Hall isn't so bad, it gives me a little more freedom to do the things I want and choose what I like, although many teachers aren't as good as they seem, there I can wear whatever I want and disturb the neighbor without the reprisal being very big, unlike Auradon Prep where any alteration of order entails a sermon and a suspension. Dad shouted to the four winds how much he regretted not to have been stricter with me so that something like this didn't ever happen, he jumped the next week like a deer in the meadow for all the money that he would be saving in tuition.

I'm not a problem boy, I don't have any kind of criminal background, lack of morale or aggression to third parties, I just enjoy having fun.

I hear the horn of a bus almost like if it were under my window, something strange since the buses of elementary schools of the whole zone usually arrive within two hours.

Someone knocking at the door interrupts me before I can put my belt on, I go to attend it and when I open it I see Carlos on the other side, very smiling and ready to talk until he realizes that all I have on is a pair of pants, his gaze gets lost at some point between looking at my eyes and my chest, remaining mainly in the last place.

His cheeks turn reddish slowly, a tone that begins to reach his ears, causing his freckles to stand out much more, his lips are moving like if he were saying what he was going to say in the first place, but surely his mind is blank, like that time I asked him if he was naked, but not so much.

"Uh, my eyes are up here" I make a movement with my fingers for him to look up, the moment he does it his whole face turns red, like if I had caught him with his hands inside his pants or something similar.

"M-m-my bus i-is here, I n-n-need my b-backpack, p-please" I wink at him before leaving him there for a moment, I take it, heavy enough for someone of his size to carry it, and in the next second I give it to him.

"Have a good day" I say, speaking honestly.

His eyes meet mine, something in them flashes with those words, like if he didn't listen to them in such an everyday way, and neither do I, but dad has his different ways to wish me not to be run over by a bus for being distracted or for someone to kidnap me before I get here.

He lowers his gaze and puts his backpack on his back, he stretches his neck again and a wide smile is on his face.

"T-thanks, you t-t-too" with that he turns around and walks towards the door, dad slaps him on the shoulder before he leaves, then he gives me a murderous look, the usual to continue with me routine.

I stand in the frame of my door, rigid, feeling a current of cold air that hits against all my exposed skin, but it's the sensation that his gaze produced in me which prevents me from moving even a little, like if I were also impacted to have seen someone so exposed, like if in some way I had rapped his innocent and big brown eyes.

The image of his face will not leave my head all day long, the confirmation to his orientation is there, literally in front of my face, and even so I wonder if he had never seen a shirtless guy before. I would love to send him a message to apologize, but I don't know if it's something I should do.

"Your little boyfriend is quite a character" Joel takes me out of my thoughts from the sink, he looks in the mirror in an attempt to lift his hair in a fringe only with his hands, "short for his age, thin and freckled, also he has dyed hair, I didn't think that was your type of guy".

"He's not my boyfriend, idiot" I put on my T-shirt and socks, pushing him to make room in front of the mirror, only to interrupt him since my hair is long enough to stay behind my shoulders all day, that if the wind doesn't decide to blow hard and tousle it, something that saves me a lot of time since I don't need to comb it as compulsively as he does.

For the only thing that we do give ourselves time is to brush our teeth, when he comes back to his hair I keep pushing him, putting him in the bathroom and holding the door knob so he can't leave, laughing while dad growls loudly and tells us to hurry up.

I quickly get bored of that and leave him alone, I go into my room to put on sneakers, take a jacket and my backpack, stretching my bed so that it looks at least just a quarter as decent as Carlos did, turning of the light and stepping out at the moment when Joel leaves the bathroom, settling his shirt and indignantly entering the room shared with dad to take his stuff, his backpack and something to wear as a coat, which he prepares every day before going to sleep so that, if he wakes me up, I don't make him suffer too much.

"You're just that brave because you want to impress your boyfriend".

I turn my head toward him, furious, when he runs towards the door, it's like if dad had had it ready for him when he made his graceful escape. I put the backpack on my shoulders and I chase him, taking my pair of keys that dad extend in his hand, jumping on the rails of the stairs and some of the steps, giving him the opportunity to escape from me since I could catch him if I impose a little more speed and simply stretch the arm.

When we get to the main street he turns to the left, his hurried footsteps and agitated breathing rumble through the solitary apartment complex, he goes in the direction of his school, about fifteen minutes' walk, half if he keeps running for his life. On the other hand I turn to the right, taking the straps from my backpack and breathing through my nose, leveling my breath, thinking that, even being a rough boy, the polar cold of this morning would have made me go back and stay in bed all day long.

After five minutes of walking I turn to the right again, seeing that the bus needed to take me to school is right there, almost waiting for me. The closest that that route can drop me is about seven streets away from there, the blocks are horribly long to walk around them, like if the cost of Dragon Hall for being into a prime location was walking that distance, unless they take you in a car trip, which wouldn't hurt so bad.

When I climb up I pay the fee and I take a seat in the back, next to the window on the right, banging my head against the window and surrounding my backpack with my arms, feeling that my eyelids are too heavy.

I put my headphones in my ears, almost so deep inside that I could embed them in my brain, and I close my eyes as the bus begins to move, letting my song list go randomly go from rock, pop, heavy metal, rap, movie soundtracks, instrumental music, musicals, blues, jazz, among others.

I still feel too exposed by the fact that Carlos saw me with so little clothes on, it is indeed like if I had altered his state of calmness, desecrated among his unstable ideas; the stupid idea of Joel is still inside my head, Carlos and I as a thing, impossible to just think of it.

It seems for my brother that I can't let someone to be with me in the apartment without any second intentions laying in the middle of it, and there aren't so, I'm simply giving out my hand to someone who needs help, although I still question what is that he saw to turn to me. Maybe he has no family to help him out with it, maybe I was the first person he could think of to get him out of such a confusing situation, or maybe the one who has the second intentions is him and one of these days I'll wake up tied up to my bed, with a blindfold in my eyes and living some bondage scene.

That dumb idea of Joel will make my day too weird, though it will only be it if I unconsciously care for it. An idea that I dislike at the same time it doesn't sound so bad.

* * *

The heat of three thirty in the afternoon is horrible, it increases my discomfort when the pollution of the cars in the middle of a senseless traffic jam and the global warming raise the intensity of the heat, the advantage that I have is that my T-shirt doesn't completely oppress my body and I have some extra ventilation, but not completely because in my place the sun hits without mercy, being hidden only by the tops of the few trees on the way.

A first day that wasn't solemnly weird, but it didn't happen as I would have liked either since the morning when the traffic chaos of the children attending the near seven schools that surround the apartments made me arrive with just within ten minutes to the nearest street, from there getting off the bus and stepping into a small puddle of organic garbage liquid, the stinking scent haunted me all the way saturated with people to the school, people from freshmen to those who return to that charming building made of brick and black paint that falls in different sections of it, terrifying on the outside by its appearance to a ruined fortress, cold in the inside by the amplitude of all the hallways, classrooms and laboratories that resemble like dungeons in the basements.

This year I couldn't be part of the pranks committee against freshmen, certainly my favorite activity to start school, since I decided to register classes with teachers who enter in time to the classrooms, who really care for giving us learning although Dragon Hall doesn't have a reputation of many graduate students and a high rate of deserters. It's not entirely the fault of the school, so it is the students' fault.

Luckily for me Mal is in half of my classes of all the semester, Evie in the other half, Freddie only in some, same as Zevon and CJ. I don't know why I thought that the self-appointed Dr. Facilier would have a little mercy on his own daughter for being his student, but he will be even crueler than with the rest. The image of Carlos has been and continues to be etched in my head all day, every time I blink or start to wander I go back to his freckled face while blushing.

Although I try to do it I don't understand very well the mind of who made the planning of the classes of the year, some are of short duration, fifty minutes, while others extend up to six hours uninterrupted, that primarily for seniors, but at least the ones I chose make me stay every day from early to two in the afternoon, then I'm free until the next day. And those are just the ones of two days, I have another bunch of teachers to know.

I try to move as little as possible because a girl has been asleep on my shoulder for about twenty minutes, a complete stranger, and she doesn't seem to wake up again since her breathing is very rhythmic.

She's very pretty, she has tattoos on her arms and collarbones, a piercing in her nose and another on her left eyebrow, she's wearing a dress that makes her a totally feminine girl, like if she were a model, but I saw her kissing with another one in the bus stop, so I can't try anything with her, although it could be that they are up for a threesome or something similar, but… Carlos wouldn't be there.

I shake my head to keep away that absurd thought, I don't want to include him in my daytime fantasies and I don't want him to be one of them, it would be too weird, that's why I'm busy looking out the window while the bus is moving at a speed that doesn't make the driver to squeeze the steering wheel out of anger, and one that doesn't make me think about how hurried I have to do things to get to training on time, the only place where I do can get early.

 _I have this hot girl asleep on my shoulder while we're on the bus, dunno know if I should wake her up or get to the end of the route :S_ , I write to Mal, seeing that she receives the message at the same moment and she's writing her answer.

 _I just saw you four hours this morning and I'll have to see you two more later, I don't wanna know anything about you or your one-night stands for the rest of the day -_-,_ is the only thing she answers me before she continues writing. _Dunno, maybe you should just wake her up, anyway it's not like you're gonna walk her home or something_.

I lift my head, when I realize it I see the stop near home passing by, that's when I panic and this time a spasm takes over me, causing the strange girl to move just to settle herself more over my shoulder. I lift it a little, like if I were doing it with my hand, to wake her up.

"Uh, excuse me?" I begin, using a tone that doesn't reflect the hatred I'm feeling for having to walk back home and instead it sounds like a father who would wake up his daughter to go to school, very unlike to mine. "Uh, hello? Tell me you're not dead here" I add, being more abrupt with the movement of my arm, making her wake up with a startle.

"What…? Oh no! Please tell me this isn't the end of the route" she says, clinging desperately to my arm and looking at me with her bright green eyes, her moment of panic makes another stop to remain in the oblivion.

"No, it's only half the way, it's just that I had to get off and you were asleep" I say honestly, without being sarcastic or too aggressive.

"Damn it, I'm so sorry, come on, go ahead then" she says, moment when I pull the cord so the driver stops at the next stop. "I'm really sorry if I made you waste your time".

"It wasn't, you're a pretty girl, so beyond a waste it was like being flattered by seeing you sleeping peacefully on my shoulder" I wink at her and she smiles a bit, showing deep dimples in her cheeks. The bus stops and the doors open, my time to leave. "But now I must go".

The stranger girl doesn't say or do anything else, she just let me pass by her side to get off the bus, I wait until a couple of elders get down before I do, when I touch the floor I hear her tapping the window, I turn to see her again and she places a sheet of paper against the glass with a message wrote with a thick, black sharpie. _**CUTE BUTT :* ;) :3**_ , she concludes with a small emoji that has hearts instead of eyes, when the bus prepares to leave she throws a piece of paper that strikes my chest, I catch it before it falls to the ground and I extend it, reading a note.

 **My girl and I are looking for a little bit more of stability on what we have now, we think that one more person among us could make it happen, hope you're interested *w* ¬w¬"** , at the bottom of everything is her number and her name, Elisa. I smile and let out a sigh, folding the paper and sliding it in my right front pocket, then I take the straps from my backpack and start walking, the battery of my cell phone about to die but with enough energy for me to get home with music.

I'm not sure if good luck was on my side or what for her to know what I was thinking, anyway texting with her and sending at each other some provocative pictures wouldn't be bad, which I don't usually do but her style seems to be more appropriate for that kind of extreme situations.

When I arrive at the main street leading to my respective complex I start thinking again about the offer of Elisa, especially if I should tell someone. Mal would tell me not to think it too much and just do it, someone else would tell me to think things through, because it would be like dating two people at once, which would be a greater monetary and physical expense, in addition to uncomfortable situations and everything else.

I don't know why I feel that Carlos's opinion would be final for me to make a decision, although I don't think he likes to listen to that sort of thing.

Drops of sweat are sliding down the back of my neck, covering the sun with my hand doesn't do anything to keep me from feeling hot, my long hair neither but fortunately I arrive at the guardhouse that corresponds to me, as always the guard it's not there doing his job, all I do is climb the door and jump to the other side, landing with my knees bent so the impact isn't so sudden in my bones.

I would have taken my pair of keys from the backpack but that would have involved taking it off, looking for them among the pile of nonsense inside, opening the lock and putting my backpack on my back again; jumping is more fun.

In front of each building there's a small wall made of volcanic stone, about three and a half meters high, nothing that a good jump can't make fun. Over the one in front of my building I see Carlos, hunched over a notebook in his lap, a book on his right that he consults before writing with the pencil and pen in his hands, which alternates with making them turn on themselves.

He's so abstracted in his homework that he doesn't realize that I approach him from the front, nor that I stand in front of him since he's murmuring nonsense, something about first-degree equations and derivations, the notes I can see in his notebook are numbers and letters combined, all of a nightmare.

"What are ya doing out here?" I ask, causing him to jerk and move back, about to fall, immediately I stretch my arm to take his shirt and tie, maybe taking some skin on it, but everything is to avoid him to fall of three meters that will conclude that he gets paralyzed forever.

His expression isn't what I expected, he's annoyed, he frowns and purses his lips, besides he's trembling, perhaps because of the fear or repressed anger.

"Don't do that!" yup, of course it's about the repressed anger, "my ears are very sensitive, loud sounds frighten me".

"Skittish and potentially coward" I say unthinkingly, my lacking of tact with words being obvious, to which he arches his right eyebrow and inflates his cheeks, like if I actually were going to believe his angry gesture. "Fine, I take it back… truth is I don't, I just say so to not make you angry".

He rolls his eyes and begins to put his stuff in his backpack, he jumps up and almost falls on my feet, barely a millimeter away from them, then he starts walking towards the main door of the building. He laughs in the meantime.

"But I'm serious, what are ya doing out here?" I open the door and let him pass, again perceiving the smell of chocolate as he passes by my side.

"I was waiting for you, isn't it obvious? I tried to use the doorbell…".

"They don't work" I say automatically, to what he sighs.

"I discovered it after fifteen minutes by pressing the button" we climb the stairs slowly, taking our time in this conversation, "so I just sat there and began my homework while you arrived".

"But ya could yell or something, dad's at home, and judging by the hour" I say, causing him to stop to look at me on the rest of the next bunch of stairs, I see an imaginary clock on my left wrist, "Joel must be in there too, doing nothing as always".

"You don't have a watch" he says.

"Exactly" he rolls his eyes and continues walking, again I hear him laugh.

This time I take the lead, before we get to the apartment the door opens completely, revealing on the other side an annoyed Joel casting a contemptuous look, he crosses his arms and tries to glare at Carlos, he knows that if he does it with me he will not live to tell it.

"About time for you to arrive" he grunts at us, I pass by his side and hit him with my shoulder, laughing when he complains about the pain.

"Move off, I don't wanna make you cry" I grunt back.

"Remember what I told you this morning".

"Remember what I did to your leg this morning" he slams the door shut when Carlos enters, he shrugs his shoulders until we reach to the kitchen.

The whole apartment smells of various spices, steamed vegetables cooked along some meat, I distinguish pork and chicken in the air. While I pass through the swinging doors I see a huge pot lying right on the stove with vegetables inside, pans that are frying meat, and dad going from one side to the other through the kitchen, with more vegetables in his hands and supervising that nothing burns.

"Hey, dad" I say, distracting him a little.

"Hey, son. Hi, Carlos" he adds when he appears next to me.

"Hello, Mr. Jafar" he takes a very deep breath and his stomach is the one who speaks first, making a sound so deep it would scare anyone who hears it, "that smells very good, Mr. Jafar".

"Oh, thanks, it's just homemade Chinese food, Jay asked me to prepare it about a month ago, I really don't remember".

"There ya can see how much I'm heard in this place" I use a martyr's tone, which always makes dad to look at me in disgust. This time is not an exception, he does it and even arches his eyebrows more than usual.

"Maybe you deserve it" he says, using such a brave voice that I really didn't think he had. My surprise is so much that I open my eyes wide.

"Besides when he prepares that we eat it for a whole week, it was good that he didn't do it before" Joel adds from the living room.

"Anyway, it will be ready soon, I just have to take care of the vegetables and spice up all the meat nicely".

"Do you think I can help?" he asks, from here I see him smiling.

Dad's not the kind of man who asks for help, let alone receiving it when someone offers it so freely, because he says that everyone who offers himself so altruistically to do something that others don't want to do it does it for the mere recognition that entails the action, not because they say it in a sincere way.

He stiffens in his place, meditative, he looks sideways that the meat doesn't get charred, then his eyes move from one side to the other at such speed that I feel dizzy, in that way his thoughts must be emerging.

"Oh, I don't know boy, you could burn with the oil or cut a finger with the knives" he rationalizes, seeking ways for Carlos to understand that he doesn't want his help but without saying it so abruptly.

"You don't have to worry, at home I'm the one who prepares food for mom and for me, I have some practice" he defends himself, an argument that doesn't sound quite solid, at least for me.

Dad reconsiders his options once again, if his pride is strong enough to tolerate someone of Joel's age to help him in one of the tasks that he believes he has perfected over the time, and finally he drops his shoulders, accepting in silence his proposal.

"I suppose a little help would do me some good".

Carlos smiles more broadly and steps out of the kitchen like an exhalation, I move my body backwards to see the shadow of his movements projected on the door, I see him fall a couple of times on my mattress while he tries to keep his balance and smoothes the blankets to resemble that nothing happened.

I look back at dad when he clears his throat, he crosses his arms and looks at me with a raised eyebrow. Time for a reproach.

"You should be like him, he has a lot of initiative and he has only lived here for less than twenty-four hours, unlike you who had done it for seventeen years".

I roll my eyes and leave the kitchen to my room, Carlos comes out with a long-sleeved shirt above, black with skull in the front, too badass for someone like him. He walks past me and gives me a smile, I wink at him and lift my thumb, wishing him good luck in silence.

I drop my backpack down to the floor and throw myself on my mattress, spinning in the air to fall comfortably on my blankets, rubbing my cheek against the pillow and fighting my urge to sleep for a whole week, I lay on my back and place my arm above my eyes, hiding the sun that's coming in through the window until it hits me. It's only the first day, I have nothing to do as a homework, and anyway I want to sleep for a whole week; I didn't think school displeased me so much.

My peace doesn't last more than five seconds when I hear the sound of the door while it moves against the carpet, my ears are very sensitive too and I can distinguish low-intensity sounds, but I don't jump at high-intensity ones. I raise my arm a little and I see Joel with his back against it, his arms folded along with that stupid smile on his face, which he usually takes when he blames me for things he did.

"So your boyfriend is doing merits with dad, are you two gonna tell us he's pregnant or something? I mean, to throw up before I eat".

"I already told ya that we're not dating" I get up just to sit and not fall asleep now, I take off my sneakers and put them aside, I make circles with my ankles and let out a heavy sigh when I stop feeling the oppression in my feet, "also if we had children they would be the sexiest thing that had ever tread on Earth, and I understand well that you're jealous because I'm having sex with Carlos while you proceed slowly with Jane".

"Maybe you're right, maybe not" he says, using a trembling voice, "although I'm not quite sure, I wouldn't want a nephew whose hair is dyed like his" I lean over the bottom edge of the mattress and remove my socks, flexing my toes to deenergize them.

"His hair grows that way, one of the kids in the training asked him that and that's what he said" I say back, telling the truth since that conversation happened literally to my right when Dean, the most curious kid we have there, wanted to know even the day of his birthday.

"I don't like the idea anyway".

If Joel really is my brother then he should know that I always have a reason to do things, I'm not the kind of guy who spends his energies so deliberately, only when I'm really bored and I don't realize what's going on around me, but now he gave me a reason to take his arm and pull him towards me, spinning in the air before he falls on his back on my bed and I place my body over his, catching him to receive his deserved.

"Jay! No, stop! Please, no! We're bros and this isn't the kind of thing that bros do! Jay! Da…!" I take advantage of the moment when he was going to ask him for help to stuck one of my socks in his mouth, covering it so he can't spit it out or keep screaming.

I'm at least sixteen pounds heavier than him, bigger in every possible way, so I don't understand his attempt to take my hands off his face or to try to get my weight off him.

I laugh when tears start to gather in his eyes, almost streaming down his cheeks, his throat and his stomach have gags, like if he were really going to throw up, something else that would be added to the long list of bad times I have made happen to my poor little brother. My feet don't smell bad, they have never done it, it was only the first thing that occurred to me to give him a lesson about that he can't behave like a bastard without someone to teach him a thing or two in a bad way, in this case don't be an idiot.

"Now ya have a reason to throw up, not if my babies are inside his little body" the tears begin to slide down his cheeks and that's what drives me to continue my torment.

After about three minutes of his fight I take my hands off his mouth and move aside, immediately he spits out my sock and sits on the edge of the mattress, breathing deeply, like trying to suppress the nausea, and that causes my laughter to explode against him, for being so exaggerated.

When he decides that nothing will leave his stomach he only hits me right on the nerve of my left leg and stands up, he goes to the sink to wipe every trace of my foot with mouthwash, four times.

I refrain from continuing to laugh so that my stomach doesn't hurt, I stand up and walk barefoot towards the kitchen, I stand against the wall when his laughter is audible barely a little, not with the force with which I have heard him laugh.

"Do they always behave like that?" he asks while I hear the knife moving at an impressive speed, through an opening between the swinging door and the wall I see hands with long black sleeves moving against the chopping board, cutting carrots and green bell peppers into slices and strips respectively, he slides them through the board into the pot before going through the other vegetables.

"Most of the time, although I know deep down they love each other, at least they estimate each other a little, otherwise I'm sure that one would already have died in the other's hands, probably Joel" dad says, making me feel average proud of myself, it wins the fact that he perceives me as being too aggressive. "And what about you and your family?".

"Oh, well, we're just my mother and I, I don't know my father and I have no siblings, the only thing closer to that is my cousin, Diego, but he makes my life a little miserable even though he's younger than me".

"You must show him who's in charge, take control of the situation, be the person who shows him who has the power".

I swear he thinks he's talking to me, even to Joel, but a little of some sporadic motivational talk that leads to empowerment isn't bad, although if it were in my case he would still be reminding me the family mantra.

"I'll put it into practice the next time I have him as a visit" he says, not really sincere, like if he just wanted dad to shut his mouth.

I hear a hollow sound, I guess he slapped him on the back, what follows is the laughter of both of them, proving that they are really congenial. Maybe Joel is right, if at some point I have to give dad some news like the one he suggested then I think he wouldn't take it so badly, it's or he'd kick me out without a chance to come back until I know how to mend my mistakes.

Sure, of course it will always be the second option.

He shout the order to settle up the table and I can swear that Carlos jumped so high it would make him cross the ceiling, Joel and I take care of settling each place, hitting the other while we try to enter or leave the kitchen with the necessary stuff in out hands, putting a basket with other extra condiments, dishes for each place and a huge space, just so when dad also leaves the kitchen and places the huge pot in the middle.

Immediately the boss of the department sits the rest of us also do it and we begin to serve huge portions for each one, almost struggling with teeth and nails to get something good, on the other hand Carlos waits for it to be his turn, he doesn't fight to take the ladle that the first unsuspecting leaves without supervision, he only stays there until the three of us get served, a tiny little portion is served in comparison to ours and he begins to eat with the chopsticks that dad bought for the occasion, using an impressive skill with his fingers.

I give myself an internal slap and act like an ordinary person, I take the pieces of food, germinated seeds of wheat, carrots, bell peppers, onions, chicken and pork with the chopsticks, when I take the first bite it's like if everything exploded in my mouth in such a combination that it makes me groan, and yeah, to start eating like a troglodyte.

I'm not the only one, out of the corner of my eye I see Joel doing the same, smiling with every new piece he eats, and even dad seems to fight for wanting to act just like us, like if this were the last thing we're going to eat and the more we eat the better will be.

"This tastes so fucking good" Joel grunts, getting a loud blow from dad. One rule of the house is that we can't curse so freely, only against us, and I suppose the blow was most blunt by the visitor.

"If you talk like that again you'll end up eating in the bathroom" he scolds, my full mouth keeps me from laughing aloud from him, "but he's right, Carlos, you have an awesome ability for this".

"Oh, t-thank you, Mr. Jafar… you, too, Joel" it's the first time he talks to him, he barely looks into his eyes before he shrugs and looks at me in the corner of his eyes, longing for my words.

"What he said, but without the blow" I point to Joel, Carlos stretches his neck and the smile is soon to be present, it lasts so long that it prevents him from eating because he can't stop it, and I should stop looking at him.

In a blink my plate is empty, only a few pieces of seeds or meat remain on the top, I struggle to lick the rest since that would cause dad to hit me with his stylized whipping rod. I stretch my hand to take another considerably larger portion, but the clock on the wall above dad's head seems to send a signal for me to stop it right there; **5 o'clock** in the afternoon.

"I think we should go" I say to Carlos, he looks at me and I point to the clock, he shrugs his shoulders but nods.

"Yeah, I think so".

"Leave the dishes there, Joel will take care of them" says dad, Joel prepares to argue but dad glares at him. A sock in his mouth and having to wash dirty dishes, today is definitely not his day.

We both stand up and walk into my room, I take my change of clothes for training from the chest of drawers, a black shirt with the club logo and a loose black pants with a red stripe on the sides of each leg, I throw the clothes on the mattress and when I take the hems of my shirt to take it off he clears his throat. I immediately stop to look at him.

"I… uh…" he doesn't look me in the eye, he prefers to concentrate on the carpet, something that doesn't surprise me that much since he seems to enjoy not making eye contact. "I think you should go ahead, I'll get there after you, but I promise I'll get there".

I sit on my mattress, letting time to pass by, on another stage I would move at the speed of light to get out of here as soon as possible. He seemed very happy a minute ago when it was all about him preparing that delicious food, now it's like if I were looking at someone completely different, the real actor under some kind of a mask.

"Ya don't wanna go with me?" I ask softly, moving my head to look for his eyes, which I find after two seconds of trying.

"It's just… I have something else to do before, but I promise to be there" he stretches out his right little finger, an unshakable promise I hadn't made with anyone since I was five, not even then because I didn't have many friends.

"I really hope you're there" I say, narrowing my little finger right with his and talking with an alien part of me, one that wants to see him more often.

I get up and go to the bathroom, I change in the next three seconds, when I get out of there I see my bag lying outside my room, it wasn't Carlos who took it out since he's still in the same position as when I left, without having moved even a little bit. I don't give it much importance, I take it to throw it in the couch, I fill a huge bottle of water and put it in a compartment, I go back to where Carlos is to take a sweatshirt, my cell phone and my headphones.

I see him one last time, for now, noticing a forced smile on his face and another of those mysterious stories behind his big eyes. Even when I leave the apartment I can still see that expression, and more questions come to me.

* * *

When I enter our training room the first thing I can see is the inseparable group of boys and girls, who are between five and ten years old, running around and screaming, making strident sounds that would annoy everyone who listen to them. Even with my earphones I hear them.

The training room is a considerably small place for the about thirty people who train in here, the space for the movements is so small that we run squishy, the blue ninety-centimeters thick mats that are against the walls, for strength exercises in the legs and to develop resistance, reduce a little more the space we have. On two walls there are mirrors, the third one is made by a huge window that allows to see a soccer field, the place for skaters and, looking up, the city. The fourth one is the entrance.

I drop my bag sonorously and it catches their attention, while I take off the earphones they all run towards me, they swirl too close and push each other, like if their small strength were enough to knock me down.

"Jay!" they shout in chorus, making me shrug a little.

"I think they've been told not to play in here" I began to say, their enthusiasm disappearing slowly, "you can do it outside, besides you get tired too fast and don't train the way you should".

"We're sorry" they say, but they keep smiling, they don't really take me as seriously as the situation demands since I'm something like a second in command when our professors aren't there.

"Don't do it and everything will be fine, now you should get ready".

They attend to my order and each one runs with their respective mothers, they remove their shoes and socks to start running closer to them. A rule here, in addition to black clothing, is to be barefoot, which hurts at first for all the exercises we do until the habituation arrives. I suppose it was very painful for them to get kicks with their shoes, but receiving the direct impact is a little more painful, without proper practice.

I drop to the floor and also take off my shoes and socks, thinking about how much I like children, it's easy to play with their minds prone to confusion, I also think they like me, otherwise they wouldn't run to me when I enter this place, or when they need some help, or only when they want to talk about what's inside their little heads.

Out of the corner of my eye I see Mal and Ben arguing, surely something that Mal is making a fuss about and Ben looks for two million ways to apologize to her. Further away are Evie and Doug literally rolling on the floor, the two of them apply knock down movements and crippling keys; from here I can see a tent in Doug's pants, so he stays on his stomach most of the time, knowing that if Evie finds out about the effect she has on his body then she will not do it again. They should hang out, period.

I didn't think Evie's vanity would allow her to be part of a sport that is so violent and could divert her nose if she's not careful, but she seems to care more about her strength and combat performance.

Other than that I haven't concentrated on meeting the other people, I talk to them from time to time but it's not beyond that, besides I don't know their names, only some from the children's because our teachers tend to scold them frequently.

"What's up, Jason" the irritating voice says in a jovial tone, making me to roll my eyes in a most painful way to the other side of my skull, that before I get up and turn on my heels to see him. If he doesn't understand the false modesty of my smile before his presence then he's blinder than I thought.

Chad stands there, he looks at me with crossed arms and with an intolerable smile on his face, solemnly believing that a sleeveless shirt is enough to denote the self-proclaimed muscles in his arms and for the few girls who train in here to take notice of him.

He thinks he is a big thing because his name is often the first in the long list of competitors for national tournaments and competitions, what he has learned came from his father, who teaches him dirty tricks, crafty moves and hurting the others until he gets his victory. He's cocky for that, he feels popular among us for the trophies and medals he gets; he's only a poor loser who doesn't have many aspirations in his life.

Besides all that, he has something for me, a crush or he's deeply in love with me, truth is I don't know about it but he looks at me all the time, he talks about any nonsense that occurs to him, about his old love affairs (which I still believe doesn't exist), and when he's very daring he touches any part of my body.

The worst part is in his fetish for my feet, he watches them _all_ the time, from when he start running to when we do exercises on the ground and he's behind me, it's like if he wanted to lick, touch, or feel them on his body, I don't know but the very wide range of possibilities makes me sick. I understand that they're a little big, but that's a thing of age, I don't control it, or maybe he's curious about the hair that grows on my toes, something that's common in at least all the men who train here, he made me see them for rectify that I'm not a freak. I also understand that everyone can have a fetish or two, mine are the eyes, but he could have some that wasn't so frowned up to.

"It's Jay, not Jason, not Jayden, much less Jake, my name is Jay" I repeat for the thousandth time since I had the displeasure to meet him two years ago, I scratch my nape and he watches the movement of my arm, every movement.

"You can't make a fool of me, a name can't have three letters, I'm sure it's a diminutive".

"Yours has four" I say, remarking the obviousness.

"But my name is normal, not like yours" immediately he says that word I laugh, almost wiping a couple of tears from my eyes.

"Very funny, you use the word 'normal' when nothing in you is it" I make quotes in that word, before he can say something else I turn on my right flank and start walking, hopefully without crossing a word with him for the rest of the time we will spend here.

Halfway down the way I feel a grim, glaring stare, my impulse to idiocy makes me look to the left to meet his sister, Charlotte. Being the youngest son and the male one it correspond for him to be the pampered one, they consent almost all his whims and petitions whereas she has the disadvantages of being older.

Something I don't understand is that she and I are friends, maybe not the best one but we understand each other, although there are times when she decides not to talk to me, just growls in my direction or rolls her eyes, at other times she talks about what occurs in her home or how she's coping with the love relationship that she has in turn, like when I speak with Mal but without the same quality.

Before her gaze turns me into stone, I begin to walk again, looking through the mirror at Carlos's white head when he leaves his stuff next to mine, he takes off his shoes quickly and leans himself on the open window, he crosses a foot behind the other and shrugs his shoulders. Now I have somewhere to go, by his side, since he kept his promise.

"I didn't think skaters were your type" I say when I stand next to him, the space is reduced so we're shoulder to shoulder.

"That's what you think, they're not, but that one over there" he points out to a tall one, white-skinned and curly brown hair while he passes with his skateboard in front of us, like if he knew they were going to point it out at him, "did a trick, he got distracted and fell with his face on the ground, I laughed and he did too".

"I know him" I say, clearly omitting the last part because, for some reason, it made me feel uncomfortable, "Kyle, he used to train here with us, he put a lot of dedication into what he was doing, he was strong and elastic, but the fumes of having won a national competition went up to his head and decided to seek a life full of vagrancy and vices. I'm not saying that all the skaters are like that, only he chose that route".

"I get it".

The more people come into the room, children with their parents and people I didn't think I would see again since they were gone for a year or two, and I've been doing this as part of my life for four years, the sun continues to hide in the horizon, it's clear the phenomenon that arises between the greater the darkness and more noticeable is the public lighting, the lights of the houses and the high buildings when lighting, like if the darkness were to consume them if they don't do it.

I turn my head slightly to look at him, he's frowning as his brain seems to be processing too much information, probably about whatever he had to do before he arrived. I still want to know what that was about.

"What are you thinking about?" I ask, avoiding getting straight to the point.

"I looked at the city and thought that that, the city, is only a small part of the state, the state is part of a country, the country of a continent, the continent, along with the others, including the oceans, make up the Earth, the Earth is part of the solar system, the solar system of a galaxy, the galaxy is in a Milky Way, and from there who knows, perhaps a macrouniverse next to another macrouniverse that, however, is still a microuniverse by comparison of something greater" I see his lips moving with each word, rosy ones, soft-appearing, stirring, but before those ideas increase he turns his head in my direction. "Sorry, I think it's something deep-rooted in me, thinking too much, so…".

"I think I understand you" I snap.

He frowns and tilts his head, as if expecting no one to understand what he's saying. It really took a bit of work to create the right connections in my head, but seriously I think I know what he means.

"Y-you serious?" he asks, raising his eyebrows so much that they almost get lost in the line of his hair.

"Yup" I say again, nodding, "I think your idea oscillates a little about the superfluity of human existence in their daily life, that even with the greatest scientific discovery, the creation of a super-vaccine, or whether the aliens do come to visit us, it will be nothing compared to what's out there without being discovered, and even here inside" I point to my head, referring to the brain, "is something that is there but little known about. I think you mean a superior force, I don't know whether a deity or something, but something greater".

"Yeah! That's what I was talking about!" he leaps in his place, his voice raised up makes some of the skaters to look at us, Kyle between them. "I didn't think anyone would understand it".

"I think ya just called me stupid" I reply, really feeling offended by his remark, like if he were truly unique in thinking so magnanimously and in a moderately unique way.

"Oh, no, of course not, I could never call you that" he lowers his eyebrows, a gesture of real sadness, remarking that I misunderstood his words. "What I mean is that a lot of people don't think that way, not many feel the curiosity to know what happens in other places even of the city".

"I understand again, it's like knowing about floriography or the biological origin of emotions, things that are there but not all of them speak of".

I look at him again, his eyebrows completely lost in the line of his hair, his eyes about to jump out of their sockets by his surprise.

"Who are you, Jay?" he asks, smiling broadly.

"Someone who uses the Internet for other stuffs besides Facebook or watching videos about the misfortune of the others, which are very funny".

"I wanna know what you've learned from it".

"Let's start with a couple of blue flowers for breakfast" we both stand there, I look at him and he looks at me, but the brightness in his eyes is other.

It's not like he's looking at the good physical they had told me I have, or like if he were thinking that he can get something out of me. His look is different, that's the only word that can describe it in its whole being, the feeling he awakens in me doesn't get compared to the one that came from the proposal of Elisa or the strange dude in the mall; Carlos is looking at me as a person, as someone who can also think, who can be smart like he is or skilled in other things, but like if he wanted to know me.

It's simple: Carlos makes me feel different.

* * *

N/A: I had to finish it there or it would be an infinite chapter, I will try to solve the questions that nobody does in future chapters. Fav, follow or review, until the next update :)


	4. He is my choice

New chapter after a million years without having updated, I hope you like it as much as I did when I was writing it, and if someone tells you at some point that college is simple then run away, because it's not true. Fav, follow or review, enjoy :)

* * *

 **He is my choice**

"Come on, boys, I'm getting bored of seeing you all being useless" our coach grunts again when we run past his side, he makes his whistle to spin in his hand so that it tangles in his fingers, he walks from side to side as his huge belly goes with him. Teachers of physical education and sports with a high rate of obesity, well done in there.

I roll my eyes while the rest of the team runs behind me, something I don't understand since I'm not the captain or anything similar, in fact he, Lucas, still lies on the verge of dying on the lawn next to the coach, aside from those guys who threw up one over the other after the first ten minutes running.

I admit that it's exhaustive to run senselessly under the sun, shining in such a way and producing an overwhelming heat that manages to put in the worst fucking humor on everyone who crosses in its shitty way, or maybe it just has that kind of effect on me. I truly detest the sun and hot days.

Anyway I should have gotten used to this, after all it's been two weeks since the practices started, the games against other schools are very close to happen, the first one against Auradon Prep, the new 'champions' who doesn't deserve their title for having beaten Sherwood's pathetic team in the final, that even though they were champions for more consecutive years.

"One more lap and you all can go" coach grunts again, sitting on a bench and opening an adults magazine, not caring very much that the cheerleaders are less than ten feet away from him. Lucas looks at the cover and to the pages changing, attentive to what he may find.

I roll my eyes, take a momentum and a deep breath, finishing the rectangle representing the game field in about thirty seconds, maybe more or maybe less. When I finish I take another deep breath, I hold my knees and breath out, wiping the sweat that runs on my forehead and the sides of my face with my long sleeves, hating to a certain extent that my hair is long, if it were short then I wouldn't feel this hell of a heat.

When I collapse on the ground I turn my head to see the cheerleaders, they go from one side to the other waving black with red pompoms, intoning, their short skirts move in a precise way with each movement, somersault, and triple jump forward, even when they pile up to form a pyramid it seems that the wind wants to give everyone who looks at them a little more of skin so that it stays in the imagination for the rest of the day.

Maybe heat isn't entirely the blame, maybe it's because of my hormonal state.

I haven't been able to give myself a bit of attention since in the day I am here, in the apartment or in the training, at night we are all inside there, it's quite uncomfortable besides cold doing it sitting in the toilet, and even during the shower, with the little amount of hot water, it wouldn't let me enjoy it too much. I have to put up with and fight against this impulse to tell Carlos to leave the room for at least twenty minutes since he would probably think I don't want him there in general, and that's the least of what I want him to think.

I still find it a little strange that sometimes he tells me to go ahead to the training, or when we get there on time and we are going back to the apartment he gets off the track, always arguing that he has things to do but that he will arrive on time or he will return before nine thirty. Usually, when it comes to the latter, I'm out on the balcony, waiting for his unmistakable white head to appear down the steps toward the building.

Perhaps he returns to his home for things he needs, or to see if his mother has already forgotten about him, or indeed he has things to do in his day to day life that being in the apartment he can't do. Many possibilities.

"Hey, ain't you coming to the showers?" Lucas asks, his curly hair places on his forehead and his skin, usually dark brown, still looks a little pale after almost fading in the heat, he brings me back to reality after a moment of self-absorption. I passed from looking at the cheerleaders to just look at the ground beneath them as if I had lost a priority.

"Nah, maybe just to change my shirt, I feel kinda smelly, and anyway ya know I still have more exercise to do".

He stretches his arm to help me up, I swallow a little of my pride and take his forearm, with a single movement he gets me to stand up. He is one of the most athletic guys on the team, very fast and strong although his thin body doesn't seem like it, he's also nice, he was part of the committee of pranks to the freshmen but he also decided to reorient his life for good.

One by one the guys end up with the last running circuit, I didn't think it would take them so long to finish it up, but they seem to do it just because the ladies encourage them not to die from exhaustion right now. Our water-bearer hurries with hasty steps to attend those who need it most, those who can still stand are on their way to the locker room.

When we arrive it's like if everyone had decided to have some kind of meeting or something similar, a little pizza wouldn't be bad, but literally each and every one of the guys who play sports in the whole school are inside, causing a scandal of indescribable proportions, something that was to be expected for the time of the day, the right moment in which the morning and evening shifts of the school come together in one place.

Luckily my little socialization makes me walk straight to where my stuff is, greeting Zevon while he meets with the basketball team, ironic if I think that he's shorter than me, but not as much as Carlos.

I try to ignore the abundance of skin and exposed bodies that are walking by through the lockers, entering or stepping out the showers, dressing or just staying there without a thing to cover them while I change the shirt and pants to put everything used inside my bag, taking out what I was wearing this morning that still stays fresh and clean, but the temptation is too much so I make time 'tying my laces' to see some guys when they stay on their backs or someone else who has a face attractive enough for me to see him giving a full frontal. Not bad if I allow myself to comment.

I wonder if the girls will do this sort of thing in their respective locker room on the other side of the game field, but none of us are perverted enough or have the balls to stay in there and be outraged by all the girls in school, about an eighty percent of all the students.

When I finally get tired of this I simply hang my bag over my right shoulder and walk in a b-line towards the exit, turning in the hallway necessary so that when you open the door nothing that happens in here gets to be seen, and it's fortunate that I don't go walking with a prominent bulge in my pants. I don't think I'm the only one who finds it exciting to be in the boys' locker room or to play with my imagination later if there's no one when I go back to the apartment, but that was not my primary goal anyway.

Before I can leave the main building of the school, when I am a step away from being free, a hand on my shoulder stops me, but not a friendly hand, it's one that conveys the contempt of the look and the coolness of the touch.

I swallow the lump in my throat when I slowly turn on my heels, meeting with professor Yen Sid, who stares down at me with that firm stare and with his arms folded across his chest, almost hidden by his long beard. He's the only teacher who is strict in his teaching methods and evaluation techniques, only a few people decide to take some class with him again, but if I remember that I'm lousy to make good decisions after a bad run then I can understand why I'm under his yoke once more.

It was my belief that I could cope with anything he could throw at me in another semester or my moment of emboldening was too big for me to sell him my non-existent soul.

"I haven't been able to find any of your teammates, Mr. Jay" I force myself not to roll my eyes because this is a talk with a teacher, a little weird since his methodology for teaching basic science isn't the usual one as I have been told that happens with other professors, you could almost give the subject the name Weird Science.

"That's because many of them finish the day early, I have tourney practice before I can go home" I say, which doesn't seem to matter to him since he plays with his long beard and looks at it while I speak.

"I just wanted to give you this" he hands me a sheet of paper with a printed chart, the rubric with the feedback he delivers after a test or a presentation of a teamwork; this time it's the last one.

I don't give it due attention because the huge _**F**_ seems to be highlighting by the thickness of the red sharpie with which he wrote it down and the fact that it covers the entire length of the paper.

Immediately my right hand begins to shake, that gets reflected in the sound of the sheet and I can see him stepping back a little, like if he thought I would hit him, which would be true if my departure from Dragon Hall with some decent average notes didn't be in his hands.

"Before you try to say anything in some way of a defense for yourself or one for your classmates, Mr. Jay, I'll tell you right now that your team deserves such a note because of your mediocrity" he lifts a hand up, making me to remain quiet until his explanation is complete: "you were in front of the class reading all of your slides, your explanation didn't clarify any single one of the topics you addressed, there wasn't any kind of dynamics that would help consolidate the information, and you didn't cover all the topics".

"You took two subjects off from us to assign them to another team, we told you that in the classroom" I say as a defense, because it's true.

In the first week of his class Mal gave him a piece of paper with our names and the subjects we would cover, five that were short and could be evenly distributed among us, and he noted them down on his huge list of assistance, but because a couple of girls, boot-kissers who sit in front of him, came to the class after the extraordinary enrollment period he was the one who took the subjects off to give them to them, and we stupidly prepare ourselves to give them to the class, and _maybe_ we did everything the night before and so I couldn't sleep more than four hours, but it was done anyway.

During the class he interrupted Mal while she described our subject, protein synthesis, firmly arguing that we weren't delving into the topics we had chosen, after a tense moment and an argument I sent him the hell away inwardly and stood with my arms crossed, barking everything I had to say in the direction of those girls whose names I can't remember.

"I don't think it's fair that we get this note for something you did".

"Well, it doesn't seem fair to me to decide to take such a petulant stance in front of a classroom and knowing that your note was at stake, besides that, as I said, your work didn't aspire to anything more than that".

To have had that moment made me realize that, although deep down he seemed an amazing person, I realize that he's only so as a teacher and period, in the personal sphere he's not the kind of person I would like to spend a lot of time with, anyway I don't like to living with adults.

"Are we done?" I ask, feeling the anger encapsulating inside me.

"For today, Mr. Jay, I'll see you next week, and I actually expect to see a very thoughtful research proposal if you and your teamwork are really hoping for me to change my mind".

I don't say good-bye to him, I don't even shake my head at him, I just turn on my heels once again and go down the steps two by two, jumping on the sidewalk and wrinkling the paper with my hand, throwing it against a bush and caring a fuck if he saw me doing it or not.

I put my earphones so deep inside my ears again that my eardrums will regret it later, I let the random playlist to beat with a sound so high that I understand the look of bewilderment of those who pass next to me while I walk the necessary streets to get to the bus stop, I go on hitting people on the shoulders or stomping over those who cross in my way, I don't even look before crossing the street because all I want to do now is to hit something or someone, preferably something because I don't want to listen the cries of pain of the first poor bastard who looks me in the eye.

The usual traffic jam is such a stupidity, the fact that the battery of my cell phone is about to run out is worse, the desperate crying of a baby in the seat in front of mine makes me want to tear my hair out one by one so that the pain can distract me. Not even the sexy photo that Elisa sent me from her and Scarlett, her girl, naked and cuddled, showing the line of her breasts while they collide against each other in addition to the pronounced curve of their hips is enough to lift my spirits, or to turn me on very uncomfortably on a long bus ride, it's just something I'll be able to look at later if I'm bored or curious.

All caused by a stupid school note, nothing important.

That has been some kind of a new dynamic that has arisen between them and me, we haven't meet properly because they are college students, I haven't told them about my age because surely they would get into panic, plus it's more fun to send messages and that kind of pictures.

The most heated thing I had sent them was a short video of my hand sliding from my neck and my bare chest to hold my sleeping cock, but only that was enough to receive messages like "I wanna see more!", "we should see each other soon, whether you want it or not", and stuff like that.

I suppose that at some point it will be clear that a meeting like this will never happen, somebody must take the step to stipulate it.

I still remember that night was incredible, not because I saw how they were in the right moment of physical affection when I sent the video, the exhilarating emotion came from the adrenaline of being seen by Carlos while he was sleeping peacefully next to me, something inside me wanted him to open his eyes and see the flashlight on my cell phone while it ran down my body to such an area; what I craved the most was to see his face as he dealt with me doing something like that, and if anything could happen if he started to ask questions or the room grew hot enough to make it more comfortable that neither of us brought any clothes on.

I'm still a bit split between two big things: one is that I want to have his slim, small body writhing beneath me while I dance between his legs, his lips crashing against mine before the deep moans or shivers cause us to split away for only one little moment to breathe, he clinging to me with full strength while the only sound is our choppy breathing and his skin pearly with sweat against mine, we both about to look at the stars with the simple fact of blinking and feeling that such a pleasant sensation takes hold of both of us after culminating with a moment like that. The other one is that he's still the skittish boy who at the slightest provocation gets startled or blushed when the talks acquire some double meaning, who laughs at bad jokes, him being someone who helps in the department and who, while he's trying to cover it, suffers in its different degrees because of being kicked out of his house by his own mother.

I would blame the heat for the headache that grips me while I open the door of the building and go up the steps two by two towards the apartment, but I know that thing usually happens to me when I think things over. I suppose that's why sometimes I act impulsively, for things that benefit me primarily, but I don't think acting in that way with someone like Carlos is going to produce some kind of gain, for neither of us.

I stop on the balcony before arriving there, still remembering the night after when we discussed deeply the superfluous acts of people compared to situations that outweigh far beyond them, the floriography and another bunch of curious things we knew.

That night I couldn't sleep early because every time I did I saw that fascination look that he dedicated me every time that I had a point for or against the subject he put to discussion, the same look that he maintained even during training on the occasions that he was distracted to look at me and smile. All those sensations that he awoke in me to be seen in such a different way were overwhelming, I couldn't go to sleep for all the thoughts triggered by acts so simple but that had such a big impact on me.

I climb the last flight of stairs sure that I'm slowly losing my mind, with such a stupid smile on my face.

"Your sweetheart has been asleep for two hours" Joel says quietly while I open the door, he's lying on a couch as he stands up and turns off the television, as if he had been waiting for me or something. "I didn't believe he was only going to be here to eat and sleep".

"I'm in one damn hell of a mood, don't force me to make ya regret the fact that you were born".

"I'm just saying it's not normal to sleep so much time, there has to be some kind of explanation" he follows me into the kitchen as I fill a glass with water and drink it in three long sips, wiping the drop that slid down the right corner of my mouth. "And in case you ask, dad's still working, he'll be back late".

"Fine, I'll admit it, he was in my bed last night, that's why he's so tired" I find entertaining the expression he makes when I include that nonexistent subject in the conversations and in a so casually way, he raises his eyebrows and closes his eyes in addition to moving his head slowly backwards, like if he would relax and erase what he just heard.

"Too much information, thank you very much" he spins on his left flank, and the last thing I hear from him is the door to dad's room closing.

I punch the wall next to the refrigerator, the pain immediately goes through my hand right up to my shoulder, I ignore it, I concentrate more listening to the reverberation happening almost in the whole place. It's not because of the fact that we will have to prepare something to eat, rather for that small spine of impotence for not being able to make true that subject. But not with Carlos, I'm no one relevant in his life to wrestling his innocence with an act only I want it to happen.

I drop my shoulders and go straight to my room, I open the door being ajar and to my surprise the curtains aren't closed, but he is curled up as far as possible from the sun, his face looking at the wall, his rhythmic breathing is the clear reflection of the depth of his sleep. I nibble on my lower lip with some strength to see that his shirt is lifted by whatever moves he has made by now, revealing the freckles on his lower back, the elastic line of his underwear and a barely visible coat of hair.

A tingle takes hold of the tips of my fingers and the annoying anxiety to do something tries to invade me with every second that passes, I manage to fight it because I want to trace down the line that represents his waist, pronounced curve, at the same time I want to take his butt completely in my hands and give a squeeze so strong that I would wake him up on the spot.

Suddenly the memory of what Yen Sid did today takes over my mind and all I do is to leave the door slightly open, throw my heavy backpack on the floor, throw myself on the bed to connect my cell phone to the power outlet, waiting for it to regain some energy. I put my arm over my eyes and let out a deep growl, regretting it a second later since he continues sleeping.

Three weeks of classes and in each one there have been bad times, if it's not a situation like today in Weird Science it's because of my discomfort to be with certain people in teamwork's that didn't want to form, some of the teachers that enter into their bitchy mode to take revenge about situations that occur in their horrible lives, the laziness of some others, the intensity of a few; an endless number of situations for any student, one who can't act over his mood so freely without ending up in a somewhat violent attack.

The yawn that resembles the sound made by some puppies on their waking, the same sound Carlos does every morning when he regains consciousness, makes me move my arm and look at him while he stretches, he rolls on his stomach and stays like this, with his T-shirt still up and his eyelids struggling to open.

Until today I can say that that stupid sentence on the line of the lower back of a dude being a sensual part is true, in him the line lowers in a sudden way and then it rises again in his little butt, that one I want to have filling my hands while his lips are moving over mine and we fool around like if we were just more teenagers than the ones we already are. I still am one of them, I have one more year before legally turning into an adult.

"Did I wake ya up?" I ask when his eyelids finally open, his eyes immediately moving in my direction and it's like if I were seeing his whole body relaxing gradually, something that must happen to everyone after waking up.

"Oh, no, something inside me told me that it was… enough of so much sleep" his eyelids struggle to reopen after that yawn, the way he curls up in bed tells me he'd like to stay there all afternoon.

"I'm sure my growl woke you up, that or my threat against Joel, or maybe the bricks I carry in my backpack when they fell, whatever it is I know it's my fault" I try to justify my actions, something I don't usually do since I recognize the way I participate in different situations, but this time I just want to hear him say that it was my fault, I would clear my conscience of some kind of regret.

"I swear you didn't, I promise" he says, establishing a strong eye contact with me. If he looks at me in that way while he asks me to juggle light up torches and on a unicycle I'm sure I would do it without thinking.

"I'll believe ya, for the moment" he laughs with me, he finishes removing the sleep from rubbing his hands over his eyes. His hair, regularly in place with the help of a little hair gel, seems to be willing to show some rebelliousness for the just-woke-up style it reflects now, but something inside me would want to change it by a style that says I-just-had-sex, another part would change it for I-took-a-nap-in-Jay's-arms kind of style.

I really don't know where all these things he makes me feel are pointing out seeing him lying in bed, I just know that they lead me to some kind of frustration.

"Bad day, huh?" he asks without taking his eyes off of me, his big eyes seem to be very alert to any movement I'm about to make. I hadn't realized his eyelashes make them appear a little brighter, and his eyebrows surround them perfectly; it's like looking at two dark moons in the clear sky that is his skin and with the little stars that are his adorable freckles.

I swallow the lump that forms in my throat for calling him adorable, and for letting such an absurd idea to formulate itself so easily.

"Is it so obvious?" I scratch my nape, somewhat embarrassed.

"I reaffirm what I said that nothing of what you did woke me up, but I can see it now that I watch you carefully" he smiles, half of it is crushed by the pillow and I can see the other half completely.

"I've had better one, today's been the worst so far, and I hope I don't have another one until the end of the school year" I say, opening my hands to hit on the blankets, picking up small dust particles.

"It's pretty clear" he smiles before rubbing his face completely against the pillow, because of the movements that his body make he lifts his waist a little more, causing the line of his lower back to get pronounce more, and thank for him to not be seeing me since he didn't see when I licked my lips when I saw his butt a little higher. "I'm listening even if I don't watch you, what happened?".

"I just had a bad day".

"Yeah, I understand that, but why was it a bad day?".

"That's being nosy" I say, for which he snorts.

"Actually it's called I wanna know what happened that has you in such a bad mood" he raises his hands to make air quotes, which makes me laugh a little.

"Where do I start…" I whisper out loud, staring at the ceiling.

After that my tongue gets released like never before, I start to talk about everything that has put me in such a fucking mood since the first week of classes, something he mentions he has noticed but he decided not to comment about.

More than dealing with a one-way conversation he's asking me questions, for example about what led to such a situation, how I behaved during each moment, he makes me delve into a part that I usually ignore in the conversations, a part of which I even deprive myself of experiencing and living in a full way: we deepen in the emotions.

At some point during my verbal throwing up about what happened with professor Joseph at the end of a training, in which he told me I wasn't giving up the way I should and that he was hoping to see an improvement in my way of performing the exercises in addition to the new learning he gives me, he turns his head and lies on his left side to look at me with his big eyes and he make me feel something that I couldn't describe clearly, like that feeling of being heard by someone, something that doesn't usually happen to me if I speak a little of this with dad, or rarely with Joel.

I speak to him looking at his eyes, looking at the expressions of surprise, the attempts to not laugh, how he gets touched with some situations, and even a few hints of anger invade his features, and when he speaks I look at his lips, something I do all the time with someone who talks with me, but with him I'm alternating between looking at the movements of his mouth and his eyes, which seem to take that chew of the different look, which now he gives me many times.

The emotional sieve he asks me for isn't only expressed to satisfy his questions, this time I feel almost all of them, to a greater or lesser extent, but I repeat them, seeing that it's really like if I wanted to deny the negative emotions that were attacking me and I didn't want to experiment.

When the conversation slowly dies I look directly into his eyes, while the room is filled with a silence that is not a reflective one, it's rather one that arises when there's nothing left to say, not even the sound of the wind blowing in the outside is enough to break it.

I look out of the window and immediately my spirits go to the ground, a pair of giant gray clouds invade the clear sky, the thunders in the distance tell me that there's no way we can get to the training without draining by the intense rain approaching. Anyway, I have hundreds of homework to do or to plan, if I thought to go then this seems to be a sign of fate itself to tell me that I will be locked in the apartment for the rest of the day, in his company and with the others; nothing unpleasant.

"How do ya do it?" I ask when I can no longer tolerate the silence, before which he tilts his head in that curious puppy mode that I have seen when he sees me in the dining room doing homework and he begins to ask me things that I hadn't even asked myself. "I really don't understand it".

"What thing?" he frowns, meditating deeply on things.

"Usually I don't talk about how I feel, nor with myself, and what I don't understand is how in doing it with ya I don't feel any difficulty".

He sketches a warm smile and lowers his head, I can swear that the pink tone on his cheeks is not due to the heat, but it would be seeing things I want to see, not a reality as it should.

"Well, maybe it's because the changes are good, to mix things up a bit there's someone with whom you can talk about subjects you don't like" he hides his look in the pillow, a place where I can't look out for it. "In some way I'm happy to know you talked about something like that with me".

I'm not going to lie to me, I just blushed for what he said, which is increased by the idea that is in my head.

«Or maybe it's just because I like you too much, you as a whole being, that way of thinking so yours, the way you look at me and how I feel very comfortable with you, like I've never felt before with a person, even if everything of this which I now feel for you is too soon or too sudden for it to be something real and not a mere product of my imagination». That's the kind of thinking which will always remain chained in the most hidden corner of my mind.

I remain quiet because the moment is over, his breathing is pacing once again, it does at such a sudden rate he seems to be in a deep sleep in a matter of a couple of seconds, something that doesn't happen so quickly, there's a whole cycle that needs to occur to get there.

The only thing that startles him is a thunder that sounds too close, like if it had fallen seven streets away from here but probably I happened a few miles away, although the lights flicker because of the low energy, and not even the scare was big enough to make him jump out of bed, he just jumped up and settled back down, sighing.

He may have been tired while he was talking to me, but I'm pretty sure I was being listened all the time.

The temperature of the department drops drastically, the rain doesn't come to help it since I could almost exhale steam through my mouth, the rain strikes with all its force on the outside, as if we had gone through a long period of drought and now it was the moment when we will see all the rain that will fall in the year.

I force myself to get up and spread one of my blankets over him, one of the seven that I accompany every night to sleep, however hot it may be at night or as cold as it may be there always have to be seven in an almost compulsive order that can bother me if they don't stay that way.

Something on the inside makes me kneel next to him while he curls up more in his ball, I run my fingers slowly through his hair and he sighs again while I put my head on his pillow, almost bumping against him, plus he doesn't startle for the sudden touch

"Rest a little more, luckily for you there will be no training, I'll have something ready for you to eat if you wake up hungry".

To my surprise that's when he decides to turn his head towards me, causing the proximity to be complete, his face against mine, he smiles between his dreams before causing the tip of his nose to rub slowly against mine, then he half opens his eyelids a little and I can barely see a trace of his captivating eyes.

"Thank you" he growls low, keeping the smile up.

"Thank you for being there" is my automatic answer, before which he lets out a long sigh, the one that shakes me completely.

I get up and leave the room for two simple reasons: the first one is that I'm also starving, the sooner I have something ready for us and for Joel it will be better, the second is that I'm about to consume myself for the intense blushing I'm having, the embarrassment at having let my confused thoughts come to the light, and all the sensations that are entangled in my chest, all those stupid sensations that feel too good to be real for admitting about something that was only getting born inside my head.

I didn't get the answer I was expecting, but I said it.

* * *

Fortunately my cell phone got a ninety percent charge and I had my earphones in my pocket before leaving towards my shelter on the roof of the building, a structure made with my own hands using sticks tied with ropes, walls of different kinds of fabric sewn together with thick thread, canvas on the floor and a pair of heavy stones so that the wind doesn't take it away.

Nobody visits the roof, never, only some pigeons that decide to hang out here, but those bugs don't slip into my shelter and I don't worry about someone destroying it, not even those of other buildings that do come up to do who knows what in such a lonely place.

I still remember the first trip I made up here, I had barely reached the age of eight and every time I went up the stairs until I realized the ones that lead to the little door, when I climbed them up the first thing I did was to get close to the edge and look at the great height that separated me from the ground; I had vertigo.

Every time I went up I spent more time on the edge to the point where nothing happened in me, there was no longer any sense of fear. I also spent time going from one side to the other on the roofs of the three buildings that make up this block, finding a pair of coins, cigarette butts, a used condom (which at the time I thought it was a balloon with a very strange shape), and some very stale candies but which I ate anyway.

It was then that I had my first experience near to death, but I didn't live it as such, to my mind of that age it seemed a very fun game that was based on walking over an electric cable towards the building opposite to mine, like in the trick on the tightrope I'd seen at the circus show two days before, only a few hundred yards away from here. I had hardly stepped up on it, thinking how exciting it would be to shout at dad to see me from the window and notice how cool it was to do something like that, when his hand took my shoulder firmly and dragged me to the apartment, there he yelled at me until he was pounding, not giving me the beating I expected, while Joel cried behind him since he didn't know what was going on, and neither did I, but then we had a family hug that lasted for hours, until we all felt numb.

I guess dad had a suicide attempt in mind or something (at that age I already knew some words that many other children didn't, and dad made fun of me when I used them in situations that didn't agree with the meaning), but all I wanted to prove was if the tightrope was a fun game, without measuring the consequences.

Now the advantage is that the rain stopped about twenty minutes ago and the darkness of the night is about a couple of minutes from becoming total, some stars are already visible along with the moon, only a little sleet continues to fall, one that doesn't bother anyone, but the smell of wet soil, which Joel told me what was due but I don't remember, manages to reassure my tangled thoughts.

 _I told you something like that would happen, idiot :/_ , answers Mal.

We have been writing to each other without stopping for the hour I have been here, most of the time she makes fun of me, the other half she asks me what is what that led me to like him and think about him in such a different way to the first idea I had when I saw him; I haven't been able to give her a concrete answer.

It's not that I can separate something from him in specific and say that it's precisely that what I like, it's his totality that has me in the situation.

I look up from the phone towards the city, a few tiny sections are touched by the last rays of sunlight from the day, in others there is torrential rain, but the gray sky predominates, which soon will cease to be distinguished.

I snort and turn my attention back to the phone, but before the blinking pointer turns into letters I see the little door, a few paces away, opening up completely, beating with a crash when it falls, something I could even hear even with my earphones on. Carlos finishes climbing up the stairs and he closes it behind him, this time more slowly.

Immediately I feel invaded by a desire to run away, to jump to another roof or to cross the cable, but with the ultimate purpose of being far away. While he moves towards I bring my legs closer to my chest and place my arms on my knees, acting casual when there is a fire inside my head.

"Joel told me you'd be here" he smiles and kneels down, staying on the damp waterproof roof.

"I didn't tell him I'd go up here" I move aside to make some room, though the stiffness of my movements tells me that something inside me doesn't want to.

"Well, he's your brother, one way or another he's learned about what you do when you're outside" he sits down beside me with his legs crossed, something strange if I consider that my shelter is big enough for there to be a little distance between us.

He moves from side to side, like a restless child, like many of them who are in the training and those who can't stand still for five minutes when it comes to be a serious conversation.

"What are you doing up here? It's cold and dangerous to just take a walk".

"Nothing in itself, I was just looking at the stars, the rain, and let myself be carried away by my thoughts".

"You like the moon, don't you?" he asks like if he were corroborating some hypothesis. "Someone told me he liked it but I don't remember whom".

"I do like it, but I prefer the rain, maybe I mentioned it only once in front of ya, I'm not quite sure" I say, arching my right eyebrow.

"Sometimes I just need the things that others say to me once so I can remember them for a long time, I'm always aware even if it doesn't seem like it".

We smile and move to the edge of the shelter, we look at the stars alternately and with unequal times, then we lower our heads to avoid the neck pain we could suffer if we stay for a long time with our eyes up.

He points out some constellations and mumbles some data about them, but more than anything he does it to corroborate what he learned about after doing a paper about astronomy until the wee hours of the morning, one that took four days to conclude, because I too was awake until late doing the stupid work of Yen Sid, although I don't remember that a class like that was imparted to students of lower grades, only for those of last years who more or less know what they want for their lives.

"You ate something?" I ask, looking for a topic of conversation, also somewhat worried that he has done so.

"The whole plate, even a little more, it was delicious" he lets out a small burp, which makes him blush, although I prefer the idea of some cultures over the burp as a form of gratitude.

"It was just some breaded chicken and vegetables, not a big deal".

"It all tasted so good, the chicken was crispy and the vegetables fresh, though I think I ate some of your dad's portion, I'm sorry".

"That's okay, anyway he doesn't really like the little things I cook on the rare occasions I get the task".

"Why is that?" I turn my head when I feel his gaze on me, he closes his eyelids and gives me a smile in a gesture that weakens my knees.

Being so adorable should be illegal.

Adorable, small, motor-clumsy, cute, good-looking, thin, short of stature and hairy for his age; Carlos, those are the synonyms I can give him, the ones I like the most to say to him only inside my head.

"He says I don't do it well, for example once I prepared fish and he said it was raw, I returned to cook it and he said the same, I prepared it for a longer time and on that occasion he said I had burned it, that he wouldn't eat anything like that, so I only I threw it in the trash and we were annoyed at each other for about a week".

"That's not good at all" he says, sounding really pissed.

"That's the way he is, that's how it's been for seventeen years, but at least I didn't decide to hit him with the frying pan coming straight from the lit on stove".

"I can imagine the mark still on his face, like the ones they give to livestock" he laughs freely but covers his mouth with his hand.

"And I can imagine him cutting my hair while I'm sleeping or worse, he also told me that something he doesn't like about me is my hair because, according to him, I look like a girl from behind.

"You would be a girl with a _very_ broad back".

"And yet I would be a pretty girl" I wink my eye at him and I join his laughter solemnly, thinking that this situation with dad hadn't been so bad, it was just an outburst from my part.

"That's true" he murmurs between laughter.

After the laughter we stay quiet for a moment, an awkward silence but at the same time a rarely necessary one. I look at him from time to time out of the corner of my eye, he's staring at the floor and has his eyebrows furrowed, he no longer seems so interested in the constellations about millions of miles away above us or on the moon as I am.

I let my hands hang over my knees, the force of the night wind makes me feel a shiver all over my back and something else in my hand, thin and soft, very soft. At first I think it's a spider with that light layer of hair that covers their legs, but it's bigger and warmer…

It takes me a couple of seconds to make the necessary associations to notice that he approaches more to me and he entwines his little hand with mine, it makes me open my eyes to the surprise and the joy. His hand is warm, way smaller than I remember, and too smooth for it to belong to a boy, the softness of a pair of hands that haven't had to be used on many occasions for different tasks, with thin fingers and perfectly short nails.

The new sensation makes my skin prickly, I call it new because I can't recall the last time my hands were so immaculate, and I can swear that my heartbeat tells me it's about to explode. Suddenly it seems that I don't know any other word than his name.

He swings our entwined hands in the space between our legs, I don't turn my head but I know he's looking at me, I can feel his gaze on me and know he notices how much I struggle to not look at him in the eye, I keep looking forward, trying to calm my accelerated heart and my altered thoughts, trying to regain composure since more lights go on and off in front of us, like if they were giving energy to the stars and the moon to shine more.

I seriously don't understand how he can make me feel that way, but I care very little since the real question is: will he be feeling the same as me? My mind is a muddy ground on which I wish I wouldn't be sinking, but then he lets out a sigh and puts a little more strength into our grasp.

"I don't like to see you sad" I look straight into his eyes to hear that emotion, one that I rarely experience in certain occasions, this one without being one of them, but below that I can assure he speaks to me sincerely, our visual contact is completely firm and the serious expression on his face confirms it, but since I'm not a completely serious person I'm the first to laugh a little.

"I'm not sad, Carlos, I'm still just pissed off and anything that might be ahead of it".

I admit that between the lines all of that is a lie, a lie to protect myself, a lie to try to keep me in my comfort zone, but it's like if in him there were also that same kind of comfort, comprehension, a level of understanding that just a few can give me.

What the fuck is happening to me? I don't think it's common for someone to feel that way with someone who is still a stranger.

Is there an explanation? If so then I need a broad diagram to understand it.

"Sad or upset, whatever it is it's something not very usual in you, all because of a few arrogant people who don't know how to value the effort you and your friends have put in their school work, besides those others who are too blind to see all those good things there are in you".

Something in his small and firm speech makes me doubt about myself, it opens way to a few questions that I hadn't stopped to pose with due seriousness. What do other people see in me? Are there even good things in me? How could others define me? How could he define me? What am I to him and why did he turn to me for help?

That last one is still going through my daytime thoughts.

I break our visual contact and look at the movement of the trees that grow in the building in front of this, I think of everything and nothing at the same time, the only thing I can think of is in his hand entwined with mine and how good it makes me feel, it almost eliminates the effect of all the variables that have happened.

I see him out of the corner of my left eye, nibbling on his lower lip slightly and looking in all directions. He's thinking again, but this time he's drawing out many conclusions to things that only he knows, to his thoughts.

"Y-you know, I think I can cheer you up… if you let me, although I don't expect you to look at me in the eye after doing it or that you keep treating me the way you've done for so many days, and if your dad gets angry then I'll understand it very well, but I think I can really make you feel a little better" he says, his voice so fast I can barely comprehend what he says.

"How do ya plan…?" I turn my head a little before I get stopped by his new actions, those that once again demonstrate a facet of bravery I didn't think he had in him.

He gently poses his lips against my cheek, he sighs over my skin and slides his free hand across my face, like if he were anticipating my escape, although that's the last thing I can think of to do. My throat dries from moment to moment, it's like if the roof on which we're sitting were moving in sharp directions and only those simple actions kept me firm.

He's… he's kissing me… Carlos is kissing me!

I feel somewhat embarrassed to feel that over my cheeks runs a tingling that I know it will become into blushing, the temperature of my whole body ascends violently, over my back runs that pleasant electric current, my free hand is shaking, clinging to my clothes in an angle he can't see, the one that holds his gets tense; my whole body is shaking, all because of a simple kiss, the kiss I longed to receive but at the same time I wanted to reject.

"Do you use scrub or something after shaving?" his voice lowers to a growling tone, a purr that makes my skin more bristly.

"I-it barely covers the sides of my cheeks, I don't think it's necessary" I can't think correctly in the way I should, I'm sure that if I were standing up then my knees would falter at any moment, it all ends in that I want a little more of those new sensations that the sweetest and most innocent kiss that I have ever received manage to awake in me.

I didn't think I knew those two words, nor that they could be used to sound like that in a sentence.

"It's just that your skin is so… so… so… so soft that I wanna keep doing this all night long" each interval is another pressure of his soft lips against my skin, a new and little kiss that makes me shrug more and more, at the same time I forbid my hands from acting and that finally his lips can crash against mine, "because I like it very much".

He moves all the way over my cheek, occasionally he reaches to the part that becomes my neck, he laughs foolishly while I try to think of a thousand different things, noticing that my pants are getting tighter and tighter. I really do know how to fuck up a sweet moment.

All those feelings he makes me feel with the simple fact of being close point to only one thing, one of which I was talking indirectly with Mal a couple of minutes ago. She's right after all, Evie also although she's been talking to me for short periods of time, and in the same way she also knew this was going to happen at one point or another, according to her the tension between us was too intense to just ignore it, and it's now when I can say it without any curse before, no matter how small it may be.

I'm head over heels for someone, really feeling that for the first time I feel all this. I'm in love with Carlos, in varying degrees, but with the feeling expressed in my rigid actions, if that's the right one.

Suddenly he stops, he splits our entwined hands and takes a jumps to get away that is so long he almost destroys the shelter, the atmosphere feels much colder than before, the sleet seems to have the intention of becoming into a heavy rain; it's basically like if all the heat was just an idea that the more fortunate ones can have.

"Why did you stopping?" I ask in an aggressive tone of voice, frustrated that I hadn't done anything to be fully involved in his actions.

"My idea was a little kiss, not a debauchery like that" I swallow the urge to scream in his face, because there shouldn't be, but also because I hear him swallow hard, "also your brother told me you were kinda dating someone, I don't want there to be problems between you for it".

"That's a lie" I say in a reflexive way, more than ready to wipe away those ideas from his head, and sure that my hand will hurt for hitting Joel so many times, "I'm not dating anyone, I've never done it, and until now there's no plan to do it, besides I don't think you have had a debauchery, you didn't do anything that you didn't want to do or that it displeased me".

With the little light that reaches this part of the building I can see that he blushes massively, his hands move agonizingly against each other, and again he moves by the restlessness, but this time it doesn't bother me so much, I just want to surround him with my arms to stop it.

"So… did I help you? For real?" he looks at me in the eyes barely a second before ducking his head, with that broad smile that makes him close his eyes from the tension in his muscles and scratching his right forearm.

"I don't even remember why I felt bad, all thanks to ya" I punch him lightly on the arm, he gives me the same gesture and pushes me without much effort, leaving his hand extended over my shoulder for longer than necessary.

"And… w-well… would you like me to c-continue?" he asks in a whisper, again I can hardly follow what he says.

"Yes, please" I say politely, like if I were about to just receive one of the best surprises in the entire universe.

And he leans over me again, this time pressing his face against mine as if he were trying not to back away because of his strange ideas.

I have always believed that kisses are something that has been destined to be stolen, for the high value they have for some or when they are seen as things that can be dispensed about for others; but I also think that giving a kiss has the same synonymous as a choice because the person gives it to whoever it chooses, there is not much pressure from the external environment to let it out.

If I follow that line then Carlos chose me, I'm not sure why but he has done it, he has chosen me from hundreds of people who can give him more or less things from those that I can give him, things I haven't deciphered but that I just have to discover If I want to continue being the provider he sees in me.

"I really don't understand why you're not dating someone" I feel his eyelashes caressing my face when he closes his eyelids, but I don't notice when he reopens them, "you are a very special guy, besides you being kinda cute and with a good physique, anyone would notice you for that".

"Stop saying that, you'll make me blush" I admit, embarrassed, ready to start a questionnaire about his reasons for seeking my help, but most of all I'm absorbed in the feelings he gives me.

"That's the point" he laughs again and sighs, returning to what he was doing.

I pull him apart just to place my lips between his raised eyebrows and give him back a bit of what he give me, a little kiss that makes him sigh before returning to my cheek; he is my choice, which he seems to be willing to take as well.


	5. What do I fear?

This update comes faster since I had more than half of it written while I was finishing the previous chapter, I also have ideas ready for the next ones, so enjoy it. Fav, follow or review, :)

* * *

 **What do I fear?**

I bite my cheek from the inside, moving on the dining chair to find a more comfortable place, although the comfortable place would be in my bed, but being there I would probably fall asleep and all my hell of a pile of homework would end up unfinished. It's suffering for a good cause.

I lift my head and rub my eyes, I begin to get used to the routine from every day, although I always want to sleep for a whole week: get up, eat breakfast, go to school, go back to the apartment, training (the days that it corresponds), shower, dinner, and bed again, finding time to do homework among all that. One could become insane with so much monotony, but the good side is found after a while; it cost me a month.

A whole month, time during which I haven't hang out with my friends, I only see them in school or training, no more visits to the mall, cinema, nonsense talks, none of that in a whole month, all because of the fact that I can't leave Carlos alone in the apartment for hours, after all it's because of me that he lives with us, if I left for so long I can't imagine the emotional state in which he would be submerged, alert and distressed by everything, more than usual.

In all that time there has been no attempt to communicate from his mother with him, even if he had a cell phone I'm sure he wouldn't receive at least one text from her to make sure he's not dead. Perhaps she trusts that he is in good hands, or indeed she believes that they threw his corpse into a common grave.

I stretch my back when I finish, looking at the living room, watching Carlos while he's sitting in my couch, his back totally straight, his arms are hugging his legs and he's resting his chin over his knees, he's playing with his bare toes while watching a television program, a documentary about wild animals in the African jungle.

Sometimes he looks at the horizon, to how little the view of the window offers; through the window of the dining room I see that the clouds cover the sunlight from time to time, at the moment of clearing it illuminate him, although it's only his hair and the brightness of his eyes what stands out. His eyes… his freckles…

We have been here since noon, as the day progresses he remains there, almost completely still, the only thing that moves is his chest when breathing and his eyes by the expressions towards what he sees when he surfs in all the channels, he only moves completely to change position but doesn't leave the couch.

«Why can't I stop looking at him? It's just Carlos».

I give up with my homework and put my arms on the backrest of the chair, I put my chin on them, because it's the only way I can sit on a chair for more than an hour, I tilt my head a little and keep staring at him like if he were something quite unusual, unique in his kind or something; seeing every detail he can offer to me.

His looks… I'll use again one of my synonyms to him to simplify it; adorable, period. The mothers of the children seem to want to adopt him every time they see him, and I can assure that many of the girls in his school, even the few girls who go to the training for more than two consecutive weeks, must be drooling over him; someone could be doing it too and it's less than ten steps away from him… me, in other words.

Uh… I will not tell him, even if he had kissed my cheek more than once.

He moves his gaze from the television a little, stretching with a groan, pulling out his chest and looking in my direction from one second to the other, he catches me in the act, looking at him… contemplating him. A moment of panic and euphoria grips me with speed, so much I feel dizzy on the chair, I cling to the backrest to not fall sideways or backwards, although the wall would stop me. Will he tell me something or he'll just ignore it? I don't know which would be better.

He stares at me, first with a raised eyebrow but then he relaxes his frown. I look back at him, from one end of the apartment to the other, I look at his brown eyes, and he to mine, or that's what he makes me think.

While our looks don't get lost I can allow myself to feel that something, the incomparable, growing inside of me, like a knot in my throat that advances to my chest and stays there, a knot that feels… very well actually, because the knot is something I had never felt before, and all because of him. Carlos.

He sketches out half a smile and looks down. I feel that heat running down my cheeks when he nibbles on his lower lip and I also allow myself a slight smile. I hate the fact that he makes me blush and doesn't look at me to notice it.

When he looks up we keep looking at each other, and I give up. I move my arms from the backrest and greet him, a vulgar movement with my trembling and sweaty hand, strange by the context in which we have lived for a whole month. His smile widens, reaching his eyes, he returns the greeting in the same way, with a little more energy.

What I do know now is the reason why I can't stop looking at him and for which I want to be close to him, it's simple and stupid but it's the most obvious thing that can be here: I feel something for him, something big, something that, indeed, I had never felt for someone.

But it's complicated, because trying to explain falling in love is like trying to see the air; I know it's there but it's not something I can manipulate or see, but it's something I can feel.

At this point I could say that I'm not in love with Carlos because it's something that happened so soon that even I am surprised for it, it almost seems impossible for it to happen. Normally I would have to know a person to decide whether or not if it is attractive to me, with him the whole situation, even since we first met, was extremely different and pleasantly frightening.

I take the individual couch and sit on the edge of the cushion, resting my elbows on my knees while he puts his feet on the living room rug and turns to look at me, his smile still a little present.

"For a couple of days I've noticed that you look at me a lot, to be precise since we were on the roof, and you do it when you stand still, sometimes in the training, even now that you were doing stuff. Can I ask why you do it?" he sounds between scared and anxious for the answer I can give. I want to take action, and I will.

"Would ya like to go to the playground with me?" he arches his right eyebrow a little, like if it were really something strange, and it is because I changed all the context.

"Playground?" he asks, as if he has heard wrong.

"Yeah, playground, ya know, like swings, slides, seesaws, jungle gym, all that stuff little kids like".

"I know what a playground it, what I didn't know was that you liked those things, besides you said it, it's for little kids".

"But I like the swings, the higher you push the jump is better".

"I like swings, too, but not for jumping from them" he says, looking into my eyes, that's when I can smile. If I'm blushing I don't care in the least. "C'mon then, it sounds fun".

"Cool".

He gets up and walks into my room, from the shadows I can see at the door he's certainly changing his clothes to not wear his pretentious uniform on the outside, although I recognize his great effort to understand the operation of the washing machine, so the cleaning of his uniform and the little clothes he brings are not a burden for dad, but what Carlos doesn't know is that a guilty pleasure of dad is washing clothes, it just fascinates him.

He gets out the next minute wearing a red long-sleeved shirt, his usual shorts and sneakers covering his feet, I open the door for him to get out first and I follow him, running the door locks on the way out.

When we leave the building a warm breeze is the first thing that shakes my hair, I force it to stay behind my shoulders while we walk to the next block of buildings, we turn to the right and after we go down a few stone steps we come to the playground, a square space with everything I said it had, with a new layer of paint on top.

Joel and his friends used to get out to this place very often, sometimes they went to the apartment to look for him or he went to their own, and they stayed here until the sun went down, even a little later because dad sometimes forgot he existed. I never interacted with his friends although he wanted me to do it, besides I don't have friends in the complex, I preferred to look for them in school and to do things as far as possible from here. I came over here when dad forced me because Joel's friends had better things to do than spending all day with him.

He takes the lead and runs to the slides, going up and down the three out there at least seven times in each, all of the same height and structure. I take a green swing and begin to push myself, slowly and very low, watching Carlos going up and down the slides, climbing the jungle gym and passing them easily. He really is a strong boy, with a lot of stamina, elasticity and energy, something that his small size hides perfectly, but he's a bit clumsy to maintain the balance, or sometimes he falls for no apparent reason.

After about twenty minutes he decides to take the swing next to me, the blue one, and he pushes himself until I notice that he's going higher than I, turning this into some kind of competition since nobody can swing higher than I.

"I challenge ya!" I shout when the height is too high and the speed too, which makes the wind whistle as it passes through my ears.

"I take it, whatever the challenge is!" he shouts in loud laughter.

"Lose your sneaker a little, on the count of three we throw it and the one that goes further is the winner" I describe, beginning to do so.

"You'll bite the dust!" he says, very sure of himself.

I turn my head while we move in synchrony, the two of us push ourselves with full coordination, the broad smiles on our faces and our erratic laughs rumble through the walls of the nearby buildings.

"One, two, three!" I yell, the signal he was waiting for before our shoes fly through the air and land.

Mine falls to about seven or eight meters away, not bad actually, but his does it a lot further, he managed to calculate the angle nicely, it hits the fence that divides the complex from the next lot. A blow to my pride.

"I told you you'd to bite the dust!" he says, almost screaming for victory.

We both use the other foot to stop, hitting it against the ground to slow down, when we achieve it we jump to recover our shoes, he has to go down a small hill of bushes to get his. But he doesn't come back, he stays there and stretches his arm, making a sign for me to accompany him to an area that hasn't been pruned in months, the grass reaches me above the ankles.

"You should take off your sneakers" I arch both eyebrows and he looks at me with his head cocked, "I bet the grass tickles because of the length it has".

He precedes me to take off his along with his socks, leaving them under the shade of a tree and I see him wiggle his toes, as if enjoying the sensation, but since it's something that he asks me I imitate him, doing it slowly and leaving my boots aside. The grass is damp near the ground, but he's right, it tickles.

He walks a little, taking small leaps, he moves avoiding the huge rocks that are on the ground until he reaches a flat area, I drop on the ground since I have nothing better to do besides crushing the bugs that get between my toes. He looks like a little boy in the middle of an impromptu picnic, I even see his cheeks a little flushed, sure for being tired.

He stops before taking the next step and walks towards me, with his broad smile, ignoring the stones he just jumped to take my hands and make me get up, I do it without him making too much effort. But he doesn't let go of me, in fact he entwines our fingers so we spin on the grass, barefoot and with big smiles in our faces. I hadn't seen him so happy before, and I didn't think a moment like this could put a stupid smile on my face.

His smile and his eyes tell me some kind of story, I can assure he wasn't that happy in a long time, and I could even say he never has been so.

I'm light on feet, that's for sure, but I have lapses where I'm not, so in an oversight I put my foot in a small hole, my ankle twists and for trying to cling to him we both fall. There's no injury, I just didn't see that hole, it must be the burrow of some animal, like a rat.

We fall side by side, with our hands still entwined. His shoulder is close to mine, maybe it's only centimeters what split us apart, and yet I shorten the space between us, I approach until I feel him against me, so he gets a bit tense, I feel it in his hand holding mine . It was my fault? Maybe it was, or it was due to some bug more dangerous than a cricket.

The clouds that are passing over us are huge and completely white, there are some traces of some other smaller clouds that accompany them on their way at the mercy of the wind. A stream raises a few strands of grass near my bare feet, the leaves swirl in the distance, I also hear when some branches break in the distant trees.

We stay silent, another silence uncomfortable but seldom necessary. I look at him from time to time with my peripheral vision, his eyelids are closed but he's frowning slightly, and for the short time we have been living together I know he is thinking things deeply, more than he usually does.

«Would it be a complete mistake to kiss him, or it wouldn't?».

My rational part says yes, it tells me that I should wait a little longer to even think about putting an arm over his shoulders, that among other actions that could mark something like property over some random thing, in this case over someone. Although I have been tempted to do it too many times, take him by the shoulders when he turn his back at me to make him turn on his heels and that our lips finally come into contact, my hand entwined with his own thinks the opposite of it being a mistake.

My impulsive part says that I should kiss him both on the cheek and on the lips, touch his whole body and pull mine closer to his, give myself to him and have him yielding to me, in synthesis let the exaggerated feelings I have for him to be discharged in their various imaginable forms. I feel that strange and crazy need to tell him and do everything with him.

As dissonant as it may sound with my personality, my rational part tends to win in almost all the decisions I make, I don't listen much to my impulsive part, and less if it's about a boy with whom I can't talk about nudity without him blushing or getting uncomfortable.

But dammit, those awkwardly sweet kisses on my cheek seem to come back to life right now while I'm in uncertainty, reminding myself that I'm not the only one who has the choice to give a final verdict; he's also going to do it, he will accept me or reject me depending on how he feels that I'm taking now his act to overcome my bad moment from last week.

After a month in which it me who usually starts a chat is he who starts talking about trivial things, we break the ice with the typical talk so there's no more uncomfortable silence. He says things I already knew, such as his like for school, training, and his love for candies, especially if it's chocolate, what changes is that I hear him deeper, for example he thinks that rainy days are the best days in the whole universe, like me, he likes the combination of white, black and red tones in anything, as it has already been clear in the way he dresses, he says that he likes the paintings more in those tones than with multiple colors in them, he likes to dance occasionally and in some festivities, although his mother has never seen him doing it.

After that we spent hours playing the childish, but I have to admit that very fun, game to point clouds out and find them some shape. When he finds the shape of something the wind disfigures it and gives a completely different result.

Our hands are still entwined, split a little from the palms so the air circulates between our skins. My breathing is calmer now, my heartbeats are still very strong and the sensations are still in me with intensity, clouding my ability of judgment. I could have tachycardia right now and not know anything of it, or again I'd rather blame him.

"Have you moved very much?" I ask after a few minutes in which we fall into a silence not at all uncomfortable.

"Since I was five, I've been to thirteen different cities, sometimes longer than in others. Mom is the boss in her work, so she has the ability to find a stable one wherever we go".

"You're lucky, I've lived in that apartment my whole life".

"At least you have a place you can call your home…" he leaves the sentence unfinished, making me feel totally stupid for complaining about something like that; it's not the first time that he makes me change my mind that way.

To mitigate the bad moment, or to ask about his mother, I poke his waist with my finger and he begins to laugh, when I begin to tickle him with more courage he loosens our entwined hands and tries to protect himself from my attack. I take my hand now free to do the same at the height of his neck.

"Jay, stop it, please!" he shouts between laughs. His laugh is the most beautiful sound of the universe, and at this moment we share is like a soft harmony.

I stop immediately that his laughter sounds erratic and desperate, crying out for a little air, a minute after I started my attack. He breathes in and out until he calms his breathing and blushes, covering his face with his hands.

I hear some of his joints click through his movements and I see him getting up, I suppose he wants to stretch after being lying on the ground for long, alternating between silences, talks that will not get us anywhere, and pointing the clouds. One more moment by his side will not hurt me… in fact I want more moments like these, many more.

"This will not stay that way" he says in a low voice.

He sits astride me in the next second, his body barely makes me feel some difference in the weight. I clutch my nails to the ground and try to run away, causing my hips to bang against his when I try to pull away, he places his hands on my shoulders and lays me down completely on the grass, and I could push him aside if I really had the conviction of wanting to do it.

I bite my bottom lip from the inside and forcefully while I try to suppress all the thoughts that are now coming to my mind, all those who involve him jumping on my lap and his head pulled back, his white, thin, freckled naked body on top of mine, enjoying to the maximum of me while I enjoy to the maximum of him when I discover the way his body reacts to me when I discover it with my most sensitive part. «Fuck me now, think about something else, think about another fucking thing already!».

His gaze intersects with mine then, I never expected to have his eyes so close as to have his body over mine on the same day, not in such a short time to start interacting as acquaintances… good friends… friends among whom there's such tension that would suffocate anyone… whatever we are!

He removes his hands from my shoulders and starts tickling me too, under the chin and on the sides of my neck, I immediately burst out laughing and try to escape. When I try to get up I make my hips to crash against his again, with a little more friction, in another scenario this would be glorious, but now I'm immersed in a strange combination of emotions among which there's happiness, fear, arousal and nervousness.

I manage to release my arms in some carelessness on his part, I take him by the shoulders and with a swift movement of my whole body I make us roll so that now he's lying on the grass. I catch my breath again while he smiles with every second that passes.

To see him below me, yielding even if he would do the impossible to not be in this position, the smile he gives me and the blush that highlights the freckles on his firm and soft cheekbones causes my heart to accelerate again, more than in the moment he was over me and I had all those kinds of ideas with him. I hear an annoying beep that mixes with the harmonically altered beating of my heart. Carlos is a delicate boy, someone new in my life, strong, fast, agile, kind; different, the opposite of me, very, very different.

And… however I want to do it.

I move my hands from his shoulders to his cheeks, cupping them and feeling all the heat that his body sends. I lean my body at the level of his stomach and he smiles at me, which also makes me smile and feel the already used blushing for having him so close, to have a moment that belongs to us; us.

My impulsive side begins to take control of me at a fast pace, almost as if it cut my rational side's throat so it doesn't ruin my plans again. I mustn't listen to it, I mustn't give in to whatever I want to give up right now. I shouldn't listen to it… but I must and I want to.

"What're you doing?" I begin to approach little by little when he stops talking. It's like if someone else pushes me into what I'm about to do. I swallow hard.

"I… I don't know…".

I stare at him in the eyes, I keep doing it until our breaths cross and the suffocating heat emanates from both of us. We breathe through our mouths, me completely frightened, he I couldn't say, I swallow the other knot in my throat and Carlos slides the palms of his hands over my exposed arms, he places them on my shoulders and for a moment I think he's going to push me away, the rejection I'm still waiting for, but he just leaves them staying there, moving his thumbs slowly.

We both close our eyelids and sigh, he lets out a small moan and I move closer to him, caressing his cheekbones for him to moan again, enjoying the simple touch of the back of my fingers over his freckled cheeks. I'm also enjoying this small moment.

The only thing that allows me to do my rationality, that wins the battle, is to kiss his left cheek, letting another sigh to come out against his face. I can't fall flat on that kind of charms of someone, I can't allow someone to come to me in such an accelerated way. It's for his sake, and for mine.

"Me too" he replies, but the question is: what did he replied to?

At the same time I get up and leave him on the ground I realize that it's not simply for being horny or lust what I feel for him, it's something that goes much further, although I don't know if it's only my idea.

I reach out and he accepts it with a smile, I help him to stand up and we just take our shoes, we walk barefoot to the building, side by side, we don't bother to clean the dirt that is left on our feet when we step into the building or inside the apartment, anyway the cleaning corresponds to Joel.

We return to our places, it's like if we hadn't moved all day long, he returns to the flat screen and I go to my tedious homework, this time I take my handful of copies and a blue highlighter to finish up with what corresponds to me. It was a good break, necessary to clear the mind and punctuate some things, I know it from the fact that I feel an extra weight off from my shoulders besides that, when I look up only for a moment, I see him blushing, smiling at me, and with his cheek resting on his knees.

Seeing him in that way, feeling how I react to see him, makes me ask a simple question: what do I fear?

It's no longer just a fear of the behavior that he can take, the cards are on the table, both of ours are visible, but it rather is something like fear that he can see if I am a vulnerable person, to see if I discover my own vulnerability myself; entering on untapped terrain.

I begin my reading on public health noticing that I hadn't felt so happy in a long time, so much that the smile isn't erased from my face.

* * *

"Alright, everybody sit down on the sides and with your legs crossed" says professor Joseph, stopping the next rotation.

We all let out a heavy sigh of relief and do as he tells us, sitting at the ends of the training room, our legs crossed as well as catching our breath. Those of us who have been here for a long time know that it's the previous act to having a fight in the middle of the room, in front of all the fathers, mothers, and those who aspire to be part of our ranks, the others just throw themselves to the stave on the floor and take deep breaths, like if at any moment they were about to faint out, or to die completely. Luckily the training will end early, he must return for the night shift of his other job.

"Now then, where shall we begin?" he says, which actually lets me to fall with my back on the stave and breathe deeply, hating the lump that is made on the back of my neck when I tie my hair up. He uses that expression before he starts with the small children, lots of little kids out there.

I raise my hand and he nods with his head so I can go to the bathroom, although I just want to get some fresh air. I stand up and leave all my protection equipment aside, I hurry my way out and almost jump to the ceiling since the cold floor tiles come into contact with my sore bare feet, making me regret leaving the warm wood behind.

I look at myself in the dirty mirror and remove the sweat that runs down my forehead with the sleeve of my shirt, the only time I like to wear sleeves since, even when I have powerful arms, I don't like to proclaim about them. I still have the mark of a cut that made me a little boy on the right cheek since his gloves are undoing themselves, I have a small bruise on the right cheekbone, courtesy of Evie, and the upper lip swollen by professor Joseph in one of the best beatings he has ever given me so far, combined with the fact that my legs are completely sore for every aggressive kick he was making; he didn't get out of it very clean, we had to stop since I hit him in the nose and started to run blood, but he says he likes that kind of treatment, if he doesn't get injured in a lesser degree then it wasn't a good training, and being so he takes retaliates.

I drink some cold water from the tap and before leaving I see that the door of the bathroom stall opening, Chad comes out with his head down, his sleeveless shirt drenched in sweat but I didn't see him give his maximum performance; no wonder at all if I consider him to be the favorite one.

I roll my eyes and pretend I don't see him smile like an idiot by the simple fact of seeing me, I only contemplate the remains of a good training until I see him sitting on the sink, next to me, his leg touching my waist.

"A little purple for your look, Jason" he laughs, I contract my toes so I don't shout straight into his face, wiping my sweat once again and taking another sip of water, passing it slowly.

"I prefer that to sweat for no reason" I confront him and he laughs again.

"I've been training out, so I don't need to do so much here".

"Whatever you say".

I'm ready to get out of here when an idea shines inside my head, not the brightest one but bad enough to put the worst mood to anyone, something that would make me kick some trash cans.

I wink my right eye at him and move forward between his legs, our hips don't come in contact for the slight difference of heights but I could notice when he slipped a little downwards. Before he can move backwards I take him by the shirt, with a great effort not to make a gesture by his sweat in so direct contact with my hand, pulling him closer to me so much I can almost see what's between his thoughts through his eyes.

"Not so cocky now, huh?" I growl, feeling his body tremble. He really must feel that his greatest dream is coming true; poor delusion.

"I-I can f-forget about that f-for a moment or t-two" I wink my eye again, following my farce, noting that excessive repression in one person makes it boring, but I see that same kind of repression in another certain person, in his case it's captivating as well as adorable.

It's because of him why I don't let this happen to get past this, besides seeing Chad doesn't produce me anything but a wish to punch him. It must be frustrating to be in the middle of a conflict like his; fortunately I didn't have the opportunity to live in a similar situation.

He leans toward me and that's the moment when I move back, holding his shoulder so he doesn't fall face first to the floor but with a satisfied smile taking over my face. I laugh to myself while he looks up, bewildered, like if he had just awakened from the hottest erotic dream he has ever had with me and the one that will never get to be realized, at least not if I am in my five senses, alert to any situation.

I don't say anything else, this time I just start my way back with the others, entering just in the moment when the next fight, between two teenagers whose names I don't remember, is finished. The two make the signal of respect, our salute as it's sometimes referred to, for that they strike the right fist against the left hand extended and they bow, then one puts his arm on the shoulders of the other and they walk like old friends to their places like a couple of weird friends who just hit each other with a hint of hate but that seems like a situation unrelated to them.

A couple of little kids stand up to start with their moment in the middle, in plain sight, their parents take videos and pictures when they run from one side to the other, from time to time they decide to release a blow or a kick but the laughter don't stop. While they're at it, professor Joseph approaches to me, arms folded and without paying much attention to them because they wouldn't be harmed by the simplicity of their attacks. They are about six or seven years old anyway.

"We will end the day with you and two more fights, I have the courage to see you against two opponents but not at the same time, one of them will be Chad, but whoever follows him… I have it, the first will be Carlos, then…".

I stop listening to his words when his name gets included to call the day a wrap, I nod with my head and half smile, one of the falsest ones that I have ever dedicated, because when I turn on my heels I move forward reluctantly, with an internal struggle while I put on my big, heavy red gloves plus the necessary protections in the crotch, the shins, and a rubber tooth protector to avoid splintered or torn teeth.

I see him stand up and walk in circles with his head slightly ducked, from afar it may seem that he's ready for this, that what he makes me think, but only the swift movements of his eyes give me the clear reflection of what's really happening inside his head; the real fear.

I surround the fight stage and stand at his side, at which point he stops, unfolds his arms and leaves them rigid at his side, just as I look at the children as they continue to go from side to side, our professor encourages them for contact but they seem more focused on something else.

"Everything's alright?" I ask in a low voice. He swallows hard.

"Wonderfully" he answers in another whisper, lower than a whisper should be, like if it were something just to reassure himself.

"Ya know I will not hurt you… so much, do ya?" I keep talking to him in firm whispers, something that makes him sigh heavily.

"But there's a possibility" I punch him lightly on the arm and he chuckles. "Then you will not?" he inquires, trying to clear his thoughts.

"Of course not" I place my arm around his shoulders, the first time I do it, and the feeling in my stomach is something I can't describe, "after all you're still somebody fresh out of the pack, and even if you were advanced I would remain without doing so; yeah I am aggressive but not in a context like this".

He turns his head and I give him back the gesture that weakened my knees, closed lids and a smile, similar to the grimace that Mal does when she makes her attempt to smile. By the time I open them again, I see, besides the blushing, a lot of relaxation that his body seems to send.

We return our attention to the center, in my head I am in hindsight, realizing that this is the first time that he will show what he has learned in front of all, in the majority of the occasions he gets forgotten (because he's elusive and can be hidden with ease) or, in the few times that his name is mentioned, the class time gets finished. It will be an entertaining experience.

Chad returns, still flushed, and prepare himself with the necessary protections, like if he had listened to the plan to conclude the day, but he's remains chatting with the adults. But he looks at me firmly, he looks at both of us, at which point I remember that my arm is still on his shoulders, when I can feel how he gradually shrinks them, letting his thoughts overcome him.

"Carlos, Jay, come to the center" says professor Joseph. I put the protector in my mouth, he does it so quickly that he almost swallows it, we move to the center as our professor adjusts the loose ends of his gloves. "You two are older, I want to see more movements of fists and legs, remember that who knows more must teach to the one who knows less, also there are no projections to the floor or knocking downs. Got it?" we both nod, he quicker than necessary.

I wink at him when his eyes meet mine, he smiles a little, and whoever that hasn't seen me can do it through the mirrors that surround us.

"Salute between you, guard up" we do both of that and take our position, our right foot back and our fists high, our legs slightly bent, both of us ready for any attack. "Start".

With a clash of gloves everything begins.

He is the first to hit my left eye, I seriously didn't see his fist coming in a side attack, I didn't expect it to be fast, I didn't expect to step back a little because of the force he imposed on the blow, and I didn't expect either everyone's surprise.

I'm good at martial arts, there are times when I prefer kung-fu over tourney, I don't consider myself the greatest or the best, it's obvious that there are many better ones even in our small large group, but anyway I have been able to avoid minor attacks when I am alert.

I don't know what's distracting me, perhaps the fact that he jumped back and looks at me with dread, like if I would react wildly against him, but I wink at him again, making him that when he smiles he shows to me the protector on his teeth, red with black details. Totally his style.

For the next minute and a half, which is the duration of the unofficial fight rounds, we move in a circle inside the square that symbolizes the combat area, the corners marked by people and the columns of the natural structure of the room, if any of the fighters puts one foot outside it counts as a foul, and for the second foul the round is lost, along with the entire fight.

I kick him on the outside of his thighs and punch him with medium force on his face when he lowers his hands, he strikes with punches at me, one time he pulls me out of the fighting area, at which point I shake my head, pushing aside all that distracts me when I see him.

I wouldn't know the exact moment when it happens but something changes between us, like if the true competitive spirit will take root in both of us, but after his first exit from the area we start to present the most forceful punches, the most accurate dodges, the most aggressive kicks, and the attempts to beat the other as if it were the ultimate goal, not to demonstrate what he has learned and my control to teach a rookie about this.

"Time's up" professor tells us when we get into a knot of limbs, he kicking my right leg and I repeatedly banging against his right cheek, something he doesn't avoid for thinking about anything else. We stepped to stand firm, staring at each other. "Salute each other, shake your hands" we do it, we both smile like foolish idiots and I place my arm over his shoulders so we can get some fresh air, I mostly for thinking that I have one more fight to do. "Hey, Carlos, you stay here, Jay can get some air".

We both stiffen, I remove the arm from his shoulders and I can notice the color slowly draining out from his face, making him to look even paler than he already is. Carlos turns on his heels while I leave the area, he flexes for some air and stretches to pull it out, revealing the tempting line of his waist when the T-shirt rises just a little. I stomp my left foot to force myself to look away, regretting doing so since I will use it soon.

"Chad, come to the center, please".

Each of my white and red blood cells becomes in a pebble, they become small stones that, being an innumerable amount, make my knees weaken a little, almost making me fall to the floor. I cross my arms and lean against a wall, pretending a certain kind of skepticism when in the inside I'm biting on my nails, a habit that I overcame a long time ago.

They are told again that there are no attacks on the floor, that this is another exercise of the day, but Chad's father has taught him that, no matter what context he is in, he must always get out victorious, even if he must hurt to the other to get it. Deep down I know he wants to continue being seen as the ruthless bastard that he is.

They are given the order to start, their gloves touch and it's he who throws the first blow, turning on himself with the arm extended, one that hit him in the head, just in the back part of the right ear, which makes him to stumble by an attack on such an important area.

We didn't make a fight as it should, with much effort or quarreling, that's why I sense that the sweat running down the sides of his face is due to fear of what may happen now; I have something similar happening to me in the stomach right now while I see how their punches are sent to all the parts of their bodies, those of Chad are worse since they are more successful, ready to conquer, and if he has the idea that I believe came to him by seeing us so close then I understand why I move away from the wall, now more anxious than before.

He's going to hurt him to get to me.

They are given the signal that they have half of a minute to the middle, Chad's jester's smile widens when he blocks one of his blows with his right arm and raises it a little, just enough to punch him under the ribs only once. Carlos, stunned, responds by lifting his leg to his face, something simple for him because of his elasticity, but he encounters with an elbow that hits him in the instep, which will become numb. I've been in that situation.

I hate to admit it but Chad is better prepared for fights than I am, that because I've opted for the side that allows me to show my flexibility, balance, strength, breathing ability; the other side to what is done here, the part that just a few decide to practice, but seeing that repulsive sly smile that he gives to Carlos before striking a frontal kick to his stomach with such strength that makes him fall down and slide on the floor a couple of centimeters makes me to recover my composure, to become that person I become if any of my friends is in some kind of danger: being a stupid hero.

Fortunately it's the second exit, the fight ends there, Carlos manages to stand up and makes his final salute before limping away, biting his lower lip hard so that his expressions of pain aren't so obvious.

Before professor Joseph calls me, and before he gets a chance to recover just a little, I'm already in the middle of the room, jumping slightly in my place, ready to teach him a lesson; we are given a very clear indication: this time there may be downings in addition to attacks when we are on the floor, submissions in a few words, nothing that neither of us have done at this point in the training. We both make our salute and take our positions, I hardly give the clash of gloves with him when I start kicking him in both legs with such strength, something that few people in here do since they prefer to attack to the face or the chest, but I abstain myself so much in that I don't notice when he dodges me and also hits with the heel of his foot in the space below my rib case, almost leaving me breathless to continue on this.

He smiles to me then, earning a punch in the middle of his face and a kick in his stomach, backing a little and with arcades so strong that he removes his mouthguard, with a little blood, to avoid puking. He enlarges his eyes and throws it at his sister, he moves his arms more freely, like if he were drunk and his style of fighting, which he has copied from professor Joseph and which distracts me enough to hit me on the nose, making me bleed as I feel the drops fall, but that will not stop me until the time is over.

"We can really hit each other, no kidding in the way" we punch the other's chin, a blow that neither of us did well since we would have ended up knock out right there.

"Go ahead, I don't need any of this in between, I can take care of you with my own hands" I throw my gloves to the floor and go back to him with speed, he hardly have time to take them off and look at me with total severity, making this a true confrontation between men, body to body.

Sadly neither of us has a chance to hit the other since professor Joseph stands between us; I almost forget that he has had to fight three people at the same time, beating them all alike.

What he does is give a kick that is called a dragon's tail, he simply crouches and stretches one leg, rolling on his own axis to knock down those who pass through the area in a sneak attack and one that, if it's watched from the outside, it's precious. He attacks us both, we both fall on our back with a hollow sound, he manages to take Chad's air out and makes him gasp like a fish out of the water, my head is the first thing to hit the pain and I hold my nape, fearing that some vein in my head has burst.

We lay there, slightly agonizing, I close my eyelids so that the spasmodic pain gradually disappears from me, I hear Chad's heavy, wheezing breath, like if a bone had actually broken or he had pierced a lung; all of a weakling although he tries to show otherwise.

When the gloomy presence of our angry professor stands in the middle of us is when I open my eyelids, finding a look that would kill anyone besides his crossed arms. He is shorter in stature than I am but with so much more experience of life; I had never been so scared.

"I'm not willing to take either of you in another training unless you apologize, I truly believed that all your useless tantrum about who's best was over for a long time ago" he speaks to us firmly, like a father giving a lesson to his two little rebellious children.

"But he was the one who started it all, and he hurt a beginner".

"Carlos has been here long enough to be able to defend himself from something like that".

"He… he's right… and that's why… I wanted to see what he has…" Chad whispers to my side, his closed eyelids don't let him see the look of contempt I give him. He's an expert to play to be the victim even when he has the sword peeking out from behind his back.

"Anyway, I'm still waiting for you to apologize, or if you don't then I hope you'll find a way to fix all this, both of you are almost adults to pursue such childish and absurd brawls".

I turn my head towards him, then I move it in the opposite direction to avoid the arcades that take over me, seeing that Carlos's big eyes are fixed on what's developing on this side of the room; maybe he's dreading for me even though my well-being or my stay in here is what matters least to me, Chad needs someone who will stop him from being an asshole, I tried to do it but it didn't work out as I expected.

Finally I swallow my pride along with the blood coming down on the inside of my nose, being the idiot that I usually be.

"Chad, you're a son of a bitch and I can't stand you, take my apology because I don't mean it anyway, I only do it to comply with what they ask me to".

"Jay, you know I don't…" professor Joseph begins but I interrupt him since I stand up, seeing black spots in my peripheral vision.

"I know that wasn't what you expected, but if this was taken outside then it's certain that it would have ended worse" I roll my eyes and stretch my hand towards the idiot who still lies on the ground when he looks at me. "I just wanted to set a point on all this".

By the bad ones he takes my hand and I help him to stand up, we get align to finish the training and when we make the final salute it's then when everything cools down, the group of partners who share an interest in common gets inside difficulties since personal problems remain in the middle.

It's not the first time that something like this happens, Ben and Chad have similar problems all the time, but nobody takes it because they have known each other since they were little kids, their relationship has always been like that since there is the struggle for dominance in various things of their lives, starting from the problems in their neighborhood to who is the best student of the Auradon Prep, some information Carlos has given me since the subjects of which we speak are terribly diverse.

Besides they don't solve the problems until there has to be blood and physical violence in between, I do it because it's a good form of catharsis.

I don't look at Chad's family or anyone else who treats him like a pampered prince or something for the same stuff, I just say goodbye to the only people who had grown on me so then I kneel next to Carlos and force him to place an arm on my shoulders to use me as support, I take his heavy bag along with mine and we both walk in silence towards the main street, we take a taxi and the road becomes terrifyingly quiet, not even the driver seems to want to establish some kind of conversation with us, and anyway it's not like I like talking to taxi drivers; dammit, I don't even take a taxi cab so freely, it's only because I don't want to make him go through an agony of walking to the apartment, I've also gone through something like that and it's not an experience that I wish anyone to have.

When we arrive to the complex, after a discussion about who would pay, which I ended up doing, he uses me as support to walk and climb up the necessary distances to get to the apartment, when I open the door I'm surprised to see that we are alone here, no a note or a text message.

"Take a shower, I'll make something for dinner, then I'll massage you in the foot to avoid further pain" I command him when we enter to the room, he nods as he slowly sits down on the mattress, leaving his things aside and looking in all directions. "Say it" I command him again.

"I'm sorry" he lowers his gaze and his voice cracks, his shoulders rising and falling with the speed necessary to say he's about to cry.

"Why do you say that?" I kneel in front of him, and now that my body has cooled of all the exercise is when I feel the sequels of all the fights; almost all parts of my body are sore or numb.

"I thought I could defend myself from him, I thought I had learned more in all this time I've been training" he clenches his clothes with his fists, using such strength that his knuckles turn white. "I'm sorry for being weak".

"No, you're not, and none of that was your fault, after all ya never know what kind of opponent you're going to have in front of you to know if what you've done is right or not" I lift his face with my fingers and, in fact, I see his glassy eyes, "I don't want you to keep thinking about it, it wasn't anyone's fault and it wasn't an accident, it was just a passing situation".

"I didn't want you to be in trouble because of me, either".

"It wasn't like that" I say, still looking at his eyes. "It was something I wanted to do for a long time but the opportunity wasn't given, there were other beginners who ended up worse than you, all of them in his hands" I cup his cheek and he yields to my touch, without looking away. "Besides you've become someone very important to me, I couldn't let it stay that way".

"You could let me be one of the beginners beaten up".

"I could, yeah, but I didn't want to".

"I bet they looked like they came out of a horror movie".

"You're the one who looks the best" I say, surprised that neither of us has looked in another way.

"You mean the one who has been looked the best" he corrects me but I say no.

"You're the one who looks the best" I repeat, stroking his cheekbone, waking the blush on his face and the strange feeling in my stomach.

Mal's right, this tension is about to kill us both, it would be too much of his part if he pretends that none of this is happening, and it is too much of me to not do anything to leave a clear point between us. Because there really is an us.

"I think I should take a shower" he says, delicately taking my hand before standing up, hissing from the pain in his foot, "and no, I don't need help".

"Whatever you want, I'll prepare dinner, and let some hot water to fall on your foot, it must swell all that's necessary for the massage to make it better".

In a twist he's the one who winks his eye in my direction, I remain still on the floor even when the bathroom door closes behind him, the only time I come back to me is when the water jets begin to fall and Carlos lets out a deep moan of relaxation, one that shakes me completely.

I want to hear him moan more like that… because of me.

I shake my head and go into the kitchen, I wash my hands and take the frying pan with spaghetti a la bolognese left by dad from today's the lunch and I place it on a stove, placing a glass lid to make the heating faster.

While I wait I pick up my phone and answer a couple of messages, paying more attention to the conversation with Mal and Evie about my behavior in the training, the textual words professor Joseph said about me and the wish coming from the parents of that queer of Chad saying that it would be best if I weren't there again, that I am something of a danger and a scum for all of them, young children and adults alike, like if he were rotten to the core.

With each message I read my laughter increases.

"I'm ready" he says in a chanting tone, interrupting my next wave of laughter that causes me stomach to ache.

I put the contents of the frying pan in two plates and swing them on one arm, I move to the medicine cabinet behind the mirror from the sink to take some arnica ointment in addition to a new bandage and balance them in my free hand.

From the slight stink of sweat that we had when we reached the room there is no trace left from it, now is replaced by the smell of a boy coming fresh out of the shower, freshen up and with a brutally swollen ankle resting on the bed opposite to mine.

I put the dishes on my bed and I make an ample space in front of him to sit on my legs, his unharmed foot close to my waist while I take the swollen foot, I just give a touch to the huge swelling when he's already agonizing over the pain, squealing and breathing with clenched teeth.

"If I were you I would close my eyelids, what's coming next will continue to hurt more than you think" he obeys me because he closes them slowly, placing his arm on them and performing a diaphragmatic breathing exercise, something I learned in school and I said that it was to reassure people, "just try to put up with it, I'll do it as fast as I can".

I don't give him time to respond since I start with my delicate but firm massage, moving my thumbs in circles on the swelling, advancing up to his knee since it's from there where the swelling will descend. Carlos screams at times, he growls at others, lets out deep wailing since this is the first time he's in a situation of pain like this.

Something inside my head seems to react to all those sounds, with each of them I feel like if someone were pushing my body more towards him, looking for the contact that I hope to one day establish with the lower part of his body against mine, and it's that part what seems to make me be panting like a horny dog.

"Uh… J-Jay?" he asks with a frown, stifling another grunt of pain while he bites his lower lip.

"Yeah?" I say, making my gasp not so noticeable.

"W-what is this?" he moves his toes.

Immediately I feel his little toes moving against the firmness of my stupid and impertinent boner, like if he wanted to take it between them even if a part of him refuses, is when I jump to get out of the bed, without letting go of his other foot or doing an abrupt move that would hurt him even more.

"I-it's… it's…" this is one of the few occasions when I don't have some kind of response, be sarcastic or true, but something.

"Is there something you wanna tell me?" he asks, curious.

«I don't wanna tell you them, Carlos, I want to make them to you, including kissing you slowly while we have sex until dawn», I internalize, fortunately, since my impulsive thinking overcomes me suddenly; a stellar knockout.

"I'll just bandage you up" I achieve to keep my self-control even though my hormones are making jelly with my brain.

I take the impeccable bandage and wrap it from his ankle to the middle of his foot, firmly so that the movements he makes at night don't weaken it, I bring his plate and let him have eat in silence, leaving the room since it turns out to be very embarrassing for me to be near him after witnessing something like that.

The minutes pass while I stand at the dining room table, like if they had punished me, without my telephone or anything other than the blue tablecloth to look at, without other stimuli making me to think of all the kind of things I would like to experience with him and find out from me. I reassure myself when he leaves the room to brush his teeth, he walks over to me and kisses me on the cheek along with a smiling goodnight wish, leaving my plate in front of me.

I can't resist any more so I just go in for my change of clothes and hurry to the bathroom, I put the lock on the door and I undress in a blink, entering the shower and letting the hot water to fuse with my body before I take my rigid dick by the base to give myself the attention I haven't been able to give me in a long time, without feeling guilty for jacking off thinking about him.

The only thing oscillating in my head is that I have nothing to fear, whatever I say or do from now on and going on can only take one road, the one which goes in a direction appropriate for both of us, where I may not have to hide to be able to touch myself with his memory and where, perhaps, something awesome can arise.


	6. Thanks to him

I had all these ideas fluttering in my head in addition to changing some things to capture the same situations of the movie, I hope it's also for your liking, in addition that the rest of things I have in mind had gave me something like a plot arc of three chapters, to not surprise any of you. But anyway, I leave you the next and delayed update, fav, follow or review, enjoy it :)

* * *

 **Thanks to him**

I barely finish putting the second foot on the sidewalk when my cell phone rings with that loud ringing tone, leaving me deaf since it plays in my headphones. I literally rip them out of my ears and I see the screen in anger, seeing that it's dad on the other side of the line, which is not very usual on a Friday afternoon, or ever in this lifetime.

"What's up" I say, staring down the street before crossing, not wanting to be hit by a car so close to the apartment.

"Just to let you know, your Aunt Jessica's wedding moved on, it's going to be this weekend" he says, sounding in a hurry.

"Aunt Jessica always gives good gifts on our birthdays…" I wander a little over the thought, thinking of the occasions when she gave me action figures or remote control cars, all those toys that have been donated to my smaller relatives. "But wait, do I have to go?" I ask, sounding like a child who is about to be forced to do something.

"You said it youself, it would be very ungrateful of you not to attend if you love her as much as you say".

"But… what about Carlos?" I ask since that's the first thing of which I can think of, something true at some point. "I mean, I don't think he'll feel very comfortable in a family gathering, considering that our family is huge, and after all he still doesn't get used to living with us".

"I hadn't thought of that" I could almost swear he'd stop, I do it to sit on the sidewalk. "I really don't know what to do now".

We stay quiet in that, I see cars passing near me, in some of them the neighbors from my building or the others go by, those who recognize me greet with me with their hands, I shake my head back at them, waiting for dad to stop mumbling low on ideas he has for this.

"Do you think you could be okay for a weekend?" he asks, sounding like the worried parent who usually isn't.

"Dad, please, I've been alone for longer".

"That's the thing, you have been alone, now there's someone else with us".

"I think we'll be fine, after all you've already seen that Carlos is good for the housework What's more, I'm pretty sure he could do everything in there while I'm sleeping in the living room".

"He is our guest, not a servant, though I do have my suspicions about that actually…" he leaves the sentence unfinished, like if he thought slavery was still something that exists in a more or less civilized world. "Anyway, are you sure there will be no problem if you stay alone?".

"Joel goes with you?" I ask right away, standing up as an impulse of don't-how-to-call-it seizes me.

"He was the first to incite me to go, honestly I looked for reasons not to, but she is my sister after all, it is my duty".

"Sure of course, it's your duty as the eldest of your siblings".

He goes quiet again at the beginning of a sentence, then I hear him growling with his throat; I slow down my pace since I realized that I'm jumping, something inside my head is thinking I'll have the apartment just for myself, maybe for some small meeting with Mal, Evie, Doug and Ben, pizza and videogames getting in the way, maybe with Elisa and Scarlett, nonsense talks with Audrey since we haven't hanged out in a while, or being in the apartment with only the company of Carlos; any choice is good.

I think I will opt for the last option, after all his foot has healed completely and we have been making a long list of films that we must see, from the classic ones to the children's animation, going through the terror and a few films of cinema of art and indies, other stepping a little over the line; a great idea in synthesis, besides the atmosphere is still a little tense in the training room, like if they were a lot of girls suspicious for something that someone of them had made towards somebody else; such lots of divas for no reason or eagerness to be, only they decide to take sides in a stupid fight.

"You've been silent for a long time, what are you up to?" he asks firmly, as if reading my thoughts.

"I was only thinking about doing something with the training guys" I say cheekily, something I tend to do all the time.

"I'm not giving you permission" he says firmly.

"Well, dad, I'm not asking ya" he snorts on the other side of the phone, the way he gives me the win in this.

"You'll regret it when I get back" he lowers his voice at the last word and I hear him open a window. I'm surprised that I can decipher the origin of the sounds even when there are phones in between. "Why is Carlos sitting outside?".

"Ah, that, it's a thing he does, he once told me it was to not bother ya if you were doing something more important".

"Your friend is a little weird" the window closes again, then I hear the zipper closing along with Joel's hurried voice. "Anyway, we're leaving, I'll leave him in here so I hope you don't delay too long".

"I'm a couple of meters away".

"All right, and since you say you have plans without my permission then I guess you have money, you will not see a penny from me all weekend long" I almost hear him sing for that victory he got, one against which I can't compete. "Be careful, son, we'll see you Sunday night".

"Easy, I promise not to burn the building" he laughs with me, more obliged to do it than anything else. "Greetings to Aunt Jessica and to the others, and tell her that if her new husband cheats on her I'll take care of teaching him a few things".

"I'll tell her. See you, Jay".

That ends the call, I wait a couple of seconds for my old phone to finish with the connection to the other line before doing a little dance of happiness, almost jumping backwards.

"In your face, old man!" I shout at the phone screen, putting it in my pocket and walking with the straps of my backpack between my hands, this time without caring about the jumps I'm giving.

My lonely walk doesn't last long since something moves next to me, next to my right foot, a tangle of brown fur that moves with small steps at my side. Before I can think that this something about a hallucination I stop at different intervals, the tiny ball of fur stops with me in each one of them, always sitting on its hind legs and tilting its head, the tail accompanies them in some moments, at which time I kneel to look at it in detail.

"Well, hello there" I say to the little puppy who ducks his head while I reach out for him, then he sniffs my palm and lets me scratch him in a point under his right ear, he rubs his hairy face against my hand as well as exhaling a shriek, "I don't know why I have the feeling of knowing you".

I look at him in detail, it's a dog that with all the development that he can have he will remain a small breed, mongrel, all of his is a ruffled tangle, like if even if they brushed him daily it decided to be in a state of constant rebellion. Between his neck I can caress a leather plaque, Dude is his name, although on the reverse there is no address or the data of his owner; great.

I take him by the skin between his shoulders to raise him from the ground just enough to see his weight, light as a feather, but he takes it as a game since he bites my hand, not in order to hurt me, but he does manage to take one of my fingerless gloves, my favorites, before running and hiding under a car.

"I hate ya, little sack of fleas" I growl while I crouch in front of the car, stretching my arm in a vain attempt to catch him. "Get outta there before I'm done with ya" I command him when I look down, watching him crouch and wagging his tail, as if it were the happiest moment in the world.

The sound of an old car's horn makes me jump up, my arms up in fear of being kidnapped, but when I see dad and Joel beside me I reassure myself a little. Joel lowers the window and he's wearing a pair of shades, _my_ shades, he pulls them down a little to look at me and wink his eye.

"I thought you'd be there by now" dad scolds me.

"A dog stole my glove, I had to get it back first" I hold both hands up, making him notice the absence, but he doesn't care that much since he rolls his eyes.

"That little dog?" Joel asks sarcastically, pointing to my side.

I lower my gaze when I notice that this Dude little dog is sitting next to me, my glove lies motionless in front of him while he gasps energetically, his tail is moving vigorously behind him and it's like if he were saying: "I just wanted to cause some troubles and then make it clear that he's a liar, I was just a lost and innocent dog that wouldn't hurt anyone".

I must stop using my imagination so much.

"Anyway, I expect to see the apartment as clean as I left it" dad reminds me when he turns the car back on.

"I'll do my best, and maybe I'll sell some of Joel stuff because he likes to use my things without permission" I give him back the time to be an idiot.

Before he can tell me something dad accelerates, they get lost at the end of the street and that's when I turn my attention to Dude, I step on my glove so he will not take it again and I kneel again, preventing him from escaping.

"What a confident puppy ya turned out to be" I take him again by the skin that is left between his shoulders and he shrugs his legs, as if they do that to him very often to rise they voice at him. Then he starts to wipe and I move my face closer, at which time he licks my cheek and moves his little tail.

I carry it on my forearm while I take out some sheets of paper and a sharpie from my backpack, he tries to sit down like if he were about to take a nap while I to write a notice at the four papers and tap them on the three most important light poles surrounding the complex with adhesive tape, the last one stays in my respective entrance before I walk towards the apartment, somehow content by the momentary new pet, permanent if the owner decides not to appear.

 **CONFIDENT PUPPY FOUND, SMALL SIZE, RUFFLED AND BROWN HAIR, PLAQUE WITH NO ID ON HIM. LOOK OUT FOR HIM IN BUILDING NUMBER 5, AND CALL HIM BY THE NAME SINCE THE DOOR BELLS DOESN'T WORK**

While I walk up the stairs Dude seems to be scared, he wipes louder as well as he moves over my arm, occasionally he barks and nibbles on my gloves, something that makes me bite my lower lip form the inside, so I not yell at him to stop doing it for his own welfare.

I scratch again behind his ear and under his chin, he calms down a bit although the chirping sounds don't cease.

"Calm down, you'll only be here for a while, I'm sure your owner misses you" I try to reassure him, only getting him to stop moving.

I have all day long, the whole weekend, to take care of him, the training was suspended since professor Joseph has things to attend to his other work, and at this point in time we have spent in a student-professor relationship I still don't know what another thing he does to earn a living, but I suppose it must be very remunerated, since I don't think that giving classes in a community and sporting center leaves a greater gain than something symbolic.

"Hey, Carlos, I'm sorry for the delay, but look what I found on the street".

"Hi, Jay, give me a minute" he says from inside my room, the locked door wouldn't let me to even take a glance.

I leave my backpack while that in the couch, I go into the kitchen to see that dad left some food prepared, necessary for three days without his supervision.

I put Dude on the floor and he starts sniffing the surroundings, ready to dump the organic waste container down to eat the leftovers inside, I move him away with my foot before serving him a little water in a bowl, he drinks it in seconds and I give him more, now taking longer to finish. The day wasn't so hot, but since dogs don't perspire then I understand his thirst.

I hear the door of the room when it opens, I lift him by the skin again and he goes back to my arm, we return to the living room in the moment Carlos leaves, he finishes lowering his long-sleeved shirt, still in his uniform pants, even the shoes are still there.

"I wanted to get a little more comfortable, your dad told me a bit about what's going to happen this weekend" he lifts his face with a half-smile, "I think tha-…".

His face breaks then, it passes from happy emotion to the opposite and total conversion, to fear or something similar, even worse, because he enlarges his eyes and stiffens in his place, he becomes paler than he already is and he starts to retreat a few steps, without looking away in terror.

"Carlos, what's wrong?" I take two steps forward, counted, the same ones that he recoils, he clings to the doorknob, his knuckles turn white.

"A-a-a d-dog" he gets to say with his voice low.

"Oh, him, yeah, I found him alone in the street" I take him in my hand and stretch him towards him, his eyes widen more and swallows hard, something that precedes the trembling of his whole body, reflected clearly in his teeth which are rattling and his rigid limbs.

"I-I k-k-know him, he's the Prep's m-m-mutt" he continues in a low voice, as if he were dreading a reaction, perhaps mine or from the pulpy being alive in my hand, or one from his own, but fearful of something.

"I didn't know they had pets at school" I kneel to put him on the floor, placing my hand on his back as he seems ready to run away.

"No!" cries Carlos so hard that I take two steps back too, I see him again and until now I notice that his body is hidden behind a wall, only his head pokes, his eyes expectant and his hand on the door, ready to close it at the moment he thinks it more convenient. "Don't let him go!".

"Why not? He seems to be uncomfortable in my hand" Dude kicks and pants, a state similar to the anxiety of other animals, which I have seen in documentaries since dad doesn't let us have pets, neither big nor small.

"H-h-he hates m-me".

I stand up at the moment he snaps that, holding the dog firmly so he doesn't fall to the floor and so he doesn't run towards him. That doesn't seem to be enough for Carlos to calm down, the door of my room is narrow and his face has remained flushed at all times, a physical reflection of what happens to him.

"How do you know that?" I ask quietly, noting at the moment that I was lifting it for no apparent reason. Maybe because of my readiness for discussions or something, and I shouldn't let it happen so freely.

"T-t-the first d-day of school he c-c-chased me up t-to the forest, h-he had me in a tree u-u-until Ben helped me".

"And just that made you afraid of them?" I bite the tip of my tongue when I perceive that I'm about to start laughing, suppressing the act.

"My mother says they're vicious, rabid, and pack animals" he says monotonously, as if he were reading a speech or the back of the cereal box.

"You believe her?".

"If she says so it's for something, she's… a trainer… they yield to her…" every rambling makes me want to ask more, but because of how he is now I don't think it's a good idea to remind him more about his mother.

"I don't know why I feel like you're hiding something" I reflect him.

"It's not like that!" he raises his voice and his arms, Dude hides in me. "That's all the whole truth I can tell you!" the vein that runs down his neck stands out because of the tension in his jaw and all his posture; right now there arouse my desire to run it with my tongue.

"And that gives ya a good reason for ya to yell at me like that?" I say, using a mirror model to the emotions but not taking them, since this could become a discussion to the screams and with fury in a blink.

His gaze begins to wander, realizing what he do and doesn't do at the same moment, like if all that memory he has with Dude mingles with the coherent way in which he usually thinks, like if this whole situation were something that marked him, but I don't think it had been long from when it happened. I don't quite understand what kind of mother he has, I just know she's the kind of person who kicks her son out of their home when he's most vulnerable.

I omit that to focus on him again, his gaze lost on a point in the universe, about to cross into another dimension with the penetrating look.

"Hey, hey, Carlos, listen, okay?" I hold my hands up with Dude still between them, like if I were halfway through a hostage negotiation.

I don't take my eyes off of him, because he doesn't do it either, he's still expectant of what can happen, while I step back and place the dog in the space behind the main door, in the square that forms with the two couches, where the only exit is hampered by my backpack and my jacket, forming a wall that will not be easy for him to jump for his small size.

I turn my attention to him, his jaw loosens enough to let him speak without breaking his teeth, his knuckles are no longer so white by the force he exerts on the doorknob and it seems that his whole body has finally found the way to relax after such a tense moment.

"Easy there, okay? Just try to breathe with me" I do with him a diaphragmatic breathing exercise, a deep one, holding it for five seconds and exhaling it slowly through the mouth, repeating the process another four times because if it's done for more if often causes some dizziness. When the blush fades from his face is when I speak again. "It was a big mistake on my part, I didn't know ya were afraid of dogs and I thought it would be a good idea to spend a few hours with him until his owner showed up. I'm very sorry, seriously, and I promise I will not do it ever again".

The shrieks that Dude does at that moment put him back on the defensive and alert mode, I was about to calm him down, but the noises of anxiety that come from the flea sack that starts scratching the door relieve me a little, although I'm sure that dad is going to ask some questions if he ever notices the marks, mainly towards Carlos because the pressure makes him very easy to take.

"Dude, I came for you!" I hear from the outside, a scream of concern that comes from a small child.

I don't say anything to him, I just turn to the front door, taking the "terrifying" dog in the process, going down the stairs almost jumping, with the thrill of seeing him leave with his owner.

I'm really surprised to see Barry, Ben's seven-year-old cousin, who is practically the same as Ben except for the long curly hair, on the other side of the glass door, the nail of his index finger between his teeth, walking from side to side, with his mother sitting on the stone wall with a confusing expression on her face, a mixture of relief and anger, and I know that Ben's father's family is a bit temperamental sometimes, I have seen it applied in him.

I open the door and he stops, Dude begins to move with more courage in my hands and to bark with energy, as if he had never been happier.

"Hey, Barry" I stretch my hand with his pet in it, immediately he takes him and they spin in circles about five times, which makes me dizzy just by seeing.

"Oh, Jay, I'm so glad you found him!" he stops to speak, I can almost see that Dude's eyes are turning in different directions because of the centrifugal and the speed of the turns. "I was very afraid that some very bad person would find him and never see him again".

"I didn't know you lived near here, or that he was your pet" I say.

"He's a small dog, he follows anyone who crosses in front of him" his mother takes the word, "and it's not his, he only asked Ben about a million times to be able to take care of him for the weekend until he agreed".

"And I'm sure he didn't want to" Barry says, lowering his head and kissing between Dude's ears, which makes him grunt.

"Well, you almost lost him after all" I tell him the most obvious thing, making him shrug. "I think you're too small to take care for a dog".

"I know, but I was taking good care of him until he ran out when the door of my house was opened because of the maidens, since there were no adults nearby I had to wait for one to appear so I could start looking for him".

"And all that was more than an hour ago, he had time to get from the northern part of the forest to here, we had to ask for sightings to give us an idea of the scope he could have" his mother looks at the clock on her wrist, she widens her eyes and stands up, "but we must leave now, we are both very happy that someone of trust has found him. Barry, say thanks to Jay".

All the guys in the training, who are friends, had been at Ben's place many times, sometimes coinciding with some improvised family parties, that's why they know us, although that doesn't prevent them from raising suspicions about where we live or the reasons why we train that sport in specific.

"Thank you so much for taking care of him, Jay" Barry says with complete joy in his tone, "and please don't tell Ben, I don't want him to get angry" he widens his eyes like if he were the puppy, and of course I take his request.

"He will not hear a word from me".

I squeeze his mother's hand and they both go down the steps to a car I hadn't seen, the driver opens the door for them, they board and in a couple of maneuvers they take the paved road to get out of here, saying goodbye once more when they pass by the building.

I snort and go back up the stairs, hoping not to go down again if it's not until tomorrow. When I enter and close the door behind me I see that Carlos is in the two-seater couch, his hands clasped in his lap but his arms hanging at his sides like lifeless things.

He looks up a little, when he looks at me he just bends his head and shrugs his shoulders, which makes me roll my eyes and walk beside him for the kind of victim he wants to be now, but when his hand takes my forearm I almost hit him in a nerve, by the surprise of the act and because I didn't expect it.

"It's stupid, you know" he says, still hunched over.

"What?" I ask, a little tired for the day.

"That, being afraid of a dog, something that has never hurt me".

"Everyone is afraid of something, I don't about anything or anyone but I know that everyone has at least one, in the worst cases they're afraid of everything" his fingers stiffen on my forearm, he turns his head and looks at me in the eyes.

"You too are afraid of something, you just don't wanna say it".

"And what am I afraid of, smarty?" I raise my eyebrows.

His gaze stays steady with mine, he gets up without breaking our eye contact, stands in front of me and just stretches his arms around my neck, bringing his body closer to mine and his head sinks into my chest.

I'm still waiting for the kiss that I thought was going to give me to be present.

"You've gotta find that out, meanwhile I'm sorry to behave like an asshole, I shouldn't have".

"You're not an asshole, only occasionally" he laughs against my body, which makes me surround him in the same hug, placing my cheek over his head. The faint scent of his body makes me sigh slightly, something that shakes him.

We stay there, standing, wrapped in each other's arms, with the wind blowing on the outside, simply because neither of us seems willing to let go, I don't feel him stiff or moving by disagreement, in fact it's like if he had never felt more comfortable. I'm not even close to being tired, in fact it's one of the many things I wanted to do but for which the opportunity wasn't given; I don't want any more of that suffocating tension.

"How about we spend the day with our movie marathon?" he moves his face away from my chest to look at me, the shape of the pockets of my vest on his cheeks make evident the pressure he exerted, the blush that highlights his freckles makes me want to lean forward and leave more things clear.

"Can there be sweets too?" he asks excitedly.

"Toasts, jams, caramelized popcorn, you name it, it'll be there too, but first I want you to close your eyelids" the memory of my gift to him makes me let go, I leave him there while I enter to my room, I look deep into my T-shirts drawer until I fish out the heavy bag I've prepared for him. "This is something I wanted to give you for a couple of days long, I expected to fill it more but I think with this will be enough to correct my huge mistake and for you to not die on the couch because of a stomachache. Hold out your hands".

He obeys me, almost jumping in his place for the surprise he's about to take with my abundant gift, because when he feels the extra weight in his hands he frowns, arching an eyebrow to increase his expression.

"You can open them now" he says quickly, glancing down at his hands just to enlarge his eyes and sketch the broadest smile I've ever seen on his face, so happy that I can't help but smile too.

"How many chocolates are there in here?!" his voice becomes sharp, he reaches into the bottom to see the different presentations and varieties that I have given him, he almost seems to be drooling by anticipation.

"I have no idea" «eighty-five, there were ninety-one before but the temptation to eat them was too much to not give up», I say to myself, continuing with my act, "I began to gather them from the day we had breakfast together and I saw how much you liked the bread with chocolate on top, I hoped to gather more but I think something like this deserved it".

"Do you really remember that?".

"I have a good memory, I remember plenty of things actually".

He blushes and takes a random chocolate, removes the wrapper and bites half of it, he extends the other piece to me but I don't take it from his hand, I bend to take it with my teeth, making an extra touch with my lips on his fingers.

I prepare everything in the kitchen while he takes the initiative to look for the movies we will watch and program them to start at the end of the previous one, which we have both decided to watch. I put all our feast of goodies on a folding table in the middle of the living room just when the first movie begins, _A Clockwork Orange_ , a suggestion that I have been given for a long time but I have never stopped to watch it in the way it should be.

"Let's make this more entertaining" I suggest when the colorful start credits begin to appear.

"How is that?" he sucks the inside of a chocolate filled with cherry liqueur, one of my favorites, and the trail attached to his right cheek makes me want to stand up again.

"We pause the movie in a random scene and try to guess what will happen next, whoever that loses gets some clothes off, the winner stays the same, is like playing strip poker but with a movie".

I don't look at him, I stay focused on my socks while everything becomes sepulcherly quiet, I don't even hear the sound he makes when he chews or swallows, like if anything was a distractor. I actually don't expect him to accept, in fact I can already hear him putting thousands of excuses in front, but in the rare case that he did accepts then I don't know if I can bear a game of my invention.

"I've never played that game, any of them" he says, with confidence in his voice, "but I don't think it would kill me to try, sounds like a good competition".

I turn my head toward him, stunned because he agreed, just when a chocolate filled with cherry liquor hits my nose, he laughs at me being off-guard and makes the credits to continue playing.

I place my arms behind my head, sinking into the couch to find a more comfortable and spongy place, the evening light seeps through the window, strikes directly against my covered feet and against the carpet, almost against our food, which begins to decrease because of him, since he alternates between that and his chocolates, of which he gives me some in some occasions.

After a while he pauses the movie, when they are walking along a river, as if he hardly remembers that we are in an ambiguous competition, but it's also as if he wanted to add more information to what he has watched to guess.

"I bet Alex will beat the living crap out of them just with his hands, to all of them" I say, predicting the most obvious thing that can happen.

"Maybe, but something tells me he'll use some weapon".

I roll my eyes and growl, it's funny that he can't see the clearest thing in the world, but he lets the film continue, me seeing that this Alex dude is the kind of person that I would fond to very well, we could even be very good friends, until Carlos's words come true and he attacks them with a knife.

"I like this game, it's good to see you lose for a change" he says triumphantly, crushing a handful of popcorn into his face.

"Whatever, someone will end up with nothing on, and I assure you it will not be me" I reply, rising to remove my socks.

I have to be cautious, use my ability to guess, also because I would like to see a little more of all his pale skin, freckles distributed everywhere, and not much to think that there are marks on his body, of which I still don't know their origin. Someday I'll know them, like today about his fear of dogs.

I must beat him come what may, because of my second intentions.

* * *

After the fifth film, the second musical we have seen, _The Wizard of Oz_ , my eyelids struggle to stay open, the night has sifted all over the outside, the food has completely disappeared after the third one, and this seems not closer to come to an end. I don't say it's a bad movie, it's a very good one, but the tiredness of the day is giving me a good fight.

Not even the fact that I'm only in tight boxer briefs avoid the fatigue, it even increases since sometimes I sleep like that, others with nothing on, but since I'm afraid to wake up without the blankets on top and with him looking at me if I get to sleep naturally I prefer to wear something that cover me. Also I haven't received the number of looks I expected to receive, or see something bulging at his waist, and that really makes me doubt about certain things.

I don't know how he did it but he keeps up with a loose boxer and his long-sleeved shirt, he plays with his feet and follows the rhythm of some songs, which are sticky and that surely will also remain in the back of my head for such a while, reminding me of the good time we spent. If I consider that there were not as many questions as I hoped, besides that this last one got the most questions, then I understand how he could do it, but I also realize that I am very light with my way of dressing.

"I think this has been the best one of the whole day" he says with a sigh, almost like those ridiculous people who stand up in the cinema to clap when the movie ends.

"I'll stick with the terror one, but I admit it was good" I stretch then, with a movement of my hip that makes the elastic to go down a little more than necessary to the point where my pubes begins.

"They were all good, and we still have to watch more".

"They were all good" I say, accepting his words, "but I think it's best if we pick this mess up and we eat some real stuff, I'm sure dad will know we were eating junk all this time that we'll be alone, and I don't want him to raise his voice at me just for that".

"Sounds good, although I was actually going to ask you a big favor" he bends down to take his shorts, sitting down to put them on as well as his socks and shoes. "I want you to come with me to my house, there are a couple things I need for the next weeks at school and all, but I'm afraid that mom will find me and make me regret that she doesn't know anything about me for so long".

"Do ya really think that seeing me would make things better?" I put my shirt back on, actually worried that the lunatic who he has as his mother decides to get it against me as well.

"On Friday she has night of mimosas with her friends at work, she probably will not do it in our house because she doesn't have anyone to clean when they finish, understand me on it, that's why I know she will not be there if we go now".

"Are you the one who cleans your house?" I put on my pants and socks, with my sneakers too, watching him while he sighs.

"I clean, cook, do the laundry, brush her coats, retouch the roots of her hair, do her manicure and pedicure when she wants, that among the other small chores mom imposes me, although the funniest thing was when I had to repair the roof, I almost die for sliding from such height but I got to grab on a pipe".

I lift our mess just to leave it in the kitchen's sink, pouring some water to the cutlery that have sweet to prevent them to get sticky and removing that for being more difficult.

I hold the edges while I think of the consequences of what could happen if his mother discover us, realizing that I'm being fatalistic in whatever may happen to him, besides the marks I saw on his legs don't keep me from thinking in that way. They're not the marks that someone gets for being motor-clumsy or careless, they rather they seem to be infringed by someone else, with enough force to leave a mark for a lifetime.

I swallow the worries.

"Take a jacket, we'll be out in the next five minutes".

He turns off the TV and runs to my room, I sit on the edge of the single couch while he's rummaging through his stuff, I hear him muttering a few meaningless things, more for himself than wanting to share his thoughts with me, until he comes out wearing completely black clothes and with a sweatshirt in his hands, too big for him to wear.

"Even if it's my house we need… uh, certain precautions, in case she sees you on the street and points out at you as a thief or something".

"Carlos, what exactly are we gonna do?".

"I told you, just take a couple of things I need, I swear I'll make it up to you somehow" he holds out his hand and looks at me straight in the eye, being honest.

I take my sweatshirt and put it on while we go down the stairs, we step out to the main street and it's him who hastes his step, looking at a clock on his wrist that I had never seen him wearing before. Since it's his plan I follow him at all times, I don't ask questions, I walk with hurried step behind him, I wear the hood when he does and I take it off also when he does, all that until we come to a part of the nearby neighborhoods that is more or less exclusive, is the point where the Isle of the Lost intersperses with a more beautiful and pleasant neighborhood to live in, with people who seem innocent.

It turns out that his house is a fucking mansion, in every sense of the word is so big that the whole street doesn't seem to be enough to house it. I never thought about Carlos's economic situation, I remember that he once tried to give dad three hundred dollars in cash as payment for what we had done for him, his savings, but he rejected them because he's a friend in need, he's not in a hotel.

I should have had an indicator because he's a student at Auradon Prep, the tuition fees are so fucking high, although someone with a stable job can pay them without problems; dad couldn't because of labor instability. I could also have it for his clothes, they're basic but are made with specific fabric, one that needs a special cycle of washing, and that's why he learned to use the washing machine.

In short: Carlos is rich.

"Does your mother really pays for the houses where you move to to look like that?".

"All the times we've done it, she has a thing for the original design".

"I really hope that the security system is very good, anyone could believe that it is a Victorian mansion with a huge treasure inside".

"It is because I had to install it, I made some big modifications to protect the work that mom does in the inside" he answers monotonously again, repeating a rehearsed speech.

"What did ya say she worked on?" he doesn't answer, just keeps walking.

The house/mansion is three floors high, it's difficult to guess the width it has, the facade and pillars that form the outer lattice resemble to marble, the softness I perceive when I touch them tells me that it could be authentic if I knew how the real marble feels like, the metal part ends in sharp points and barbed wire, so much that birds prefer to stay on the branches of the dead trees that surround the whole structure. The public lighting and outside lights give it a warm air, but it's like if I see a dark, sinister aura emanating from every part, like saying "come in at your own risk" or something.

We go forward with a casual step and it's him who opens the lattice door, I stay as close as possible to him since my imagination begins to work in a fast way, thinking that the bushes could throw sleeping darts at us, a circuit of electric guns could be activated, or we could stay still until the police arrive to catch us, or worse, his mother, and right now I don't think I can remember her name, I have it on the tip of my tongue.

"Nice house" I say as the front door opens.

"It's just that, I told you that I can't call it my home" we step in, and if the outside was shocking then the inside take the first place.

He turns off the burglar alarm so that something unexpected doesn't happen, he turns on the light of a gigantic crystal chandelier that hangs over our heads, it illuminates the spaciousness of every room on the ground floor.

I move away from him to look closely at the paint falling off the walls along with the wallpaper, the hall that doesn't seem to be used in many times, the living room with the chimney turned off, the shelves of books whose dust cover can be see from a mile away, the circular stairs and the statues that look like abstract art because they have neither feet nor head, lots of pictures and frames on the walls, a flat screen as big as the whole wall, and coat racks at every corner of the whole place. In the background I can see well the dining room, a table for about twenty individuals, and beyond I see the kitchen that appears to be well equipped, all with a peculiar taste for white and black.

It highlights something: I don't see a simple picture about him, however small it may be it's all about her or of nonsense.

The portrait over the fireplace leaves me breathless, it's about her in a chair that resembles a throne, relaxed posture but firm gaze, penetrating like his but without a hint of natural curiosity that he has, so fixed that it makes me think that she will follow every move I make from now on.

They don't look alike, her skin tone is similar to mine, her hair is half black and half white, her eyes are green and his brown, and they don't share the psychotic countenance in their expression.

I tilt my head, feeling a strange tingling all over my body when I see that her coat is open and there's nothing underneath, revealing the separation of her breasts and a rib cage with well-delineated ribs. She wears fur of different types, white and fluffy in her coat, a purse similar to the hair of a fox, a fluffy skirt, a scarf in the shape of a marten, both a leopard and a jaguar carpet, the last two with the heads included.

"I didn't know she liked hunting" I point at it with my head, goosebumps too.

"She doesn't" he says firmly, standing next to me, "she asks Jasper and Horace to catch them, she just takes off their skin and makes them".

"I assume she sells them" my voice held steady even as I felt every vein in my body freezing.

"Not true either, she keeps them for herself" he points at the painting, "everything she's carrying there is valued at one hundred and ninety-seven thousand dollars, only when she gets tired of her designs she sells them, and there are someone who buys them. I was playing with a couple of blocks while they were painting her, there in the living room, and then I was sent to my room while she paying the person who portrayed her".

"Then she's not a dog trainer" I affirm, omitting that last part.

"No, she's not" I feel his fingers playing with mine, like if he wanted to entwine them but something prevents him to do it. "She's the merciless murderer, she also has the dream of making a coat of Dalmatian skin, something she wanted to do even since before I was born".

"What does she has for the Dalmatians?".

"I wish I knew".

I put my arm around his shoulders, pulling him closer to my body and I don't give a damn if it's a good thing or not, I just lean to kiss his cheek, his face warms like a reflection and he sighs, sounding a little more relieved and without tremble.

"Let's look for your stuff and get outta here".

He nods a couple of times, takes a deep breath once more and takes the lead up the stairs until we climb to the top floor, on our way I can't help but look in the wide hallways with the piles of rooms they have, and I can only imagine the heaps of things there can be behind the doors. We reach the bottom of the last hallway, I suppose you access the attic in another way, he turns the door knob and pushes it, like if it didn't want to open even if it was him. His room maybe, something I didn't imagine I would ever see.

The only light bulb flickers a couple of times until it lights up, I frown when I see the spot where we are now, which looks rather like a closet to keep things to clean the house. There are four walls whose paint is completely corroded, there are stacks of books here and there, some torn down and some with dust on top, what I think must be the bed is just a metal structure, an inflatable mattress and two blankets that seem to having been devoured by moths, the bedside table rests on the metal in the absence of a paw, the bulb of the lamp exploded long ago, the clothing is pilled together in other symmetrical mounds near the single window with a balcony, over a couple of chairs that don't match any other furniture.

I walk towards the balcony and it has a breathtaking view, an entire view of the neighborhood and the most distant parts of the city, to the bottom there are the gigantic buildings of the central and northern areas, the most industrialized part. I sit in the frame, we remain speechless while he begins to take whatever he needs, I contemplate all the trees that stretch across the horizon and watching people passing by on the street, in cars or walking.

"Do ya keep your stuff here momentarily or something?" I don't look at him since I know how ashamed he will be.

"This is my room".

I respond with a sound from my throat and nothing else, centered again on the window and how much it can offer, but of course I see him in the reflection of the glass with each movement, while he's stacking clothes and a couple of books before putting them inside a backpack that I hadn't noticed so far, he also takes a smaller one that hangs to one side of what should be the head of the bed.

This is not a lifestyle, only for servants, and it can't be that a mother has her son living in such conditions. Are they all that extremist, or did he only have the misfortune to be born for one of them? I will not ask.

"I'm ready" I drift away, longing to be outside with such force that I could almost jump out the window, no matter where I fall but with the fact of being safe and sound in somewhere else. I really feel in danger here, "although I need you to help me with a couple of things".

I turn on my heels to see a small box on his blankets, I take it with one arm and I'm surprised to see that I need both of them, perhaps because he carries inside the stones with which they were going to stone him or something, but it's deceptively heavy for its size, something like the metaphor that applies to him and the strength he has with everything and his diminutive size.

"Do you do this often?" I ask him when we start going down the stairs, relieved and with the possibility of breathing in peace.

"Only twice, this is the third time, but I think…".

We both froze before reaching the ground floor when we hear the opening and closing of the main door, with a loud whip. We pull ourselves as much as possible towards a dusty wall, perfectly hidden behind the shadow produced by a statue that resembles a muse, I couldn't tell which one of them.

"Damn him ungrateful brat, he thinks he's better than me…" it's her, Cruella, I can remember her name at last, but she slurring all the words. She actually must have consumed a million mimosas to be like that, that or she drank anything but what she was going to drink, "he thinks he can just disappear and leave me as a bad mother in front of all the meddlers, but I'm surprised that people are so inept to believe that he's in boarding school in Europe".

I lower my glance towards Carlos when I recover a little of reason, seeing that his chest rises and falls at a fast pace, a few beads of sweat adorn his forehead, his lips move like if he were making a prayer so that we're not found, and his eyes, dammit, so open and full of terror that I can almost experience the emotions in my own flesh.

"Carlos, chill, everything will be fine" I hold the box with my knees and take him by the shoulders, forcing him to look into my eyes. I give him a calm gesture, I even dare to give him a small smile and a wink of my eye, which only causes him an obviously blush; anything is good to distract him, "we're gonna be fine, we just need you to think of a way out without she seeing us".

He lowers his gaze, firmly holds the straps of his backpack while he continues to speak to himself, but this time he mumbles about the ways we could get out, from jumping out the window to the laundry line to reach the basement, but while he does so I hear the thumping of heels while she moves freely downstairs, growling and insulting anyone in particular.

"Who does that bastard thinks he is, baby? Who does him really thinks he is? He's no more than an incompetent fool, good for nothing and a liar, an expense for our inheritance and for what I earn with my humble work, anyone with eyes can see that, even from the moon it would be evident that everyone could see the kind of filthy son which he can become" I hear a squeal on multiple occasions, like a teddy bear when it squeezes in its belly.

"Who is she talking to?" I ask him in murmurs.

"She… has a stuffed animal around her neck, she always talks to him and at all times, she does it even when she's with me".

"Your mother is crazy, those madwomen who must be in an asylum" I say with total honesty, to which he starts nodding.

"You're absolutely right, but we can think of her dementia later, now we have to get to the attic, there's a fire escape that can serve".

"What about the basement? Isn't there a way out?".

"Never, that's where she does her sadistic jobs, there are traps for bears in case someone wants to enter her vault of couture to steal or just to have a look, she had me to install a remote control circuit in them and…".

The sound of something made of glass shattering interrupts him, so far is when I can put the pieces together, the way we ourselves have become evident, from having turned off the alarm down to having turned on the lights. I got along to the idea of what he said, we were both careless, and right now that we're going up the stairs is when I realize it.

"He's in the house, baby" her voice echoes through the interior of the house, as if we had her on our backs and at any moment she's going to get us, "Carlos, come here right now or you'll regret it for the rest of your life!".

He takes my arm and we finish climbing the flight of stairs, I hear her coming up behind us and my propensity for nonsense makes me look through the railing, finding some crazy green eyes that seem to be following each of our movements through the whole house. He takes my arm again and we continue to go up, more and more accelerated, while my arms ask for a break by the stones or whatever he bears inside the box.

"Carlos de Vil, you ungrateful brat, stop right there!" even with the heels she seems determined to fight to catch us, he seems more determined to run, for the welfare of both of us.

We reach the top floor and he has to jump to take the rope that brings down the stairs that lead us to the attic, too terrified to make things easier for him, he forces me to climb first and he's in charge of cutting that stretch that can lead her to us. Immediately I breathe the dust gets impregnated in my nostrils, it causes itchy in my nose and it's inevitable that I sneeze.

"Little fuck, don't expect me to listen to you when you're on your knees and begging for mercy, your body will remember me for all the eternity".

He remains serious and quiet, I perceive him somehow cold and distant after that threat, and even with the little light that enters in this place I can see that his features darkened from one second to the other. I walk behind him while he approaches to a round window, pushing it open enough for us to pass, we walk around the balcony to the fire escape, as he said, but he didn't mention anything about it falling apart or that someone had to go first to go down so the extra weight didn't made it fall.

The sound of several cop cars, along with the lights and the voices of the policemen who accompany them, makes me stay in my place, imagining the scene from the outside like if we were two insignificant thieves who managed to get such a nice loot from one of the wealthy houses in the neighborhood.

"We'd better move" I suggest, afraid to be caught.

I don't think dad will be happy to see that I finally have a record of a crime that never happened, and I don't think I have to commit theft.

I jump to the grass, I follow him while he trots to the farthest side of the back garden, totally dead and without a hint of green lawn or flowers, until he pushes a bush, revealing a narrow pipe for which he has surely escaped on more than one occasion.

"No one lives on the other side, it will be safer".

I crouch when I see a flashlight moving at the height of my feet, without pointing, it rather seems to be looking for some anomaly.

"Whatever, let's get outta here".

I am right, the pipe is narrow, I have to make more movements than required to be able to enter and drag myself, the breadth of my shoulders doesn't help me, besides I have to push the box with one foot so I have room to move forward. The tight place and the dust inside my lungs never cease to make me feel limited, enclosed, weak to some extent, but it's fortunate that I'm not afraid of the enclosed spaces, for that nor anything, as I said to him.

We step out the pipeline in the vacant lot and stumble while we continue to run, the patrol lights are illuminating some areas of our way as we jump over the fence and disappear along with the night, taking a more casual walk when we get among the people who wonder what is going on, since it's not very usual that the authorities should be called in a place where hardly anything bad happens; we blended into the crowd like if we hadn't been part of all the commotion that was caused back there.

I take deep breaths to calm myself, my lungs seem cleaned for any trace of dust or whatever, adjusting the box in my arms and following him closely, his arm rubbing against mine with each movement in the opposite direction to his house, taking the usual route to get to the apartment.

My fast pulse, the adrenaline that still runs through my veins, the wish to do the same thing over and over again doesn't leave my thoughts, everything as a whole makes me smile like an idiot while I'm almost jumping and talking as a recap on what we did and how awesome it was, ignoring the random subject he chooses to distract himself from the events of the night.

One thing is totally sure, I have never had this fun _ever_ , and all that, besides what has happened since he began to live with me, is thanks to him.


	7. Exposed

Alright, alright, at last I came with the chapter that gives the reason for the M rating of the history, the only thing I don't know is whether to write more smut or leave it as you will be see here. Anyway, fav, follow or review, enjoy :)

Warnings: explicit "sexual" situations, if you don't like it don't read it :)

* * *

 **Exposed**

 _Hey bud, hope you're having a very sweet weekend :) I thought that this afternoon we could do something you, Doug, and I, we could also invite the girls, and of course Carlos is invited, tell me if you think if it's good plan_.

I read Ben's message with a raised eyebrow, with an internal debate between whether to do something with the boys or just stand idle, as I have done since I woke up, that two hours ago, in which I haven't got up for nothing, not even to take some breakfast.

The only thing that distracts me is the box that stays close to his head, I see it and it seems to be being illuminated by a light, prompting me to open it and see what's inside. But it's his, it wouldn't be well seen that I put my hands on it even if yesterday there was a break-in in his place.

I still have shivers to think about it.

I stretch out once more, I kick the blankets and get up with a jump, without using my hands, I move my head until the last of my vertebrae clicks, I move my shoulders and finally leave my room, being received by the cold floor and by the heat of the noon. Carlos is in the dining room, with the pile of books he always has in front of him and with the remains of his breakfast to one side, with an apple in his hand that doesn't hold the pen.

It's Saturday dammit, no one does homework on the weekend, or maybe they do but it's not a habit that has been instilled in me since I prefer to stay up late because of that kind of homework, but knowing I did the things I wanted during the day, or wasting time with stupid things from social networks or the internet.

"How does a day with the boys sounds to ya?" I ask him when he's halfway in a sum, I deduce it by the calculator he has on his papers, there he looks up slowly, a confused expression on his face and a trail of apple juice going down the right corner of his mouth.

"That sounds like a movie…".

"Homemade? Homemade porn?" I ask, surprised to let my tongue to speak instead of my coherence, but the little smile on his face tells me that he actually took it as a joke, that he will not blush or that this will become uncomfortable. "Because just when I finished saying it that idea shone in my head".

"I'd say yeah but honestly I've never seen anything like it".

I look at him in the eye, it's me who makes this uncomfortable, but it's because he's too innocent for his own good, so much that it gives me a certain degree of anxiety that I have no idea where it comes from.

When I see him it's true, I don't see a boy corrupted by some friends who show him disturbing things, and I don't see a boy who lives locked in a world of terrible maternal caring and erudition either, what I see is a rebel dude in power to be, ready to commit all kinds of fun without thinking of the consequences; someone like Mal, Evie and me, an addition to our aggressive but united group.

"You're sixteen, I understand that a lot of kids of your age have done this up to this point at least a million times".

"Well, I'm not one of them" he bites his apple, the creaking sounds all over the apartment, whether if it's small or not the sound would echo.

"You certainly aren't" I say, which makes him raise his left eyebrow and tilt his head slightly, curious. Damn, that expression is going to kill me.

"I don't know what that came to but I swear I didn't, I already told you I don't have a cell phone or a computer, not internet either, mom is the one that uses the television that you saw but only to watch fashion shows, sometimes she lets me see it when she's on the side, but other than that all the channels are blocked, besides everything I should do in school I must take it out of heavy and old books that…".

"Did you give your first kiss already?" again my stupidity speaks, but if everything he says is true then I understand his disagreement with the up of level comments and the exposure with others, but if he says no to that I swear I'll laugh.

"Yeah, I did, and it was quite a story" he says in a firm voice, a blow that I get in the stomach because, even if he said no and made me laugh, I wasn't ready for the answer, besides that tiny little big altruistic part of me would have volunteered to give it to him, whatever way he wanted it, the intensity he wanted and whatever he had dreamed it of, but with the aim of giving him something special.

I feel nauseous for thinking that way, something I never do.

"It sounds like a story I'd like to hear" it's not really like that but I drag a chair, with feigned interest in wanting to know something in what I didn't participate in and that will still cause me ambivalent feelings. I chuckle because I can almost hear dad yelling at me not to do something like that or there will be marks on the floor, which can be removed by just washing them but he doesn't know it, or if he does then he just wants to wait for someone else to do it.

He sighs and closes his books, placing the calculator between his notes so he doesn't have to look for them, he finishes his apple with two bites and chews them slowly, the preamble to what he wants to tell. My stomach reminds me that it's empty so I just take an apple and clean it with my clothes, making an ugly face when I bite it and I see the dark area of a blow it received besides having the bad taste in my mouth.

"It didn't happen a long time ago, I was thirteen and she too, she said…".

"She?" I ask immediately, remaining with my emotions for the mention of a girl, that if I remember the primary reason why he is here and the one for which the lunatic of his mother kicked him out.

"I told you it was quite a story, you're forbidden to talk until I finish it" I take another bite of my apple, this time in an area that has no bad taste or strange texture, "anyway, she talked with her friends that her boyfriend was an incredible brown-eyed boy, very handsome and charismatic, he had strange hair and many freckles on his face, that according to her words, and she called him platonically as one in a million, although I'm pretty sure that Plato didn't refer to that at any point in his life".

"That's the way to describe ya" I say and he blushes, and I also feel that I'm doing it for being so abrupt and partly honest because almost everything he said is true. "Sorry, I will not talk any more".

"T-thanks… I-I guess…" his stutter makes me look at the tip of my nose when he stops looking at me; indeed I'm blushing too. "For this she was going to introduce me with them and her parents, all in the same day, and shit Jay, it was totally embarrassing! But there you had me, with one of the best designs that mom had done for me and settled up as never before in my life to meet the Ally's friends, one of my best friends, she lived near my old house and we went to school together, she transferred to this city about five or six years ago, now that we're together in Prep we're rebuilding our friendship and…".

I have heard that people observe different parts of the sender when they speak, I'm one in the group that looks at the lips, and seeing his distracts me completely, maybe there's influence of what he's telling me, but his lips move and not on mine, all I see that they're emitting is something like: «Come on, do it, you don't have enough balls to do it. Don't be a coward, Jay, just push yourself over here and tell him what you don't want to for being a fucking pussy».

"Since we were with her friends I was dying of fear and I just talked in a low voice and answered with monosyllables, they asked us to kiss and it was horrible. I had made connections about myself a while back from that, but I had no choice, I had to help her out not to be a liar, so we did" he laughs with encouragement, his eyes get wet since he can't stop, and his laughter is contagious, that's why I join him. "I remember going home and brushing my teeth four times because of the strange sensation".

He continues with his laughter until he's quiet, I totally focused on my apple, the juice that comes out with each bite, the sound that it makes inside my mouth, and I could even begin to deduce the caloric consumption that has chewing as well as each bite, whatever for this sentimental ambivalence to be eliminated.

"And how did ya know girls wouldn't be such a burden to you?" the question had a different shape inside my head, it was similar to "how did ya know you didn't like girls" or something more basic, not with the prefix of seeing them as something that you carry on the back… although sometimes they're complicated…

"Well, at first I thought it was the strangeness that Ally was my friend what produced that strange feeling, then I realized that I didn't see or thought the same way with girls unlike with some guys, that's what said it to me".

I devote bite the rest of the fruit from the heart of the apple, wiping the seeds with my tongue before spitting them to the side, without looking at him except when he looks away, with something like fear of meeting his eyes and for that challenge that incited his lips to stop being something fictitious.

"And what about you?" he asks after a moment of silence. "How was your first kiss and how did you know that boys and girls would be such a burden to you?" I laugh as I see him using my words, misused but wanting to use them.

"Truth is it was a weird thing" I put my hands behind my head and turned my back on it, swinging in my chair. "I started with the hypothesis of being like you, that only dudes caught my attention, and I had that notion since I was a little kid, about eight or nine years old, perhaps before; everything changed when I was thirteen when this guy, Adam I-don't-remember-his-last-name, stole my first kiss in the early hours of the morning when we were talking near his locker, we were good friends but I had never thought of us in any other way" he's about to speak so I interrupt him. "And no, there was nothing after that, it was only because of his curiosity to know what it felt like".

That's a lie since I really liked that guy, he had such a certain look despite a conflicting age in which everyone comes out of adolescence as a glorious and attractive person, or as a freak, and I'm pleased to see that both Carlos and I could get out of that with triumph.

From Adam I kept the memories of fun moments that we spent together, I'm sure he also liked me, even if he was experiencing or not, for the kind of things we whispered to each other in the ear, the plans, all that trying to be forgotten for the ease with which we distance ourselves, and a small part remains within my memory.

It wasn't a rejection as such, neither of us wanted to give formality to anything, the only good thing about him is that I became stronger in my way of relating, but if I'm sincere with myself it's not something that has served me completely.

"So there you had me, thirteen years old and with my hypothesis of just liking boys until one of my few female friends, Sarah, suddenly kissed me without giving me an explanation and ran off at full speed, she even knocked down a teacher on her way. She was a good girl, good grades, formal dressing that sometimes became provocative with her necklines or short skirts, I could told her everything and we could talk about anything that occurred to us" remembering is uncomfortable, I don't understand how people can do it so easily. "She stopped talking to me even though she sent me notes telling me that she liked me and she wanted something serious with me, but I suppose she forgot it or she just didn't want it anymore because the distance between us was born too; what came out from that was that I realized that kissing girls wasn't bad at all, so my life only became a coming and going of people, kissing whoever with whom I had the opportunity and teasing people, all with the simple desire to have a good time, nothing that is perceived as something serious".

"And you dare to say you have no fears" he mutters under his breath, not with the necessary tone of secrecy; I heard all he said before and didn't make judges, it seems that he wants to take that position by the way I related all, but I will not give him the privilege of doing it since he doesn't have a reason to reproach a thing.

"What was that?" I challenge him, staring at him furtively.

"I say that the title of homemade porn movie with the boys doesn't sound too bad, I could use a little more to get to know them"

"Thought so" I smirk at him and pick up my phone, writing to Ben that we'll be there.

I take his dirty dishes and stack them with the rest in the kitchen sink, deciding that I'll take care of them later since Ben's response arrives in the next minute, saying that everything will be ready in ten minutes and that if the day extends for too long then one of his cars can bring us home so that dad doesn't get pissed off with me or with him.

I read the answer to Carlos and we hurry to get dressed and get out of here, walking the streets necessary to get to Ben's place, another of the bigger houses in the neighborhood, and of course we omit the areas around his so that there are no suspicious comments from last night.

I start to think that since yesterday was a day to know each other more, at least I could know more about him, his fears and his strengths, which he may not have realized yet. I don't know how long that time for us to know each other will last thoroughly, and I don't know if I'll get to the point where I can tell him how strangely pleasant it makes me feel to have his presence to one side, but as long as I can continue with my arm on his shoulders and joking like if we were old friends it will be enough for me.

* * *

Ben, Doug and I could get out one conclusion from all day long: Carlos is _awesome_ in videogames. I mean it, since we started with innocent tracks in _Mario Kart_ until there were liters of blood running in _Mortal Kombat_ the controls passed between our hands only, his never came to release it, except maybe when it was time to dig in on everything that his parents wanted to ask for our boys' day to go nicely, including pizza, hamburgers, ramen, sushi, tacos, ice cream and cakes; an incredible day, but I still think that he could beat the crap out of us with one hand and put two slices of pizza inside his mouth with the other. He's especially good in games with puzzles and shooting in third person, of course it took him an entire decade to focus on his goal but he always hit vital points, in the head primarily, and he got advantage so the rest of his artillery, us, get to finish with the dirty work.

The girls didn't want to come because they had more important things to do, but by inbox Mal told me that she simply didn't want to leave her house since her mother had gone nuts against her, and it's not surprising since with the simple mention of her name everyone panics: Maleficent.

Evie, on the other hand and in Doug's words, had one of the many kinds of home care classes in which her mother has enrolled her since she was little, and at least she still puts those of appearance and makeup into practice.

Ben insisted on accompanying us on our way home, according to him because it is a moral duty as a host to make sure that his guests arrive safely to their destinations, but I know that after throwing us in the apartment he's going to have something like a date with Mal. She told me that her mother values Ben, a lot, so much that there are times when she invites him to their house, for lunch or just to have him there, but she and I think she's up to something, maybe to have them married one way or another, but for them to end up together.

I shake my head from side to side, waiting for my freakingly long hair to get dry a little while I devote myself to the pile of dirty dishes that were whispering my name since we set a foot in here, before he pushed me to call dibs in the shower first. I'm very tired to lash out at him and for the fact that it's late, aside my pride is still a little hurt to see that I'm not as good as I thought I was, especially since he's a rookie at this.

Doug has this game, _Just Dance_ or something like that, from where he wants to take out some steps to impress Evie with everything and his two left feet, and as the good friend that I can become I joined them so they didn't get to embarrass themselves completely, and that was another game where he left us in shame: he hit every special movement, followed the rhythms of the virtual dancers, sang some songs, and his hips, shit, the movements of his hips were so pronounced that I still can't get them out of my head.

In short: he has an ability to hide his talents, I don't know what other things he can hide.

"I cheated" I hear the statement from a distance.

"In what?" I scratch the sponge against the stain, managing to eliminate it. "There were plenty of times when you could cheat".

"In our game from yesterday, I cheated cause I had already seen _The Wizard of Oz_ " his voice doesn't vary in the tone: fearful, full of guilt and regret, "I wanted you to watch it with me because it's my favorite movie ever, the book is awesome too, and I wanted to share it just with you".

It is then that I'm moved, almost pulling out an expression of tenderness with my throat and with the fervent wish to wrap him in my arms, listening to everything he has to say or the other things that he wants to share with me.

I would also like to share things with him, of the intimate kind, not of what almost everyone knows; that he knows me and I know him.

"And why are ya telling me? The game ended yesterday" I finish with the last plate, drying my hands and the soap with a stinky rag hanging over the sink.

"Look at me".

I let out a nasal laugh, rolling my eyes and turning over my left flank, seeing him in front of the swinging doors. I almost went down with my back first.

My gaze begins to scan from his feet, the small and sometimes awkward feet that have tried and managed to kick me in the face, which are predominantly cold, slowly going up his hairy and tanned shins, because of his shorts and his taste for exposure to the sun in his spare time.

When I reach up to his pale thighs, a total contrast of tonalities, perhaps the biggest part of his whole body, is when a tingling occurs over my lips, reminding me of that little desire I have since the moment I saw them for kissing, licking and biting them, leaving a random pattern of marks that will turn purple over time. I can only imagine the expressions he would make for that, and that increases the tingling.

I reach his crotch and feel that the temperature of my body rises to a boiling point, for my brain, because all I want is to remove all my clothes and be in the same conditions of nakedness as he is, without the hands that are hindering and covering him. A part of my imagination were thinking that his pubes would also be bicolor, seeing that every part of it is dark brown and that he keeps it short (I have no idea how, and I'm dying to ask him) makes me feel satisfied, by some strange reason.

I don't know if it is because what's lying underneath is big, his hands are small, if right now he's hard, but his dick doesn't seem to fit between them. I lick my lips cynically, my pants become tighter and extremely uncomfortable; I want to see it, _now_.

I turn my attention back to his torso, noticing the small belly that protrudes in his arms, the consequence of the binge of food he still has, which I now understand where they come from, but besides that he is… fit. I notice the defined but barely prominent muscles in his chest, which are hidden by his loose clothing, how protuberant his collarbones are, the breadth and slenderness of his shoulders, somewhat misleading by the strength they can acquire if the training or visiting to the playground requires it. He's thin, that's clear, but even so he has defined abs and a physical appearance that makes him attractive, the problem is his shy and devalorizing personality.

When I meet his eyes he looks away, blushing like a tomato and shrugging his shoulders, the nervous laughter tells me about the anticipation and the uncertainty he has for my actions, perhaps about the hasty of his since something like a game so dull doesn't impose on someone to undress so freely.

"W-why for?" I get to say, satisfied that I hadn't moaned.

"I honestly don't know, it seemed a proper punishment" he sways over his place, putting his hands rigid over confusing and hairy sections, nothing for him that goes beyond what is necessary, "after all one of us would have ended up just like this" he raises his shoulders to emphasize.

I'm panting inside, just like a dog that has a feast in front and fights against all its impulses to jump on it and enjoy it. I contract my toes so I don't go forwards to tackle him down and we fall into the living room, I on him while I undo myself from my light clothes, with the simple aim of feeling his body against mine, touch him and let a lot of stupid things to happen, stupid in the sense that they can affect our friendship/whatever we are.

I still have that question in my head if we get to the point where we penalize ourselves by exposing ourselves to the other: is it still an innocent friendship or did he did have ulterior motives from the start when he came to the department, to my life?

"I think I'll get something over me, it's starting to get chilly anyway" and he turns to walk away, the shadows of the living room hide his back, but I can still see his little ass taking small bounces with every step he takes, increasing my internal panting.

«That's it, I can't contain myself, I must kiss him _today_ ».

I make sure the pile of clean dishes isn't going to fall down and get destroyed into pieces in the course of the night, I take a look that the door locks are set in place as well as there's no leaking of gas while we sleep to turn off the light and hurry up to the bathroom, taking off my shirt and placing my back against a wall, feeling the cold manage to extinguish the heat produced by my indecent desires towards him.

I take off the rest of the clothes when I notice that my boner has disappeared and that I can walk like an ordinary person, I take the door knob and a deep breath too. «I can do this, I can show myself to him, although I don't understand why he alone makes me feel so fearful», I internalize, thinking that it's a stupid thing since I tend to be in the same way in the locker rooms after tourney games, but this context is very different.

I open the door and walk straight to my room, standing in front of my chest of drawers and opening them just to look at what is inside, that until I hear him gasp deeply; I smile at that moment.

"Uh… J-J-Jay…" I can't do anything to deny what I just did, so all I do is to turn on my heels.

His gaze begins to traverse me from the head, he slowly descends and looks carefully at every corner of me, every part that I can offer him from this angle, when he reaches my waist he's blushing excessively, something he was doing with every second that passed, but now he covers his face with a pillow, stifles a cry on it and leaps up, ready to leave.

The only thing I do is to stand in his way, stretching my fist for it to clash against his chest, then I stretch my hand to gently hold his arm, a touch I can do with great effort due to my brute force, I know that if I take him with much force I could hurt him and make bruises appear, his body is very sensitive to that. He stops, looks at the floor, then closes his eyelids, placing his hands over his eyes, and I bet he'd turn off the light if he remembered that he should just stretch out his arm to find it.

"I-I'm not g-gonna open them u-until you get s-something o-over" he says in a surprisingly firm shaky tone.

I let out a nasal laugh, rolling my eyes and sighing heavily, as a mockery of his attitude, then I put my hand and close the drawers without taking anything out of them. It's just about me, exposed, not the big deal.

I start humming while he stands there, taking my time while I pretend to put boxers on my waist and a T-shirt, watching what he does, and surprisingly he doesn't spy on his fingers or decides to surrender in his attempt to not want to see me, although I can see a noticeable bulge at his waist. I want it.

"Are y-you d-d-dressed ready?" he asks between stuttering, though I thought he would wait for me to give him an answer.

"Yeah, just how you wanted it" I say with a wicked smile.

He pulls his hands away and opens his eyelids slowly, his gaze meets mine for a moment until he directs it down, he blushes wildly and looks at me with those big eyes of his and a slightly frown.

"L-l-liar" he accuses me with his innocent tone of voice. I smile a little.

"I'm sorry but it's not my fault, this is my room anyway. Ya were here when I came innocently to seek for a change of clothes for the hot night" he raises his eyebrows at my words, like if he were accepting his guilt.

"I told you I'd wear something over the cold" his eyes look at me, but they're shaking. I can read in them that he wants to take another look at me.

"We catch the temperature in a different way" I release his arm and we continue to stare at each other, not blinking, like some kind of competition, or looking at parts that shouldn't be looked at in situations like these.

"Y-you should… you should get d-dressed…" I wink and he bites his lip.

"And you should stop stuttering, there's no reason to".

I break our eye contact and he walks back to his bed while I close the door without the latch, but instead of lying down he just stands there, still, until I approach to him and make him to step over it, placing his back against the wall and being cornered in there. Only five centimeters pull us apart, that and his clothes, his blush spreads up to his ears and at the tip of my nose I can see that I'm blushing too. Now I don't mind showing myself as vulnerable, I shouldn't be afraid of anything.

"We shouldn't be doing this, J-Jay" he stutters again. "I don't want you to think I'm trying to find ways to keep living here".

"I know it's not something like that, Carlos" I approach another inch. "I know this arises from what we feel, because you can't deny that there is".

He smiles, ashamed, while he lets out a long sigh. I like it when he smiles that way, sincere, as well as the way I behave when he is near, although it's still not of my complete pleasure to become the kind of sensitive person that I'm not with so much freedom.

"Jay?" he tilts his head a little, only a few degrees.

"Yeah?" many feelings are mixed inside me now, the one that stands out is the warmth between us, given the circumstances.

"I thought… well, I didn't believe… I didn't think I was someone you'd notice, I didn't think I was your kind of attractive guy…".

I growl at all the confusion that comes to me for his perception about me and the others, all that must have been forgotten because he's adorable, strong and smart, who can't see it is an idiot, and I feel the attack against myself for not having noticed it before, also for not having acted before.

"I don't want you to think that, Carlos" I caress his right cheek with the back of my fingers, "because, honestly, your appearance wasn't important to me to notice you. I'm not saying that you're not, in fact you're adorable, charming in sight and nice to the others, but what I feel for you arose from the bond that we formed and because I like what makes you be you".

He gives up to my touch, to my words and to my honesty, he bows his head and rubs his cheek completely with the palm of my hand, the heat of his body reaches to the depths of me. A smile begins to widen more and more on his lips, he breathes in an agitated way, like if he wanted to shed tears.

"Either way we'll be in trouble, with your dad" he says, scared.

"I get it" I say, drawing a few millimeters closer. "But I don't care, I'm sure he'll understand".

"What does he has to understand?.

"Us".

We both smile like idiots and I raise my hand to his other cheek, he puts his warm hands on my chest, I get somewhat tense at the feel of his trembling grip.

Our noses are touching now, our breathings intersect and our eyes express everything our lips aren't saying. We both breathe through our mouths, nervous about this situation we want to set free, we could even say something terrified from it.

It's strange, I've never felt so nervous about kissing someone, and doing it with him makes it more exciting, makes me feel completely different.

"It's only you, Carlos de Vil, the reason I keep looking at you" I say.

Then a kiss pulls us together, a pressure of his fleshy, soft and delicious lips with mine, somewhat parched by the lack of water after all we did during the day. I move away a little when I feel that simple action was enough to take my breath away and immediately he hurries to do it again, with a bit more abruptness besides awkwardness on his part. We both slowly close our eyelids, enjoying from the other, I lower my hands and hug him by the waist, he places his hands on my back and starts caressing me, going from top to bottom at a pace that makes me completely weak.

It's like something exploding inside my chest, the beating in my ears are telling me so, I'm about to faint from the feeling that takes over me, it's intoxicatingly relaxing at the same time that I still feel like it's the first time that I do this kind of thing.

Is it for real that I can feel this way now, or am I just letting my imagination work too hard for all this?

I don't have time to respond when he takes me by the shoulders and brings me completely closer to him, we both tilt our heads to the right and it's him who takes the initiative to deepen the kiss, a battle for dominance between his little pink tongue against mine inside my mouth, the sensation that runs from my feet to the last strand of my hair is so much that I just can't stop myself from letting out a moan on his face.

The worst part, the uncomfortable one so to speak, is my complete nakedness, and if this becomes wilder then I fear that all the blood of my body will travel to prominent areas, as it begins to happen. I have to act on it.

I move my lips and go along the line of his jaw down to his neck, his nails are clinging to the skin of my back, moaning and breathing very agitated. I continue kissing him while I undo the buttons on the flannel shirt that he's wearing to sleep, when I reach the button on his chest his hands push me away, then he crosses his arms and looks down.

"No" he simply orders, as something he doesn't even want to follow.

"W-why n-not?" I ask with obvious anger and frustration, panting.

"There's a reason why I always wear long sleeves and for which I never take off my shirt with someone close to me" his eyes fill with tears, a part of his story that I didn't want to discover this way, "my mother has beaten me up for as long as I can remember, my body is the damn proof of it".

"Oh" I bite my lower lip when I can't say anything more.

"That's why I don't want you to see me so… uncovered…" he stretches out the T-shirt and lets it go, letting the shadows contrast with his muscles.

"Dude…" he blushes. Well, that wasn't going to be said, but I can't throw myself back, besides I don't want to be the one to put on the ridiculous nicknames I sometimes hear around, "sorry. I told you, I don't care what your body looks like, what arouses me is you, just the way you are, just… just let me see you, please".

"Promise you will not mock of me or say anything about me?" he uncovers his arms without leaving me the opportunity to respond, I place his forehead against mine and kiss him on the nose, then I remove the last two buttons.

I had never felt so alien to this situation, too first-timer for my taste; I never believed that a guy like Carlos would make me feel that he's the first person who also looks at me as a person, someone who sees me beyond some kind of physical attraction.

His breathing crosses again with mine when I make the flannel go down his shoulders, I drop it next to us and I look up at his body illuminated by the light of the bulb; the freckles scattered in unequal patterns here and there, each one makes my fingers to tingle when I want to touch them, on the left side of his waist there's an area where the skin is more exposed and pink, resembling the size of a small button, a burn, the main one from an abundant amount that surrounds that part, some smaller than others. I can only imagine what it's like to see his back, that image I had with my cell phone wasn't very clear and he was hidden by the shadows a while ago.

But without that he is… Carlos is mesmerizing, and he is… somehow mine?

"So?" I take half step back to look at him completely, trembling like my hands. I'm astonished before him. "You like the canvas my mother made of me?".

"Carlos…" I swallow the knot in my throat since I can't believe we're doing this, "I… fuck, you… you are…".

"Hideous, small and with muscles from dubious origins due to my extreme thinness? I know that, you don't have to…" I place a finger on his lips, though even if I did it with mine, would it have been a bad thing? We belong together now, if I understood this well.

"Your body is an extra to how captivating you are, everything in you is the most surprising and attractive thing; Carlos, you are the most interesting person I have and will ever met in my life. I swear it".

He laughs and bends his head, raising one hand and covering half of his face with it, hiding how he blushes down to his shoulder, prominent ones, the bones so visible that they almost seem to tear his skin apart. I raise my hands, as shaken as if I tried to keep my foot balanced after drinking a lot, which has happened to me, and I leave them still, without doing something he doesn't want.

"Carlos, can I…?".

His hands take mine before my doubts increase and they make me touch his chest, I release a nervous laugh by the soft touch with which I found myself, he sighs and bites his lower lip slightly, he closes his eyelids slowly before releasing my hands, letting me take control and run over his body as I want it. I make it slowly, making the sensation of the chills in his skin worth it, the callosities of my hands run in extension, my thumbs caress his small pecs and abs, his nipples and the remarkable bones of his ribs, my fingers, that touch specific places, are amazed to be able to touch his freckles on such a stretch of skin so smooth and warm. He's perfect…

His hands run down my arms until they take my neck, he caresses there and I feel myself blush slowly, with his thumbs he touches my Adam's apple and he seems very entertaining to see it moving by my nervousness, I move my head forward to kiss him again but he places a finger on my lips and sighs.

"This is very important to me, Jay, no one has ever touched me in this private way, only I have" he wipes his lips with his tongue and sighs. "I'm afraid of what may happen, I'm afraid that what happens may be too fond for me and make me a demanding person for you, I fear that one day you will stop looking at me in the same way you do it now. There are many things, so many that if I talk about all of them now even I would get bored from it, but what I want to know is that this is something reciprocal for both of us".

I surround him around the waist, he growls low and respond to my hug taking me also by the waist and placing his forehead on my chest. On his lower back I can now feel the other scars while my thumbs are caressing him, the recent burn marks and scabs, they are too many and they tickle my fingertips in a very frivolous way, causing another sudden knot to get stuck inside my throat while I try to calm myself down and gather the right words for all of his constant fears to disappear once and for all.

"It is, what I feel for you is completely real, reciprocal as you say it".

"Desire and lust?" when we move away I see him pulling his eyebrows down and pursing his lips a little. I look into his eyes and kiss him on the tip of his nose before pressing on his lips, he sighs slightly and his hands hold me tighter.

"I… I…" I close my eyelids and take a deep breath, of course interrupting the atmosphere generated between us, but my thoughts are so confusing that at any moment I could say some idiocy. "I really can't place some kind of name in it, if I'm completely honest, but I do know it's something big and deep, it certainly is a loyal feeling for you, one I've never had before, or at least not with the same intensity".

"How big can it be?".

"It's taller than you, that's for sure".

He laughs, then we rejoin in another kiss while I take him by the waist and his hands caress my back again, we look at each other for a moment and then we begin to close our eyelids slowly. Everything stands that I'm not only showing my body completely to him, no, everything is around the fact I want to show him that I'm now exposed to him, I'm opening him way to do with me what he pleases: the consequences of something that I'm initiating.

His right hand pulls away from my back just to slip between us and he reaches my crotch, he starts to touch me with the back of his fingers, tracing the length and curvature of some areas with the tips, until he decides to take my dick and move his hand from top to bottom, making me to pull my waist back and moan again against his face.

I feel gigantic by being in his little hand, the softness he has is completely different for it compared to my rough hands.

"T-that feels good…".

"That's the whole point, you fool" I open my eyelids slightly and see him looking at me, I don't know from what moment he did it but I don't care, all I do is run my hand through his waist, he understands it since he lifts his legs and surrounds me with them, at last the moment when I can remove him from there.

I step down his mattress and slow-pace my way since I'm walking with closed eyelids and with his slight weight on me, enjoying his hands when they cling firmly to my neck, he growls against my lips and doesn't stop trembling.

I place my hand behind his head before his hair touches my pillow, I move away from him to breathe throughout my mouth, totally agitated and with half a boner on top, while he turns his head, breathing deeply my smell that was impregnated in the fabric. The vein in his neck palpitates, it invites me to run it again, and this time there is no turning back when I sniff the whole length of his neck before giving it a bite, followed by a pattern of wet kisses.

"Tell me if it's too much or if you want me to stop".

He nods slowly, his eyelids closed tightly and with one hand clinging to my blankets, in his chest I can see the excessively fast beating of his heart, the barely visible movement in his nipple makes me lick over my lips as well as laughing to myself.

I diminish the intensity of light with the leveler before kissing his skin slowly and hungrily, making slight suctions here and there, without the intention of leaving some clear evidence. I continue to descend while I kiss and lick his lightly toned chest, when I reach his pink and erect nipples I can't help but smile before going through them with my tongue, that before licking and biting them a little, to the point where he tenses and whines with energy.

"W-we're gonna have… s-sex?" he asks, pulling my attention back to his eyes.

"Is that what you want?" I rise to place my forehead against his, traversing the width of his stomach with my hand, feeling that he shudders.

"I-I'm not sure" he keeps looking at me, and with his doubt it's clear that he doesn't want to do it, not yet or not with me at least.

"Then we'll get to where you feel sure" I assure him, leaving the shadow of a kiss on his lips.

"I wanna c-cum" he moves his head to hide on my shoulder.

"We'll do that then, okay?".

"Okay" he kisses me surprisingly, only a slight pressure, then he lets me continue on my way down his body, again kissing and licking, until I reach the line of his waist and take the elastic of his tight underwear, looking at him to have full consent to remove it.

He looks me straight in the eye and nods.

When I finally release him from his oppressive underwear and make it come out through his hairy legs, when I lower my gaze towards the new discovery, I have to take a breath of air, synonymous to my surprise at this situation. It's not about the size or color, the dimensions or that I can finally see it, most of all I have that reaction for the beauty.

As stupid as it may sound, Carlos has the most beautiful penis I've seen so far, and I've seen too much porn over the years.

"You're so fucking sexy" I say, panting soundlessly and not taking my eyes off his growing dick.

"You make me feel so fucking sexy".

I wink my right eye and he blows me a kiss, I slowly bring my mouth to the top of his right thigh and start sucking on his skin, I run my tongue by the section caught in my jaw and place his legs over my shoulders, biting a little more than necessary when his cold feet touch me, but it's mitigated when he crosses them behind my neck and one of his hands goes into my hair, like if he were asking me not to stop with what I do. I will not do it.

I stretch my right arm and run his waist with my fingers, teasing, that before going to his cock. Curiously it's like if we share the same thought because his free hand comes there as well, he's responsible for entwining our fingers so that his manhood gets trapped between our hands, and he's the next to start enjoying the touch of an unknown hand.

I raise my head leaving small bites in my way, I reach to his lips and we fuse into a slow kiss but at the same time savage, licking lips, letting our tongues to come in to play, moaning and exhaling heavily on the other's face, even doing firm bites that shake us.

I slide my hands underneath him, touching his back and his scabbed hip, until I reach his small ass and squeeze it firmly, taking each cheek with one hand and growling over his face, but that rudeness doesn't last long because a very strong bite comes on my lips, so strong that it makes me frown and drown out a scream of pain.

"I'm sorry…" he whispers.

"Don't be, it was my mistake".

"It just felt pretty good, do it again".

I don't open my eyelids, I just smile while I do it again, but it's just to make us turn, now my head is on the pillows and he's on my lap, his legs flexed on either side of my waist, sitting in such a way that my dick slips between his butt cheeks and his hits my stomach, I don't see anything about my pubic hair or my crotch, just the tasteful feeling that my most sensitive part is in contact with such a vulnerable, so soft place.

He looks away, his shrunken shoulders and stiff posture tells me that he didn't expect any of this, but I force him to look me in the eye since I take his chin with a little strength, I give him a smile before putting my stretched hand in his nape, caressing his hair before approaching him to me. This new position and the act I want to do compels him to move his hips slowly, making a forward and backward movement that resembles a pronounced oval, which brings back memories of the stupid game at Ben's place about him dancing and indirectly inciting me to act on what we're doing now.

"Would ya dance for me?" I ask when our heads change the angle.

"For you and over you, everything you want" he bites my lower lip.

He raises his head but keeps his gaze on me, he guides my hands to his waist and continues to move in the same circular movements, alternating clockwise and counterclockwise, moving forward or backwards, and even making a rapid movement with which he makes me lift my hips, feeling that I'm at the limit of feelings. My hands follow his movements, I break our eye contact because I'm fascinated to see how his erection moves with each movement, as an extension of all this.

It's precisely that inattention he's getting what makes me to lose on his waist to bring my hand to my mouth and moisten my thumb with saliva before taking him firmly, causing his tip to become darker while I move my hand from top to bottom, rubbing my thumb with the pre emanating from it.

Like this I can tell the differences between us, he's not particularly longer than I but he does have a certain thickness, I admit that greater than mine, in addition his pubes stays short and more adhered to the skin, unlike mine that doesn't has had necessary attention like his.

It's obvious that the differences in our skin tones are clearer now, but his whole dick has a pink tone so specific that I can't help but panting, thinking that I'm the only person who has seen it in such a mature and provocative state. We have indeed chosen the other to do this, to intimate in a way that doesn't require sex, only the constant friction of one against the other.

My other hand moves away from his waist so I can touch his fucking sexy body from the sides of his thighs to his neck, pinching his nipples or seeing that my thumb disappears in his mouth when he sucks on it. The mere fact of seeing him do all that seems enough for me for everything that I couldn't get out of my dick could explode now, but it seems that he reads my thoughts because he rises only so that I can be free and at the mercy of his little hands, in the same way he rubs his salivate thumb against my tip and that's what makes me arch my back when I try to imitate the movements he does.

I move his hand apart and he frowns, I did it just so that his dick comes next to mine in my right hand, the fluidity of the movements in his hips makes the friction simpler, the pre gushing from us also facilitates it, and when his hands begin to go over each part of my body is when I feel like someone sensual for the only person I really care about.

"You wanna go out with me from now on and be my boy?" I ask, feeling a tingling in the stomach as well as I contract my toes, the sign that at least I'm about to cum. His movements become a little more erratic, not so premeditated; there's something also interfering in him.

"O-o-of course I do, Jay!" he bends down to kiss me completely, in the moment when we both reach the limit.

I'm not quite sure who did it but one of the expulsions reached to the bottom of my jaw, with enough force to go across my skull without any problem, my hips move languidly with his while we imitate the same circle, while our simultaneous orgasm is threatening to finish, while we recover our sanity at the same time when his body collapses over mine, we're both exhausted and he has some drops of sweat running along the curve of his back. I didn't think it was so something that could be so exhausting, and I can only imagine that the real thing can be it even more.

His body gradually relaxes, he breathes more calmly and lets all his weight fall on me, he stops breathing on my shoulder to turn his head, sighing and sending a chill through my skin. I use my left arm to remove a pillowcase, taking care of cleaning him as most as possible, giving a couple of extra grips and rubbing to some areas that are still hypersensitive.

"I'll wash this tomorrow" I say, tossing it near my chest of drawers.

"Sounds good".

His hand comes to me again, with his thumb he takes the last drops that come out of my tip and before I can clean them against the mattress he brings them to his mouth, removing them with his tongue before swallowing it sonorously, licking his lips at the conclusion and sketching a peculiar pleased smile.

"Not as salty as I expected".

My imitation in addition to my curiosity comes into play and I do the same as him, removing the liquid remains that still come out of his half boner and passing them through my mouth before swallowing, feeling a sultry heat on the cheeks.

"Somehow sweet, if I'm honest" he grabs my cheek and forces me to kiss him, the taste of his body mingling with mine in a way I can't quite describe. "You were pretty full" I say when we pull away to breathe a little, making him laugh and earning me a punch on the arm.

"It's not something I do very often".

"Were ya abstaining yourself for someone in particular that I should know?".

"Shut up".

I stretch my right leg to turn off the light with my foot, I make him lift up just so I can put the sheets over us, the thick blankets are rolled up at my feet. He again hides his face against my shoulder, he sighs with relaxation and his whole body surrenders completely, like if the battery had ran out for how loose he is now, for the freedom that perhaps he's experiencing.

Personally I feel relaxed to see that we are oriented in a sense that benefits us both, being on the side where we can continue joking like the idiots we usually are after doing something like this. It's a day that will remain inside my memory forever.

"This has been the best night of my life" he reads my thought again, I pull him closer to my body and he does so without resistance. "I heart you, Jay," he whispers, placing one arm on my chest, sinking his face against my neck while my right hand caresses his arm, sometimes his chest.

"I heart ya too, Carlos" I say in another whisper, kissing his forehead and placing my head on his.

That came out fast, faster than I expected, with the fluidity necessary to tell me that they were words I had wanted to express for some time but that my stupid mind wanted to keep quiet, and if I think about it then I can actually get used to telling him that kind of things besides doing these kinds of things, all while we are at a point that is comfortable for him.

I step into the background, now I have placed him as my priority, and I can't remember the last time a person became my priority.


	8. For you

I couldn't resist making a song-fic, I had a huge internal debate between which would be the chosen songs but I think I have the appropriate ones for this and some other chapter. Fav, follow or review, enjoy it :)

Songs: Squeeze - Fifth Harmony (/watch?v=6m2Skcoe2OA)

Give Your Heart a Break – Demi Lovato ( _Glee_ 's cover, /watch?v=NpCjsbsdTx4)

Lyrics: Carlos: _italics,_ Jay: _**bold**_ , Both: _underline_

* * *

 **For you**

When I open my eyelids the first thing I can see is that the sun shines brightly on the outside, Carlos curls up a bit more with me, putting his hips against mine and sighing against my neck. I let out a groan because of his breath and also because I can't finish believing about what happened, however it was small, fast or almost insignificant it may seem.

Even though there wasn't an act as it should be is an unimaginable experience and, contrary to some ideas, I don't feel that I have lost something, rather it seems that I have gained something, and it wasn't only to be the first experience of this type with him. I have gained him to have confidence in himself, to not be afraid of being seen without clothes and to be exposed… I managed us to have security and acceptance for ourselves, completely, even if it seems that I already had it.

I would dare to think that he moves again because of his dreams, that he removes his hand from my chest for that, but this time he crosses a leg over my waist, his left hand is kept below him while the right one cynically goes down over my abs to the part that covers the sheet, every rubbing making my skin to come alive. I move my right hand of his shoulder and begin to caress his thigh, as slowly as my morning stupor allows me.

I let out a growl when he moves his hips in a deep motion, his bold hand takes my morning wood and begins to play with it; I almost hear him laugh even though his face is hidden in the pillow. I can't help but letting out a moan that combines my morning laziness with the pleasure of touching his soft skin and feeling that he touches me.

He turns his head, his agitated breath crashing against me and his hips move more against mine, his other hand is present to slip under my back to caress my muscles while he's mumbling things I don't understand.

His soft lips begin a path that goes from my shoulder through my collarbone, my neck, my jaw, until he reaches mines, taking me by the cheeks aggressively and kissing me in a wandering way, he plunges us in a kiss that leaves me static for a few seconds, those he needs to place over me, and I must give him extra points since he haven't stopped playing with me.

"Well, this is a surprise…" I groan.

"I couldn't resist" he moans back, pushing his hips.

"But I was asleep, I could call rape right now".

"You enjoy it, you know you will not".

My hands now take him by the waist, I caress the visible iliac crests with my thumbs and try not to touch the scarred parts, I almost have to contract my fingers, because with those simple caresses I make him arch his back and his kiss deepens, beating me in a matter of seconds.

"The most incredible way to start the day" he moves in circles over me, causing me to moan and grab him tightly around the waist.

"You can bet i-it" I wink my eye at him and he moans against my lips, kissing me again, this time his unoccupied hand decides to continue in action to touch.

I close my eyelids, biting my lower lip and sighing placidly, when his dick slides against mine and he unites us by closing his hand around our full erections, the movements of his hips and the friction of our bodies makes me experience almost the same degree of excitement of last night, to the point of wanting more than just this.

"C-Carlos…" I gasp and bite my lower lip tightly, he devotes himself to kissing my neck and breathing heavily against it.

"Jay…" he murmurs with the skin of my neck caught between his teeth, he runs his tongue over it so that I cling to his back, almost using my nails, but in order to keep myself somewhat coherent to what's happening.

The pressure of his hand around us disappears, the friction of the warm skin of his chest makes me feel that even my nipples are erect, he guides the hand that was concentrated in us all over my body until he takes me by the shoulders, he lifts up a little and gives me another smile when he looks down at me, that before giving me an innocent kiss on the forehead.

"I think it's too much morning action for a day".

He gets up from my lap and just rests beside me, one of the sheets perfectly covers the lump that must cover, all of that I've seen and touched. I take a deep breath and try not to growl out of anger, looking at the ceiling or sometimes at the curtains, not at him lying next to me.

«That was fucking cruel, I want more!».

"And what am I supposed to do with this?" I look at the bulging sheet on my hip and he turns only to laugh lowly.

"I think you have two perfectly useful hands for that" he winks at me and runs a hand through his hair.

"My hands are rough, yours are small and very soft, there's no point of comparison to do it with you".

"That's because I'm awesome".

"Sure you are".

He blushes and bends down quickly to give me a kiss on the hip, he climbs up my side leaving slight pressures until he reaches my lips, but before I can take his cheek and kiss him with the same aggressiveness with which he did it he pulls back to roll on the mattress, lying face down and with his eyes in my direction, the sheet flies and continues to cover everything necessary.

Please, it's not a coincidence that it's tied up like that.

I turn my gaze from his eyes to his lower back, seeing the abundant amount of scars he has, and I also see that he follows my gaze, before he can stretch his hand to lift the sheet I intercept the movement of his arm, I look him closely in the eyes and I set him free, seeing that he simply leaves his arm next to him and closes his eyelids, turning his head and sighing.

While I stretch my hand I realize how shaky it is, I see that I'm trying to ignore my nervousness even though my body wants to make it clear, I get up and in a cynical way I sit on his butt, the sheets between us and without all my weight, to see with more carefulness his whole back, the smallest burns and the most abundant ones that tickle in my fingertips when I finally dare to touch them, which makes me swallow the other sudden knot inside my throat. I look at him to see that his hands are made fists, taking the sheet beneath us, and that he's breathing agitated.

"I'm not gonna do anything ya don't want to do".

"I know, that's why I trust you" he says confidently, something that happens for a first, "it's just that I feel tickles".

I open the curtains so that the sun can come in, seeing that it is cloudy and the threat of torrential rain is latent, although some sunlight are striving to cross the gray clouds to touch the ground, like the one that strikes in his back and gives him a very different tone to his skin, more striking, one that I really like.

I lean forward and kiss him between the shoulder blades, pressing my nose against his skin and waiting, feeling how his body quiver, the sensation of the bristly skin that lies slightly against my lips, the sigh of surprise that he exhales and the way in which he breathes, besides the smell of his body in the morning is indescribable, as a mixture of his natural essence mixed with mine for sharing the same bed.

It's the first time I've slept in someone's company.

I stop harassing him and return to what I was doing first, without asking questions about the origins because it is obvious that such marks aren't produced by precipitate acts of small children; it's clear that his mother is very aggressive with him and she's insane, there are scars from cuts and one or another burn, I suppose that's why the mild smell to menthol tobacco was present everywhere when we were at home, besides the alcohol, but all of them vary in healing time, in breadth, I could say that even in depth, and I just don't understand how a mother can afford that.

"Don't ya have any more family?" I ask out of nowhere, caressing his sides as I press on them, some kind of massage.

"I know I do but I don't know all of them, only my cousin Diego because he occasionally comes to visit, and he's a bastard on those occasions".

"Yeah, I heard it before" I say as I take his shoulders, causing him to arch his back, the friction of his butt against my hip gives me shivers.

"I've never told you that" he says in a tone of doubt while he looks at me as he turns his head a little, rising with his elbows. "Were you spying when I talked to your dad about that?".

"Yeah, I honestly did it".

"Nosy".

"Only as far as you are concerned".

I lean to kiss him on the cheek, likewise staying still while I feel his smile grow more and more, I even follow his movements when he puts his face back on my pillow, relaxing his whole body.

Physical scars are something that will not be removed from one moment to another, it's sure he has some of them since he can remember, but emotional scars are something I think I can take care of, if he has them, and even he could deal with mine, if I dare to recognize any.

"You were serious?" he asks when I finally decide to lie down beside him, my shoulder next to his and my free arm behind my head.

"About what?" I arch my eyebrow while he places his head on my shoulder, I let mine to rest on his and he sighs again.

"What you said last night about going out with me, did you mean it?".

"Do you think I would jest about something like that?" I move down and then we both turn on our sides, his nose is against mine and his eyes do not move away from mine, he smiles and blushes. Damn it's adorable.

"I believe it a little because you're handsome, you could have anything that moves here, between your sheets and doing things I just want to have in my head, plus I've never dated someone like his boy before, and also you're my first kiss with a guy, that's why I'm a bit confused".

"It hurts that you see that in me a little bit"«because it's something they tell me quite often», "but you mustn't be confused because it's something I mean, I really would like to go out with you, it's something I wanted to tell you a long time ago but I didn't see the right chance, not without fear you or something".

"You could just said it".

"I'm sorry to have said it like that, if it was hasty or in a strange context".

He places his hand on my cheek, caresses my cheek with his thumb and bends down to kiss me, the tenderest of the kisses I have received for the way I sigh, how he approaches me and slides his arms behind my neck, me under his body and pressing him against me, with no gap.

I can't describe how good it feels to do this, to have someone, to be with someone, to spend time with someone. I wish dad and Joel never came back, and I wonder why I've never done it before.

"I'm just happy that you did" he places his forehead pressed against mine and keeps his eyelids closed, sighing slightly. "But now I want to take a shower, also that I don't wanna be in balls and sticky besides at the risk of your father arriving without warn".

"He always gives me a warning before he arrives".

"I wanna do it anyway".

"Fine, in the meantime I'll make some breakfast".

"It's past noon".

"The point is to eat something, isn't it?".

"True".

She sits up to take his tight underwear and slide it up his thighs without removing the sheet, then when he stands it slowly falls to the ground, revealing everything I could touch yesterday protected in a piece of cloth. In addition to that he leans down to take my shirt, revealing the muscles I didn't know he had on his legs, shaped and strong ones when he moves.

I feel bad to think that I want his legs on my shoulders while I look down into his face, my hips hitting against his.

Before I can act he runs off to the bathroom, closing the door in a thunderous way when he steps in, I let out a growl and put on what little he left of my clothes, still struggling with my Sunday morning laziness from all the weekends. I hear the water fall as it warms, imagining how he slowly undoes himself from the scanty layer of clothing that covers him, from my shirt that fits on him as long as one of those nightgowns.

"Do ya mind if we take a shared shower? It would be good for me".

"I would mind it, I always take my time in the shower".

I let out a shaken sigh and I start to walk towards the kitchen when I hear something weird, like the reverberation of several things being together, a strident sound against a piece of glass before it explodes or something similar, I can't give it a complete description but it comes from the interior of the bathroom, so I just take the doorknob to step in until I hear a new sound, his voice.

 _End of the night, looking at me, what do you see?_

 _Wish I could read your mind_

 _Dimming the light, here in the dark, going by feel_

 _Only the moon to guide_

It's like if the rain had been waiting for him to say the first word to start falling, but it's the fact that he chose that song from all the range of possibilities that makes it to… ugh! I feel chills to see that he knows it, that he's intoning it perfectly, I can even imagine him wet and doing a little dance with the movements of his hips, besides that he's singing acapella, something that should be widely recognized for him. But that song…

 _When we're alone, I get so close_

 _Give me your warmth I've never known_

 _Face to face, caught in a wild embrace_

 _This is the safest place I've ever known_

I have always had a thing for the artistic people, the talented ones in whatever that they do, I find them extremely interesting, it also denotes that part of the dedication to be awesome, but his voice, his toned but sharp voice gives me so much shivers that I they erect the hair on my arms.

 _Put your arms around me, baby_

 _Put your arms around me, baby, and squeeze_

 _Only you know how to save me._

 _Put your arms around me, baby, and squeeze, squeeze_

I sit slowly in front of the door with my legs crossed, my elbows on my knees and my chin on my hands, and I sigh heavily, humming the melody while he is still there, absorbed from the world and absentminded of the effect that has on me a pastime like that. It's the first time I've heard him sing.

 _Remember the night talking to me_

 _Saying the words I wanna hear the most_

 _Gave me your heart, gave me your coat when I was cold_

 _Taking me sweet and slow_

The growl of my stomach goes to the background, the drowsiness of all the occasions when I get up too; it's like if everything went down the back and all that really matter is him. I don't understand very well what it was that could change from last night to today in him so that he does something that he never had done before, something that I can assure only a few know, and in case that it is known by a majority then I feel envy from all of them.

 _Put your arms around me, baby_

 _Put your arms around me, baby, and squeeze_

 _Only you know how to save me._

 _Put your arms around me, baby, and squeeze, squeeze_

I realize that I'm also chanting the lyrics until then, in a way that remains as a slight whisper since I don't want to overshadow what he does at this moment with my attempts, not even the deep growl of my stomach manages to change my motivation to continue here. I want to see him.

 _Won't you squeeze me, hold me, baby_

That last sentence kills me a little, something that I don't know because what it happens, I also feel it as a tempting invitation to just open the door and stay in the freezing rain that continues to fall when the water in the heater is finished, but the two of us being in the same space, at the same time, I don't think it would feel so frozen. Just one question comes: why?

I try to connect the dots over the reason to be in front of the bathroom door during the fifteen minutes that the hot water takes to run out, not moving an inch, with my knees aching and like if I heard his voice bouncing on the walls. I also have the strange sensation of wanting to do something, to be active and to move, like the one I experience during training but this doesn't pursue the same purpose; I want to do something with him, not what we did last night.

When I see that the door's knob turns to open I feel exalted and anxious, like if I were a little boy about to receive a big surprise, which is he still drying his hair, stepping on me while he advances.

"What are you doing there?" he lets the towel to hang over his neck, a few drops of water slide down the sides of his face, but it's like if I still hear him sing some notes while he speaks. "You said you'd prepare something to eat, and I'm really hungry".

"Y-you… w-were… singing…".

He stiffens, at first he enlarges his eyes and seems to get pale, that before the blush takes hold of his cheeks, the synonym that he feels joyful by what he hears; it's something that happens to him too often.

"You heard me?" he asks breathlessly, scratching his nape nervously.

"It would have been impossible not to hear a voice like yours" I stretch out my hand, he looks at it and I just shake it, emphasizing that I want him to take it.

He looks at me in the eye, looking for what he finds in people that tells him about a lie or about a trick, I still have the lingering feeling that he thought I was joking by telling him I want to date him, but I only keep a very small smile and I shake my hand again, turning his attention to it.

He sighs, sounding between defeated and desirous, before taking my hand, which looks enormous in comparison to his own, then I take his wrist roughly and pull him towards me, making the necessary movements so that he gets placed between my crossed legs, his legs surround my waist and his arms are behind my neck while my hands are entwined in his lower back.

"Do it again" I say, feeling that my tone changes to one I can't describe very well. It is low as well as sharp, different from the one I usually use to talk with people; it is similar to the one I use when I'm talking to the kids in the training. "Sing".

"I can't do it if you look at me" he looks away, I lift his chin with my fingers and he reacts with a smile until he looks at me in the eye again.

"Please?" I say, tilting my head a little. "Just a little more".

He nibbles on his lower lip and begins to move his eyes in different directions at such a speed that makes me dizzy, I blink a couple of times until he laughs low, a sound barely perceptible by the rain that lashes on the outside, in fact a pair of thunders make him jump on my lap in the time it takes him to think of his next action, and I'm more than happy because he does it.

"I have the idea of one, but it's not something I'm feeling now, it's something I've felt for a while".

"I'd like to hear it, I'd like it a lot".

"Maybe later, I'm too hungry to think" his stomach growls, like if it were allied with him, and I can't fight against that instinct.

"Okay, we'll eat something first".

"I'll take care of that, you go look for a comfortable spot".

"I thought ya were comfortable where ya are, but I can do that".

"And I can do this".

He takes me by the cheeks and his lips strike directly against mine, it's almost his teeth the first thing that comes into contact with my mouth by the smile he had planted in the face, but he managed to eliminate it just in time. He moves forward, a surprising act that makes me move backwards, having to put my hands behind me so I don't lose my balance, but it doesn't last too long since he moves away and leaves me stunned, blinking fast and wishing for more.

He knows tricks, very good tricks.

"Ya certainly know how to do it, and ya should do it more often" I say, without opening my eyelids completely, feeling totally weak.

"Find a spot, I get the food" he stands up just like that, leaving me with a set of ambivalent feelings inside.

I let out another sigh and get up without using my hands, just the strength of my legs, I go into dad's room and take a couple of thick blankets from the shelf over his wardrobe that will serve as some kind of soft soil, those which I will have to wash later. I walk to the window of my room and open it, feeling that the heavy rain continues to whip with all its force on the outside, for which I spread a small canvas awning that dad installed in each window.

I place them in a compulsive way one over the other, smoothing them and folding them at the ends of the outside frame of the window, the place where I sit to spend time, sometimes to read, and also to watch people panic when they see my legs hanging between the metal grille that serves as both internal and external protection.

I place a pillow on each side of the square that represents the frame, taking a place on the right side and staring at the rain, how it slides through the foliage of the trees and falls to the ground, the way it runs down the street, taking leaves and branches with it, as well as the pleasant cold that crashes against my skin, not to mention the intoxicating scent of the damp earth.

"Is this your idea of a comfortable spot?" he draws me out of my reverie, I turn my attention to him and the sandwiches he carries in his hands.

"You won't know if it is until you try it" I tap the space in front of me, then I help him by taking the plates and stretching my hand to support him, he sits down in front of me and settles his pillow behind his back, his legs crisscrossed with mine. "I recognize that it is a pleasant spot, though it's cold".

"Told ya" I take a bite of the sandwich, enjoying the crunch of lettuce leaves as well as the perfect combination of mayonnaise and mustard, taking my time to decipher the flavors of ham, cheese, and something that doesn't quite fit, an extra seasoning that in fact gives it a good flavor. "Pepper?".

"Oh, sorry, I thought I'd used just a little and you wouldn't notice".

"I like the taste, almost as much as I like you".

He blushes in the same way than the tomato that lies between our sandwiches, he stays half-bite and tries to hide his flushed face with his hand, failing miserably since he looks at me through the spaces between his fingers, when he does I wink my eye or tilt a smile, enjoying to the maximum of the three things that I like too much: the rain, the food, and his company.

"I win?".

"Yeah, ya win" I wink my eye at him again, finishing with my sandwich with one last bite, chewing slowly and swallowing even slower. "Delicious".

"I'm the best at preparing simple things".

"I bet you do" I take his left foot and put it on my lap, running my fingers over the full length, touching with my buds on his nails and seeing the barely perceptible movement of his toes when he contracts them; I can almost hear him laughing inwardly, which he only reflects in his broad smile and his shrunken shoulders. "Is this good?".

"It feels good, yeah" he says with his mouth full, covering it to speak.

"Tell me what's in your mystery box" I suggest, abstracted from the rain and the fact that his heel is inches away from my dick.

"I'll show you, but first I wanna be here with you".

"Sounds good" I feel myself blush to hear that he wants to be with me.

We stay quiet, the only thing that interrupting it is the incessant rain and the thunder in the distance, but I'm sure the movement of my fingers on the instep of his foot manages to reassure him because he no longer gives those small jumps whenever he listens to them and doesn't count down in a low voice when he sees the thunders illuminating the sky. I take a couple of looks to that area to see there are freckle splattered in there, in addition to the half-healed bruises from the intensive training we had on Friday; he could endure without fainting.

"Jay?" he asks in a whisper, breaking the silence completely.

"I'm listening" I say, looking at him sideways and smiling.

 _The day I first met you_

 _You told me you never fall in love_

 _But now that I get you_

 _I know fear is what it really was_

 _Now here we are, so close, yet so far_

 _Haven't I passed the test?_

 _When will you realize?_

 _That, baby, I'm not like the rest_

I turn my head at the moment when he says the first sentence, he doesn't look at me but it's enough to be out of breath to see that he chose another song that reaches the deepest part of me; it's like if he had entered to "Sappy", one playlist of my phone, and had studied each song to know which one would be the best to reach the core of my nonexistent heart.

 _Don't wanna break your heart_

 _I wanna give your heart a break_

 _I know you're scared it's wrong_

 _Like you might make a mistake_

 _There's just one life to live_

 _And there's no time to wait, to waste_

 _So let me give your heart a break, give your heart a break_

 _Let me give your heart a break, your heart a break_

 _Oh yeah, yeah_

He follows the rhythm with humming, I guess he feels my look since he shrugs slowly, finally interrupting his song with a sigh and looking at me in the eyes, and that's when I notice his glazed look, like if he were giving something straight from his vulnerability at this time. He really is different.

 _The world is ours if we want it_

 _ **We can take it if you just take my hand**_

 _There's no turning back now_

 _Baby, try to understand_

He seems surprised most of all by the fact that I know the song, the fact that I join him in this makes him open his eyes in surprise and move towards me, slow, like if he were on the lookout, thinking carefully on each of his movements, until the rub of his legs against mine is imminent, when he leaves his mouth a little more open than required, panting in silence.

 _Don't wanna break your heart_

 _I wanna give your heart a break_

 _I know you're scared it's wrong_

 _Like you might make a mistake_

 _ **There's just one life to live**_

 _ **And there's no time to wait, to waste**_

 _So let me give your heart a break, give your heart a break_

 _Let me give your heart a break, your heart a break_

No one had ever sung like this for me, I did it but they were sustained notes for people who didn't deserve them, so experiencing something like this for the first time makes me feel strange, like if I needed to be part of the act, for that of the reciprocity and stuff, but also like if it were only my duty to be receptive to what he does. I can't only accept.

 _When your lips are on my lips_

 _And our hearts beat as one_

 _But you slip out of my fingertips_

 _Every time you run, whoa_

I don't understand the kind of indirect things I'm throwing because it's like if I just weren't in my own mind, something else is what makes me to be part of this, that part that was shocked to see him waking up next to me and that still can't believe that someone can really do this for me.

' _Cause you've been hurt before_

 _I can see it in your eyes_

 _You try to smile it away, some things you can't disguise_

 _ **Don't wanna break your heart**_

 _ **Maybe, I can ease the ache, the ache**_

 _ **So let me give your heart a break, give your heart a break**_

 _There's just so much you can take_

 _Give your heart a break_

 _Let me give your heart a break, your heart a break_

 _Oh yeah, yeah_

And yes, it is inevitable that our lips doesn't end up together, but it's the fact that so many feelings were left in living skin and that we didn't know what to do with them that that was the best solution that could come to both of us.

Carlos finds a space between my legs, he pulls his body closer against mine while we keep our eyelids closed, my left hand cradles his cheek while his firmly grips my shirt, our breaths are getting shaky little by little while our free hands get entwined on my leg, a loose grip that becomes firm at the slightest threat that we can release the other.

His hand stops entwining with mine and the other one disappears from my shirt, before I can wonder for their whereabouts they both slip under my shirt in a completely daring way, in such a way that I slide until I'm lying completely down on the blankets, now it's he who can handle this by being in such a controlling posture.

I arch my back when he pulls up my shirt and it stays under my armpits, my skin lights up in every area where his venturous fingers dare to touch, in each portion where his palms caress and exert pressure, like if he were trying out my musculature and tenderness.

His lips drift away from mine to advance down my cheek, the line of my jaw, so then he attacks against my neck, kissing and breathing heavily, causing my hand to take him by the nape to stroke his hair, I start to moan lowly while my feet are contracting distressingly against the wall, synonymous of how fearful I am at what can happen now.

In the next second he's kissing on my chest with his whole mouth, his hands take my pecs and he caresses them, I bite my lower lip very hard while at the same time I keep my hands busy to not get them in my pants and take care of my painful erection.

Everything he does feels wonderful, my body was eager to know someone else's touch but something in me didn't want to admit it, and when he starts playing with my nipples, licking and breathing against them, it's the moment when I relax completely, my whole body is languid to whatever he pleases, and even when he bites them aggressively, arousing surprise in me both by the fact of biting as by the joy that he makes me feel so fast, it speaks to me of the wildness to how I want to behave and the things I want to do with him.

However the fact that we are in a place so in the open wins, that's why when his palms caress my abs and his thumbs the elastic of my pants is when I stop his hands, I take his hair tightly for him to release my left nipple and look at me, breathing as agitated as I do.

"We can't… do it here…" I gasp, seeing that his dilated pupils almost hide the brown tone of his irises.

"Ain't you… moody…?" I get consciousness of everything and I realize that his boner is pressed against my legs, the space between our hips is completely non-existent. It feels great.

"I am… just like I'm sure that someone is watching us…" he opens his eyes, probably because he hadn't thought of that possibility. "How about if we get in again and see what is in your box?".

"Yeah, sounds fine".

He prepares to get out of here with a half smile, all I do is let out a nasal laugh and wrap my arms around his neck, bringing him closer to me to kiss his cheek, then his temple and finally taking him by the cheeks to give one more at the point between his eyebrows, earning me a sigh from him.

I put my feet on the brown carpet of the room and serve him as a support with my hand, then I fall on my back in my chaotic mattress while he takes the heavy box and drops it between us before settling, putting his legs on mine just when my hands were going to be placed on my lap, at a precise moment for me to caress his thighs over the clothes.

"Actually they're just a bunch of nonsense" he says, flipping the lid over, making a strange scent fill the air, like something stale and moist.

"They must be very important nonsense if you wanted to get them outta there" I reflect him in words he didn't want to mention, making him smile and blush.

"Yeah, they are" he frowns, as if discovering something, "I hadn't thought of it that way, ever".

"That's because you're a scientific nerd, not an emotional one".

"And you're an emotional one?" he confronts me, raising his eyebrows.

"Maybe just a little more than you, that's enough for me".

He wrinkles his nose, rolling his eyes and getting his hand inside it, taking a couple of photographs, which he looks at before handing them over to me, making different expressions with each one, telling short stories, interesting and boring indiscriminately, like one in which he is wrapped in a blanket so thick he can barely be seen, only his nose can be watched, one where I see him moving on a stage, happy while he seems to sing a song, about walks in the woods he has visited or swimming in pools that seem expensive.

"I found them once mom had me to clean the attic, it took me four days to do it, considering the seven years I was then".

"Your mother isn't in them" I say, analyzing them in detail.

"She gave the order to be taken, in the festivals she said that she saw me in the distance when I danced, besides she was there to receive the praise on the clothes she did for me and my classmates".

"And why do ya have them? I suppose she had to hoard them or something".

"Well, they were kept in the attic, I think they were there so they wouldn't be mistreated or anything, besides I also consider them as a proof that she loves me at least a little, at least she just esteems me".

"It's a high probability, though I don't see its rationale".

"I have the hypothesis of having done something very bad and that I can't remember, so for that reason she stopped and began to treat me like she does now, although it's only a hypothesis".

I bite my tongue when my idea of his hypothesis, the fact that him being born as the main reason, arises in my head and I focus again on the costumes in which he's tucked in, very good ones to be created with the hands, they all seem to come from a modeling catalog, I try not to laugh in those where he is crying or with handfuls of dirt in his little hands and mouth, I also feel blushing with those few where he is naked in the tub or face down; nothing that I haven't seen already, but still he manages to embarrass me.

"You were a very little boy" I say without thinking, sliding my fingers over the photographic paper at the level of his face, at the time when his eyes were even bigger, the freckles on his face weren't so abundant, when his hair was mostly black and only the tips were white, "and adorable, as fucking lovable as you are now".

"I'm still little…".

"It pays off that you're adorable".

He blushes excessively from one second to the next, like a match consumed with speed, I hand him the bundle of photographs and stand up, ignoring his look of utter disbelief while I enter dad's room, I open one of the drawers underneath his bed and take out one of the piles of photographs he has in a classification system with rubber bands, mine with red bands, Joel's with blue bands, and family reunions with green bands.

I feel happy to see that there are more red and green bands, although the shots they have given to Joel are few but very good ones, better balanced and in situations that are more shocking, as the first of them all that is observed in which he's involved in a blanket, with only a few days of being born, and stuck inside the mouth of a real shark that was freshly caught that day.

Strange sense of humor that runs in the family? Surely.

Bad parenting? Definitely.

Stories to tell? Wholesale.

I take the first pile, the most embarrassing and big one, I close the drawer before returning to him, who hadn't looked away from the door, I put his legs over mine and I return to my caresses, almost listening to him purring.

"Now is the time for you to see me in my worst moments" I remove the band and give them to him directly, I have seen them so many times that I'm about to memorize the order they have.

He gets abstracted in my photographs, he spends about two or three minutes with each, which gives me enough time to respond to the few inbox messages that I left pending last night, only the important ones, such as Mal and Evie's, even the text that I just notice that I received from dad.

 _I did things with Carlos_ , I send to Mal, changing the subject about the boring homework that we had to do for Yen Sid. The answer doesn't take long to arrive.

 _What the hell does that mean?! You can't leave it like this! Detaaaaaaaaails!_

I laugh a little low when I imagine her screaming in my face, that doesn0t seem to distract him so I keep my attention on the phone.

 _It wasn't 'that' precisely, we just made out and there… oh, I also had his dick in my hands, he also cum between us, so… ;) ;) ;) ;)_ , I reply again, seeing that she's typing down the response almost immediately.

 _Tell me there's a video of it! Of course I don't wanna see you, but what concerns him interests me ¬w¬ "_ , I roll my eyes and immediately respond.

 _He is my boy now, get away from him, wannabe fairy_.

 _And now you're dating! Fuck you, you should have told me in the moment it happened, I'm going to your house right now ¬¬"_.

 _Sure, Joel says it's been a while since he saw you, it'll be a very gratifying visit for him_.

I still remember the few occasions when Joel accompanied me to some trainings, just to observe, and he began to ask me a lot of fussy questions about Mal, something strange since everyone usually focuses on Evie and her combination of female girl and violence practitioner.

It took me a couple of days to realize that Joel was in love with Mal, he even was writing her name on the back of his school notebooks, on pieces of paper as well, and when I asked him about it he only denied it or tried to change the subject, making it more obvious that he liked her. I remember that when I told Mal she hit me on the head, and since then she can't look at Joel in the eyes without getting uncomfortable and leaving the place where he is, nor is it inevitable that I burst into laughers.

 _Uh, I think mom wants me to help her with something_.

 _Skinning alive those who knock on your door?_

 _That's precisely what she wants, how did you know?_

 _Intuition, and you're her daughter, you think similarly ;)_ , I conclude the chat there, knowing that I'll receive a string of insults because there is nothing that she hates more in the whole world than to be compared with her mother, that and the sun.

"You were chubby" he says in a tone that reflects the laughter he suppresses, I leave my phone aside and turn my entire attention to his away, seeing that his cheeks are shaking violently, and the broad smile doesn't disappear.

"You can laugh, I promise not to take revenge".

He was waiting for that authorization to let out the loud laughter, which fill the whole department, and yeah, although it makes me feel the urge to shout him to shut his mouth, because he's making fun of me, it's supplemented by the fact that I hadn't heard such a sincere laughter come from him, just as I hadn't heard him sing songs like that, about such feelings.

"I think I'm gonna keep this one" he takes the most embarrassing one, one where I'm about six years old and I'm dressed as a clown, a disguise dad made overnight, in which I smile broadly and emphasize how chubby I was then, my stuffed cheeks, missing teeth and round body. Dad feared that I would be fat and short of stature, things that didn't happen at any time.

"If so then I'll keep this one" I take the one I've been seeing for longer, where his eyes are almost the size of his whole face.

"B-but you have more pictures than m-me, I don't wanna lose it" he says, reminding me of the main reason he rescued and preserves them: they are his most important memories, those that tell him about the affection he no longer receives.

"I wanna have a picture of ya, I promise to take care of it forever".

"Forever is a long time, did you know that?".

"I have time".

He lets his shoulders fall down, yielding to giving me a part of himself, then he puts mine in a corner of his box, and since my curiosity is huge I can't help but glance at the rest of the things inside: a razor machine (there comes the short pubic hair, but no beard at all), trinkets that surely they gave him over the past years, wrappers of what appears to be chocolates, and video cassettes, about fifteen, which we could see if we had a device here.

"What's in them?" I point them out, he takes them to show me the labels.

"They're from the festivals in which I participated, we can see some later".

"I'd like that, indisputably".

He looks at me in the eye, like if he were captivated to use those words that are more or less elaborate or something, or maybe because I really would like to see him in action and he doesn't know how to react to someone who lends genuine interest in what does. I can only imagine the sharp voice he had when he was a child, now that it is still sharp but controlled a little more it makes me wonder about the origin, how he has learned to improve it.

He puts everything back in place and puts the lid on, placing it on the floor and kicking it slightly, so that it returns to its place next to the mattress, then I move to put the head next to his, pressed against each other.

"Do you think your dad's going to get a real bed for you someday?" he asks, an idea that seems to have been inside his head but so far he has the opportunity to outsource it.

"Surely no one is willing to accept the ten dollars he plans to pay for it, I suppose that's why there isn't one".

I let my head rest on his shoulder, I look at the ceiling and I see him with my peripheral vision, noting that he's blushing. I also see that the rain begins to cease, it no longer seems ready to match a flood, but I also realize that the sun is hiding; I didn't think the time at his side would go by that faster.

"What you said in the song, the second one" I begin to say, not knowing very well where I want to go with my speech, "is it true?".

"Jay, I told you, they were ideas I had the first day I arrived here, when I heard the song it was like if I was listening to my thoughts on it".

"That wasn't my question" I reaffirm, watching him sigh.

"Yeah, I really wanna give you a break".

"But I've never had any kind of bad experience with anyone".

"That's what I wanna give you a break for" in a couple of movements he's on my lap, his legs on the sides of my waist and his feet under my thighs, his toes playfully flexing, "I'm not saying I'm the most qualified person for this because I've never had a boyfriend before, I just know that now I want to be by your side and you to feel everything that you can feel, with me".

"What do you know about feelings?" I arch an eyebrow.

"More than you, that's for sure, besides you're the kind of person who deserves to be loved in its different versions".

"And how the hell do ya know that?".

"I just know, don't ask so many questions".

"It's difficult if…".

It was obvious that he was going to kiss me to shut me up right there, I had it contemplated, but it's just that I enjoy having him so close why I don't say anything, I just put my hands on his waist and sigh, tilting my head to the right and feeling his hands slide under my shirt again.

He was the first to say that word, boyfriend, something I wanted to ask him yesterday in a way so explicit but that I could only express with synonyms, but now that is between us is something that I can assimilate with calm.

"And what will happen now?" he adjusts his clothes on his waist, sliding his hand in his pants to settle the tent in them.

"We fake, we're still friends before their eyes" he frowns a little, clearly disgusted by the idea, "but don't worry, I'll chill dad down for a while and then boom! I'll tell him what's going on between us".

"Would you do it?" he looks at me with wide eyes, surprised.

"For you, anything".

He blushes, giving me a quick peck on the lips before the clatter of the metal of the keys in the locks becomes present, he leaps in terror into his mattress and takes the first book he can, opening it upside down and turning it just as the door opens, revealing dad cursing aloud and Joel crawling behind him, their skins evidently sunburned.

I barely managed to process those last five minutes when I take my cell phone and see the text message: _we'll be there in thirty minutes, I hope everything is in order_.

I let out a sigh and get up, luckily my body didn't express in the same way as his, and now that I think of it I try to avoid it.

I hope I don't have to fake it for long, it's not something I want to hide, it's something I want to live freely. Although, after all, I don't remember the last time I would do anything for someone, I don't remember telling anyone the way I told him, completely sincere and ready for everything; it's him, he remains the reason for those changes, changes for good.


	9. I really, really heart him

I'm sorry I've delayed so much with this chapter, school is killing me and also I have the new game _Breath of the Wild_ , all my attention has gone in those two things and I apology for that, however now I come with a new and long chapter that is also a song-chapter and that I hope you all enjoy. Give fav, follow or review :)

Song: Can't Take My Eyes Off of You - Frankie Valli ( _Boys Town Gang_ 's cover) (/watch?v=zNd9XPhDypU)

* * *

 **I really,** _ **really**_ **heart him**

I feel kind of like an idiot for being waiting with my back against a wall and watching lots of people get in and out of Auradon Prep, all of them with lots of "interesting" conversations or things to do. I cross my arms and snort, causing my hair to fly a little in the air before falling back against my forehead, obscuring my eyesight.

On more than one occasion the female students take a glance at me without dissimulation, some gossip among their large group of friends, that before I wink and put strength on my exposed arms, which makes them laugh nervously before rushing to the main building or their other friends. The male students look at me like if I were a beggar who got lost on his way to the garbage dump where he lives, maybe my outfit isn't the most appropriate but I don't care, they are too good to go out of their style with branded clothes and haute couture, with them I just roll my eyes and let out deep grunts, before what they respond in the same way.

That reminds me of the kind of personal reasons why I was looking for a way to get expelled, I couldn't find a way to fit in here, I don't even understand why dad wanted me to be in this school in the first place, and now that I see them without being part of their student body I see that I will always be a misfit, maybe misunderstood because I remember very well entering and leaving classes without talking to someone, all the time half abstracted in the tasks and half wandering in my head, thinking of sites where I would fit.

I finally see him walking next to a blond-haired girl who's wearing a pale blue dress that contrasts very well with the white tone of her skin, in addition that it matches her striking blue eyes, which doesn't compare at all to how surprising Carlos's can be if you look at them from a certain angle and when the sun is hovering over him.

I should stop idealizing him it that way, but I don't want to do it.

I approach when I see that he speaks using his hands to emphasize, something he does when he is too immersed in school or in one of the discoveries he makes in the heavy books he carries on his back every day. I don't understand if he seriously doesn't know the magic of the internet or he's simply too old-fashioned to use it, that if I consider that he programmed a security system in his place, but since he is too focused on his conversation he doesn't notice when I approach him and stand as steady as a statue on his way.

"I assure you completely that our project will be ready, it's only a matter of time, and…" he interrupts himself when he hits me, he steps back a couple of steps before regaining his balance, then he slowly looks up. "Sorry, I didn't see where I was going and…".

"Yeah, I noticed".

He throws himself towards me, literally stretching out his arms and wrapping me in a crushing hug, using all the strength he has in it, something that only makes me uncomfortable by the number of people who look at us, but I care very little so I simply return the gesture, caressing his nape and bringing him a little closer to my body.

It's like if a part of me had missed him for a lifetime, like if I hadn't seen him this morning at breakfast. Fuck, I really missed him.

"What are you doing here?" he raises his head, he's smiling broadly and I see something strange in his eyes, a spark I hadn't seen before.

"It came to me that we could do something today".

"Like a…?".

"Yeah, something like that" I interrupt him as I see his blush fade, like if he were worried about saying the word 'date' so freely.

He looks at me and, by the movement of his eyes, he seems to be in the midst of an internal debate between whether it would be a smart idea to kiss me at this precise moment or if he should wait until we are away from the people who frequent him, but I don't think many people here know him, my first impression of him was a person who isn't flashy or entertaining to talk to, they rather seem to be surprised by the fact of seeing two boys wrapped in a hug and with smiles of idiots on their faces. The girl is the one who takes us out of the moment when she clears her throat, Carlos regains his composure and stands next to me.

"Ally, he's Jay, my friend I've been living with for a while" I arch my eyebrow at the word, so that I just lower my head to give him a kiss on the cheek and place my arm around his shoulders, for him to not escape and laughs with the heart, making a face and trying to pull away before I too start to laugh, ignoring public opinion or giving her a good impression.

"He's too modest, don't ya think?" I hold my free hand out to her, she takes it but I can't help but stare at the surprised expression she has, more than a surprised one she seems to be fascinated, like if she had never seen two guys kissing in public. "Name's Jay, I'm his boy".

"I see it, it's a pleasure" she shakes my hand, and if I knew her for longer I'd be mocking of her accent. He never mentioned that she was British.

"The pleasure is all mine, Ally" I lift her hand and place a kiss on its back, not taking my eyes off from hers to see the notorious blush over her face. Carlos clears his throat, I drop my head before kissing him again on the cheek, "I also have some for you".

"Also?" he asks, a good move.

"Obviously he just wants to be polite, Carlos, it is something a few gentlemen do today" she defends me, something I didn't ask for but that I appreciate.

Ally, Ally, Ally, that name… he mentioned it recently… she… oh!

"Ally" I say, testing the name on my tongue. "Oh, now I remember it, Carlos told me about you, you're the girl that was his first kiss".

The two join in a deep silence, again my stupid comments making their way at a time that was more or less entertaining for all of us, a terrible first impression for me. Finally Ally laughs under her breath and settles the bag that crosses her torso, sighing excitedly.

"I did not think you were going to tell him that, especially that" she says to Carlos with a smile but narrowing her eyes.

"He asked if I had already given my first kiss, I should tell it" he hides behind me a little, and I can't describe how good it makes me feel he does it.

"But it was not a kiss as such, it was just a lip-pressure".

"That _is_ kissing" I say in their little argument, "but the one he gave me wasn't a simple pressure of lips, his tongue almost reached down to my lungs".

"Jay!" he yells, pushing me from behind and laughing nervously.

"Fine, I'll stay quiet… while I can".

"You can't do it for long".

"Exactly".

I move my arm back and catch his head, I bring him to the front to bite his ear slightly and make him feel uncomfortable, snorting like a bull against his ear, he fights in a vain attempt to get rid of my grip but I don't imply force, he just needs to find the weak point or turn the head to get free.

Ally clears her throat again, making the two of us to look at her, she still looks fascinated but she's almost overcome by intrigue, like if she weren't so accustomed to two people that are dating to get treated in a way that would be described as crude and aggressive. I like that kind of actions, I think he does too since he doesn't complain, although he doesn't usually complain aloud, so when I see that he sighs with resignation I set him free, somewhat embarrassed by what I did.

"I think I leave you in good hands" she says, moment when I try to nullify my aggression against him by caressing his hair, I stop when he shrugs and a couple of people pass by, whispering.

"I'll give him back to you in one piece" I assure Ally before taking her hand again and kissing it on the back, "it was all of a pleasure to meet you".

"It was very nice to meet you too" she approaches Carlos and says goodbye to him by kissing each cheek, then she takes them, before which he growls and tries to pull away, making it clear that he doesn't like it at all. "I see you tomorrow".

"Goodbye, Ally" Carlos pulls the heavy backpack over his shoulders and gives her one last smile, then she turns and walks over to a group of girls, who wave their hands in goodbye to him.

"I didn't think ya were popular with girls".

"I'm really not, I suppose they see something different in me, not that I stop to ask them what it is" he turns on his heels and starts walking with long strides, I can hardly react and take my backpack, I reach him right in the moment when he's going to cross the street, "so, where are we going?".

"The mall, but not the one I usually go with Mal, Evie or Audrey, we'll go to the one near the apartment" he stops abruptly, when he remembers that he was halfway to cross he takes up his walk again, his eyes widened and like if I would have told him that I killed someone before I got here.

"But the shops there are expensive…" he hesitates, looking at the floor.

"Do I look like I mind spending a little more money on ya?" he looks at me sideways and I wink my right eye at him, he blushes again before smiling with defeat, knowing that there is no way in which he can persuade myself not to go, or to do anything that is cheaper for his perception.

"You look like you don't care a bit".

"Certainly" I put my arm around his shoulders to bring him closer to me, his left hand sliding into my pocket and leaving it there, motionless, not caressing my leg or approaching to more sensitive areas, it's just there.

"What is this?" he slowly closes his fingers over something, he takes it out of my pocket and reveals the caramel-stuffed chocolate I had for him, something I had forgotten and that has clearly melted from the heat of my body and the day.

"A little gift for you, hope you like it".

"Of course I like it, thank you" he stands on his toes and gives me a little kiss on the cheek, producing sultry heat on my face.

"And h-how was your day?" I ask, looking for any topic of conversation while he removes the wrapping from his symbolic gift and I feel like an idiot that's floating instead of walking with his feet on the ground.

"It was fine" he answers automatically, breaking a piece of chocolate to give it to me, I give it a small bite but I don't keep his answer.

"Fine is a very simplistic term, I'd like you to extend it".

He looks at me with raised eyebrows and in the second after all his expression relaxes, he sketches that pleased small smile, which shows the chocolate stain on his upper lip, one that I want to remove with my tongue here and now.

"Well, truth is that it was a pretty weird day" he begins, changing his voice from neutral to one that seems to reflect the emotion he had back then, "since I got on the bus…".

I interrupt him only to ask occasional questions, simply because I want to keep listening the sound of his voice while we walk towards the mall, while he tells me in detail everything that happened in his whole day after he left the apartment, besides that that little and yet so public way to show me affection, that little kiss on my cheek, is enough for me to feel that I can tear down a wall by simply touching it.

Carlos…

* * *

One of the many advantages of this mall is the expensive tastings they give from all the products. It's not that I live from them, it's the fact that I'm not the kind of person who rejects a fresh cabernet sauvignon from the seventy-sevens, much less if it comes accompanied with a sample of Swiss cheese with fresh fruit. The employees don't seem to notice that I'm still a minor, and I don't quite know if the fact that they believe me as someone older is something I like or not. No, I don't like it at all.

Carlos, on the other hand, doesn't seem entirely attracted to these tastings, he is when it comes to a new type of caramel or samples of Belgian chocolates from the shops on the top floor, we decided to walk the whole mall from head to toe, and he doesn't hesitate to take more than one portion, and he even uses some of his physical charms with the female demonstrators to get extras.

After we both getting somewhat satisfied with those small muggings we approach to the central part of the whole mall, marked by a wide fountain with fishes inside and a constant flow of people of all groups of ages, with huge bags of highly branded shops in their hands, filled with new objects that they will surely use only once in their whole lives, ready for them to proclaim about their new acquisitions.

While we descend inside the elevator, because I'm fascinated by the elevators even when the stairs were to one side, something catches my eye.

"They've never done anything like this before" I say when I see something like a karaoke in front of the fountain, there's an instrumental band there, waiting for someone to decide to stand in front of a bunch of strangers as they play, like the girl who is singing now in a voice so loud that it could blow the glass elevator from where we just stepped out. "It's pathetic".

"It seems like fun, beside I bet you wouldn't sing a thing" I look at him as he bites the chocolate, leaving a trail at the corner of his mouth.

"You'd better get us some ice cream, it would be a good use for your words" he wrinkles his nose in my direction, rolling his eyes at the end before stretching his hand, flexing his fingers.

"You pay, remember?".

"Ya shouldn't listen to my words so literally" I take my wallet out of my back pocket, he takes it before I can figure it out.

"I'll go for the biggest ice cream in the store" he says, his eyes delighted.

"Make them two, I could use it".

He nods and runs to my right, taking a place in the line and looking at the price chart, that before looking down and marveling at the wide variety of flavors that can be put over the ice cream. I have money enough to pay for whatever he wants, for me too, and I would even have enough to go to the movies, if he's in the mood. Working for dad has its advantages, if he doesn't see me making obscene signals or grumbling he gives me a good pay.

I let out a sigh and walk towards the reception table, noting that I'm not thinking clearly about my motivation, more than anything else is the wish to make him close his mouth for doubting about me. I can sing in front of a lot of passers-by, not the big deal.

"Jay!" the strange voice calls me, causing me to lift my head to see the abundant piercings and new tattoos on her neck. "It's been a while, we haven't talked for two weeks".

"What's up, Elisa" I say, smiling slightly. She doesn't seem as hot as she used to be, I'm not sure what changed. "It's been a while".

"I know" she smiles broadly, batting her eyes in a way that would be very flirtatious on her part, "I don't understand what happened, we got along sweetly".

"School, too much stress and things to think about".

"I get it, I'm in the same situation, Scarlett too".

"Where is she?" I ask, trying to keep the conversation going.

"Working in that store" I follow were she's pointing with her stylized finger with perfect manicure, seeing that she points to _Forever 21_ , "she hates selling clothes but says they pay well, we're a little short of money".

"It's a huge need" I realize I have my hand in my pocket and I move it with discomfort, reflecting that I don't like to talk to a person, something that happens to me very often but is more evident with respect to the person with whom I deal with. "And what about you? You work here?".

"Oh, no, it's something like volunteering, I'll be paid a hundred dollars to sit here like a fool for the whole day, not bad since I have lunch breaks, and I have the possibility to see cute boys and girls, like you" she winks her eye at me, sending an unpleasant shiver down my spine.

What the fuck is happening to me? Usually I would follow the game, now I don't know what is keeping me from this, even climbing it to another extreme, with such daring that I could kiss her here, considering her pronounced neckline, tattoos and exposed areas of tanned skin.

«Asshole, you're with Carlos now, that's what keeps you from acting like what you are, an asshole», I internalize. Wow, I didn't think that thinking about Carlos and me as a thing would make me feel tickles in the stomach and cheeks.

"So, what do ya have to do to make a fool of yourself up there?" I point to the stage over my left shoulder, she arches her right eyebrow.

"Just filling out a form" she holds out a clipboard and hands me a pen. I see them like if I were about to sign a death sentence.

"Does it have a cost?" I ask, hoping it doesn't so since I don't want to give an explanation to Carlos about why I need a couple of bucks, and I want this small lapse of idiocy to be a surprise for him.

"It's for a charity" she points to an advertisement behind her, from a treatment and social inclusion center for children with autism. I almost forgot that such kids are the engine of her life, and thinking about that I don't understand the double message she gives me about sitting here like a fool, according to her words.

"I hope this is enough" I fish out those ten bucks I always keep in the inner pocket of my vest, for emergencies or an unexpected robbery, although I could give a beat the hell out of anyone who tries to lay a hand on me, but I must pay attention to dad and give everything out, not be a stupid hero, he refers like that to those who face offenders and end up in the hospital, or dead.

"Of course it is" she takes them and slides them into a small safe while she watches me fill out the form, it just requires my name and the song I'm going to perform. "I didn't think you'd do this kind of things".

"Charity or make a fool of myself?".

"Both, if I'm honest" she laughs sweetly, meanwhile a couple of people seem to take an interest in seeing someone else doing it.

"Well, the two are good deeds, it's okay to do a good deed".

"It's true, very true" she takes my form and stacks it with one more, which means I'll be up there soon. "Are you trying to impress a girl?".

"I'm actually in a… uh, date, yeah, with my boy" yup, it's weird to say that word aloud, but I can't deny that the sensation that runs through my body is very pleasant, is the motivation that leads me to be in that stupid stage.

"Geez, I didn't know you were dating anyone".

"We're starting, you know, little steps" I scratch my nape when I'm feeling a dull heat on my cheeks and all over my body, because we didn't start with little steps in the slightest.

"And he's not interested in a couple of girls?" she leans back against the chair, crossing one leg over the other, revealing a black dress that is so short I can almost see her crotch, the black knee-length boots seem to be compensating for the lack of fabric.

"He's not… not particularly interested in girls".

"Oh, I understand" the form over mine disappears, calling for a certain Kenny dude who jumps up on the stage, raising his hands like an Olympic champion or something similar. When he begins to sing we all cringe right there, hating the sound coming from his throat. "I hope you do better".

"Trust me, I'll do it much better".

"I hope so, and I hope we stay in touch, we could have a double date or something, to really know each other".

"Sounds like fun, we'll leave it for later".

"Of course" she winks her eye at me and shifts her attention to another person who asks for a form, which also pays.

I feel relieved to have finished with the conversation, and also because I know that double date will never be a reality, not unless I put something on my part, and honestly it's not like I want to spend time with them. They are sexy and all but the fact that they are older than I am make us differ in many things.

And Carlos, another reason to differ.

I drop onto the steps behind the stage and fish out my phone, immediately answering the messages that Mal hasn't stopped sending me since we left school. I suppose her bad humor has already diminished, there was steam almost coming out from her ears when I left her cleaning drafts erasers after the end of the day, although that detention was her fault for asking question after question about what I would do with Carlos today, about this all came about during classes.

The point is that I can't describe it since I can't understand it myself, it's simply that it feels good, the fact of taking huge steps feels in an indescribable way inside, like if I had already done it before, like if his essence of being and mine were found after a long time.

It must be the alcohol, I must remember I don't have high tolerance to wine.

 _Hey_ , I write, ignoring the other forty-five messages, half of them being insults that would offend anyone for a whole week.

 _What do you want? ¬¬_ , she replies, surprisingly fast indeed.

 _I guess I'm sorry I left ya alone or whatever, although ya deserve it, but what I want to ask is: how do ya feel when you're with Ben?_

I see that she writes back but I don't receive anything, for a moment I think it is due to the shrill cries of that Kenny dude altering the operation of my phone or simply the signal isn't good.

 _Ben and I aren't a thing_ , she writes back before I get up to look for a better signal reception. I snort up, shaking my hair.

 _I know that, and he wants ya to be a thing but you reject him, but that wasn't the point dumb-girl, I asked what ya feel when you're with him_.

I look up at the ice cream shop, Carlos is leaning on the counter, his back is arched so that I could now run to hug him from behind and press his body against mine, he is now in the line to choose what we'll take in each ice cream, I didn't think it would take him so long.

He seems to catch my eye since he turns his head and looks at me over his shoulder, he winks his right eye and turns his attention to the girl on the counter, who looks at me with curiosity, like suspecting what's happening to us. He, on the other hand, crosses his left leg behind the right one, arching his back more and marking how his nerdy uniform pants fits to his waist.

I swallow the excess of saliva that forms in my mouth and I turn my attention to the phone, hearing that the last chords of Kenny's song resonate all over the place; I really don't understand how they didn't throw rotten tomatoes at him.

 _If I'm completely honest I'm not myself, it's like if I become a sweet girl who could wear dresses and makeup, one who would enjoy a walk in the sun and wouldn't glare at the whole stupid world, I think I would also change the colors I usually wear. I don't know if you understand me_.

 _I understand it, they're things that have happened to me, tiny a bit, not the part of the dresses or the makeup but yeah that of not feeling like myself_.

I look up at him again just when the ice cream is delivered, they are enormous and the distance between us is relatively long, I can't imagine how they will be in our hands. While I watch him smile, the way his lips move when he speaks, the movement of his body, everything that he can express, I let the sigh in my chest to come out.

I like him, I really, _really_ like it.

And I heart him, I really, _really_ heart him.

"Uh, are you Jay? You look like you're Jay".

I get distracted to see one of the staff members with a sheet of paper in his hands and a friendly smile on his face, or something like that, I really don't know the difference between a friendly smile or if someone has ulterior motives. There should be something like a letterhead on my face that says "taken" or something.

"And what if I am?" I slid my phone into my pocket and let my arms hang over my knees, about to roll my eyes.

"Oh, well, I was wondering since you're next on stage" it's him who rolls his eyes, taking me by surprise since it's one of the very few times when someone reacts like that; what usually happens is that they're afraid of me or something and they prefer to tell me to fuck off when I'm not present, or with third parties, not in such a brave way to do it in my face.

It doesn't bother me in the least, in fact it seems a good thing for a change.

"Already?" I stand up, feeling suddenly distressed because I didn't think so clearly to have filled that form, I was just impulsive.

"Yeah, already, and if you don't wanna do it is fine, you've already given the money" he walks away with that last statement, hitting my form against the table from which Scarlett looks at me, with a playful smile and a gesture of disapproval.

I take a deep breath and climb up the five steps, trembling, I feel like if I had blocks of steel inside my boots and like if all the air became suffocating with each of the seconds that pass.

Yup, now I'm having cold feet, but since I'm usually not a coward before any situation or person I just build the courage enough to take the microphone from the base and blow on it, to make sure it works.

Maybe it's because of my face, or my exposed arms, or by simple curiosity, but people start swooping in front of the stage or they stand on the balconies at the top, some even sit on chairs that are meant for those who prefer to rest or hang out here, and that does nothing but make me feel even more nervous. Not even in the few tournaments where I've competed I've felt this way, not even in the first one, and I was still a wimp back then, I don't understand where a sudden feeling comes from now.

I stretch my neck and see him there, petrified like a statue at the entrance to the ice cream shop, his jaw about to hit the floor because of the openness of his mouth, his eyebrows almost get lost in the line where his hair begins. I let out a small laugh and moisten my lips with my tongue, smiling at the end.

"Okay, just to tell ya I won't try to make ya all deaf" some of them laugh, among them I see Kenny giving me his middle finger in a blatant act, which does nothing but increase my laughter since I might sink his nose to the other side of his skull with a slight punch, "and by the way, ya can thank my boy since he's the blame for me standing here, I would like everyone to say 'hi, Carlos' to the white-haired boy in the ice cream shop".

"Hi, Carlos!" says the great majority with a chanting tone, making his cheeks to turn crimson and him almost running after the nearest pillar and don't come out from there until he has a paper bag over his head, to hide the embarrassment he must feel now

Finally he shrugs and takes courage who knows from where to approach, he makes his way through the crowd to settle in the chair that is in the middle of the line of thirteen places, taking a spoonful of his ice cream.

"Let's see what you have" he says, leaving a small stain on his lips.

"This is for you to don't doubt me _ever_ again" I wink my eye at him, then I turn my head to the right and nod, the people in the band smile and they take their instruments, immediately they start to play one of my favorite songs I feel my body more relaxed, freer, willing to do this.

The advantage is that the intro of the song is long, so I have the opportunity to move around the stage, trying to find a comfortable place, until finally I decide to stay standing up, with the mic somewhat away from my lips and with the words ready to be said, without looking away from him.

I like the person he makes out of me.

 _You're just too good to be true_

 _Can't take my eyes off of you_

 _You'd be like heaven to touch_

 _Oh, I want to hold you so much_

 _At long last love has arrived_

 _And I thank god I'm alive_

 _You're just too good to be true_

 _I can't take my eyes off of you_

I didn't think that the slow movements I did with my hips might encourage people watching to join me on the stage and move at an almost planned pace, forming pairs with the first person they meet just to dance. My point was only to provoke him, and I was getting it since he covered his crotch with his backpack, but seeing that somehow I get others to join my impulsive moment makes me feel good, content.

 _Pardon the way that I stare_

 _There's nothin' else to compare_

 _The thought of you leaves me weak_

 _There're no words left to speak_

 _But if you feel like I feel_

 _Oh, then let me know that it's real_

 _You're just too good to be true_

 _Can't take my eyes off of you_

I find myself caught in small dance slips with all these strangers, they take me by the hand and move at my pace, sometimes I try to mate with theirs; is halfway through that stanza when I can walk away from them and sit on the edge of the stage, saying every word towards him, without looking away while his ice cream, and part of mine, is disappearing. I can't help but nibbling on my lower lip, feeling something warm in my chest.

 _I love you, baby and if it's quite alright_

 _I need you, baby, to warm a lonely night_

 _I love you, baby, trust in me when I say_

I extend my hand for him to join me, he takes an arrogant stance and lowers his gaze to his ice cream, while still smiling, so I simply jump down on the stage and skid on the floor until I stand in front of him, raising his face with my fingers to look at me in the eyes.

 _Oh, pretty baby, don't bring me down, I pray_

 _Oh, pretty baby, now that I found you, stay_

 _And let me love you, baby_

 _Let me love you_

 _I love you, baby and if it's quite alright_

 _I need you, baby, to warm a lonely night_

 _I love you, baby, trust in me when I say_

Even though it's a great song I hate that it's so repetitive in the last part, for that reason I clarified in the request for it to be cut at that point. I stand up while I slowly catch my breath, feeling something else invading my chest when I hear the cheers and applause of the spectators.

I know I did better than Kenny or anyone else who came up on the stage, though I didn't think I did it that well.

I take one look at Scarlett and she looks at me approvingly, getting to her feet while she continues to applaud, and even this guy from the staff is there, raising his thumbs and smiling broadly. He approaches and I give him the microphone, he slaps me on the shoulder and when I see her approaching in my peripheral view I turn around to walk towards Carlos, standing and ready to walk, but before I can approach him a wide guild of girls come up to me, asking for some pictures and autographs on some pieces of paper.

My cheeks hurt from so much forced smiles, my hand is cramped from paper to paper to sign, the only thing that really makes me happy is to see that he stood there, arms folded and lips pursed but there, waiting.

"Are you done with your fans?" he asks in an aggressive tone that doesn't fit him, delivering my ice cream that is about to melt completely.

"I could get used to the feeling" I take a big spoonful and feel a tingling in my back when I taste the combination of coffee cream and chocolate cookies mingling in my mouth. "Now this is good ice cream".

"Of course it is, I made the combination".

"It must have been so then" I move quickly to give him a kiss on the cheek, leaving a chocolate stain on his skin that he removes with the sleeves of his uniform.

"By the way, I hate you for making me look that way".

"About the song? Well, you bet I wouldn't do it".

"I was sure you wouldn't!".

"Don't think you're sure of the things I'll do".

"I suppose not, especially now that you're famous".

"I'm telling you, I could get used to the feeling".

"I don't" he says, sipping the last of his ice cream, "I don't think I like having a lot of people behind me".

"Imagine the kind of scandal you would do, I can imagine the headline of what would happen now" I clear my throat and wrap my hands around my mouth to make the sound louder. "Jay gives a performance by charity in the mall of the locality, besides the exclusive interview from the part of his boy, the quiet and reserved Carlos de Vil".

"I'm not reserved" he almost manage to step on my right foot, it's good that I do know how to read what he's going to do.

"Of course you are, and since you try to deny it then you should prove it".

"Let's go back to the apartment and I'll show you".

"Not gonna happen, I wanna sign more autographs if someone comes up".

Before he can object I put my spoon in his mouth, the ice cream drains over the right side of his mouth and a thought furrows in my head in that same instant, when we are surrounded by piles of people, and to mitigate it I bite the tip of my tongue, trying not to reflect the pain I feel.

We continue walking in silence and we step into a video game store, a decision that we both take, I start to watch some titles while he gets into a deep talk filled with questions about operating systems and the working of some fiber optics in flat screens with the employees of the counter, so immersed in the subject that he doesn't notice the face of anguish of the poor guys who do no more but give little information, take the money from people and wish the others a good day and hope for they to come back soon.

I let out a nasal laughter when I see that he accepts the difficulty that others have to understand his swift way of thinking and he moves towards the third-person shooter games, taking some and frowning when the synopses on the back don't please him.

I approach him taking sideway steps, slowly and pretending to observe the games, until I stand at his side, his arm pressed against mine, I see him smiling in a slow way, watching each muscle getting tense.

"Ya know, ya can take my hand, we're on a date after all and you haven't done it" I whisper in his ear, seeing him shrug.

"I didn't think you wanted me to".

"I want ya to do it" I say, letting a secret wish to come out.

I leave the idea suspended so he decides whether to take it or leave it there, I take the games that are in front of us and observe the critics they had received, which also classify them between exceptional, good, and shitty. I have a preference for games with violence and for the simplicity of children's games, they may seem simple and give very good surprises because of the intrinsic difficulty.

Before I can move to ask one of the workers about the compatibility of one of them with the console I have I feel something getting between my fingers, those thin and with short nails ones, get intertwined firmly and he has a firm grip with my hands, so much that it makes me return the step that I had given and that I no longer want to take.

I'm blushing, I know that because I'm also shrugging, but comes for the firmness of his grip and the look that he sticks over me, I bite my lower lip from the inside and I put the game shakily back on the shelf, I make him spin in his place before placing my arm on his shoulders, our hands still entwined, while we left almost victoriously from the store.

"We can still go to the movies, if ya want to" I say before being interrupted by a group of girls who ask me for pictures, I'm forced to split myself from him just to please them, then I put my arm on his shoulders and pull him closer to my body, forcing his arm to surround my waist, "I'd like to watch _Civil War_ before it comes out from the listings".

He thinks of that idea with a deep sound of his throat as we continue walking, it seems that he gave me an answer before he realizes since he guides us to the top floor, to the area where the cinema is.

"Never…" he starts, stopping before we take a place in the line to buy the tickets, "I've never seen a superhero movie".

"Then how do ya know they're superheroes?".

"First of all the simple fact of the name, second of that there's a huge poster behind you that makes it more than clear".

I slowly turn my head, seeing that there is indeed a promotional poster on one of the walls behind me along with twenty other posters of the films being shown and the ones that are about to come in the following weeks, even in the coming months to get the pre-entries.

He clears his throat and I turn my attention to him, he stretches his hand with my wallet in it and a shy smile tightening his lips. The ice creams were big, I can only imagine how expensive they were since with one was enough to make me feel satisfied, considering that he was taking from mine's too.

Having someone is expensive, but damn right it feels so good.

"If you explain the questions I have then I wanna see the movie, with you".

I take him by the cheeks and I can't resist my sudden urgency to give him a little kiss on the lips, which I do in the second following, only the slight pressure that causes tickle in my back and weakness in my knees, that besides the hate for the glances given for that people who pass behind him and who dare to point at us, increasing my wish to break their hands.

"I'll explain the author's life if that's what ya want".

"I want popcorn though".

I rub the tip of his nose with mine before taking out what I need to pay the tickets and put my finances back again in his hands, before he rushes to the line of goodies I take him by the hand, almost making him fall to the floor by the force I imposed to stop his movements.

"Just wanna say" he turns his head, smiling, "if someone else comes to ask me something I won't give it to them, I see it bothers ya and you don't tell me".

"Actually it's funny, I have a sum on people who have asked for autographs and pictures".

"A sum for what?" I release his hand, bad movement since he moves with sudden speed to kiss me on the cheek and run, leaving me just like a confused idiot in the line for tickets, just my mood back when I was waiting for him outside the Prep.

I take my cell phone as the reflex act that I have developed from a time to here because of technology, seeing that I have an annoying text message from dad that announces: _Coming home late, Joel will be with me so don't ask where he is. Don't wait for us awake, and if dinner is ready for when we return I'll take you in consideration to give you some extra bucks_.

I run a hand through my hair, thinking about the tempting offer of extra money simply to have dinner ready and for the idea not decorous at all that gets into my head, is rooted with strong roots and is watered when I see Carlos in that other line, looking at the price charts and counting the bucks that peek over the top of my small wallet.

It's a day for us after all, I'll make it worth it, besides I want to feel his body in my hands again.

* * *

"Okay so, coming back to the other, what happens if you have all the Infinity Gems?" he asks on the last flight of stairs, sounding as excited as the first question he could ask aloud when we left the cinema.

We haven't stopped talking about the universe of superheroes since we left the mall, a universe that is my favorite and that he seems more than ready to know; I didn't think I could feel like a complete geek while I keep talking so fervently with him over a single subject, when I can't respond to something we resort to the ever-wise internet, so than I can expand my explanations more and even so I discover more things I hadn't realized before, to have everything clearer. It's good to have someone to talk like that, so free.

Even during the movie he was asking questions between whispers, especially about some of the characters and why they met, I explained it to him in more whispers that were obscured by the sound effects and the action on the screen, so I decided the best would be a movie marathon, which he gladly agreed before taking his seat properly and focus all his attention on the screen.

"You would pretty much control the whole universe, something that wouldn't hurt anyone if you ask me".

I open the door of the apartment and there is nothing that I enjoy more than the sound produced by the nothing, the simple song of the birds and the slight squeaking of the door hinges are the only ones that welcome me. Dad put the concept of individuality in my head, so I rationalize that my liking for not being received comes from the fact that I want to be alone from now on.

"S-Steve Rogers is very c-cute" he mutters when he passes next to me, his head so crouched that my shoulders almost hurt.

"Oh, is he?" I roll my eyes slightly since it's not the first time I hear a similar comment, and it's not that I'm jealous or something, the dude is really attractive, it's just that I'm surprised to hear him say something like that.

"Y-yeah, although Natasha is a lot sexier".

I stand still in the doorway of my room when he says that, he takes a sit on the mattress and takes off his shoes along with his socks, letting free his small feet that look red and swollen because of the long walk we gave in the whole day. He lets out a deep sigh of relief and then he looks at me with his head cocked, looking confused.

"What's up?" he asks while he slowly moves his toes, like trying to bring them back to life after a deep lethargy.

"I'm confused, did ya say that last thing because I was silent or because it's something you're serious about?".

"Uh… well, if I'm honest with you it has something from both of them".

"That's what I want, you to be honest".

I sit next to him on his mattress, I take off my boots with my socks too, just like him, and now I understand perfectly the sigh of relief he let out, mine comes out as a relaxed growl. I didn't really think that we had walked so much, if I consider that we were out since noon until now that the sun is hiding on the horizon, throwing the last rays of orange and pink to the sky, then it's clear to me why we're both so exhausted.

"I really think Natasha is sexy, she's got a good body and everything but… you know, she doesn't have that something that catches my attention so much".

"Sure, because she doesn't turn ya on the way Steve does" I place my arms behind me and stretch my legs, the toes of my left foot caressing the outer side of his right while we laugh lowly.

"You're so right about that".

He gives me a pillow to place behind my back, I take advantage to take his legs and place them on my lap, causing him to lie down. The first thing I do is to take his right foot and start massaging it with my hands, at first I hear him complain in pain, something I've been through since after the trainings I almost always do it, but he relaxes very slowly, placing his whole back against the mattress, his head on the pillow, his breathing coming easy more and more, interrupted by the moans that combine both satisfaction and pain, something contradictory if I really think about it.

I move his ankle in circles, massaging with my fingers and sometimes with my knuckles across the plant, pressing until I feel the distention of the muscles; when I finish with the right one I take the left one, giving it the same rough treatment while he continues with his noises, causing me to remove in my place by the type of sound he makes and the kind of ideas with which I associate it.

"Ya like it?" I ask, surprised by my firm voice, but I don't look at him because I would set that facade aside.

"It f-feels so g-g-good" he says, his voice trembling, reaching the point where I can no longer fight my desire to have him in my hands.

"Does it?" I push his legs to one side so then I can stay next to the mattress while I climb up his left leg with my hands, caressing his thighs and his waist, seeing that he has one hand inside his pants and he moves it slowly, something that I hadn't really noticed, and I didn't think a simple massage on his feet could spark in a sensation like that.

"Y-y-yeah, it does".

I slip my hands under the shirt of his uniform and lift it until it get under his neck, I take a look at his quick breathing while I slowly undo the buttons, leaving it open at the end and running the palms of my hands over the entire extension of his chest. Suddenly it's like if I began to salivate, like a hungry puppy, an uncontrollable thirst that fades when I kiss his stomach, seeing that he contracts and lets out a nervous laugh, the preamble to something that I want to start and that I hope to be for both of us.

"I'll make it feel much better".

I pounce on his face to capture his lips with mine, feeling the tenderness and the flesh that fills them while he lets out a long sigh and we both slowly close our eyelids, my hands still moving on his chest until I decide to lift them up on his neck to his hair, tousling it so that he has a just-had-sex style without having that last part.

He's making the same sounds than in the first time when he hurt his ankle and I tried to cure him, my body has the same reactions while we make a mess, we both laugh in that part because in the same moment I want to remove his shirt from his body he lifts mine, we break away because of the laughter and he lets me get rid of that garment first, then he does it so slowly I feel myself blushing for how cautious he is.

While he lies down I lean over his face once again, I press my lips with his a few times, he returns them by lifting his head a little and moaning under his breath. Another confusing idea comes to my head but I don't let it to flood it, I just leave it aside because if he hadn't seriously kissed anyone else besides Ally then I can't understand how he has become so skillful in this; I guess he has seen too much television lately and he got information from there, besides I imagine him doing that kissing the inside of his elbow thingy, something I used to do sometime in my early teens.

I slip my hands beneath him and hug his torso, feeling the warmth of his body against mine, enjoying the sensation of the small movements he makes when he gets caught in my grip, I begin to kiss the left side of his neck and I move down his collarbone and chest with a pattern of wet kisses and random bites without the strength to leave marks.

"T-tie up your hair" I stop at his belly and look into his eyes, he lifts up just to place his hands on my cheeks as well as pull my hair out of my forehead, "I like the way you look with your hair tied".

I wink my right eye at him, I stretch my hand on the desk to take one of the multiple hairbands I have distributed throughout the department for situations in which my hair clogs. The simple solution would be to cut it all off, but due to my nature I can't go in the easy way.

When I finish I see that now his two hands are inside his pants and he has his head back on the pillow, he flexes his knees and the deep groan that exhales makes me shudder, that sound tries to arouse an impulse on me whose result would cause him to feel terrified, because I'm sure I wouldn't be able to control myself, that's why I just take the button of his pants while I place between his legs, he opens his eyes by the surprise that I decided to go straight to the rest of his clothes and a position so compromising.

"Ya look like you've got something for me" I say while I pull his zipper down, his hands stopping in their place and him blushing.

"I've been w-waiting all day to take c-care of it myself".

"Tell me when you want to and I'll help you out, if you like".

"I w-want it because I-I like when you touch me".

"I'm fascinated to touch you".

He moves back into his place with a pronounced circular movement of his hip while I slowly slide his pants, along with his crushing underwear, down his thighs until they come out of his feet and I throw them to a spot near us, exposing him for me and myself with my desire to be in the same situation since my pants are suffocating me.

I pull his hands apart to take his dick with my right, his arms travel to his head and they cling to his hair when I rush to his right knee and give it a bite before advancing down his thigh, licking my way while he does nothing but moan loudly and shudder. In the light of twilight I can see in more detail his body, the shaping of his small muscles, the color of his skin and the freckles that he has on the front, and yeah, the scars he has on the sides of his stomach, the burns and those that look like scratches.

I lay on my stomach while I begin to kiss his waist, moving from side to side, pacing my nose and taking deep breaths as the scent of his body is the most exotic essence I can ask for now.

I look up when the movements of his hip become totally erratic in the same way of his breathing, the deep groans still gestating and coming out of his throat, and I don't know if it is because he was really turned on or what it is due to but I can tell that he is about to cum, I'm surprised to see that he has his head turned to the left side, his tongue and his teeth are biting on a small section in his left arm, near his armpit, his hand suddenly clings to his hair and his eyes are closed tightly, lost in pleasure. I didn't think he had that kind of "weird" preferences, I need to know a little more about him in this new facet in which his body enjoys of what I'm doing with him.

I move on the side of the mattress, I moisten my lips with my tongue and I don't know what it is that guides me to distract him with a kiss before my mouth supplies his in that same area, before descending to let my nose get lost in the little hair that grows there, the scent of his skin and his sweat, in addition to the fact that my tongue enters into participation, causing him to shiver even more and that I feel something indescribable by the taste I perceive from his body.

"Oh, fuck… Jay…" he gasps against my forehead, leaving his nose pressed against me while his body continues to quiver and I can feel the agitation of his breathing through his choked breath.

My head is spinning while I start moaning and I pass my free hand over my clothes, for a moment I almost start to give strong bites on his skin while I want to use my tongue to play with the tip of his dick so that he feels what it is by touching the sky from the Earth if that's what it feels, but because he's too sensitive I don't do it, I just let my nose sink more and more into his skin, that his taste floods my mouth and that his hand pass from his hair to the inside of my pants, trying to get me to that place with him.

I make him lift his other arm and I attack against his other armpit, noticing that between the groans he also lets out small laughs, probably because of the tickles he feels now, he also manages to pull my pants down a bit and I can feel the cold air circulating through my butt when they are in the middle of my thighs.

"I'm gonna… I'm gonna…" I silence him with a kiss when the last spasms of his hips become present. "J-Jay!"

I thank him for asking me to tie up my hair and that it is over one side of my neck, otherwise the first expulsion would have fallen on it, instead it falls on my back, so hot it's almost in the boiling point, it's impossible not to moan over his face and that I press my body against his.

I kiss him deeply as his body continues to shiver through the slow movements of my hand, for the way I run my thumb against his frenulum and the way my tongue plays and overcomes his, causing each arch of his back and every moaning that he exhales against me to be glorious. I don't know if it is because he was really turned on or what but I can say that all this was fast, I won't comment on anything in order to not increase his constant devaluation.

"I could use… a cold shower…" he mutters when we finally have time to breathe, returning to the full reality.

I turn on the lamp next to my mattress, which I use to read from school when he is already fast asleep, casting our shadows on the wall next to us, completely exposed in the light. I separate myself from his lips and it's like if he were taking all my breath with him, like if my energies were drained in the direction of his body, a good receiver.

"Ya really know how to kill the mood" I pull away from his face while he restores what its needed to place his hand on my shoulder, igniting my skin with his touch while he stands up and pushes my back onto my mattress, feeling that his free hand closes around me, slowly moving up and going down completely, causing me to close my eyelids and moan from the first second the tenderness of his hand touches me.

"Are you sure I killed the mood?" he purrs close to my lips, his breath tickles them and makes me move forward, listening to his laughter in the distance when I don't receive the kiss I hoped to get.

"D-damn you tease" I answer, opening my eyelids to see him arch his right eyebrow before I take him by the nape and bring him towards my face, he barely has enough time to close them so that our teeth won't collide, although I force him to separate them so that our tongues can play a little, and I even so I make his hand to stop touching me, earning me a grunt on his part, "but I can wait, in the meantime ya go and get a good shower, you really stink, also something for dinner wouldn't be bad".

"Now you're the one who kills the mood".

"I accept it without much regret…" I start to say but then a sensation invades me at supreme speed, I don't know how to call it but it resembles the one that happens in those occasions when I stop moving and I start thinking about serious things, like who in the world could have built the huge pyramids of Egypt, or in personal things, and now it comes to be something that competes us, "and… uh, w-well, before ya go, can I ask you a very serious q-question?" he stays still for a second and then snorts, he moves his toes in a distressing way on the carpet, I try not to focus on the lines of his whole body, which are highlighted by the light that manages to touch his skin.

"It must be something very important, you don't usually be a serious person".

"It really is".

I look at him directly in the eyes and we stay still, like statues, letting the Earth continue to rotate while we stay in a space that seems almost totally alien to the planet itself, like if only a few days of effort were enough to create an alternate reality.

I wish it was that simple.

Finally it's him who sighs and drops his shoulders, looking away, like if he didn't remember that he is stark naked in my room.

"Ask then".

I drum my fingers on my right thigh by the awkward silence that I produce, I leave aside my internal debate to pull up my pants and make a space next to me for him, I take his hand and entwine his fingers with mine firmly, listening that he lets out another heavy sigh, one that expresses what his lips don't say, and I can almost see him smizing by the look I give to him.

"What do I have that made you turn to me when you needed it?".

He's puzzled for a moment, I see it in the swift movement of his eyes, like if he were scanning me or something, I try to nullify him to feel like this by placing my arm over his shoulders and kissing his temple, waiting until the trembling of his whole body disappears.

"Don't you feel good by being with me?" he asks in a trembling voice, so vulnerable I even feel unprotected.

"That wasn't my question, it is one of those strange ideas that ya have in your head and that has no reason to be" I correct him, fighting again with that idea that he has about being someone inferior to the rest, something that he really does too much. "I asked about what I have for you to come to me".

He moves to lift his legs and pull them closer to his chest, he splits his hands to entwines his fingers and hide his thumbs in his hands so I don't see the anxious game he has with them, like if he hadn't seen it before. I keep my arm around his shoulders, tracing circles over his shoulder until I see that his thumbs come out of the concealing shield in which he thinks he got them.

"I told you, I don't quite know".

"And what is it that you do know?".

He shrugs, trying to become even smaller than he already is. I move my hand to roll it on his back in wide circles, tracing the full breadth of his hunched back while I lay my cheek on his shoulder, seeking to give him all the comfort he needs to fight his repeated fear.

I don't know when I became this kind of person, the sensitive one.

"I can tell you that from the first moment I saw you in training, you seemed to me like a strong person, not just on the outside, I had and I still have the idea that you can face any problem".

"I'm human, Carlos, that's a thing someone with superpowers would do, like those we watched from the movie, not me".

"I know it, what I'm trying to mean is that something told me that if I ever had to face a problem that exceeded me too much then I would find some support in you".

His head places in a languish way over my chest and I begin to play with his hair, my fingers slide through the long locks while his fingers draw circles in my abs, my boner has completely disappeared while the whole room becomes warm, in the sense of cozy.

"I came to you because I feel safe, it's mainly that reason" he says to break the silence, looking up and meeting my eyes since I don't stop looking at everything he does, nor his face because I really like the shape of his nose, the curve of his lips, the outline of his eyebrows, his skin dotted with freckles and his hair that confuses anyone that sees it.

Seeing him now, with his faint smile and flushed face, I can reaffirm everything I have been thinking since we were in the mall, since yesterday, and perhaps from before even though a part of me didn't admit it; I really heart him.

He rises to place his light body on me, my hands move on his sides and his entire back, without going further down, while he approaches to kiss me, and I don't let him, I just place my hand on his cheek so that his forehead get pressed against mine, I sketch the same pleased smile of him while I close my eyelids, enjoying the most of this incredible moment.

"I'm happy that you did".

He kisses me on the cheek and sinks his nose against my face before hiding in my neck, my hands are entwined in his lower back while I press my lips against his hair, without feeling his body expressing itself again by my touch, his arms slide beneath me in a strange hug but that oh damn, it turns out to be the most comforting thing ever.

I just can't understand his motivations, I can't believe that someone like me can have someone like him; it's just me trying to find something ugly inside something that is nice. In addition, in secret, I also attribute him a few super powers, among them the one that he's showing now, make me live the good side of things with the simple fact of having him present.

"I heart ya" I purr into his hair, hearing that he laughs softly.

"I heart you too" he says against my neck, shuddering.

My conclusion of the day is simple, it increases while I hear him humming _Squeeze_ and my smile broadens: I'm an idiot, yeah, but an idiot in love.


	10. There's no team in I is no longer my

Long time since the last chapter, but here it is, ready for you all guys! Fav, follow or review, besides I'm still thinking about doing a chapter with both POV'S, as I've done in almost all my stories, so if anyone wants is just say it in a review. Needless to say, enjoy :)

* * *

 **There's no team in I is no longer my thing**

Even though Mal denies it whenever I ask I know that she posted my Facebook page in the comments section of the video they took of me at the mall without me knowing it, that's why I received many requests for friendship and messages after messages about how good I was, hypocritically asking how I've been doing so far, if we can met, things like that.

The ones that abound the most are those where they ask if it's true when I refer to Carlos as my boy, some people had invited me to go out, and there are even the daring people who send me nudes, which have caused the memory of my phone to get saturated.

I won't deny that there are people who know what they have, I even accept they show it off, but there are some others who shouldn't even have a camera at their disposal to not be evidenced as ridiculous people.

It's obvious that they don't receive answers of the same kind from me, what they have received are signs that I'm with Carlos, the biggest one was a pic that I took one morning when dad went to work very early and Joel went out to became a useful bench warmer at a soccer game with his friends, I sneaked into his bed to sleep at least a couple of minutes with him, and the result was that I took evidence in black and white of his covered legs entangled with mine, somewhat more exposed since I only use boxers to sleep, that was more than enough for the speculations to be taken for granted and the images stopped coming to me, although there's not missing the one who decides to try out anyway.

That photo has been the most popular I've posted so far, I don't remember how many people reacted to it but I know that there were enough, and in addition to that is the fact I realized a few things, including value each moment that I can have by his side when neither dad nor Joel are nearer, when the only thing that matters is the time that he is in my arms or I am in his.

Lately I've gotten to the point of being tired of hiding it and having to be expecting the slightest sound that is heard outside the apartment, I literally feel fatigued since I just want to get home and be able to kiss him on the lips or on the cheek, press my forehead against his to be able to talk about the adventures and misadventures that happened to us when we aren't close and thus have the same treatment that I give him when we are alone.

However I'm overcome by the fact that my catastrophic way of thinking tells me that if dad finds out then he'll also kick him out, he won't let me help him in any way and that will force him to go back with the fucking lunatic that he has as his mother, and that's not an option that will benefit anyone.

He said he feels safe with me, and if I have to stay quiet to keep him safe then I'll have to suck it up a little more, how much it's needed until I know dad is receptive enough to that news.

I stretch in the couch and then roll over myself, leaving my face on the armrest while I think in one of the advantages that has to attend a school in which the educational system is more or less autonomous (by decision, not because there is a decree or something like it) and it doesn't give a damn to everyone else, which is in the occasions when the last Friday of every month is a leisure day, it's supposed to be for academic evaluation but I'm pretty sure the teachers use that time to throw flaming darts at pictures of their students.

Surely Yen Sid has a mural with my face along with Mal's and Evie's filled of darts and ashes just because we're a pain in his ass or something, and I'm happy to be so since that way he will remember me forever, that if I manage to graduate from his class and he doesn't decide to be an ass to fail me.

On the Friday that Carlos arrived at the department we had to attend school because there would be supervision of Ben's dad at school, he's the superintendent or the king or something like it of the area where Dragon Hall and many other schools are, clearly Auradon Prep is under his yoke.

I find it hard to believe that what I have built with Carlos is the result of just one month of coexistence , I still don't completely understand the idea that I'm in a relationship with him, I grotesquely dare to say that it's quite pretty along with everything and the fact that we love to fight for everything, apparently it has become into one of our favorite activities since we both reach the point of extreme frustration to defend our opinions, besides training is another time when we can do catharsis with violence, and he has given me some good beating ups, like the purple eye I still have on me, or last week when I had my lip cut with a fist I didn't see until it hit my face. My biggest damage to him has been those bruises he has on his thighs, because of the kicks I give him with barely half of my real strength, which he allows me to see and massage to eliminate when the night is quite over us, when he is about to fall asleep for the exercise and for all the school homework that he does.

Now I dare to say that we are that passive aggressive relationship with let's go towards the destruction of the two, because of that once I asked if he really felt good with the way we were carrying things, because I don't remember having seen relationships as ours, and the only thing he did was to kiss me hard, nibbling on my lower lip several times, for then he started whispering in a voice so deep that it made me shudder that he didn't imagine himself to be with me in a mellow way, with compliments and the likes.

Added to that is the fact that he's more congenial with the guys, especially Mal and Evie who seem to have taken a certain appreciation for him very quickly, affection to a certain extent, one that joined me to them and now unites the four of us, like if we had been planned to be together, as a family.

In commemoration of all that, and to be useful in my day off since today I woke up early, I decided to prepare him something simple that would avoid at all costs me to set the whole building on fire, a lemon ice cream cake, and although it seems simple I can boast of being the best at preparing them, I'm almost always in charge of their preparation at important family parties.

I get up again from the couch, just as I've been doing it almost every ten minutes in the last two hours, to open the freezer and see if it's ready, only to see that the top still doesn't reach its maximum solidity, although the elephant design I made with a little bit of chocolate from his favorite book, _The Little Prince_ , stayed there all the time. I have been distressed that it doesn't get completely ready for when he returns, he said that today he will arrive soon for a French film that he saw in the programming about a week ago and that he wanted to see one way or another.

My idea wasn't to be the kind of guy who does celebrations to commemorate the time we had together, because I had never had anything serious with someone, and it seems that the more I struggled to avoid it the more I got the idea that it must be something perfect, something that he won't forget in a long time, or never.

I let the little door of the freezer close in a bad way and I walk with loud stomps to the couch, I fall down and tell myself that I should have started it earlier, I had too much time in advance this morning but my tendency to postpone things took over me.

"Jay!" I hear him scream when I pick up my phone, like if he had just read my mind. I want to hear him screaming my name again, in another context.

I run like an exhalation to the balcony to see him while he stands in front of the door, he raises his head, covering from the sun with his hand, and when he sees me he widens a smile and greets me with his hand, I do exactly the same before going down the stairs almost stumbling, jumping on the rails to hurry up.

In the moment when I open the door he rushes to surround me with his thin arms, he rubs his cheek against my chest before rising on the tips of his feet and give me a simple kiss on the lips, letting me taste the chocolate mints I gave him about three days ago.

"You came back earlier" I whisper while I make the door close with my foot, supposedly his movie began at three o'clock; he arrived half an hour earlier.

"I wanted to see you sooner".

"I know ya did it for your movie" he narrows his eyes and smiles.

"It's partly true, but I really wanted to see you sooner… I…" he looks down at the floor, I reset it with my hand, "I missed you".

"I missed ya, too" I press his forehead against mine and caress the hair of his nape. "Let's go upstairs, I have something for you".

He widens his smile and stops rising on the tips of his feet, then he takes my hand and rushes up at a hurried pace, so fast that I'm surprised he hasn't stumbled at any time since he is clumsy sometimes.

I suppose he expected a huge surprise when he came in, like a box that was the size of the apartment or something, but when he doesn't see anything with the naked eye I see he shrugs, which makes me laugh low since he doesn't seem to be quite used to small or symbolic surprises, or in general.

"It's there, I just want ya to close your eyelids" I lock the door behind me with the two locks, then I place my hands on his shoulders to remove his heavy backpack, leaving it slowly on the floor to don't break anything he may have inside, like that time I took the backpack from Joel badly and broke a plant he was growing in a jar, although it was stupid of him because plants need oxygen and sun, not to be darkly hidden.

I take him by the shoulders and make him walk slowly to the dining room, I make him sit in the chair that I had prepared for him and I order him not to spy while I hurry to take the cake out from the freezer, which wasn't completely solid, I remove the protective plastic cover that prevents the absorption of weird odors, I place it in front of him along with a plastic knife and two clean dishes, I enter to my room to take book I bought, his favorite because he says that he should always ask for it in the library to read it, along with a picture I took a week ago, he is sleeping with his head looking to the right, where I am smiling while I'm also doing that stupid face about biting on my tongue, his arm is over my bare chest, because it had been a hot night, and I don't remember having seen him so peaceful before that.

I go back to where he is to slide the book along with the picture under his hand on the table, I give him a kiss on the cheek and I sit in a chair, refraining from recording his reaction to simply have it in my memory.

"Ya can open them now".

He does it slowly, first he looks at me and then at what is under his hand to finally do it over what he has in front of him. His expression is one that I can't quite describe at all, but I do know that he goes through a wide range of emotions until all he can do is stand up, stand in front of me and surround my head with his hands, pressing it against his body, and I just surround his body with my arms, surrendering to one of those strange ways he has to show me affection, similar to that time when he put my hand under his shirt because he was cold and wanted me to warm him.

"If ya did that so I wouldn't see you while you laugh then I take it" he pulls my head away from his body and cradles my cheeks, not without removing the strand of hair that always crosses my eyes. "I wanted it to be perfect but ya know plans don't always turn out as they were planned, so…".

"It's perfect" he shuts my speech up, a good thing because I didn't even know where I was going to get with all my words, "no one had given me a cake, not even my mother on my birthdays, neither I had ever received a picture like that, much less a book".

"I wrote something at the beginning, I didn't mean to profane it that way".

"Let's see watch you wrote".

He sits on my lap and lets me see over his shoulder while he takes it in his hands and tries to open it, the euphoric tremors he has make it a more complicated task, perhaps the fact that my hands are entwined over his stomach also does it, but finally he manages to open the first page, the one that is always blank, to read the simple message that I decided to put.

 _ **For Carlos, who makes me happy just by looking at me. J.**_

What was I thinking when I wrote that?! Now that I see it again I can only feel the heat seizing my cheeks and my whole body, not the heat that comes when I have him so close, but the one that comes to me every time I realize something embarrassing; the point in all this is that I wasn't thinking, I just let myself to be guided by what I feel.

"You make me very happy" he leans over me, putting the book aside and turning his head at a strange angle to rub his cheek against mine before kissing me and getting up, using the knife to cut two horribly symmetrical slices, he places them on the plates and moves in the direction of the living room, taking a seat in the couch he always uses. "Come over, it's about to start and I wanna taste this with you".

I grumble with a smile and get up, I take the plate that he has extended just when the television automatically switches to the channel where they will broadcast his film, I settle into my place and wait until he takes some of the lemon cream and tastes it, he closes his eyelids slowly and make a deep sound with his throat before he pulls his finger completely clean from his mouth.

"It's fucking good" he opens his eyelids and looks at me, I'm arching my eyebrows since it's not usual for him to say such words. "I'm sorry, the situation deserved a word like that".

"Don't worry, I usually say them indiscriminately".

His film begins and he diverts his full attention to the screen, finding a more comfortable place before taking off his shoes and extending a blanket that is always here for those who fall asleep, he has taken possession of it because he is who recurrently falls surrendered in the couches, and even he take it to his bed before going to sleep. Maybe he just likes it.

I do the same thing as him and I give a taste of the top, making a fist with my left hand in a sign of victory since he is right, I'm one hell of a pro in the making of these things. I sit down on the couch and cross my feet, I just start eating my slice when he gets up again, but instead of serving himself he takes everything to the couch, to save the rest of the way.

I really try to watch the movie he was so eager to watch, I swear I'm trying, although it is difficult to concentrate by the sound that makes his fork against the plate with every bite and ideas that travel in my head while I see him moving his feet to the rhythm of an internalized song and muttering things to himself, his views of the movie that I'm no longer watching; art cinema has never been my forte, I deduce that you must have a very good taste to enjoy it.

I give up to a futile struggle against myself and roll to lie down on my right side, looking again at his big, bright brown eyes, the contrasting shape of his nose with his entire face, the perfection of that smile he has almost all the time in his lips, his freckles, his jaw line, the shape of his neck, the rhythmic way in which he breathes, his thin but strong arms that are strangely visible today, revealing those burns he has on his forearms and wrists, his waist, his legs and his feet with the socks.

Certainly I'm a very lucky guy, Carlos is the kind of person who can accept or reject anyone who stands in front of him, he's the type of guy for which I would enter into a pitched battle to death, such as those made in the Middle Ages, to get his hand in marriage or to be his personal guard, whatever it takes that is needed to be by his side.

He lets me listen to him, see him, touch him, kiss him, feel him, all that he does to me too; I didn't think I'd fall for him so easy, and so fast.

"You're gonna start drooling if you're still there like an idiot" I blink once and see his hand moving in front of my face.

"I'm not an idiot" I assure, trying to play cool and making a very subtle move of my lower lip to close my mouth completely.

"Of course, and you haven't been watching me since the movie credits were rolling, ten minutes ago, like a pervert".

"I was just distracted, not that you're in my daytime erotic dreams or anything like that" I scratch my nape, slightly embarrassed to say it so directly, but strangely pleased to see the way he shudders in his seat , "I wasn't really seeing you, I looked at the dirt on the wall".

"You sure about it?" he leaves the plate on the floor next to him, I hear the unmistakable sound of the cushions of the couches when they rub against each other and in the next blink I have him in front of me, his face completely close to me, so much that our breaths cross. "See, your eyes are in my direction".

"You crossed in my contemplation to the wall" I'm paralyzed right in the spot, unable to think in a correct or functional way, because having him so close is so… so… indescribable.

Although I try to pull away, very slowly so that he doesn't notice it so fast, is to do something stupid because he approaches, smiling more and more and playing with his eyebrows, without breaking our eye contact until I'm lying on my back and he stands straddling me, his light weight finds that place reserved for him on my lap before he collapses forward, breathing in my neck and wandering his hands over the length of my arms until he reaches out his hands and forces my fingers to cling to his waist.

"Well, are you gonna keep evading the issue that you were looking at me like a stalker?" he purrs in a low voice, totally enticing.

"I don't know what you're talking about, you're perverting both my innocence and my appreciation of the wall" I can almost feel that he's huffing against my neck because of the malice in his smile, something that achieves a powerful turn on effect in me and that he had been discovering in all this time, besides abusing of it.

"Actually the wall can't do the same thing I can do to you" a lascivious note is written all over his face, it's emanating from the movements of his lips with each of his words, it's perceived by the slight movements of his hips and the tips of his fingers on my stomach, and in his eyes, he's saying everything through those big eyes of his; he wants me, here and now. "Shall we begin?".

"Let's do it" I say, lifting myself up with my elbows to place my hand on his nape and pulling him closer to me, stopping when he's about to kiss me, something he loathes very much and from what I abuse to piss him off.

We still haven't reached the point of having sex in the way it should be, said that way or in its different ways of naming it, but we're both more than happy if we get some rubbing from his hands or mines in that zone, if we get to make out in our underwear, or if from time to time we can release that tension being together, I occasionally do it after the shower water turns icy, to mitigate all kinds of horny thoughts I can carry with me.

There are times in the nights when the light from the outside lets me watch him when he is face down, his face sunk against the pillow to mitigate his moans and the times he whispers my name, he raises his hips and I see the movements he makes until he shudders to finally lie down, completely exhausted, before rising to clean up the aftermath of his moment, then he returns to the room to go back to bed, like if nothing had happened. I suppose he doesn't know that I watch him, and if he does then he's all of a kinky guy, especially by the positions he takes, like if I were behind him or between his legs.

I barely manage to lift his shirt above his chest when the clatter of the keys against the door locks made us stiffen, I hurry up to put his clothes on as they were before and almost push him down from my lap and to send him back to his place in the other couch, almost with perfect synchrony for the moment in which dad puts a foot in the apartment.

If we wanted to pretend we failed, miserably.

"H-hey, dad" I say while I turn my head to look at him, being the first to screw this up.

"Hello, Mr. Jafar" he says in the same cordial tone with which he always greets him, being the best to fake it.

"Hey, boys" he closes the door with a scourge, I would blame the wind if there was even the slightest breeze in the apartment, but he doesn't look angry either, so I suppose he just missed it.

He wipes his feet and leaves a briefcase on the individual couch, he strikes his fist against mine and runs a hand through Carlos's hair as he passes by, something he has never done before, and he seems more attracted to the fact of what he's eating since he comes back to try to stretch his hand.

"What have you got there?" he asks, knowing he'll do nothing to stop him.

"That's his" he pauses when I raise my voice, the two of them look at me with surprised faces until I clear my throat. "I mean that he has some kind of special diet, that's why it's his, ain't it?" I raise my eyebrows in his direction, he was taken by surprise until he understands it.

"Oh, yeah, that's true".

"You've never mentioned it before" he affirms, doubtful in his voice.

"Now you know it, that's why I used my day off to make cakes, there's one for you and for Joel in the fridge" yeah, I left that one there because I didn't care so much that it was for them and that's why I didn't give it protection to avoid getting bad smells or a finish like the one that Carlos has in his hands, all my attention was in him.

"Great, I could use some of that".

Dad moves away and enters the kitchen whistling, I see Carlos letting out the breath he had held in his lungs and his whole body relaxes, I wink my eye just to see him blush and put a bite into his mouth, letting out another growl like the one he let out the first time.

"Jay, you didn't heat up what we would eat as I asked you".

"Shit" I mumble under my breath and rub my hand against my face, ready for the string of things he has to tell me about it for something he asked me to do more than three times and that passed into the background of relevance.

When he clears his throat I see him out of the corner of my right eye, he gives me a broad condescending smile that doesn't make me feel any better, but he knows how dad can react to those things, he has lived it. I give him back what he does with a sided smile, prepared for the worst.

"I suppose I can do it, anyway you should be on your way out, your training will start in twenty minutes".

I don't need to see the clock to get up and run towards my room, pulling out the usual uniform from my drawers and changing in the next minute and a half, a new time record, I leave with our heavy bags to give him the privacy he always seems to need to get dressed (ironic if I consider that it's me who is in charge of taking what he wears off), I fill our bottles of water and before I can leave safe and sound from the kitchen dad takes my arm, without making the necessary pressure to talk to me about a silent scolding.

"I'd like to talk to you later about some things I've seen happening lately, privately of course".

* * *

Carlos had to pay for the taxi so we could get to training on time, because in my carelessness I forgot to take some money from my reserves, I almost hit a light pole and I was about to stumble on the same steps that I have climbed up for years because simply those words that dad said to me were enough to set me into a mode of total distraction, like the one I usually have in some classes during school hours.

Dad knows it, of course he knows it, he's a dad after all, every kind of parental figure knows things about their children even if they try to hide something five meters underground, one way or another they know.

Clearly I haven't told Carlos anything about dad's suspicions, I don't want him to become a bunch of anxieties, I simply tell him that I'm not in myself because I didn't have lunch as I should, unlike him and the strict dietary plan that Auradon Prep has, where they are forced to eat in one way or another to avoid the decline in academic and sports performance.

I don't know if he has noticed but he has gained weight, something that makes me happy since his body is taking the form that a boy of his age and who does sport should have, besides that I have more of him to hold when I have him close.

When we enter the training room I feel relieved to see that they haven't started, because professor Joseph hasn't arrived either, so I just drop my stuff along with those of Ben, Mal, Evie and Doug, who are too caught up in their own conversations to notice that we arrived, even when Mal wants me to tell her everything that has happened between him and me since the last time I gave her a detailed report, understand it two days ago.

"I can get you something to eat" he says in a worried tone, sitting down next to me and pulling his knee against mine; he still feels somewhat shy to be so open to the public eye, here he fears for my 'reputation' with the mothers of the children and for the professor himself, although it's implied that he fears a reaction that could come from Chad, "I wouldn't like you to faint".

"I'm fine, this isn't the first time I've been training with an empty stomach".

It's not the first time but it's a horrible feeling, especially if it comes to be a high-performance day where even a simple push-up can mean that I don't have the energy to get up, that there are black dots dancing in my field of vision and that my stomach growls for two continuous hours to relieve it with a binge when I come back home, lamenting it at night when I can't sleep because of the excess of food and energy.

"I'll be fine, I promise".

He knocks my knee and I get up, doing a couple of stretches so that the drowsiness produced by my low energy and the boredom of his film don't attack me now that I'm gathering strength to stand up.

I get distracted by someone catching my attention while they pull my T-shirt, I lower my gaze to find Dean, he has his arms behind his back and he moves from side to side, that's what he does whenever he has a question to ask, and from that simple question he always finds another million more to formulate. His curiosity could get him in trouble or maybe he might discover things he doesn't really want to know, and I should be careful about what information I have.

He stretches his arms for me to lift him up, he opens and closes his hands to emphasize, something a child his age should no longer do, but since his mother still does it because he is a spoiled child, and because it's not the first time he I do it with one of the little ones who train with me, I simply lift him and he settles in my arm, that before telling his inseparable group of friends to approach; a bad sign, and something worse is yet to come.

"Are you going to marry him?" he asks in his inquisitive tone, pointing at him with his eyebrows while I see a couple of girls approaching him to talk to him, something strange since no one minor comes to him, and he seems as surprised as I am since I see him stammering and without knowing what to do with his hands besides using them to emphasize what he says.

I wonder how he'll talk to a little kid.

"Jay! Listen to me!" Dean takes the collar of my T-shirt to shake me, I mock the movements to give him the satisfaction. "I asked you if you're going to marry him" he lowers his voice, luckily he does.

"What makes you all think I would?" I ask, in a louder tone for the rest of the children to hear and participate, if they have something to say.

"You see him in a special way, just like my mommy sees my daddy in the mornings when we're eating breakfast, before they kiss and hold hands, saying cute things while I see them" Lizzy says while she's tying her long hair, similar to mine in color and shape.

"Is it really that obvious?" I scratch my nape, embarrassed a little.

"You also help him a lot with the exercises, you're always together and talk all the time, more than us but without the scolding" says Hannah while I place Dean back on the floor and I kneel to listen them.

"From the first moment he came you looked at him a lot, I did it because his hair was strange, but in you it was different".

"Once…".

"I saw…".

This turns into a riot of multiple participations, I try to listen to what each one saw but I end up confused by so many things that they have observed, a group of small people who are always watching; nobody should underestimate them that way, they are too receptive to everything that happens in their environment to not listen to them, like sponges.

One thing is certain then: it caught my attention from the first moment, and I never did anything to hide it.

"So you think I should ask him?".

"Yes! Do it now!" I stand up and start walking towards him, they follow me like ducklings to their mother, they almost seem to line up behind me while I get closer to him, and they seem about to burst into laughter when I'm less of a meter away of him, the girls that surround him being a kind of protective shield.

He's playing thumbs-up with Barbara, Barry's older sister and Ben's other cousin, Kristen and Marisa play next to him with that furry tail hanging on the side of his bag, while at the same time I see that he's helping a girl who had just started training a week ago, Clara, with her math homework, he slowly explains to her how sums and subtraction are made, patting her head every time she gets a correct answer.

"Uh, Carlos?" I interrupt his explanation as well as his thumb-fight with Barbara, he stands up without being asked and gives me a broad smile.

"Are you gonna accept that I buy you something to eat?".

"Not really" Dean, Lizzy and Hannah get allied to push me closer. "I was just wondering if, you know, you would like marry me?".

It occurs to me to make that innocent question when all the conversations are silenced, each and every one of them, even those that had so concentrated the guys disappear from one moment to the other; he seems to be the most surprised of all because I see him gasp like a fish out of the water, he makes strange expressions with his eyebrows and I do nothing more than put a hand on his shoulder, managing to ease him being that before I would have exasperated his reactions.

"R-right n-now?" he blushes, looking down.

"Well, I don't have your ring ready or anything, but it would be something I would like to do in the future".

The funny thing is that I'm joking at the same time that I'm serious, I would really like to get down to a situation as such with him, being something hurried or not is something that I see myself doing in the future, only that he would have to come to me in the altar, in no way I'll be the one to take that walk.

He smiles as the last act and I do the same, then I ignore the place where we are to leave the shadow of a kiss on his lips, it's not even a pressure, just a touch, enough for our entourage of observers to become nuts and start screaming, I lower my gaze and I find that Dean, Lizzy and Hannah raise their thumbs with complete approval while the girls who were with him begin to plan on the wedding they all will make for us.

I feel penetrating glances that are getting nailed in my nape, the disapproving ones that only a mother can throw like daggers, I don't give importance to them and only raise my shoulders, I caress his cheek with the back of my fingers and I just finished turning when someone jumps behind me, I could swear that it's him if it weren't for the greater weight and the unmistakable perfume of roses.

"Jaysee!" she screams in my ear, almost making me deaf.

The reputation I had of a bad boy here has just gone straight to hell by her nickname, Mal's unmistakable laughter comes from the other side of the room to where I am, reaching to the depths of my ego. I can only imagine what Carlos is thinking now, with all those theories that his mind can formulate from moment to moment and with little observable data.

I lightly hit her in the hands that are entwined around my neck so she come down from my back, she does it to stand in front of me, pinching my cheeks and making ridiculous gestures that according to her I do too.

"What on Earth are you doing here?" I put her manicured hands off my face and I take her shoulders to step back a little.

"In case you haven't noticed because I wear sports clothes today" I take a look and it's true, pale pink clothes but sporty after all, "I decided that it would be a good day to prove what you have done for so many years".

"And you decided it would be good if you didn't tell me before?".

"You know how much I love to surprise you".

"Audrey, that's not how things work, especially this".

"Well, I wanted to spend time with you, it has been long time ago we didn't go out, but if I'm really such a nuisance I can leave without problems".

She is an expert at pulling scenes out, the queen of drama, so the only thing I can do to avoid it is to take a deep breath, look into her eyes and give her a big smile, because she is my best friend after all, irritating and spoiled but still he is my friend.

"Okay, but if you faint don't expect me to help you".

"I'm a tough girl, I can handle it".

She is the kind of tough girl who would burn her house with a flamethrower made of hairspray and a lighter because of a spider that she finds anywhere, in the video chats we had before she used to scream and hide under everything she had when she saw a small insect flying near her, which now that I think about makes me laugh in the inside, I don't outsource it because before I can plead against he is when professor Joseph comes in running, almost falling down, he gives a greeting to the parents before making us to take our places and we start with training since they were twenty minutes lost.

While I run in circles, and when he passes by my side, I realize that in the last couple of minutes I pushed Carlos completely aside, I forgot what we were doing because of Audrey, and now I must solve that too.

* * *

It was obvious that Audrey would receive a special treat for being the new girl, that and because in the first ten minutes she was dying of exhaustion, I was just laughing medium-high while watching her make her best attempt at a class that is primarily intended for little kids, precisely for them it's not considered as something so exhaustive, but also it is because she didn't stop talking to me when she had the necessary breath to talk, and she can already feel happy because I told her what was happening with me and Carlos, although she was angry because I hadn't told her before, and she didn't make an attempt to speak to him.

The moment she got on the bus to her home I began to give him a lot of explanations, who hadn't left my side although he stayed silent, and when I got to the point of telling him that she is my best friend his whole face relaxed, he gave me a smile and told me that he just wanted to piss me off, as well as make me feel bad about the fact that I completely ignored him when she showed up. I don't expect to see her train again, ever.

I could sneak into the apartment to avoid what dad has to tell me if it wasn't for him coming up the stairs right behind me, still dragging his feet for the 'completely exhausted' he is for a day of high-performance training, from which he had saved his life for some reason or other.

Joel is sprawled on the couch, a bowl of popcorn is tossed on the floor since he continues to snore, grunting in his sleep before moving his head for comfort. The spark that comes to piss off my younger brother lights up inside my chest, I leave my bag by the door and I walk on the tips of my feet towards him, and before I can shout right in his face Carlos's hand takes me by the arm, he gives me a look of disapproval and waits until I approach to him, suppressing my urge to torment him.

"Jay? It's that you?" dad asks from his room, not bothering to see who enters the apartment.

"No, sir, I come to steal your television and cut off your son's throat in the living room while he sleeps".

"Please, don't stain the carpet, and when you're done with all your crap I'd like to talk to you for a minute".

I let the air out of my mouth and walk to my room with a heavy walk, Carlos is walking behind me like if he had been the one to whom he said that last thing, when I turn on the light, the first thing he does is to lie down on his blankets and to remain silent, like if the laughter we had while we were climbing the stairs hadn't been real.

I take off the sweatshirt that I always use when we finish training and I do my routine of every night before I watch TV or start with my homework that I always leave halfway done; I wash my hands, I take my gloves to a window to let the sweat to dry and avoid the bad smell, I spread my sweaty clothes in the laundry room to take care of them tomorrow, that if dad doesn't catch them first and he does it, I turn on the water heater for our showers, I wash my water bottle, I take a couple of cookies with strawberry jam from the kitchen, for him and me, before I come back, finding him in the same position.

I give him a slight kick and he looks at me under the arm that covers his eyes, I extend the cookies for him to eat them the way he always does, placing them in his mouth and holding them with his lips while giving small bites.

I really don't want to talk to dad, if he already knows what's going on between us then fine, let him know, there's no need for me to keep this as a secret, or as if we were those kind of friends who are too physical to each other, something he should know because I used to be the same with my first best friend, Christopher, with whom I had a secret twelve-step greeting, I played with him on weekends at his house or he in mine, but we spent most of the time in school, we had rough games and sometimes we walked holding hands, something that once brought me problems with dad, for his parents it wasn't a reason for chaos, they saw it as something common among small friends.

Maybe my conclusions about him besides being my best friend that he was also something like my first crush are true to a certain extent, I remember that the day he stopped going to school I didn't want to do it either, because they were something like immigrants, I stopped eating and there were times when I cried at night, I had nightmares in which I said his name and the likes, as dad told me, and now that I remember it is like if I were feeling a weakness taking over me, more mental than physical, one that I hadn't felt since I was seven years old.

I finish with my fifth cookie and stay sitting on the edge of the mattress, watching the chewing movements he makes while I also see him trying to stay awake, it wouldn't be the first time he falls from exhaustion.

Although it involves him, I don't want him to listen to the talk I will have with dad, whatever he is going to tell me, because I know that if he talks about him and he listens to him he will be in anguish, worried about doing everything perfectly and that dad has no reason to stop him living here.

"Hey, uh, what if ya shower first?" he turns his head to look at me and arches an eyebrow, surprises. "Ya know, you're the one who always wakes up first even on weekends".

"It's Friday, Jay, there's nothing to do tomorrow".

"Yeah, I know, I just said it so you can sleep earlier, that's all".

He relaxes his raised eyebrow but that doesn't change his serious expression, he looks at me with a firm eye contact, almost like if he wanted me to yield, so to fight against that I cross my arms and lean over my chest of drawers, having the same posture he is taking.

I would love to say that he's not annoyed, but he is, and I would say that it is about training, because there are times when tiredness makes him a dick, but it's not that, he certainly heard that dad wanted to talk to me.

At the end he rolls his eyes and stands up, he takes the necessary clothes to get dressed in the bathroom and when he passes to my side I stop him taking his arm.

"Don't get mad".

"Oh, it's okay, it's like you said, I need to get some rest, and now I need it because I really was about to faint in training".

"But the water isn't totally hot".

"Don't worry, I'll make it quick".

"But…".

He tries to smile but he can't convince me, I just let him go so he can walk, go into the bathroom, and if it weren't for dad being here, I'm sure he would have shut the door closed more strongly than necessary, just to prove a point, and that he is able to keep certain grudges.

I let out a snort to simply walk to the other room, I close the door ajar and I leave my hand on it while the first thing I hear is dad's heavy sigh in addition to the sound that makes his phone when it gets blocked.

"Okay, Jay, I have no other way of telling you this, so I'll tell you how it comes to mind: you're grounded, period".

I make the door close by the force that I impose, I turn on my heels to see him placidly on the old reclining sofa, which should already have his silhouette since he spends all the time there, he scratches his beard and he looks at me with firm eyes, just the way I try to quarrel against him because he has no reason to give me a punishment, I have even stopped responding him in a bad way.

"What the…?".

"You said Carlos was here because his mother kicked him out, I let him come into our home and he has given more participation than you and Joel, whatever his reasons are, but at no time you clarified you did this too because now you have something with him, I don't know what kind of relationship but you have it".

I run out of words since he decides to throw all that together, I get the impression that some things that Joel has told me are also mixed with his speech, but the point is that he is sincere with what he means.

"Dad, I…".

"Did you really think it took time to get home just for the fun of it?" he uses his hands to emphasize his words, something that shows me his true emotional state; angry. "No, Jay, it wasn't about work, I wanted to give you two a little more space so you could be together for a while, Joel sometimes participated, but there seems to not ever be a time when you, my son, will come to tell me the truth about what happens with both of two, and therefore, in view of the fact that both of you have abused this kind of confidence, I have no choice but to ask Carlos to leave, because it's not fair…".

"No".

Carrying the opposite causes the anger to burn in his face since it turns red from moment to moment, I don't remember well the times I set him in that way, I only know that after that there was a beating with that personalized cane of his, with the passage of the years he diminished its use, bur the marks remain.

"You can't ask him to leave, you just can't".

"Why not?".

"Because he has nowhere else to go, he can't go back to his mother just like that since she's… well, she's insane!".

"And how are you so sure of that?".

"Once we sneaked into his house to get some stuff he needed, we barely managed to get out of there as a whole when all her fury broke, she threw things, said things to him that not many mothers would tell to their children being in their five senses, also she speaks with inanimate things like if they were real people".

"Well, I would be furious if anyone came into my house".

"That's not the point, the point is you can't ask him to leave".

"You haven't given me a good reason not to tell him so".

I sit on the edge of his bed but I don't look him in the eyes, it rather seem that the lint getting together on the carpet are more interesting than anything else, even more so than keeping him here, because my reason is so simple that I feel ashamed for saying it, ashamed in the sense that I will blush for giving him such a banal reason but that it's strong in many ways, that for me has gained importance with each passing day.

"Say it, Jay, give me a reason to don't ask him to leave".

"I-it's not that easy".

"It's just a simple reason".

"I can't…".

"Say it!" he yells, pulling me out of my stirrups and surely waking Joel up.

"Because I heart him!" I shout back, this time I look into his eyes. "Okay?! I heart him, that's why you can't ask him to leave!".

We both stay quiet, breathing like if we had run all over the neighborhood to prove who's right, that kind of stupid competitions that we could do without any problem, and at the same time I look into his eyes while the weight to have kept that in silence rises in a masterful way off my shoulders, I feel energized, having said that in a loud voice makes me feel adrenaline running through my veins, my chest is decompressed, like I predicted I also feel blushing, but it stays in just one simple word: freedom.

"Y-you heart him?" he asks, like if he hadn't listened to me.

"There's no team in I is no longer my thing, dad" I snort and keep my eyes on his, tilting a smile, "especially when I'm with him".

I lower my head waiting for some insult, him not saying anything, to finally reacting because someone happened to be more important than him and Joel, or the fact that I now have something with a guy, even a blow to the head would be a sign of something working as it should. But I look at him out of the corner of my eye, still scratching his beard while I hear the squeak of that old sofa's springs against his weight when he's about to get up, and he sits next to me.

I see him raising his hand and looking at it as if he didn't know what to do with it, so I roll my eyes and help him to put it on my shoulder, there he gives a slight squeeze that manages to send warmth through my skin.

"When did you realize it?" he asks, without taking his hand from my shoulder.

"I couldn't tell ya an exact date because not even I know it, the only thing I'm sure of is that he has no one else, we are his only support".

He places his whole arm over my shoulders, I shrink because it's not usual for him to do that kind of thing, but I do it mainly because of a feeling that seems almost new to me, that of paternal love, that which even when he insults me it tells me that does it for my sake, so that I don't continue committing the same idiocy or I become a different person, better in different senses.

"Listen, those are a lot of things together to get down, son, I don't know what to say, especially since I didn't think I would live to see this moment when you let someone know you in that sense, but the important thing is that I feel happy for you and for him, though it shouldn't since it was an open secret, I expected you to tell me like those kind of loose comments with which you usually talk to me".

"It's not something that is of so little importance".

"I know, having feelings for someone is weird, I'm happy for you and that's the important thing, I'll get used to it" I turn my head a little to meet his eyes and see a genuine smile on his face. "I approve it, he's a boy who will do you good".

"Thanks, dad, you're the best".

I don't remember the last time I gave dad a full hug that didn't came for my birthday, some festivity or just for fun, much less when I needed it because that kind of thing wasn't what he taught us, all my emotional needs were downloaded in the form of a talking with my friends or in training, where they had a greater utility and productivity. But now, discovering new forms of interaction between the two of us, I realize that, perhaps, I hadn't always fully accepted the mantra of the family.

He moves away from me and gives me a friendly hit on the cheek with his fist, then he gets up to open me the door, revealing that Joel is on the other side with a look of complete hatred, maybe he heard some of the conversation, but that's not important as the lights of the whole exterior are off, so I just step by his side to see that the light in my room is also turned off and there is silence, the sign that he have already decided to go to sleep.

I have good news, he has to know them, that's why I just keep up with my routine of every night, taking clean clothes and entering the shower, the water is warm enough so I just take off my clothes and I step in so it gets rid of the fatigue of the training together with the excessive sweat, in synthesis all the hectic and stressful of the day. When I get out I go to the kitchen for a bowl of cereal while I continue to dry my hair, thinking about how I'm going to tell him what just happened, but the best way is to tell him how things happened, so I leave my wet towel on a chair when I finish brushing my teeth.

I take a deep breath, like if I were going to arm myself with courage, and step into my room, closing the door behind me without using the latch, so that we can sleep in calm until someone decides to enter tomorrow morning to wake us up, though it's like if I were going to sneak behind him to sleep together, even if I'm happy with the result of the talk with dad.

I leave the light off but I give an internal slap to myself since I'm going to wake up anyway, I wait until my eyes are used to the darkness before giving the usual steps towards him, I kneel next to his head to play with his hair while he's lying in the direction of the wall, with a breathing that sounds relaxed, as if he were fast asleep already, but what I did is something I can't just leave for tomorrow without a good explanation.

"Hey, ya asleep?" I whisper softly in his ear, seeing him breathe deeply before turning to see me, his eyes glowing even in the dark.

"No, I was about to though".

"Sorry if I woke you up".

"It wasn't you, it's just that I don't feel like sleeping".

"Well, it's like you said, there's nothing to do tomorrow".

"That's a good thing".

I put my head still wet on his pillow, he moves a little back so I get some space, however I can feel his breath against my face while my thumb moves over his eyebrows, I keep our eye contact in the dark until I decide it's enough of the tension in our voices.

"Okay, first of all I'm sorry I sent ya to the shower, I know you didn't want to but I really needed to talk to dad".

"About what that I couldn't hear?".

"That's the other thing, the elephant in the room".

He slowly gets up to sit, he opens the blankets to make me a space at his side, I'm surprised since I didn't think he would do it because of the fact that no more than twenty minutes ago he was annoyed with me, and if he wasn't then he was having an adverse reaction to me, but whatever it may be I join him and the warmth his body generated, to the look he keeps on me.

"I'll go to the point, dad knew about us for a million years, he wanted to talk to me about things he had noticed between us and basically wanted me to tell him the truth once and for all".

He breathes more agitated with my words, like if he were thinking that at some point he step in to take him by the neck and throw him out of the apartment, like if this were some kind of farewell, to avoid it I slip my hand under the blankets to touch his thigh, maybe not the brightest idea because he immediately lets out a deep moan, but the circles I do near his knee seem to send him the message I wanted to give him with that action.

"He said he wanted to kick you out because we were both abusing of his trust and all that, for what I told him that you were here because you needed help at a difficult time" his hand slid down my arm until it was entwined with mine, then he places his head on my shoulder. "I told him that he couldn't kick you because I heart you, a sincere and real statement, and he was surprised to hear something like that since he told us not to join anyone, besides that he didn't know what to say about it, he just said he's get used to it and that he was happy for me, for both of us, and that he thinks you will do me good".

We both descend slowly until we lie down, we look at each other in the dark before I press my forehead against his and I close my eyelids.

"I just realized that you are a lot like your dad".

I laugh under my breath before just moving forward, giving him the kiss I longed to receive after a day full of ups and downs, with situations that I faced and that now are going to benefit us both, although what he said at the end is still resonating in my head, the discomfort of him comparing me with dad, something I've never liked at all.

"I'm not like dad, am I?".

"Only in stubbornness, and you always want to have the last word".

I think a little what he says while I open my eyelids and I see shadows forming on the ceiling, something that usually happens when I stay for a long time staring at the darkness, like if it were the dream that is about to overcome me but that one way or another I manage to chase away, maybe now because he's with me.

"I-I…?" he raises his head a little, going through my staring. "I-I'm not like my mother, right?".

I would take it as a continuation of the game if it weren't because it actually sounds like he's worried about the answer, as if the fact that I respond him would make him take the things for granted, whatever that means, that's why I just lean forward to give him a kiss on the lips, barely a pressure that surprises him enough to distract him from his question.

"Of course not, you're not like her. Now come, sleep with me".

He places his head back on the pillow and curls up beside me, letting out one last long breath before staying still, his hands gripped against my body and his legs stretched tightly next to mine, his breath brushing against my uncovered shoulder while I close my eyelids slowly.

Maybe I'm walking on thin ice for this being the first night dad knows about us as a couple and that I'm sleeping with him, but now I don't have to get up early to go back to my bed. Maybe things are going to change from now on, a change to get better.


	11. Destined

Well, well, next chapter with both POV's, a chapter that materialized faster than I thought it would. Fav, follow, or review, and also, in the news section that may be not so pleasant, this story is coming to its end, still I don't know how many chapters it would take me, even though it's coming, in the meantime enjoy :)

Warnings: explicit content.

* * *

 **Destined**

 **Carlos's POV**

I'm not really sure how it feels to be in love, even when I feet pathetic looking for something similar in some books, or on school computers, and as each person experiences it in a different way, I just know that I'm really feeling it, I live it every time I think of him and smile like an idiot, every time when there is a touch of his skin against mine, with every kiss he gives me on my cheeks or on my lips, when he plays with my hair, when he looks at me, listens to me, touches me and makes me feel good when we are alone. Yup, I'm definitely in love with him.

"And… are you listening to me?".

I stop looking at the bus window and turn my attention to Ally, I thought my abstraction moment would last less than a couple of seconds, but since I see that we only have to pick up three more persons then I deduce I was distracted for more than five minutes, and I have no idea of all that I have missed.

"I'm sorry".

"That is not very impolite of you, Carlos".

"I know, I know, I'm sorry" I scratch my left collarbone and a feeling of fear floods me before I settle my uniform back, hiding the not-at-all-gentle bite Jay has left there for a couple of days now, and he knows my body takes time to heal in that way, as it usually happens with the bruises in training, "many things have happened lately and I'm distracted".

"What kind of things? I mean, if I can be intrusive".

"Jay, mom, stuff like that".

We pass close to my street and it's difficult not to see the imposing house that mom asked to be adapted for her needs, anyone who looks up can see it standing out among the others, and when I see that the curtain of her room closes it makes me think that she can actually feel my presence, that she knows when I'm close and that, if I'm not alert, she'll send Jasper and Horace to catch me like if I were one more of the animals with which she makes her clothes, although surely they already have that assigned task and they are too foolish to fulfill it.

I shrug my shoulders anyway, knowing she's been watching me.

"Are you and Jay all right?" she asks in a serious tone.

"Oh, yeah, everything is fine with us" «too fine actually, almost to the point where I can't believe it», I continue to myself.

I don't lie in that sense, for almost a week in which he told his dad about us everything has going too nice, I'm still trying to make a good impression for Mr. Jafar, as I have always done, but now with a highest bar that I must reach. The only thing that annoys Jay, because I see it reflected all over his face, are the occasions when I come training on my own, without keeping him company but him insisting too often on what I do then.

If only he knew… I bet he would be completely angry.

Ally doesn't make the attempt to resume the conversation, she actually starts to talk with the person in the seat next to ours, I have no idea who it is, but she does so since we picked up the last girl and we're going to the Prep. I don't feel good about keeping that secret with Jay, that or any other, and I'm too bad to keep them, although there hasn't been an opportunity for it to come out, and I hope there isn't one.

I scratch my collarbone again, not because it hurts or because it is itchy, it rather is like a reflex act, and settle my uniform, laughing under my breath because I'm sure that was his revenge for having left him with blue balls in that occasion that he gave me the most perfect gift that someone has ever given me in my life, and if I remember correctly is the only one I have ever received. I wanted to spend the night with him almost as much as him, I could assure more, but he decided to take it out that way, and I hope he still has the mark that I left on his right thigh.

I keep wondering what it is that I haven't given myself to Jay, it's not something I don't want to do because, dammit, from the first moment I saw him in training, the quite different amount of feelings that attacked me are still standing, the arousal I felt when I saw his uncovered arms, the baggyness of his tank top over his chest, his smile and the lines of his face that were uncovered for his tied hair is the most prominent, but now it ended up being sublimated in another way, in hugs, kisses, nonsense talks, whispers at night, fights in training, touching, and more.

Truth is that I'm afraid to end up sore as well as aphonic, that's why I couldn't give myself to him the first night that we were exposed, a stupid fear but that is partly understandable. I hate it because it's been many nights I'm about to fall sleep until I remember the shape of Jay's body when he's naked, every curve, muscle, area with hair and mole, the shape, thickness, color and stiffness of his penis, everything about him, and just thinking about that makes my tiredness to disappear so it becomes into a tingling sensation over my whole body and painful boners that I must attend effusively, and when I close my eyes I see myself in different postures with him while imaginarily we're having sex in various forms and postures, he taking control or I also sometimes.

Right now, when I have my backpack on my waist to hide what my thoughts produce in me and the bus enters to the school circuit, I realize the ache that the desire produces in my body, how much I want to be with Jay, knowing that he will be just as nervous as me but he will never stop kissing me, because he says he loves to do it, touching me delicately, look at me in the eyes and whisper that kind of thing that he only says in my ear. I admit that I never believed him when he said that he hadn't had some kind of relationship with someone because, come on, it's him after all, many people would throw themselves into his face without thinking, and from all those options he chose the pale, freckled, thin, and with scars, nerd.

I snort and walk down the small road that runs in front of the school, not remembering the moment I got off the bus and started walking along with the rest of my classmates to the building, without Ally at my side since she's talking with Jane, walking next to the statue of Ben's dad since it always changes shape when I pass by and I look at it out of the corner of my eye, as if it knows that it succeeds in scaring the hell out of me every time it does, and when I enter the main building I snort again, shrugged and holding the straps of my backpack.

I'm don't hate school, I really love being here, it's not difficult for me to get up early because I always do it for mom, I have a way to get here or I figure it out when I lose the bus, I have people I can talk to in the hallways and lunch, there are amazing teachers giving their classes, it's also another way not to be with mom around all day long, I just hate some students, Chad and his group of losers more directly.

I would really like to know if Dragon Hall's reputation is as how I've heard to be described by some of my classmates, with pipes dripping, about to fall down, students causing all kinds of fuss and suffering to those who are not quite adapted to their environment, maybe Diego would tell me more if he wasn't a douche and if he hadn't dropped out for believing that his band would achieve a resounding success from one morning to the next one. Besides, well, it would be nice to see Jay down the hallways, maybe attending similar classes, spending more time with Mal and Evie, meet the counterpart to what usually happens here.

I arrive at my locker to prepare what I need for the first class of my day, Chosen Themes in Philosophy, which should rather be called Nap Time since everyone falls asleep in there, and is understandable since it's a dense subject, I like it because it makes me realize the reality of some things, and the clashes with reality are very strong sometimes. I put the combination to open it and the first thing I can see is a small box placed evenly on my stack of books and notebooks, I take it and remove the small note that is at the top, reading what is written with the creepy handwriting that Jay uses to write.

 _ **Don't ask, just enjoy them ;) J.**_

The first question I have in mind is obvious, of course I ignore what he asked: how did he know the combination of my locker? When did he enter the building? How did he know what my locker was? Who helped him to do this? I'm still sleep?

I figure out that last one when I'm pushed against my locker, hitting my hip and biting my lip to keep myself from letting out the growl of pain. I don't have to turn around to find out who it is, he's been bothering me since the school year even started, and I'm not the only one who has this getting in his way, as long as Chad or the member of one of the sports teams walks down the hallways they take the one who is more unprepared as a victim, without retaliation because it's clear that a functional sports team is preferred to the welfare of others.

This kind of thing is not supposed to happen at Auradon Prep because it is Auradon Prep, but I suppose it's better pretend to be misunderstood.

"Asshole" I whisper loud enough to be heard while he walks away, though I must see him in a couple of classes anyway. I suppose he hates me because Jay preferred me, that if the rumor that Mal and Evie told me is true, which in fact seems like it by his way of acting against me.

I get into my first class of the day and, as usual, the place is neat, everyone is in their respective seats, they turn to talk to each other, they look at me with raised eyebrows but then they go back to what they were doing, I think the time of "everyone get on Carlos's nerves because he has a handsome boy by his side while the others have nothing" is over, and it still seems like yesterday when they put stupid notes inside my locker.

I take my place in the first row of seats, I put my elbows on the table and I support my face on my hands while I wait about two minutes until the bell rings and our teacher enters, a substitute for Maurice, Ben's maternal grandfather; this is quite an old man, in his sixties which get noticed from his gray hair, wrinkles and the skin falling here and there, but that doesn't take away the gentle smile on his face besides his good spirit.

"Good morning, students" he says, without the slightest introduction.

He turns around and starts writing on the chalkboard the title of a new theme, the beauty, the theme of the last pile of papers we should read, which Jay tried to read when he stole the homework from my hands since I wasn't paying attention to what he was telling me, and he knows that when I'm concentrated I get off from the world, before he ended up scratching his brain for not getting much of the subject. The mysterious man turns and before he can start with his class he's interrupted by Ben's dad entering through the door, Fairy Godmother behind him, weird if I consider that she's the headmistress of the school, and no doubt he's the most frightening man I have ever known, his magnificence is so great that no matter what scandal there is, with his presence there is a dead silence.

"Good morning to all of you" he greets us and we all stand up, firm with fear, "I'm only making an inspection of the substitute teacher today".

"I was about to start with my class".

"Okay, I won't interrupt then, Mr. Lawrence".

They shake hands, that tells me this is another relative of Belle or they're just a couple of old acquaintances, however they split and both he and Fairy Godmother go, leaving us at the mercy of the substitute teacher.

I like to raise my hand to take participation in almost all the classes, in this one not particularly since there have been times when they throw paper balls against my head when the teacher isn't looking, so I simply write down what is written on the chalkboard, making a movement with my head every time the chalk makes a chirping sound, and I remove the lid to the little box Jay gave me, finding a display of chocolates stuffed with strong kirsch, our favorites and the ones we have eaten while watching lots of movies.

There is no such a rule that forbids us from eating food during classes, in fact there are some teachers who tell us that we can do it to not get sleepy, so I stick to that rule and I take off the red metal wrapper of one of them to give it a bite and then I slide it inside my mouth, while I feel the chocolate melting there I think about how it is that I ended up taking classes for seniors, with their long and elegant names.

According to my academic records I have been considered as a brilliant boy since always, I really feel like I'm mixed with everyone else, without the need to be set ahead of them. I'm supposed to be enjoying my junior year entirely, not split in half between the duties of those who are about to leave for college and those who should still be here.

Of course I want to go to college, completely, there are proposals that are too tempting, I have the requirements for many, and the money to pay them, but I don't want to be the little brain that starts with less than eighteen years old to one of the major stages of his lifetime; it would be a change to everything I'm used to, a drastic change, and there is no guarantee that it will free me from my mother, she will surely follow me or enroll me in the schools she wants, to keep me close.

Decisions, decisions; future.

The end of school bells ring and I stop making nonsenses of drawings on the sheet that is supposed to have a note about what I just saw in class, which is not a problem since I can simply read a chapter from a book or ask about what happened all day since somehow I didn't realize that Math class was finished, one of the three classes that go according to my junior year and that I share with Ally and Jane, and that means I'm free, only for today.

Once again I went all day long in 'automatic mode', I jumped from one class to the other without being aware, from Health Sciences, Cybernetics and Computing, Text Analysis, Basic Notions in Latin, Anthropology, ending with Math, I'm not even sure if I ate anything in the two lunch periods, although my stomach doesn't growl like it usually does, and I wouldn't have eaten anyway since Jay's chocolates served to satisfy me.

It's pathetic to admit that I'm dizzy because I've eaten just a box of chocolates all day long, I don't usually do that since I share with Jay when the opportunity is given, besides the liquor they have is strong enough to make me feel light headed and also laughing at nonsense.

«Bad idea, bad idea», I internalize as I continue walking and stumbling.

I wish I could have chosen the classes I would take in the year, I can swear that I was assigned the ones which had the least demand on the part of the students after all my teachers signed the letter that gave me the opportunity to go ahead in the year, and they didn't even let me decide on that, they just did.

While I clean the cherry trail left at the corners of my lips for the last chocolate I bite I also look up, seeing that the whole world splits like a manifestation that is about to get controlled, and I see the tourney team members walking down the hallway, without Ben or someone else with a little bit of common sense in the head, sweeping away all those who stand in front of them, flirting with all the cheerleaders or clashing fists.

My unconscious and mild drunkenness make me stand in front of Chad, I try to move to the right but he moves with me, I try to do it to the other side and the same thing happens, he's back in front of me, so I finally walk towards the front, hitting my shoulder against his and causing the others to react. Since that is a direct aggression to his pride it doesn't take long before I feel his hands taking me by the shoulders and I can hardly stretch my arms to not hit my face directly against the lockers.

"Do you feel brave now that Jay isn't here?" he grunts behind my back, my cheek pressed against the row of lockers and, instead of quietly pleading for someone to help me, I burst out laughing with encouragement. I'm way too drunk, now I can admit it, and if any of the teachers notice it then I'll be doomed.

"You're just jealous because he's with me, and because I can touch every part of him without having to ask, unlike you who can only watch" he presses me more against the lockers, though that doesn't stop the whispers.

"I-I don't know what you're talking about".

"Oh, please, your heartbreaker facade is nothing compared to Jay's, he can have anyone at any time and for whatever length of time".

"True, and what difference you have to whoever that has been with him?".

I hadn't thought about that part, I'm really just saying the first thing coming to my mind, I don't give it a processing as it should, however I manage to release my right hand, I take him by the forearm and I spin him in one of the techniques of immobilization that we have learned, so fast that he doesn't have enough time to react when I punch him on the cheek, he falls on his back and he looks at me with fury burning behind his eyes, and before everything can follow Ally appears in front of me, she takes me by the shoulders to drag me down the hallways towards the exit of the school.

I really would have liked that fight.

"Are you insane?!" she shouts at me, her accent more pronounced.

"I can still get there to end up with what I did".

"Nothing like that, I'll drive you home right now".

One of the cars of her family enters the circuit of the school and parks in front of us, from the front comes a driver wearing a green top hat, a rather strange outfit and a huge gold pocket watch that sticks out between his clothes, he looks at it before letting out a laugh, hurrying his step to open the door so we can get safely into the car, he then goes back to his place and look at us in the rearview mirror before turning on the car, smiling with his huge front teeth and taking us wherever we're going.

I don't have what it takes to do my homework for the day, though it wouldn't be the first time I forget it, for some time ago my priorities have stopped being ordered in the proper way, and now that I'm slightly drunk and after having started a fight it's like if I cared much less.

"You know I don't live with my mother".

"I know it, I have Jay's address, I will leave you in his hands".

"Jay has big, rough hands" I place my head on her shoulder and close my eyelids a little, feeling like if everything that happened in these fifteen minutes hadn't been real, and I would believe so it if wasn't for the pain in my fist that goes through my whole arm, "they feel good when he moves them on my body".

"Carlos! Stop talking nonsense!".

"They're not nonsense, Ally" I draw faint circles over the back of her hand while I settle more on her shoulder. "He knows how I like to be touched, he has made me not to feel embarrassed by my scars, besides he hearts me, and I heart him, we both heart each other deeply".

"Sleep a little, we will be soon with him".

"I bet he likes you, not to me since I don't like girls, but you're a pretty girl, and he likes pretty girls, and he likes guys like me".

"He doesn't seem to have eyes for anyone but you".

"Yeah, and he loves to touch my naked body, he loves it!".

Her hand pats on my cheek, then it enters in my hair and she scratches with the tips of her fingers, just as Jay does and it has a sleeping effect on me, which is the last thing can I do before letting the car to take me towards him, to whom makes me feel safe, and whom today got me drunk from a distance.

* * *

 **Jay's POV**

I know he's trying, a lot, because when he's near dad he gets anxious and tries to prove something, his efficiency or if he will do me good, some of those things but in order to prove something, and I guess I shouldn't have mentioned him the high expectations dad put on him because this would happen.

It was very difficult for me not to laugh in his face when he came to the apartment with his face flushed, his eyelids closing, slurring his words and dragging his feet, like if at any moment he was going to fall by the drunk state in which he was submerged because of some chocolates stuffed with kirsch; I didn't think his tolerance was so low, and neither that he was the horny drunk as his hands slipped under my shirt and almost into my pants, saying nonsenses against my neck and pressing himself against me.

I drop my head to the right and sigh when I see him playing with his toes, after another of his little naps and having eaten something hours ago.

"You know, we should break some rules".

"Oh, yeah? Like which ones?".

"Like going out for dinner" I suggest when the film becomes tedious and boring, monotonous to some extent and something he's also feeling since he hasn't stopped moving for forty-five minutes, the electronic clock under the television tells me so, it's not that I have being counting it.

"It's late, I don't think there are buses when we get back".

"We're taking the car, I drive" I lay on my right side to look at him, I see that he's surprised by what I said since he shrinks in his place, trying to hide in the blanket that has rolled in his body by his movements.

"It's not a good joke, Jay".

"Well, I'm not joking, I wanna have dinner with ya".

"But we would have a very serious problem with your dad if we do it, a _very_ serious one, so much that I fear he will kick us both out of here".

I was about to tell him sharply that dad's not a maniac who would do such things but obviously I don't want to get into that, I'm not prepared to deal with the kind of wounds that can be opened if I approach that question of his life, instead I just sit up in the couch and take out the keys of the car, with which I was playing in the middle of the cushions, to make them clatter among them, drawing his attention once more.

"How did you know where he keeps them?".

"I'm something like a version of Tyrion Lannister except that much taller, without a surname that produces hatred in all who listen to it and that it needs a little more genius, the point is that I drink and I know things, only that in my case I train and I know things, though a drink wouldn't be so bad, the thing is dad would hide the keys of something quite important in the first place that he has at hand to not forget where he put them, which is the coat he always wears at work".

He stops listening to me because he starts to hum and fold the blanket, he does so slowly that it makes me angry, I relax with deep breaths because it's not the time to have an emotional outburst, like the one he already saw, one of those episodes of my life that I hope won't get to be repeated.

"I know he's getting used to the idea that we're dating, I can tell by his way of addressing both of us, that's why I don't want something like that to generate too much troubles".

"I'll deal with dad's fury, I promise, I just want ya to agree to have dinner with me tonight, that's the only thing I'll ask for before I come up with another rule we can break" he nibbles on his lower lip angrily, something that tells me he has already made the choice since a while ago. "Please".

He gave up to whatever his conscience was commanding him to do, he gave up because he puts on his socks and his favorite boots, I swallow the victory cry that was brewing in my throat while I stand up and run to my room for a jacket for each of us along with my wallet, a little bit of cologne on my neck and underneath my T-shirt, besides shoes since it's not a good idea to drive with bare feet.

I turn off all the lights when Carlos opens the door, the light of the corridor touches him with a kind of light that turns the angles of his face in shadows, so that he looks like a terrifying mask that looks at me with a penetrating look and the most tenuous of the smiles tightening the corners of his lips. I have chills to see him that way, also to know that I'm about to take dad's car without permission, but with knowledge to drive since it's not the first time I get in a car, Ben's dad has let us practice with his, so that we may be useful in the near future, more words or less words.

We both go down the stairs with a hurried pace and laughing softly, like if we had just committed a robbery or something similar, we left the building and keep going with the same hurried pace until we reached the car, somehow old for our times, a classic according to dad, and something that could be worse for Mal and Evie when they've seen it going down the streets, with dad and Joel inside.

"So, which is your freckled abs craves?" I stretch my hand to tickle him in the stomach, holding me from sliding it under his T-shirt to touch his muscles while I set the seat, the side mirrors and rearview mirror, as well as putting my shaky hands on the steering wheel.

"I leave it to you, you're driving anyway".

"Okay, because I know a great Japanese food place".

"I've never had Japanese food, just what I do at my house".

"Kutzumira will be then".

He arches his eyebrows when I say the name of the restaurant but he just settles back in his seat, fastening his seat belt and jumping when the car's engine roars when he turns on, then he takes a deep breath and turns on the radio, going through the stations until I force him to choose one when we began to move to leave the set of apartments.

He hums a few songs while we move slowly through the streets, not because I don't want to hit the accelerator, it's just that I don't want to produce him a cardiac arrest before we arrive, and the journey is less than fifteen minutes, the restaurant is at one side of the mall where I made an idiot of myself, and I still keep getting messages, photographs and everything else.

"Shit, a damn police car" I mutter when we stop at a traffic light and I have the other fucking car on my left, I cling to the wheel almost using my fingernails and curl up in my seat, thinking of something else.

Curious fact, until now I realize how terrified I am, more than him who comes humming nervously next to me, and to see that the law is to my left does nothing more than make me want to park in the next street, get out of the car and get there walking; now it doesn't seem like a bad plan at all.

"How was your day?" he asks out of nowhere, which makes me turn my neck to look at him with his head tilted in my direction, smiling quietly.

"It was very boring" I keep my eyes on him while I talk about something we mentioned in the apartment, "I was sleeping in almost all my classes, I think that's why sometimes I don't understand my notes or my homework".

"You know I'm willing to help you".

"And ya know I don't ask for help, I can do it alone".

On his face I see that the light of the traffic light turns green, I change the speed and step on the accelerator slightly, turning my eyes to the front and focused on the road that we must follow, since I don't want my nervousness to make us hit a tree or rolling a person, surely I wouldn't see the light of day nor driver's license in the near future if that happens.

"You couldn't do it alone now, you needed my help. We're gonna get caught".

"Talk to me and I can chill".

He moves quickly to kiss me on the cheek, he settles back in his seat again and starts telling me nonsense, again he starts with the trap I set to him with the chocolates, that's how he refers to it, this time he includes the moment when Ally saved him from being caught by a couple of teachers, and again he makes moves with his wrist, saying that he hit something.

I have the idea that, if he had a phone, I would have received pictures that weren't very modest throughout his alcoholic state, and I would have kept them deep in my brain and in my telephone so that no one else would see them, he has nothing to be ashamed of, he could even preach about his body.

The conversation gets interrupted when we arrive at one of the busiest avenues in the whole city, the one that I circle every day that I should go to school, and it changes to the two of us singing songs from the radio, he concentrates more on which are modern and are in the top 40, I know some but I focus on those that are more outdated, which corresponds to the time when dad and most adults of his age were younger, because I was born in the wrong musical, and that's just what I want to change, not having to live on the defensive of being able to walk with my arm on his shoulders.

We pass next to the mall and enter the parking lot of the food area, I park in front of our restaurant and we both get out of the car, I set the alarm on with the small remote control, I hasten my step to reach him in front of the main door, when we step in he holds on to my arm and look down at the floor with terror across his face, he pulls his legs as closer as possible to mine while I chuckle at his reaction, one that happens quite often among customers who come here for the first time since the floor is a gigantic tank where there are many fish and aquatic plants inside, which are there just to set the scene, not to be eaten.

"It won't break, I promise" I try to walk forward but he doesn't move, it's like if he had become in a statue out of fear, so I just place my arm over his shoulders and roll my eyes. "All right, one step at a time".

We both walk slowly, he's treading the exact places where I step, and when we finish the journey to get to the reception desk we are received by a tall and pretty girl, her brown hair is settled in a stylized hairstyle, she's wearing a brown kimono with white details that fit perfectly to her silhouette.

"L-Lonnie?" he asks, his voice barely audible.

"Carlos! It's so good to see you around here" the girl, Lonnie, looks up and moves toward him, wrapping him in a hug. «And so he dares to say that the girls throw themselves at me when they see me, you go hypocrite guy». "Welcome to Kutzumira, I'll be your waitress tonight" she leans to conclude her greeting, then she turns on her heel and walk steadily, we line up behind her while we continue to our table, and it seems that he forgot all about the tank since he walks like if the floor were made of solid concrete.

"I didn't know you worked here".

"Racial joke, I know, besides it's a part-time job, not all of us have a mother who is a millionaire and with a business as small as her own".

"You know I don't use her money unless it's necessary" he says, in a low voice, as he always does when his mother is mentioned.

"Of course, of course, that's true" Lonnie remains standing next to a table nearer to a koi fish pond and a waterfall that changes its color, Carlos sits next to me and she waits until the two of us take a look at the menu, he just clears his throat, closes his menu and smiles slightly when he puts his hands on it, letting me decide again.

"We'd like the teppanyaki griddle, a lemon soda would be fine for me" I close my menu and hand it over to her".

"Make them two" he says, taking part again.

"That's a very good choice" she says, writing down our order on a piece of paper, then she looks at both of us and smiles at me in specific, "uh, and I'm sorry for not asking your name before, Jay, it wasn't necessary".

"Oh, really? And how's that?" I lean back on my seat and put my arms behind my head, flexing them and smiling at her in the same way.

"You are well known among the tourney team in our school, in addition to what Carlos did today it became clearer who you are, and…".

"Thanks, Lonnie, we're both starving to death" he interrupts with a feigned smile and an aggressive tone of voice.

"Of course, your cook will come in an instant".

Neither of us says anything more for a couple of minutes, not even when our drinks arrive is enough for us to start a conversation, and it's not that I'm upset about whatever happened in the Prep and he didn't tell me, rather I'm taking his position to avoid eye contact and remain quiet.

When our cook arrives, dressed in blue and with a band on his forehead, he greets us the same way Lonnie did, he does a little show on the grill using fire and then he begins to prepare the food in front of us, he serves it on plates and gives them to us, we both eat with chopsticks until I look at him sideways while he's chewing a piece of lobster, the butter that accompanies it stays at the right corner of his mouth, I take it off with my thumb and look at him in the eyes, he just leans forward and kisses me on the nose.

Cool, the bad moment is in the past.

"It wasn't a big deal, really" he says while he sips a bowl of ramen and strips of pork. "Chad become a douche with me and let's just say that someone hit him on the cheek".

"You didn't use what we do in training, do ya?" I chew a strip of pork while I wait for his response.

"Of course not, I know the rules about that".

"Good, because Chad would be in the urgency room if ya did" he hits me on the arm with a laugh of satisfaction, then he returns to his lobster.

What we learn in training is as a personal defense in an event of life or death, and not even then, it's the last resort that we have, it's not something with which you should be playing, those had been the words that professor Joseph repeats to us in some trainings, during competitions, or in simple talks.

Our cook continues to serve plate after plate while he talks to us about trivial things, such as school, if we work or if we do something more of our lives, and between the squid dipped in its ink, steamed chicken, fried fish, pork in sweet and sour sauce and the second bowl of ramen is when he throws that question, if we are dating as a couple, and it's him who responds.

"We're engaged, though he hasn't given me my ring".

"I'm still working on it" I say, embarrassed to be evidenced as the future husband who doesn't make a marriage proposal as it should.

The pleasant talk diminishes as our appetite also does, we end up being just the two of us at the table, in a strange twist we get sink into a talk about our future, strange since the future plans I do are made by thinking about tomorrow, not on what I will be doing in five or ten years, unlike him with college and stuff like that. His aspirations are big, highly named and expensive schools with high academic requirement, while mine will be kept just like a dream by wanting to get in a school belonging to the Ivy League when my biggest aspiration is the nearest community college.

When we're both completely satisfied and I'm about to ask the bill there comes an extra plate, the dessert, along with a note that simply states _**It's on the house**_ ; what is lying there over the plate is a ball of fried dough covered with chocolate, I know what it is but Carlos touches it with a fork to lick the chocolate first, but he continues to poke it with more energy, like if he wondering if it will explode at some point.

"What is this?" he licks the chocolate again and attacks the helpless ball. "I don't want it to explode, today you decided to bring my good jacket".

"Take a piece of it already".

I take a knife and cut it decisively through its middle, immediately that the halves spread the inside is showed to us, fried vanilla ice cream, which has a specific name but which I can't remember now, and with the chocolate covered is delicious. It's like if Lonnie knew it would be his favorite, because it's obvious that a dessert on the house is her work.

The dessert doesn't last more than five minutes, I leave everything to him since I'm the one who is talking while he listens, and he uses that silent role to take one portion after another, after he removes the chocolate with his finger I ask for the bill and Lonnie gives it to us with a smile and a small plastic tray with two fortune cookies on top.

"Fake scoops, my favorites" he says, not keeping his argument since he reaches for one, breaks it in half, and keeps the paper in his hands as he chews, then he looks at me, with crumbs still on his lips.

"Let's see" I say, biting it directly and taking the paper from my mouth, I bite my lower lip when I finish and look at him just when he looks away, his cheeks flushed. "The great pleasure in life is to do what people say you can't do" I say aloud, then I hit my chest with my fist. "Sweet, now we're talking. And what about yours?".

"You have an attractive way of being. Hold it" he says, then he rolls his eyes and wrinkle the piece of paper, leaving it on the tray. "Such bullshit".

"I think both cookies are very right".

"That's because you're blindly in love with me".

"That's true too, good move".

He gives me a slight kick under the table, then he stretches his hand over the table and looks at me in the eyes, smiling sideways and with a little twinkle in his eyes, against which I can't resist since I also stretch out my hand and entwine our fingers firmly, I give him back the same stupid smile and the slight kick until our waitress arrives with the account, and I can almost see myself crying for having to deliver the last fifty bucks, forty-three of food and the rest as the tip for Lonnie, from my few savings invested in us since I still forbid him from paying for the least we do, although he's astute and there are times when he goes directly to the counter to pay.

We stand up and I bow for him to be the first one to leave our table, like a true gentleman, he hits me on the head, I hurry up to place my arm over his shoulders and walk to the exit of the restaurant, he holds his hand to my waist when we pass again over the tank with the fishes, and on the outside he slightly loses the force of his grip.

"That was the best dinner I've had so far" he says, closing the door on his side and sighing.

"I'm glad ya liked it" I kiss him on the lips and I barely finish setting the car's window down when my phone starts ringing, in a deafening way, like if I already heard whatever dad is going to tell me, because it's him who calls. "Well, it seems the good spirit is about to end".

I show him my phone and thanks to the light of the sign where we are I can see him as he pales, almost to the point of turning greenish, like if he were about to throw up the forty-three bucks we just ate, but he doesn't do it since he swallows in a sonorous way.

"I hate to say I told you so, but I told you so" his fingernails try to sink into the seat for the strength his fear makes his impose, which worsened when my phone starts ringing again. "You should pick it up".

"I'll be right back" I get out of the car and walk away a couple of meters, although if dad is as furious as I think then he'll hear him scream anyway.

I sit on the nearest sidewalk and wait for the call to get lost before I see the screen, he probably just got home and wonder where we are and what the heck happened to the car, sure Joel is living a part of the anger that governs him now, and I really think that maybe it wasn't a good idea to have going out in this way, besides that, if he doesn't kick him out of the apartment, I wouldn't be surprised to see my stuff thrown in the street.

When the vibration and the sound of a third call rings in the palm of my hand I let out a sigh of resignation before sliding my thumb over the screen and setting my phone against my right ear.

"H-hey, dad" I say, more nervous than I'd like to admit.

"Who the fuck do you think you are, huh?! Seriously, tell me! What privileges do you think you enjoy to be doing whatever your fucking will wants?!".

That wasn't at all what I wanted to hear from him, I expected a little smoother talk before he went straight to the insults, but it seems that I'm stepping too much over the line, and I'm dragging Carlos with me.

"Dad, I…".

"You what?! Do you have a good explanation?! I'm all ears to hear the kind of stupid things you have in your defense".

He's right, I'm just looking for reasons to justify what I did, and there aren't, I just wanted to be selfish and have some fun, have a date with Carlos and be a good boyfriend, because that's what people do when they are dating, they do things for each other, but my motives are not going to tie again with dad's ideas, anything I say will be enough to justify with an act that would end up with me in the correctional facility and with him in the custody of his mad mother again.

"You surely think abusing the work I've done for a long time is enough, along with your rash, stupid and irrational behavior of every day, to just take my car and do who knows what!".

I was about to respond to that when, I have the words on the tip of my tongue, I realize that yeah, this is really about what I did, but since he already knows that I act this way all the time then he shouldn't take it so personally; it's something else this comes from, not something that Joel has done because he would have been directly involved with him.

Maybe it's something about the school, or our unknown mother.

"Dad".

"What the fuck do you want?!" I take a deep breath not to take his attitude.

"Is there any other reason why this I made has taken so great proportions and makes you talk to me like that?".

Silence, total silence, like if the sound had been taken off from the television, just as sudden and surprising as it happens on those occasions. I lift my head and see the air moving the leaves of the trees, I see people talking while they walk in the parking lot, the wind shakes my hair, I breathe nervously, all that happens but I don't hear it, and maybe it's because the other side of the line had became just as suddenly silent. I pull the phone away from my ear but I see the timer of the call that keeps running, then I bring it back to me when I finally hear his heavy breathing.

"I got fired from my job" he says, revealing what he's really feeling, sadness about the situation expressed in his contrary form, anger against me.

"Oh, well… shit" I say, not knowing what else to say.

"Jay, please, just come home, if something happens to you, the car, or Carlos, I won't have what it takes to cover the medical expenses, and if you end up in jail or something I swear I'll leave you in there, I won't have enough to pay your bail".

"We'll be okay, dad, I've been careful, we just came to the mall for a while, we'll be back in a moment" I look up and see Carlos walking towards me, his hands inside his jacket and a mist coming out of his nose because of the cold. "We'll do one more thing before returning, I promise".

"Just come back as soon as possible, and please don't fuck this up".

The call ends with that ultimatum, I feel satisfied not having made his anger exploded at the same time that I feel bad for having decided only for my interests, without thinking about others. We are scarce money, it's not something new since there always comes a time in our lives where that happens, there will be only a cut of expenses and look for alternatives to survive, same as always.

"Everything's fine?" he asks when he stands in front of me, I smile at him before standing up, put my arm around his shoulders and walk back to the car.

"All in order, we'll only do one more thing and our adventure will be over".

He sighs heavily before placing his head on my shoulder, he shrugs before giving me a kiss on the neck and returning to his place in the passenger seat, he fastens his belt and waits more excited for me to get in the car, this time he doesn't jump when the engine turns on and when we get to the main street, like if he simply decided to let himself go.

Good thing, he must maintain that state of mind.

* * *

 **Carlos's POV**

Now that he told me what he talked to his dad I understand that his face is a bit serious, but I don't believe it at all since that little smile is still on his lips, determination is in his eyes, and I ask nothing at the moment when he takes a small detour near the street that takes us to the apartment, I just stay there while he parks in front of the sports center that is two streets away from his house, he turns off the engine and gets out of the car without giving me some explanation.

I assumed that letting go would bring me benefits, I know that one of them is in that place even if he doesn't tell me what it is, so I just step down the car in the moment the alarm goes on I hurry to reach him on the other side of the street and walk along the side of the place, our steps very light, stealthy.

"Ya know how to swim?" he asks out of nowhere, drawing my attention.

"Yeah, although I'm not the best".

"As long as ya don't drown I have no problem, because that's what we'll do before we get back".

We slip behind the line of light poles, I don't take his hand because the ground is somewhat irregular, although I would serve his strength as extra support, and even I'm giving slight stumbles because the light can't set the all the ground in light, however we hurry out step when we cross in front of the entrance, the sound of a surveillance camera makes me be more alert than before.

"This is bad" I whisper behind him, laughing nervously.

"I know, that makes it even better".

"But this could be considered private property irruption, right?".

"It could be, of course, but…" he pushes the door and it's like he said in a random conversation, it's really open and nobody's watching. I really like this neighborhood, it's like if it was planned for the night people to have some fun while nobody seems to care much what happens, not even if two guys sneak into the swimming pool at the sports center to swim for a while, "if the door is open then it's an invitation to come in".

I roll my eyes because it is a good argument even if I want to deny it, I raise my eyebrows more than necessary as a sign, then he holds my hand and run into the building, the external light helps us to not bump into trash bins, tables with pamphlets of the activities on offer here, nor with the vending machines for drinks and energy foods.

"Wait here" he says, his voice ringing all over the place before he lets me go, then he walks into some dark place while I stand, feeling a breeze blowing through the structure. It's a fairly wide but somewhat badly planned place, with what little I can see I distinguish that there is an extra floor on the other side of the pool while upwards the building extends several meters, as if they had forgotten that vertical constructions exist.

I kneel down to remove my shoes and socks, slowly approaching the edge of the pool, five steps away, to touch the water with my feet, cold enough to make me shiver all over my back and wrap myself in my jacket, almost turning around and getting out of here.

The lights go on under the water and almost make me jump up to the ceiling because of the loud and dull sound they generated, but only a few light up, the waves are drawn on my face thanks to the them and I just kneel again to see the movement of the water against my hand, it still feels like ice but it doesn't look so threatening anymore.

I've never taken swimming lessons, I really hope I don't drown.

I get up when something falls next to me, I turn my head to see a black shirt, the same one he was wearing, and I barely manage to take it when something else falls exactly in the same place, his pants, underwear, shoes, wallet, everything that he was wearing and in his pockets now falls. I lift my head to see him standing on a railing made of red metal, stretching his arms to the front before making the necessary jump forward to fall like an arrow into the water, splashing in his entrance, and if this were a competition that would remove him some points.

He comes to the surface and looks at me from where he is, the way he plays with his eyebrows speaks for him as he turns around and begins to swim in the lane, the naked skin all over his body sometimes coming out in the water before going down again, move forward a few meters and come out for air.

I let the air out before taking off my jacket and grabbing the hems of my shirt, I start to enlarge the mound of things that Jay left aside when I add mine, I do a little calisthenics to prevent some cramp and when I'm finished I sit on the edge of the pool before getting in, from there I immediately want to step out since the cold is total, so I just completely get down and support my feet in the wall to push myself forward, a little hurried until I reach him, I take him by the ankle when he passes by my side and pull him towards me, causing him to drown a little, the he recovers his breath with his head outside and start to throw water at me, I respond by doing the same.

Slowly we approach the edges of the pool, we follow the stifling game while there comes a point where I just let him splash me, I dive and I support my feet in the wall to push myself forward again, I take him by the waist, making him move back a couple of steps until I return to the surface, his hand caresses my cheek but I move it aside, arching my right eyebrow a little.

"I challenge you to a race" I suggest, knowing my fate if he accepts.

"You're so going down" the flame of competitiveness ignites in his eyes, the spark that always burns inside him.

The two of us come out the water to take more momentum, we both take a position of professionals, he counts to three and is the first to enter the water in a sublime way, almost without splashing; I stay there for a moment because who wouldn't want to see his body come in and out of the water, scattering by the lights underneath the water. I return to reality and jump into the water, making a mess before using the common style I've seen in the school competitions, crawling with movements of my legs, but three-quarters of the way I see him turn around at full speed, and as my fate is no other than being defeated I begin to float back, with my head outside and propelling myself with my legs, using my arms as balance.

"Told ya, you were going to lose" he says when we are at the initial end, he breathes agitated by the fatigue of a few minutes of competition.

"You're sportier than I am".

"True fact" he winks his right eye and smiles, I just roll my eyes.

I kick under the water while I watch him downing and returning to the surface in unequal times to breathe, like an amphibian, a creature that can be in both environments without any problem. I swim to the nearest edge to stay there, looking at the ceiling, the stars and the moon would serve as enough light so that we can be here, but I suppose he wanted more security for both of us, or if either of them does not return to the Surface due to fatigue.

I didn't think naked swimming at night would feel so good, though I bet it must be better on a river, nor think about the satisfaction of doing it in the ocean.

"I read somewhere that swimming at night is good for health" I say to break the silence that was interrupted by his splashes, he removes the hair from his face and looks at me closely.

"Oh, really?" he asks, swimming in my direction.

"Yeah, for circulation, also to relieve stress, especially when…".

I somehow manage to get him caught up in my words maybe because of the way I look into his eyes or that he pays attention to the nonsense that comes out of my mouth, truth is that I wanted to get his attention, but seeing that he places his back against the wall and gets abstracted in such a way that he doesn't notice when I put both of my arms to the sides of his head, I get on tiptoes to stop moving and I have to stretch my neck to stay at his height is gratifying.

The only thing I know afterwards is that I kiss him, the chlorine in the water is not the one I'm used to taste when we do this, although I push it aside when I put my hands between his wet hair and I take him by the neck, he places his hands on my waist and spins us into the water, he lifts me without much effort to place me on the edge of the pool, exposed to the cold air and without him accompanying me in this new height where I am.

"I like ya, Carlos, and a lot" he says when we pull away to breathe, I lean forward to press my forehead against his and smile when I see him in the eyes, pleased to see the same broad smile on his face, his hands hold on to my waist as I pull the strands of hair off his forehead.

His left hand passes to my back to move in circles, the right one enters in my hair and he delicately scratches with his nails while it moves throughout the length of my head, which makes me close my eyelids immediately and let out a deep sigh. He knows how much I like it when he does that.

We both opt for a silent vow to let our lips say what is necessary for now, when his tongue enters my mouth I hold it with my lips and make a small suction, I keep it until he shudders and retreats. He likes it when I do that, he has told me and he sighs every time it happens.

Slowly his left hand caresses my chest, moving from side to side with the palm extended and bristling my skin, from there he moves to my side, caressing the curve full of scars with the tips of his thick fingers, and finally he decides to take my displaced boner firmly, moving his hand in a sort of circular motion that makes me moan against his face.

I break our kiss when I press my forehead against his again, I take him by the cheeks and start moaning through the deep movements of his hands, I turn my head to kiss him under the jaw and get lose in his neck, I whisper inconsistencies with the only aim to feel how he shudders and how his hand loses the notion of what he does on me to find a way to react.

I hate to be sitting here, all I want is to slide between him and the wall, I want to know if he's as turned on as I am, I want to feel his hips pushing and retreating at a slow pace, causing from each friction to get me to shiver.

His lips meet with mine but he doesn't kiss me, they're only present there, channeling his warm breath against my mouth, the moans that accompany it, the trembling of my body, and even I seem to hear palpitations in my ears, although it is my accelerated heartbeat, plus that I can hear the affectionate words he whispers against my shoulder and make me contract my toes for the pleasant world where he has left us.

He kisses my neck with his mouth open, slowly biting and descending, using his free hand to caress everything that is at his reach through my back, when he reaches my stomach he kisses my navel, drawing a circle with his tongue and sliding it in, causing an aggressive contraction of my body. I can't remember when I closed my eyelids so tightly.

The pieces fit together at that moment, the location of his head down there, his right hand over me and the left one caressing my leg, the way his breathing is interspersed with the minimally audible nervous laughter, and before I can react to all of that he decides to draw a tempting circle with his tongue on the tip of my penis, he laughs slightly again and then he slides me completely inside his mouth, making the most sensitive part of my whole body to know a new type of warmth and humidity.

I bite my lower lip tightly, a groan combined with a squeal that gestates and is trapped inside my throat, my back arches (so that he chokes, by the impulse of my hips) and I clench my fists at the floor tiles, looking for a way to cling to reality and his actions.

A sigh of relaxation gets released from my body and that leaves me smiling for some reason, my skin comes alive by his hands caressing from my knees to my chest at the same time that his head moves, he goes up without taking me out and down to where he doesn't choke again, my moans begin to emerge from the slow movement he makes, the way he touches me and how special he makes me feel.

His hand finds one of mine and he entwines our fingers tightly, occasionally he descends until his nose gets sink slightly into my pubes and the wet brown tufts are caressing my waist, his tongue fiddles with my tip on the rare occasions when he takes me out and he laughs about it. I can't stop contracting my toes inside the water, my back hurts from how arched it is now, I never stop moaning in addition to whispering his name.

However, to all this and more, I don't stop feeling something inside me, a certain discomfort, something strange if I compare it with the way my body wants more of what Jay does, and I know that such a sensation is due to that, even when I'm enjoying the maximum of each moment from the beginning of the day, I don't want to be the only one to receive all that he gives me. I want this to be dynamic, for both of us, something in which I want to have a more active participation.

I want to give the same amount of enjoyment to him, and more as much as possible, that's why I clear my throat in an attempt, vain at first, to stop from moaning, which I achieve after a couple of attempts and deep moans.

"J-Jay?" I ask, interrupting his grunts, the exclamations that come out of my body, and the actions of both of us. When his mouth goes away I realize how magical it is besides how much I want him to continue.

"Ya close?" I stop the movements of his hand while the impulses I make with my hips also stop.

"N-no, it's not that, it r-rather is about…".

"Am I doing it wrong?" his tone shows that he feels ashamed indeed, as well as disappointed because I decided to stop him.

"It's not that either, and in fact I was about to" I argue, trying to deny what I said earlier in a not subtle attempt, "it's just that I want… uh, well, I wanna… you know, I wanna…".

"Ya wanna do me?" he asks, his voice relaxed and looking into my eyes, completely taking out what was inside my head but what was clogging because of my shyness and the hundreds of catastrophic thoughts.

I nod my head and I can feel the blush taking over even my ears, he just smiles before kissing me, pressing his whole face against mine while he comes out of the water and sits next to me, I immediately put my hand in his waist to slide it between his legs, noticing that he is as hard as I am, and I didn't believe something like that could happen under the water.

We move away to fall on our sides, I caress his own while I dedicate a little more attention to his shaped abs until I focus on the prominent erection that I have in front of me, I take it with a bit of firmness and I lick my lips when I feel that it pulses between my fingers and gives small bounces, without some kind of meditation I place it my mouth, then I begin to move my head at a speed and in an unbridled way, feeling how his whole body shrinks and he lets out a nervous laugh.

"Hey, hey, e-easy" he says, causing me to stop and look into his eyes. "I'm not going anywhere, so there's n-no need to rush it, t-today we'll do whatever your will is".

Actually it's his will, it's not like he did let me choose for it, and of course my answer is automatic, my defense to tell him that we are in a public place, exposed both by the fact of swimming with nothing on top of us as by the lights that are on, but it actually is like if the world had stopped for the needed time for this opportunity, one that I don't know when it will happen again and when I will let myself go once more.

We return to our work, now I do it slowly, this time I cover my teeth with my lips and empty my cheeks, making it slide between them. His tip touches the top of my mouth and his body begins to tremble, entering in my throat until I must move the head a little back.

He lets out a long sigh, similar to the one I exhaled at first to all this while I'm accompanying the inexperienced movements of my head with my hand to increase all that he feels now, all those feelings so extremely pleasurable, and I achieve it since his hips look to boost in a reiterated way at the same time that it seems desperate for a little more of me, to feel everything that I was keeping and now I share with him.

The taste, slightly salty, floods my mouth, feeling as it enters almost to the back of my throat and comes about to leave my mouth completely makes me breathe hard, drowning moans against his firmness and feeling how his dick pulsates in my mouth, I enjoy to the maximum the sensation of the veins against my tongue and how that, along with all the other things, causes my body to beg for more of him, and for wanting more of what he does with me here and at all times, from talking to me in those long conversations at night or by just being there.

I move my head completely and let out a ragged breath against him, before kissing a descending path, where I begin to lick and suck the point where his legs are joined, another act that makes him release a long sigh in addition to a grunt that is cut through my dick in his mouth.

"T-that feels v-very g-good, C-Carlos…" he whispers when I pull away and move his hand faster. Hearing his voice so shaking in combination with his panting and my name makes me smile broadly.

I don't give him any other signal besides my tongue and my lips when I take his right ball and suck it inside my mouth, I close my eyelids while I play with it with the tip of my tongue while I give tempting bites just to feel how he jumps and growls sonorously, also he rewards me by touching my tip with his tongue, my thighs, my hip and also my ball sack, licking and doing the same but in greater intensity when I take the left one to give it the same deal that surely it didn't expect to live tonight.

I feel surprised by the kind of things we are doing with the high risk of being caught, the adrenaline drives me to keep going, but I'm more surprised at what I am doing because, if I'm honest with myself, I'm not the kind of boy who goes around looking for trouble, besides I would never have imagined myself at Jay's side, taking his hand or receiving affection from him in such a free way, in the eyes of everyone, because I didn't think that someone like him could look at someone like me, and it surprises me even more that Jay and I are in such a great synchrony, combined with the swift way we connected, like if we were meant for each other, and that it was only necessary that something between us happened so we could be together once and for all.

I guess we were destined.

I go downer in the path I make with my lips to the point where his strong legs are joined, which makes him reluctant because he gets somewhat stiff and his breathing is stirred a little more, because of fear and uncertainty of what I will do, not because of the situation around us.

Bliss or misery, the fact that we are both first-timers, I don't know what I can really assign and blame this to, all I know is that my whole body is at its limit when I find the depth of his throat at such a sensitive spot, the quick movements of his hand make me feel tickles at my waist before I resume his dick in my mouth, bringing him with me.

I don't have the opportunity to warn him when the first cumshot arrives, I close my eyelids firmly as my hips thrust against his face to seek more warmth and moisture of his mouth as more and more continues to come out of me, I hear him swallow sonorously while his tongue plays with my sensitive tip; Jay puts a hand on my waist so I don't pull away, he huffs and I don't have a warning when he enters the same state of ecstasy, suffocating me when it touches my throat and filling my mouth with him, which I have to swallow to continue receiving another little of his five loaded shots, and fuck that he tastes good.

We both sat up slowly, panting and equally agitated by what just happened here, I take a deep breath before rushing towards him to kiss him full, he takes me by the nape before he goes on his back and we fall into the water, slowly drowning to the bottom while my legs surround his waist, my hands get into his hair while I can only think of the pressure of his chest against mine, the water seeping into our mouths and threatening to kill us right here if we don't end with this, his lips and the new taste they have, me in his and him in mine, but I simply don't want this night to come to an end, I don't want any of this to be a memory.

I would do my best to stay here, with him.

Finally it's he who runs out of breath first, he takes me by the waist before pushing up with his legs so that we go out to catch our breath, he takes large puffs of air before looking into my eyes, press his forehead against mine and outline one of those broad smiles that have a contagious effect since I do the same before placing my head on his shoulder and surround him with my arms.

"I'm still wondering what effect ya have on me" he says in a low, almost purring voice.

"Don't ask about it, just live it" I say, sounding more serious than I thought I would. I move away to look at him in the eyes, he has an arched eyebrow and that cocky smile of all the time, then he moves forward to kiss my cheek, and even when I want to go back to the bottom of the pool while he kisses me I place a hand on his forehead, "and I really think we should go back".

"Let's go back then" he doesn't lose his smile, so he knows it's a good decision and for the sake of both of us, plus I don't want to have hypothermia.

We come out the water, leaving our clothes soaking wet when we get dressed, luckily our jackets are kept intact and warm, he's responsible for turning off the lights as if they were the flames of a candle that are extinguished with a blow, we leave the building like if we were leaving the apartment just like how we did it a couple of hours ago to go to the car, he turns it on and we get in the main street.

When we enter to the apartment everything is sepulcrally silent, there is something on the table for us to eat but neither of us is hungry, we just change our clothes to sleep, I brush my teeth and wash my face before accompanying him in the room, because his head touched the pillow and immediately he fell into the deepest sleep I had ever witnessed.

Today is the first night that I go to him to sleep next to him, I press myself against him until he surrounds me with his arms, he sinks his nose in my hair and gives me a kiss; my idiotic smile lingers until I close my eyelids as the silenced words cling to my head with assertiveness.

I just don't like Jay any more, today is the night when I confirm that I love him.


	12. It can always be worse

Nothing to say, only that is coming to an end. Fav, follow or review, enjoy :)

* * *

 **It can always be worse**

Having had that great night with Carlos is perhaps the only good thing that has happened to me in all that goes of the month, it's not like if I have done something different from how I usually behave or act all the time, but it is like if everyone were against me, similar to when I dream in an alternate dimension where I don't fit in. Maybe I'm exaggerating things a little, but if it weren't for the fact that all of it makes me feel really bad then I would send everything to fuck itself and I would continue as I have done before.

But the question is: what affects me so much?

Of course I try not to reflect it, I still act like the cocky, sassy, unpredictable, irreverent, flirty at times guy that I am, who I am all the time, and yet I know there must be someone who can see beyond that. Carlos does it, sometimes he asks me but I deviate the subject, he knows that I don't like to talk about it, and even when I try to do it with him I still don't like to delve into negative emotions, because I know the scope that they can reach if I live them completely.

I keep chewing the eraser from my pencil while Yen Sid's pop quiz lies empty in front of me, the only thing I have been able to write is my name, and I really should have believed the rumor that the guys from the other class that he teaches gave us, but I preferred training, video games, and spending time with him.

I really could use his help, it would surely help me to get out of my ocean of reprobation in class, but dad's mantra for the family is simple and easy to take root on you, there's no team in I, it is very clear and all with whom he had spoken knows it, besides it would also serve me if I follow a line where I ditch school for a good time, but I think my mantra would be something more like, I don't know, it can always be worse, things more or things less, but in essence that.

Yeah, that would be a good mantra.

"Head down, Mr. Jay" the horrible old man orders from his desk, he looks at the clock on the wall behind all the students and a smile grows on his wrinkled face. I really hate him, and he really hates me. "Ten more minutes".

I place my left cheek on my hand, I roll my eyes again and finally decide to respond to the little that my evocation can rescue, that since my memory seems to be non-stick and anything that is productive for me gets slipped on it, only things without meaning and good moments stay in it.

That night is one of those good times. That night…

I came to think that he would be upset because I used his trimmer without his permission, to remove some of my hair in that area, it seemed he cared so little about it, and I still can't believe I was the first to give him head, trying to put into practice how little my visual learning has been able to acquire over the years watching that kind of videos, but having seen him removing his clothes, entering to the water, swim beside me and against me simply didn't let me think clear and I just let myself go, just like him, besides it was one of those deep desires that until then I realized the intensity that it had.

The more I think about it the more tight my pants become, I run my hands through my hair, a sign of frustration, and I leave my arms flexed behind my head, I lean back in the chair to look behind me, but it seems like Freddie knew what I was going to do since I found her middle finger on the paper, it has written _**not even dreaming**_ and it moves from side to side, making fun of me.

I lie down on my quiz, ready to give up on one of those occasions when I have no choice, before a long cinnamon cookie gets placed on my place, I lift my head when Evie walks towards Yen Sid's desk, her hips are swaying more than usual when she's walking, like if he were elated by another quiz that she will pass with the best note. I'm surprised that she pretends to be silly, she's just brilliant, almost equal to Carlos level.

"Two minutes" grows Yen Sid, raising the pressure against everyone.

Before I can bite the cookie I see her in the door frame, she makes a gesture so that I looks at what I have between my fingers before disappearing, and since I can't contradict her I simply do it, seeing that it has written some of the answers besides of a small message. _I made the cookie, and I hope you approve_.

Since Evie is my signal from heaven I simply copy down the answers in the corresponding paragraphs and I give bites to it, eliminating any kind of evidence, and in any case that I die because of the ink with which she wrote then I can go away happy, knowing that I gave a part of my virginity to Carlos, and that perhaps in the near future I could have delivered him the other part.

"Time's up".

The horrible man, with all and his ridiculous navy blue hat with the star pattern, which I still make sure that has a hidden camera somewhere, stands up and passes through each place snatching the sheets of paper from those who didn't finish yet, when he walks next to me he seems surprised that I hadn't left everything blank, and that is precisely why he pats me on the shoulder, a sign that he wants to talk to me after class, just when it's a lunch period and I'm really starving.

The deafening bell rings throughout the building and the others leave the classroom, I get up reluctantly and drag my feet to his desk, just when I stand in front of him he slides my quiz to me, with a respectable **B+** highlighting in red sharpie. Evie deserves a reward.

"I'll get to the point, Mr. Jay, I'd like you to join my student club, the Anti-Hero Club, a captious name but, with our help, we can make that these same notes keep popping up in this and other classes".

"Oh, hell no" I grimace, I almost covering my mouth for what I've just said but it's really an offer I'm not going to take, "I've heard about it and it doesn't look like a place that pursues my same ideals".

"It would be for your benefit, academic and personal" he tries to drag me into an offer I can't shake off, but he will have to face my stubbornness.

"I understand, but I don't wanna be part of that, I also have tourney practices and other things to do after school".

"It's an offer that will not happen again".

"With all due respect, Mr. Yen Sid, I hope it doesn't".

I take a picture of my quiz, before for some strange reason that respectable B+ becomes a letter that is smaller, I settle my backpack on my shoulders and leave the classroom, I make a technical stopover at the Athenaeum of Evil for the loan of a book I need for the stupid class of Yen Sid, I hasten my way through the long hallways before he decides to torment me with his stupid offer, or with some other sort of quarrel he has against me, until I come to the cafeteria, on the lower floor of the whole gigantic building, to find an endless row of people with red trays in their hands, a nuisance that I wouldn't care off if I had taken my lunch from the dining room table, but I had to run away before dad would go crazy because of my delay when I woke me up.

Evie and Mal are talking in the middle of the row, they move slowly and look at the little supply of food we have, I lift my shoulders, discouraged, and walk towards them, sneaking behind them and pushing the face of the guy that is ready to tell me something, I take the tray out of his hands before snorting, not without a smile of victory, I move along with the girls while I take a couple of fruits and vegetables that are uncomfortably bright, transgenic, a bowl of some kind of soup, a portion of chicken and meat in brown sauce that has visible pieces of fat in it.

I hand over the meal-ticket I took from the annoying boy's pocket when I passed next to him at the cash register, I follow Mal and Evie up to one of the most remote tables, where Freddie, Zevon and CJ Hook are waiting for us, something strange since she is usually with her own group of henchmen wannabes, plus she still keeps touching the muscles of my arms when she has the opportunity.

"Hey, cutie" CJ says, for a change by squeezing my left arm when I'm forced to sit next to her.

"Hello, everyone" I say, not wanting to talk.

I tear off pieces of bread, which fortunately isn't stale or hard, and that's what I limit myself to eat, sometimes I dip it in orange sauce that comes with the meat, that Zevon was chewing before removing it from his mouth, orange sauce that is actually brown. I shouldn't be picky, the school isn't the best of them all from the zone, and if they have to give food to lots of students and teachers from dawn until dusk then I understand the poor quality of what they serve.

I take a look at the cafeteria while the others eat in silence, Evie and Mal cover their noses before biting, they chew quickly and swallow without opening their eyelids, as if that would make their eating experience worse. I really wanted to have my lunch, dad had prepared something great for the three of us, it was something like a surprise, and he decided that it would be a very good joke to send me a picture while he was eating mine.

It's kind of funny to see students divided into guilds, like if it were a division of social classes that was imposed from before we came to plague the hallways and classrooms, perhaps from the beginning of the centuries; there is a group for everyone, which is characterized by the type of clothing, so I have classified them as pirates, witches, henchmen, misfits, losers, ass-kissers, and the awesome people of the whole school, where Mal, Evie and me are.

But today it's different, I can perceive it, today everyone has their heads down and they eat fast, they talk with whispers and they stare at the people at the other tables, some even look at us, the ones who doesn't tend to socialize with anyone else, some of them laugh lowly and they point with their fingers at members of the other groups, like if they had a target on their back.

The Gaston twins get separated from their group of pirates and they walk to the center of the cafeteria, I look at them with narrowed eyes until I spot a mass of food in the hand of Gaston Jr., the mashed potatoes that I didn't want to try for its gray appearance, and the next thing I know is that he just declared the war by throwing it against the hair of Ginny Gothel, who seems to have formed an alliance with Mad Maddy since both of them throw food balls at Mal, which falls on her clothes and face, a little remains on my clothes.

She takes the food off her cheek with her mouth open, indignant, she stands on the table with more mashed potatoes in her hands, she throws it to the Gaston twins and the girls in a movement so fast that no one sees it coming, that before the loud laughter explodes, the blows on the tables and the deafening screams of battle ring out everywhere, some people run away, and surely all this commotion reaches Freddie's father's office.

"Food fight!" shouts everyone in the cafeteria. Well, fuck.

There was no need to shout that twice, immediately everyone began throwing food to the face, the body, the hair, pretty much everywhere where it is considered a target. Evie, CJ, Freddie, Zevon and I take refuge under the table, some pieces of food come crawling down here, leaving a trail of sauce or juice in its path, like if it were the last breath of life of the poor ammunition before finding a fateful fate under the table.

"We're all screwed up here" Zevon covers himself with a tray before a gray plaster crashes into his face. "What do we do?" a piece of chicken reaches my left arm, I take it away with my hand before giving in to the temptation to throw it where it came from.

"Escaping routes, now" I suggest, with a tone of order.

I hear the screams from everyone and I hear Mal's stomps over my head, who seems to be having all the fun that was being saved by the end of the damn school year, the parties that were going to come now don't compare to what is happening in this place.

Some members of the other groups seem to follow our initiative as they also take refuge under the tables or manage to run from the consequences that will be unleashed when some prefect or Dr. Facilier decides to appear, most of them continue to stir up the fight with shouts or in an endless war. I'm sure that if Uma, Harry and Gil's crew were in this school, and if they continue to hate on us, this would become an all-out war, and I would join them without thinking.

"It's all your stupid boyfriends' fault" I growl at Evie, who looks back at me with a raised eyebrow because I'm a douche for not thanking her for the answers and because we wouldn't talk about both of them being in love with her.

"I didn't tell them to do something like this! It's Harriet's fault!".

"My sister is a victim, look at her!" CJ points at her, crawling behind a column with a brown stain on her skirt and potatoes in her hair.

"That's enough from ya'll!" they look at me, completely surprised. I would also be surprised if someone with my own personality did such a thing, and in the past I would have joined Mal to cover her back of any attack. "We have to get outta here, and she's coming with us" I kick the table over us, making her to cry out in complete euphoria. What I wanted the least wet to incite her to continue with this joke, but I don't think I can stop her.

"There's only one way out" Freddie opens space between us, she sits on her heels, which should be impossible if I consider the kind of shoes she wears all the time, and she removes bits of food from the ends of her hair.

"Let's go then" Zevon stands up, but she stops him before moving forward.

"It's difficult" she moves a little and points to the most viable route for our escape from the hell that got unleashed. "We can reach the food bar and get out of through the kitchen, they're just getting up there to collect more ammunition".

"It doesn't seem like a big deal" I say, finding logic in her plan.

"Yes, there is" Evie says, pointing next to a column, "there are lots of tables nearby, if we want to get out in that direction they could throw us something, some prefect could see us and think we were also part of this".

"So?" CJ raises her arms, and she has to stoop to enter here. "It's not like we can expect them to end the party those idiots started".

"I vote for the option of running the hell away" I raise my hand and hit the table, which Mal took as another sign of support. "We can do it, it's about avoiding the food and pay close attention so that nothing happens".

"I suppose we can try" I move to the front when Freddie agrees and the others nod to it.

"Well, let's go then" CJ says with complete resolve, and I'm sure the grip she gave on my arm was not an accident.

"Wait, what about Mal?" Evie asks, anguished, while she cleans the food that somehow got to her clothes, she ties her hair with one of the blue garters that she always wears between the accessories of her wrists and looks at the small mirror that carries in any of her pockets, like if her neat appearance would last for a long time. "I can't leave her here".

"She started everything" I roll my eyes as Zevon decides to open his mouth.

"At this point we can't leave someone behind, we are all here or none" I say, causing him to roll his eyes again.

"She dug this hole, let her use her own hands to get out".

"I hate having to agree with Laundry Detergent, but he's right about that" Freddie uses the nickname she usually says to refer to him, that name with which sadly many of the students associate it to recognize him.

"I'm ready to punch anyone who thinks we should leave her behind".

"No choice is good" Freddie concludes, though reluctantly.

"Thought so" I finish, savoring the victory after winning a meaningless argument. Even with my weird mood, and because I'm not happy with what Mal is doing, in addition to the consequences I can think of, I can't leave one of my best friends behind, it wouldn't be fair, plus she'd look for a way to take revenge, so my fear is greater for that.

The food keeps falling at my feet and in front of me, I give up to the temptation before taking a piece of bread and throwing it to the opposite table, hitting Ginny in the hair again in the moment when another guy who is also hiding there was ready to attack whoever that runs in front of them, so she thinks it was his fault and everybody in there begin to push themselves in addition to arguing, they come out of their hiding spot and join the struggle represented by the food fight.

"It doesn't seem so bad after all" I smile a little, then I go back to my serious self. "I could join them if I wanted a free detention".

"Stay, you can suffer the penance of the rest of us" Freddie snorts, coldly.

"Okay, let's go" Evie interrupts the silence that arises, she gets up a little and keeps all her accessories. "We can take her by the hand and drag her, she will not like it but we have no other options".

I nod slowly while the others seem to agree with the plan, I stand on my toes and move at the front of the line, Freddie is behind me, then Evie, CJ, and finally Laundry Detergent. I snort by thinking about our limited options, but there is only one priority.

I poke my head out from under the table and a piece of meat passes so close to my nose that I almost laugh. There is no turning back now.

"I bet ya all have something better!" Mal jumps a few tables to the front, now staying in the middle of the cafeteria. The screams continue to come from all sides, shouts of joy and euphoria besides some of panic. Now I think that maybe we exaggerate a little about what they could do if they catch us, the school is very lax in terms of rules and discipline.

I let the air out again, the conviction of getting out of here takes hold of me, I drag myself a little more before getting up and hurrying, I slip with the pieces of food on the floor, and with each stumble I take it makes the others to crash against me. We pair behind a column, making a line behind me just when a girl slides with a small gray mass on the floor, she falls on her back to the ground and some of her friends tease her before she decides to lash out at them, now throwing greasy flesh that she was holding in her hands.

We go forward again because the more time we spend here, the more I want to have fun with the rest of the people, because I doubt that a moment like this will be repeated anytime soon, and now we take refuge near the food bar, which is so empty that it deserves a picture for it to be remembered since there are always some leftovers, and I'm sure they alternate them for the days of the week so that everything is finished.

It seems to me a brilliant idea to poke my head out to see how dangerous the last stretch of the road is and how feasible it is for us to drag Mal with us when the first thing I see is a brown projectile crashing against my nose, without having at least the opportunity to bend my head. It is pathetic that it has hit so accurately, I take it off from my eyes and I see Gaston Jr. running with a stupid smile on his face, then I look behind me.

Freddie has traces of food all over her dress, Evie seems on the edge of a panic attack when she sees her hair from sideways, like if she wanted to scream at some point, Zevon has remains all over his pants and a look of disdain against all those who pass next to us. I suppose that the blood relationship has something to do since CJ is intact, almost proclaiming not to have been affected.

"I swear to get even," whispers Freddie.

I stop thinking about strategies and I'm guided by my impulses, which has given me a greater amount of results in all these years, so I just get up, no matter if they follow me or not, I run with firm step towards Mal, I forcer her to get off the table in which she dances to dodge the projectiles, I place her behind me while I avoid slipping and stumbling, even though some pieces of food come to hit me everywhere, more than anything on the face.

I look up and I can almost have the taste of freedom of seeing the cafeteria exit in front of me, but I forget that this is a situation in my life, and since life or fate hates me at its best that's why they decide to materialize Yen Sid right in front of me, literally he regenerates as if he had been part of the air. His face is red with anger, almost on the verge of shouting, but the grim smile is outlined on his face when he lays his eyes on me, that before another gray projectile sneaks over my head and hits his nasty face.

The squad of prefects appears later, the cafeteria remains in a silence such that it seems to have been attacked by a firing squad. Among them is Freddie's dad, who doesn't seem happy with either his daughter or those who he surely believe had put her in this mess, so I resign myself to whatever is to come when Yen Sid takes the food out of his beard.

* * *

Even when my punishment was only to clean up a part of the disaster produced in the cafeteria, since the surveillance cameras that I didn't know that they existed recorded the moment in which the Gaston twins initiated all this mess, the excess of hours in school was enough to have me under pressure, I will hardly have time to eat anything before going to training, and if I consider the tournament that will take place over the weekend then I understand why I walk so fast and with such a hurried pace, besides my bad mood.

When I enter the apartment I see Carlos at the dining room table, a plate with a napkin lies next to him while he moves cheerfully in his chair, like a little kid having fun while he's eating, and judging by the empty table and the lack of dishes I imagine that it's about dessert time, something that dad had to buy or that he prepared.

"Your dad was very upset with you" I barely finish closing the door and the domino effect of my fate is already working, "something about that you should help him in his store".

"That's on fifteen".

"Today is fifteen, Jay" he places the spoon into his mouth and I see him sigh with his eyelids closed, like if he were eating a delicacy. As I walk I notice he has a slice of chocolate cake in front of him as well as leftovers all over his face, literally he has them on his cheeks, and he really looks like a little kid. "What happened? He said that you delayed more than usual, that before taking Joel by the arm and forcing him to go with him to the store".

"I'm not sorry he did" I say, sounding arrogant.

"Jay" he scolds me, trying to correct my behavior.

"Well, in case ya haven't noticed, disaster crashed at school today" I drop my backpack into the single couch, seeing that there are stains of food on it and that there are still some pieces tangled in my hair, I drag a chair to sit on it, I remove the napkin off my meal and immediately start to dig in the piece of salmon with fresh vegetable ration, I look at him and he seems amused by the way I'm eating, like if he hadn't seen it before. "Food fight, I was detained for participating".

"That sounds fun" the desire to try things shines in his eyes, one I've seen on a few occasions, mostly when he's trying new exercises in training or when he finds something new on the internet when he uses my phone since, according to him, he would spend hours in front of a computer if he had one. Also his planning skills are quite good to play Candy Crush, so he helps me on it.

"It is only if you're the one who initiates all that, not if you're drawn to get in".

"Who else was involved?" he turns his body, giving me all his attention, and I really like when he pays attention when I talk to him, dad is usually on his phone or watching TV to listen to me, and Joel is only here because we're brothers.

"Mal, Evie, the Gaston twins, the Hook sisters, Mad Maddy, people you don't know, and they got the brunt of the punishment".

"I guess Mal's eyes were glowing from the anger she felt".

Everyone knows what happens when Mal is furious, her eyes seem to be greener than usual, they intimidate anyone, and it is one of the advantages she has in fights during tournaments, she's able to frighten her opponents just by staring at them, and the way she uses her hands or legs ends up coming as an extra thing.

"Yeah, surely the prefects will have shivers at the thought of that".

"Dragon Hall sounds like a fun place, I wish I was there".

I lift the head of my plate but I can't see him in the eyes to see if he means that last part, but the smile on his lips and the way he plays with one of the slices of peach the cake has on top are telling me that he wants to divert the attention from the subject because he says it honestly, he really would like to be in Dragon Hall.

Is it because of the friendship he has made with Evie?

Does he want to see the glowing of Mal's eyes more closely?

Would he like to know another perspective of life to which he's accustomed?

Or… maybe… does he want to be closer to me?

I would like to believe that last option, I would like to know if he misses me as I do when we leave in the morning to go to school, if he feels the same when he see me after a long day, if he looks at me when we're training, if he gets off thinking of me, if he dreams with me, if I go through his mind at some point in the day, because it's like what Mal and Evie once told me, it seems like he has no eyes for anyone but me.

I keep eating when my idealization ends, it generates a silence that isn't weird, it rather serves to establish that we don't need to be the kind of people who have to talk all the time to maintain interest, rather it seems that between us we can carry a slower, quieter rhythm, but when I remember that one of Dragon Hall's important parties is about to come it's the moment when I feel ticklish in my hands.

"Hey" I say, breaking the pleasant silence and feeling more nervous.

"What?".

"W-well, I was wondering if… ya know, if…" I give myself an internal slap since I don't usually hesitate, I usually cause people to hesitate, to sigh when I pass by and to nibble on their lips when they look at me walking beside them; it's me who causes it, not the other way around, even when he reverses our roles without even noticing it. "Would ya like to go with me to the annual Halloween dance?".

His fork stays halfway to his mouth as he blushes up to his ears, he widens a smile that he can't stand before covering his face with his hand, he places his back against the chair before shrugging, as if I had walked naked by the department or something, thing that had happened more than once and that hadn't produced a reaction like that. I take a big drink of water while I wait for his response.

"As your…?" he leaves the question in the air, expectant of my answer.

"As my date, as my boy, whatever you wanna name it, you'll go with me because I will not accept a no for an answer" I take his free hand, I entwine our fingers firmly and look into his eyes, I give him a smile that makes him blush even more. I chuckle when, after kissing his knuckles, he lets out a squeak not masculine at all, and before he can move his hand he uses it to cradle my cheek, getting up before standing next to me.

"Yeah, I wanna go to the Halloween dance with you, if you promise to go to Prep's winter ball with me, as my date, as my boy, whatever you wanna name, you'll go with me".

Maybe my day wasn't destined to be bad, maybe it was just about isolated events that coincided in a sickening way, it's only when he leans on me to join his lips against mine is when I can reach that conclusion. I let his hand go to place it on his nape, sliding my fingers between his long hair while I sigh and close my eyelids, he places his arms around my neck before pushing back the table, making a din with the cutlery are moving against the plates, so he's able to sit on my lap, his favorite place.

"Of course I'll go, I'll even be your date for prom, if that's what ya want".

Neither of us is willing to go further than this, I know because we only make pressures, neither tries to stick the tongue in the other's mouth nor to take a bite, is one of the occasions when we kiss in a tender way, almost as if it were to heal some misunderstanding, or as if we apologize for the rude way in which we usually argue, although we never really mean it.

I finish with a kiss on his cheek before placing my head on his shoulder, I tilt it and sink my face in his neck, enjoying the smell of the cologne he uses each morning, the fabric softener, and the scent of his skin. His hands travel down my back, he traces weak circles over my vest while his head rests on my shoulder, the only sound I hear is that of his wheezing breathing.

"Ya make me so happy" I affirm after a couple of minutes, squeezing my hug and pulling his body closer against mine.

"You make me so happy too, protected, and handsome especially".

His thumb plays with the piercing of my left ear carelessly, we remain silent while the wind makes the clouds to move in the sky, hiding and exposing the sun at uneven intervals, that until he decides to raise his head, kiss my nose and caress my cheeks, then he turn his torso to take his dessert and give me a little of it, I grimace with every bite he gives me and for the good taste it has, he just smiles broadly, enjoying this moment.

If we are really so serious about ours then I can imagine that our interaction would be something like this if we lived alone.

"I wanna beat you in Mario Kart" he says, wiping the corners of my lips with his tongue, something he simply decided to do without warning.

"Ya can only dream of it, you're _not_ gonna beat me in that, I've played it for years, besides we also have training soon and we should get ready" his face gets dark a little, like if he was sad because I turned down his offer, so I simply gave up to him, "but just a little bit wouldn't harm us".

"Cool, and we'll see who's the winner".

He gets up and helps me stack the dishes in the kitchen, I take care of them while he turns on the videogame and waits for it to get loaded, and I'm sure that washing the dishes will not make dad happier, although he hasn't called or sent me an annoying text message, so I guess he's too busy or he just let it slide.

Well, it's my dad, I don't think he forgot it.

I sit on my couch and he settles down next to me, my arm on his shoulders and his head on my shoulder, while he programs the game to enter all the racers in the competition, he puts the difficulty to the maximum, the only in thing in what he has consideration is that we can choose the tracks, just five. While he's moving the cursor to choose the one he wants first I start to think that in fact he hasn't had the practice I have in the game, we have tried it together several times but he ends up quite frustrated for falling off the tracks that have no edges, to turn around in incorrect places, or that he always finish in one of the last positions, that if he doesn't get throwing all the items when he is about to win in, at least, an honorable fourth place, so surely he programmed it that way so I can have fun while he finishes the circuit and keeps me company.

"I got a B+ on Yen Sid's pop quiz today" I say while the starting tone of the race resounds in the first circuit, _Bowser's Castle_ , even though I'm forced to tell him the entire truth, "but Evie gave me a cookie with all the answers, so I'm not all that proud of it".

"I gave her that idea" the angle of the camera changes, the countdown starts and he focuses all his attention on the television screen, "and it isn't something original, once I didn't study for a test and I wrote down some things in a couple of cookies, I ate them when I finished and I got an A+, so I do feel proud of you".

He kisses me on the lips so fast that it leaves me stunned, I remain still and with the control of the game in my hands until I realize that the others are up to a quarter of the track when I'm just starting to move, Carlos goes in the front and he makes his character, an orange Shy Guy, to skid perfectly in the curves, getting the extra boosts, to give effect to his jumps and take the necessary coins to get more speed, and I find myself in a great dilemma since, on the last lap, I'm barely on the fourth place.

Defeat can't be part of me now, or never, that's why I bite my lower lip with a little strength while I move my fingers on the buttons, seeing that my character, Toad, gives a good fight while we both go head to head, and it's not something that happens in the first track, in the other four, _Cloudtop Cruise_ , _Electrodome_ , and _Yoshi Valley_ , we both try to make the other bite the dust, sometimes he pushes and growls against my neck for me to lose the concentration, I return it blowing inside his ear and covering his eyes, although it doesn't have good results because he keeps beating me.

He's been practicing, a lot, I suppose that's what he does when he gets up so early in the morning, and he sure asks dad for permission to play before he goes to school, that if he doesn't help with breakfast, and he has learned all the tricks that this game can have. I feel quite surprised.

"Well, this is it" I say as the last track, the N64's _Rainbow Road_ is shown on the screen, and I'm so determined to beat him that I can almost see myself in the middle of the living room making a ridiculous victory dance, "I accept that ya give up before ya end up frustrated by falling all the time".

"I'd like to take a picture of your face when I beat you, and you're still under me for ten points, your only chance is me to be in the twelfth place and you in the first, and that would hardly put you in the top three of the table".

"Ya smell like challenge" I say, arching my right eyebrow.

"Game on".

I look into his eyes before the countdown begins, the determination in them makes me shiver, I almost feel aroused to see him like this, but the feeling goes away when he moves away to sit down on the other couch, I suppose he did for more freedom and so that neither of us can cheat. I move in the couch to watch the TV directly, Toad on his little motorcycle is more than ready to get this victory, also this track is my favorite one by far; I just can't lose, and I won't.

My first mistake is to press the accelerator ahead of time, my engine explodes when everyone else starts moving, I glance at him when he rolls his eyes and relaxes his shoulders, securing one more victory. The arousing just completely disappeared from my body, now I feel annoyed because he underestimates me.

We both take the curves in an impeccable way, right on the edge so that the fear of falling, and losing, is greater, and indeed his practice has been enough since by now he would have fallen about three times. Now he goes in first place and I'm struggling to keep in the third one, but since this is a circuit of one lap we both move anxiously in the couches in the last stage, the background music accelerates its rhythm and we both move more erratically, I get distracted when I see the half of the screen game that corresponds to him and I hit an edge, my red shell follows him until it hits him in the penultimate curve and I push him with the motorcycle when I pass next to him, without throwing him off the track.

I close my eyelids since the remaining stretch is only straight, sketching out my characteristic arrogant idiot smile while I press the accelerating button until terror fills every fiber of my pride with what happens next. The unmistakable sound of a blue shell, sailing across the entire track to crash against the first place, makes me pay attention to the race once again, seeing that I was three seconds away from the finish line.

"No, no, no!" the shell explodes and makes me fall from my paraglider, enough time of lethargy so that the second place, the orange Shy Guy, passes over me and gets marked as the first place. "Fuck!".

I conclude the lap being in fifth place, and even so Toad greets the electronic crowd, the sum of points is done and the leader board is completely established, leaving him in the first place with those perfect 75 points while I stay in the fourth with 61 points, he presses the buttons to show his awards ceremony and how he obtains a golden trophy, then the main screen appears and he turns off the game.

I leave the control on the cushions of the couch, out of nowhere he takes my cheeks and kisses my lips, I push my chest out since it's not something I expected, I was thinking that he would be gloating and mocking me, but rather he seems to be feeling sorry for me, and I don't like that.

"And now you taste like loser" he licks his lips.

"I'm so offended right now".

That is another change that has occurred to me lately, if Carlos were someone else I would have told him to fuck off and I'd try to find more than a thousand reasons to justify why his rookie's victory was due, but the fact that we're dating and that he practiced to get this is what keeps me from doing it, I just drop my head down, resigning myself of him to presume that he just beat me in one of my favorite videogames.

"We should do it again, I'm sure I'll win".

"Later, now we have another place to be".

"You could at least say that I beat you" he looks at me with pleading eyes, and he knows that I can't always deny what he asks when he does that.

"Ya beat me, you're the best".

I kiss him on the lips and I leave him standing in the living room, I enter to my room to change my clothes and take my heavy training bag, I see the time on the screen of my phone, _**5:20**_ , I make sure that everything is inside, then I take my water bottle to fill it, when I go out to the kitchen I see him still standing where I left him, not very willing to give an explanation, so I just go into the next room in the apartment to continue with my routine of almost every day.

"Today I'll be there after you".

I spill some water on the floor, I take a couple of kitchen towels to clean it up, then I finish filling my bottle and I go out into the living room, seeing that he is sitting in the two-sitter couch, he scrubs one hand angrily against the other and he doesn't look up, like anticipating what I'm going to say.

"It's the second time ya do it, it used to happen once a week and there was such a lot of time on each occasion" I try to keep my voice calm, although what I say doesn't help me, and I'm not thinking well what I'm saying, so I just keep my bottle in one of the compartments of the bag, I close all the zippers and put it on my back. "Something wrong?".

"I have an errand to run, I promise to be there to train".

I kneel in front of him, I raise his face by placing my fingers under his chin, he looks at me in the eyes and yeah, his sight is in me, but his attention seems to be somewhere else in the universe. I don't like this kind of secrets, I'm sure I don't keep any from him, I haven't done anything wrong with anything or anyone, so I really would like an answer of what happens.

"Ya promise?" I stop touching him and he keeps his eyes on me, now his attention seems to come back, even for a moment.

"Yeah, I promise".

I press his forehead against mine, I caress the hair on his nape before I sigh and get up, I leave my keys in the lock of the door and step out the apartment, immediately I go down the stairs and I move to the right side of the building, the place with a small garden that nobody frequents, only who is in charge of doing the gardening. I stand behind a bush, let the songs on my phone play randomly on mi earphones while I wait for him to come out.

Spying is bad, it's one of the many synonyms that exist to justify the lack of confidence, and the problem is not that I distrust him, it's just that I'll never get anywhere with the approximation questions that I ask, the lack of details of the mysterious things he has to do when he doesn't come with me to the trainings are what compels me to do it, displeased with what I feel or not.

I poke my head out the bush when I hear someone leaving the building, my phone says it's _**5:45**_ when Carlos closes the main door behind him, he exhales a long sigh before starting to walk towards the exit of the complex. I wait two minutes for him to get some distance from me, I put the bag on my back and I walk the same route that he is taking, slowing the pace since there are times when he does it too, in another times he stops completely and I must hide behind a wall, another bush, or a car.

I feel astonished to see that he is really going in the direction of the sport center where we train, the embarrassment of myself makes my guilt to feel heavier for having distrusted him since the errand was going to the laundry, I guess that accident with the milkshake in his favorite jacket was more difficult to remove for dad to achieve it.

I sketch out a smile and I'm about to rush my pace to place my arm over his shoulders to walk until we get to training when he turns to the left on the next street, I arch an eyebrow and I stay in the distance because we are about seven streets to arrive. A tumult of people is on the outside, filling the street in such a way that I can barely follow him, I would have lost sight of him if it wasn't for his characteristic hair and the way the black clothes contrast with his skin, like a light that fills the darkness of the night. Maybe he's… no, no way.

My eyes get big when I look at his house, that dreadful and imposing mansion that extends to everyone's eyes, and it's funny because it seems that everyone prefers to walk on the opposite sidewalk, as if they knew the kind of woman who lives within that house, and if her screams are as audible like on that occasion he and I were there then I understand why they should fear.

I narrow my eyes when reality fits with what I'm seeing, what my imagination was formulating is true while he walks along the cobblestone path leading to the front door, the alarm seems to be off and he arrives with steady steps to the porch, the gigantic door opens and his mother is the one who receives him, she takes the clothes covered with black plastic and then she takes him by the neck to force him to get in, whipping the door shut behind them.

He's been doing this, he's been coming to his house when he's not by my side in training, he decides to come back here to remain being that kind of slave he had told me he usually is for his mother. He returns to this kind of treatment, it seems that he knows no other way of living.

I only have one question while I keep walking: what does he do it for?

* * *

"Come on, people, I want to see you all giving your best, a quite important weekend is coming" professor Joseph says in a neutral tone while he walks around the whole training room frowning, supervising us to do all the exercises properly, with a lot of dedication.

He has been over me since I arrived, although it has no reason to be since the first hour of training is reserved for beginners, but more or less I understand him since in the second hour I'm not in a one hundred percent performance, as I always do, but it's because of what has just happened, that Carlos hasn't given the slightest sign of existence in the sport center, in addition that he went to his house, dammit! What the hell is he thinking about?

He seemed happy to live with us, I saw him in a full mood since he was recognized for what he did well, dad helped him to correct what was wrong, he helped Joel with his homework, he even told me things that I was doing wrong although I didn't ask for it, he liked the way dad stroked his hair, he liked sleeping with me, going out with me, being with me. What am I doing wrong? What are we doing wrong so he decides to go back to Cruella?

"Jay, I want to see more strength" he says while I strike the sandbag, I give it a couple of kicks before holding it, so that the chain won't break due to the violent swing it has.

I take a deep breath a couple of times before resuming my combat position and giving another round of punches to the sack, using the reflection in the mirrors to look at the front door of the room, hoping to see his distinctive black and white head as he comes in full speed, takes off his shoes and takes what remains of training, I would say a while judging by the sweat that soaks my shirt, that runs through my neck and my arms, but it is for the constant pressure that professor Joseph has on me, and today in particular I don't know how much more I'll bear.

"Change of exercise" he says, sounding tired. "Jay, with me".

I prepare myself with all my protective equipment, I drop myself to the floor to do a couple of push-ups before standing up, seeing that professor Joseph only has his gloves on while I had to protect my shins, chest, head and crotch. He's going to punch the fuck out of me, that's for sure.

"I want to see how motivated you are".

He stretches his fist so that we touch gloves, I do and I move in a circular way in the small place that we have to fight, seeing even the slightest of his movements since an oversight could have me suffering on the floor. He rushes on me with feint punches, what he does give with strength are the kicks in my thighs or my stomach, that's when I have the chance to hit him the face or the stomach, although it's not efficient since he's much faster that I, he moves his head back to dodge my attacks and he moves quickly.

I let the air out through my nose and I pounce again on him, more determined for him to see my motivation, when he covers his face I kick him in the stomach, I continue with these attacks since I make him go back little by little, when he lowers his hands to trying to hold my leg I hit him in the left ear, I stop immediately to see if there is any injury, and all I see is his red face.

"Do you think that hurt?!" he shouts at me, taking the characteristic fighting stance he has, he moves his hands like if they were the head of a snake that is lurking, which makes me more defensive because I have never been able to beat him when he decides to fight like this. "I thought you could do better!".

Today is no exception to that, he feints with a fist for me to discover myself and he can hit me in the face with the other, he hits me in the stomach with firmness in his attacks, he kicks with such force that manages to weaken my knees and muscles on my legs, he makes me go back more and more, and when I try to kick him in the head I don't retract my leg fast enough, he takes it and with a knock on my support leg is when I finish completely on the floor, with a sound so deep that I can still hear it in my ears.

I remove the mask and leave my head on the ground, I breathe through the nose as the pain becomes more present throughout my body, it even reaches places where I hadn't come to hurt after a fight.

"That was pathetic, I hope you change your strategy if you want to win" I see him and his face is still red from the anger he's feeling.

"I know I can win, I'll do it" I get up just to sit down.

"Oh, really? With what I just saw is something that will be very difficult".

"I'm gonna win!" I stand up and raise my voice, I hear the mocking laughter of Mal echoing throughout the room while the others remain silent as I broke one of the implicit rules here: never talk back to the teacher.

"I don't want to see you until you change your attitude, that or until you prove that you really want to win".

"Fine, fine! Whatever, I don't need this today".

I glare at everyone else as they stare at me, Ben and Doug look at me with a face that says "I'm sorry, bro", while the girls hold each other to laugh, even with everything we go through at school today. Chad and Charlotte laugh at each other, they dare to point me out at me and before I can throw myself at them, professor Joseph clears his throat, reminding me of the ultimatum.

I take off all my protections and reluctantly put them in my bag, I put it on my back and don't look back, just when I'm in the door frame is when Carlos decides to enter, breathing hard and sweat running through the sides of his face. We look into each other's eyes and it seems that eternity is at stake, I can't see anything in them that is not an apology, but when he opens his mouth to speak I simply step by his side, I put the earphones in my ears and start to run, outside the sports center and back to the apartment.

Why, why, why? I simply can't ask myself a question other than that, and even if such a question produces closed answers, I can't stop thinking about it, to formulate further ideas about his reasons.

I can bet that, even if he likes to be with me as my boy, he's not so comfortable with the always present company of dad and Joel, maybe he wants to do different things and that's why he wants to return to the usual stuff, maybe he's just tired of me, maybe he doesn't like that I had changed from the person he first met and he probably liked, the arrogant and flirty dude, but I really can't blame him for those changes, the only culprit is me.

I don't even bother to make a stopover to leave my things, I just go up to my shelter on the roof, I leave everything laying on the floor and I drop down on the foam mattresses I took from dad's store without his permission, I leave my arms inert at the sides while I try to recover myself from the physical exertion and I fight internally to keep my stupid, senseless crying away besides from the urge I have to shout to the world to fuck off.

It's stupid to cry for something like that, I hate crying, but every person has the motives to act or do what their freaking damn will is, but I really hoped to be the one in which Carlos could hold on to entirely.

Maybe how soon we had it all didn't let me see that I'm not fit for him.

It can always be worse, it can always be worse.

I don't do much when the little door that leads to the roof opens and hits the ground, I hear his effort to climb but I just don't want to move, now I don't even want to be here, I just want to climb up to the top of a tree and stay there until tomorrow, or until ever, whichever that comes first.

"I really wanted to be there, I swear, my errand was…".

"Am I a good boyfriend?".

My voice cracks with the question, the stupid question that my destructive imagination can formulate now, is mostly a panic question, it's like if something inside me wants that pillar to be firm so that it doesn't make the rest of things to fall down and I don't understand why I am distressing myself, I did it well until no more than twenty minutes ago, and now I feel as the inexperienced in relationships again, and I still am even though he is my first one.

"Jay, c'mon" I didn't realize how close he was to me until I heard his voice inches apart, he puts a hand on my sweaty shoulder and I get stiff, yet I do nothing to push it away. "I don't know what got into your head, I don't know why you ran away when you saw me, but you know you are".

"You're lying" I say without looking at him, and my voice still trembles.

"No, I'm not lying, I told you this afternoon, you make me happy and…".

"You're lying about your errand, ya were at your house" his hand moves from my shoulder, that's not a surprise, the surprise is that his hand comes back and he pats me, as if he were comforting me, and I pull it away because I don't want it.

"H-how do you know that…?".

"I was following ya, because you hide ya were doing it" now it's more noticeable that I'm the blame for the constant disasters in the good things that happen to me, that it's only my fault that everything can always be worse.

"Jay… is not easy to explain" I turn my head to the left so that he appears in my peripheral view, his head is down and his hands between his legs, nervous.

"Yes it is, ya can simply say that you don't like to be here, that we're boring, that there is something that ya don't like and that's why you return, it's easy".

"No, and it's not about that" he says, evading, and that only makes me feel more frustrated to get back to the same thing.

"Then what is it? Say it, please, I wanna help".

I know I'm being a douche with him, I admit it, but that's precisely what I want to avoid, knowing what it is that he's going through in order to find a way to be supportive, like how he said it when we talked about what led him to turn to me when he needed it the most.

"I-it's not about you, or your dad or Joel, you've all been very nice to me" he rubs his nose and he's not crying, so maybe he's avoiding it too, "it's just t-that I don't wanna a burden, f-for you or for anyone".

I remain silent at the automatic response that came to my mouth, that he's not so and similar things, but it's the vulnerability with which he speaks, the way he pulls his legs to his chest and surrounds them with his arms, which makes me stop to think a little about how I am behaving, how I am demanding when asking him to be sincere with me even if he doesn't want it that way. What am I doing?

"Carlos, I…".

"I've come home because mom has behaved very well with me, Jasper and Horace told me she wanted to see me and I've done it since then, I help her with the errands and she greets me, she talks to me and sometimes we do stuff together, yesterday we watched a bit of TV until I had to leave, she didn't want me to go again and she stared at me, I told her that we still couldn't be together again in the same place, for the sake of both" he relaxes his shoulders and runs his hands over his eyes, then he looks at me so intently that he almost backs me up, "besides you shut up, I don't know why I'm telling you this, you're hiding things too".

"What the hell…?".

"Who's Scarlett?" I look everywhere except at his eyes for how awkward it is of having to tell him about her. Carlos knows things, his personality type, quiet, reserved and low-key, are the kind of qualities that tie with a spy, and this freckled spy in particular has just seen things in places where there are no such, regardless of what he saw in a place where I didn't set a limit. Shit.

"She's a friend".

"A friend who asks you out?" the twist that all of this took is impressive.

"All friends ask each other out" I justify.

"And you send all of your friends a video where you're putting your hand in your underwear and they respond with photos of girls naked and kissing?".

I have just stumbled into a dead end because of how cunning his questions are and the way he maintains his composure in a situation that would get anyone mad, is that kind of metaphor in which the alley has high walls, those who are prepared to crush those in the midst of them as they move, and there is only one way out, to run forward, to the raw and cruel truth.

"Are you cheating on me?" his voice broke, knocking down all my defenses.

Immediately I get up, I surround his small, trembling figure in my arms when he lets out the first sob, I leave countless kisses on his head and slowly rock back and forth, trying to calm him down, and it's strange that he haven't pushed me away. Maybe he believes in my innocence, though I can't help but think that I'm the biggest idiot for taking for granted that nothing about her would ever be seen again, that she would simply forget me.

I'm making a mess! We didn't even get to interact that way.

"I was helping you in your Candy Crush levels and that annoying message bubble that appears at the most inopportune moment was crossed in my play, she said that even if I didn't like girls she wanted to go out with you, that she and that other girl both wanted to meet you" he refuges in my chest, he clutches my shirt in his fist and continues sobbing. "Tell me it's not true, just tell me it's not".

"Stop talking, she added me on Facebook but I'm not cheating on ya with her, with her or with anyone else, she told me that we four could hang out and I gave her false hopes about that, it's never gonna happen".

"How can I be sure of that?" his voice sounds calmer, still a little tremble but much calmer.

"Because you trust me…".

"You followed me to what I do, you don't trust me".

"I do it, the point was that I couldn't see that something was bothering you, you had it very hidden" I move his head from my chest to look into his eyes, seeing that all this was just a bunch of misunderstandings and exaggerations on my part. "Ya know I never meant it, but now I'm really sorry that I behaved like that, I was an idiot stalker and I despised myself for doing it".

"I still don't know if I believe you about her".

"I'll erase her profile if it's what ya want, anyway her posts are very boring, besides I have you, nobody else catches my eye".

He laughs softly before placing his head on my shoulder, and I don't interpret it as a mockery of what I said, rather it sounds as if he remembered something.

"You know, it's funny, that day you got me drunk, because you did so, Ally told me something similar, that you don't seem to have eyes for anyone but me".

"I'll tell you something funnier, Mal and Evie told me the same thing once, that you don't seem to notice anyone but me".

"I certainly don't" he raises his head and looks at me with glassy eyes.

"And I certainly don't care about anyone but you".

The kiss proceeds that, another disgustingly tender kiss, the one that is wetted by the tears that slide down his cheeks, which I try to pull away while his lips are next to mine at the same time that we smile like fools, while he surrounds my neck with his slender arms and sits astride me, just to be more comfortable with the way I hold him, the way I comfort him.

This was a big bump in our path, and I know that wasn't the best way to give it a solution, I'm not even sure that it has been solved, but what I'm sure of is that we can recover from it, we aren't perfect and no one is, we're just a couple of guys in the trials and tribulations of their first relationship, not knowing what will happen in the future.


	13. Brave

I know, I know, it took a century but here is the new chapter, I know it's quite long but I just got too excited while writing it, besides I decided to include Harry, Gil and Uma because I liked their characters so much, and the context lends for their appearance. Anyway, straight to the point, fav, follow or review, enjoy :)

* * *

 **Brave**

I hate waking up early on a weekend, and doing it on a damn Saturday makes me growl before shutting off the raucous sound of my alarm, I roll towards the wall and curl up in the blankets, sinking my nose and hoping to go back to sleep since the sky is barely illuminated.

I had to ask for a huge apologize to professor Joseph to be able to train again, I had to bite my tongue all week long when I wanted to respond to his "constructive comments" to me, when he said that he didn't see myself totally committed to the tournament, and that today he would see if I was serious.

I'm arrogant and cocky, everyone knows that, and I also know I can win, I've been in this kind of stuff for years, I know my limitations and what I can do when something gets into my head, that's why I hate being underestimated.

The easy humming make me roll again, I open my eyelids to see him lying on the blankets, so perfectly made that he could floating over them to not mess up how immaculate his work is. From the fact of having his uniform on, his entwined hands resting on his stomach, and that he's looking at the roof while he's humming, I know he has been doing it for hours, which means he couldn't sleep last night when he stood still while I fell into the realm of dreams.

I take the blankets off and, even with the door half closed, the cold morning air makes me shudder, my tight underwear and not having a shirt on doesn't help me much, the blame comes from such a hot night. I stretch to completely wake up and to hear the creak of my joints, I turn my head in his direction to notice that he looks at me with his lower lip stuck between his teeth and with those big eyes of his watching every corner of me.

"Unless you're coming here, I suggest ya to stop drooling".

"I have more stuff to think about" he says, holding a small smile on his face as he returns to look at the ceiling.

"Do ya even sleep?" I put my legs off the mattress and place a blanket on my waist, which is still warm. "Ya use Saturdays to sleep a little more".

"I couldn't all night long, I tried but it was getting harder and harder, and I was wide awake before the sun began to rise".

"Scared?" I stretch my right foot next to his hand, he lets out a quick sigh before taking it and tracing lazy circles on my instep, he scratches the sole, which makes me some tickles, and even he takes my toes to play with them.

"My imagination was too active".

He doesn't see me when I roll my eyes and raise both eyebrows, I stretch my arm to plug my phone off from the charger and I get in YouTube, immediately I see the history of recent videos I realize that the anguish showed yesterday in his face while he was using my phone on the living room didn't came in the slightest due to the difficulty of the levels in Candy Crush.

"Fractures in martial arts tournaments, quadriplegia by falls, kung-fu fighter dies in competition, talking dog" I read aloud and I hear him laugh but I don't give it a room, even though it's a funny thing. "You're not gonna die, if that's what you're afraid of".

"How are you so sure?" he puts his hand on my ankle.

"I've been in many competitions, if ya get there with those ideas in your head then everything will scare ya, more fear than the one ya feel all the time".

"I'm not afraid all the time".

"Woof, woof!".

His hand tightens firmly on my ankle, maybe the adrenaline that came from the fear of my barking or because he wanted to set a point that wasn't approached about physical strength, but if he hits his opponent in this same way and with the same force that he imposes on my ankle then he has nothing to worry at all.

"Don't ever do it again!" he twists all my toes with his free hand, a good move since I was about to retract my leg.

"Fine! Fine! Let go! I use it to kick whimpers!".

He does, he lets go and immediately my ankle and toes get numb, the tingling produced is uncomfortable and painful, but it is the total proof that he has strength in his little muscles, today he'll show it.

"Anyway, ya and your excessive imagination shouldn't worry, professor Joseph or I will be aware of you" he lets his head to the left, the smile clears and is replaced by something in his eyes, as if he had got moved by what I said. "I'll take care of ya, I promise, and if someone hurts ya I'll rip his head off".

He sighs, easy, and with that I conclude our antics of each morning, I stretch once more before getting up and opening my drawers, I fish out what I need to get dressed while he also stretches up, he growls painfully and his shirt rises a little on his stomach, allowing me to see his skin and the flexing from his muscles with each movement. Maybe later, maybe later.

I stretch the blankets and put the pillows on top of them, compared to what he did it rather looks like a nuclear bomb dropped on my bed, there are sections of the sheets that are bulging, but since I'm not the kind of person who wastes time to make a bed I just leave it like that, I take my bag that's ready since last night and I leave the room, with him following my steps.

Surprisingly there is breakfast on the table, I arch my eyebrow and turn my head towards dad's room, seeing the closed door and a post-it on the front: _We'll see ya there, all their opening events are boring and long_. I feel a hint of interplay by Joel in that but I don't mind, I put another post-it underneath with the address of the place where the tournament will be, then I accompany Carlos on the table, he just looks at the sandwich, the glass of milk and the apple that dad prepared.

"Eat, you're gonna need it" I order him while I bite my sandwich, which tastes great even for just being mayonnaise, mustard, cheese, ham, and bread.

"I'm not hungry" he takes two sips from the glass, he clears the corners of his lips and leaves it there. "I know that if I eat anything I'm gonna throw it up later".

"And ya had to say it while I chew, thanks" he chuckles when I pretend that it is difficult for me to swallow, then I give it another bite, "it'll be a very busy day, most likely we'll be there until dusk, so I'm telling ya to eat something now, if ya do it later it might weigh in your performance".

"I'll be fine".

I lift my shoulders and keep eating while he looks at his nails, I glance at him occasionally while I'm chewing the apple, but he seems more determined to not talk and to verify that everything is in order in his backpack. When I'm done I lift everything I can balance in my hands, I put the dirty dishes where they belong, I take the long bag of sandwiches in the refrigerator and I put the one that he didn't eat in it, the bag that he helped me to prepare before going to sleep.

I wasn't joking when I told him we'd be there all day long, that kind of events can go on for hours, the food comes for that, and I totally trust Mal, Evie, Ben and Doug to bring something to eat.

We brush our teeth in front of the mirror in the sink, he does it seriously while I raise my eyebrows at my reflection, as if I were flirting with myself, as the Gaston twins do when they pass in front of a reflecting surface when they believe nobody is watching, I lift my sleeves up to my shoulders and flex my biceps, Carlos rolls his eyes and spits out his toothpaste.

"Too much arrogance for one morning, I heard of it but today I believe it".

"Just wait until we're there" I say with the toothbrush still inside my mouth, "they'll be looking at me for two things".

"Because you're so full of it?" he arches his right eyebrow.

"That and because I'm dating the cutest guy in the city".

I kiss his cheek to leave a blue stain on his skin, he wrinkles his nose, he cleans it up and uses soap to kill the smell of mint, he ends with that before taking me by the nose and go sit down in the living room, I distinguish it by the sound that the cushions do when they rub against each other. I finish with my part of the morning routine, I wash my face and use some water in my hair to settle it and I tie it in a simple ponytail, to save preparation time.

We make sure we don't forget anything before leaving the apartment, we both let out a quick sigh, mine is to express the euphoria that makes me feel the tournament, I couldn't say what he expresses with his, we walk towards the exit of the complex and we let the door whip close, to wake up the guard.

While we walk towards the sport center with a slightly accelerated pace, since it's somewhat late and there we will meet with everyone else to get by bus to the practice stadium, I notice the slow process of awakening that has the Isle of the Lost, curious name for the neighborhood: the shops open their doors slowly, the street vendors are starting to set their places up gradually, even the stray dogs, those from which he hides, seem to be waking up from a special lethargy that takes place over the weekend, and I'm missing all that; but it's worth it.

I'm relieved to see Evie and Mal just getting off the bus that goes two streets away when we arrive, they run the short distance missing, the little kid's coven is ready to board the bus and some are inside the individual cars, others are running in the street saying that they will win today, and professor Joseph nods to us while he talks with Dean's and Lizzy's mothers.

"Good morning everyone" Carlos says, cheerfully, he waves with his hand and smiles. I don't remember the last time he spoke so audibly, I'm not sure he'd talked to more than five people at the same time, and some of that makes me put my arm around his shoulders, smiling too.

Ben's dad let us sit on the front of his car while he eats a donut-and-coffee-based breakfast with Belle, they seem very happy with something so simple, even they offer us from the huge box they have and we all take one, except Carlos who politely rejects them and lies by saying that he ate before.

I stare at a point in space while I eat and think that there wasn't the reaction I expected when they saw me kissing Carlos in the room, even if it was just the shadow of a kiss is usually enough something so laconic for the world to explode in criticism or scornful looks. Maybe one is interested in a thing like that, maybe my idea of being a role model for the kids was wrong although some did say they wanted to be like me when they grew up.

"Okay, time to go" professor Joseph says when Hannah and her family arrive, I see the time on mi phone's screen and I growl lowly. _**8:00 am**_.

We get down the car and walk towards the bus, the doors get open and we call dibs on the seats in the last row, we place our stuff on the shelf above us while Carlos stays by the window and I in the corridor next to the emergency exit, Mal and Evie sit in front of us, and even so Mal looks at me and raises her upper lip, almost growling, as if she thought I would give her the seats.

I grab Carlos's legs and put them over mine while we wait, I lift his pants up to his knees and caress the hair of his shins, I give him my sweatshirt so he can make a cushion for his back and he lets me do it while I bite my lower lip. I could silence the talk I want to start and keep going, without causing conflicts, but that part of me that enjoys bringing the most uncomfortable conversation themes to the scene comes to play.

"I still have some questions" he looks at me sideways, I arch my eyebrow when he does and he understands that I don't mean more questions about his fear of what may happen today, it's about aspects that confine just him. He sighs again.

"Make them, I'll try to answer".

The bus turns on its engine with a deep roar, I settle down in my seat when we begin to move and we enter on the main street for a trip that will take about fifteen minutes at its highest.

"How does your bus know where to pick ya up every morning?" I say as I put my back on the backseat. It's not a trivial question, even if I want to get closer to other topics, I seriously have doubts about other superfluous things.

"I said at school I lived with a distant cousin 'cause people were killing plagues we had in my house".

"Did ya have more friends before we met?" he frowns at that question.

"Harry and Jace, they're children of mom's employees, and they weren't my friends, they were pretty much forced to hang out with me".

"Pets?".

"Beelzebub, a cat that mom took to an animal shelter once, I haven't seen her since then".

"There's a cat with that name in the hallways of Dragon Hall, it's kinda like a pet, and she has a sickly taste for throwing paws at everyone".

"Even if it's her I'm sure she's doing better there than at my house, she doesn't run the risk of mom throwing stuff at her if she sees her" he sighs, as if he missed the named cat. "And you?".

"Two eels, Lagan and Derelict, they're monstrously large and dad has them in his store, though I'm sure he ate them a long time ago".

"I don't think he did it, if they're your pets and you love them he wouldn't".

"Someone hungry can do anything" he pushes me, then he chuckles. "Next question, am I a good boyfriend?" he rolls his eyes.

"Yes, Jay, yes, you are, a very good one, so stop worrying about that, if at any moment you stop being one I'll punch you in the face".

"Woof, woof?".

"Stop it".

Before I proceed with the next question I hear giggles and the unmistakable sound of a camera when it takes a flurry of pictures, I look at the front when the screen of Evie's phone lurks in the seat, the giggles are heard before I see it coming up again, ready to take more, and I rush to stop her.

"It's a group photo, Jay. Say cheese!".

She tilts her phone and when they appear at the bottom of the screen I believe her, I put my arm on his shoulders and bring him closer to me, the four of us smile broadly in one, then we look serious in another, and finally she asks us one where we show that we are going to win, for which again I raise my sleeves up to my shoulders and flex my biceps, Carlos raises his fists in front of his face, Mal stares at the phone, and Evie arches her left eyebrow in addition to raise her free fist.

"I want them" I order her when I put my chest on Mal's seat, so I see that Evie sends all the photos to her mom, "all".

"Of course, of course, I just need mommy to give them a touch-up on the computer, since I taught her the Instagram filters she asked me and Doug for lessons for some programs" Carlos doesn't take long to get in the same way I do, and he even plays with Evie's hair, he soothes it in his fingers before beginning to split the strands.

"Did she finally accept you're dating him?" I poke her cheeks with a finger and she blushes when I comment on that, Mal just laughs mockingly.

"She's getting the idea, still she believes that I deserve something better".

"Doug is a lucky guy to date someone like you, you're so pretty" says Carlos, finishing with the braid he was doing with her hair.

"Oh, thanks sweetie, you're so lovely" Evie reaches over to kiss him on the cheek. "Though I keep wondering what a brute like Jay has that you like so much".

"He's like a fluffy teddy bear when he proposes it" he places his head on my shoulder, then he moves it aside to punch me in the same place.

"Sure, one that surely smells very bad".

"Well, at least I don't have to hide, like ya do from Ben".

"And speaking of him, he's looking at us right now" Evie mutters as she looks at her phone, admiring Carlos's braid.

"I bet ten bucks that Ben will admit his love for Mal today" he says in my direction, sounding too sure to be something which would come out of his mouth.

"I double your bet that he'll do it in the next training".

"Screw you all" she says, shrinking in her seat.

"Mal, manners" Evie chides.

"The hell with that, they're annoying".

Carlos and I high five, then I put my head on his lap while he keeps braiding Evie's hair, I leave my eyelids closed before I lift his shirt to sink my nose into his stomach, pressing my lips against his soft skin, almost growling, while I feel him shuddering and having a hard time breathing.

I could venture further and take care of the growing bulge against my nape, but I can't do it since the bus gradually slows down, it makes some maneuvers and when I get up, besides seeing that his face is totally red, I realize that we finally arrive to the stadium.

"Remember everyone, this is a competitive party, we are not here to stir fights or to make enemies, we come here to demonstrate our dedication".

We all nod at professor Joseph's words and then we stand up, the bus doors open and we slowly step down, we get swarm in there and then we start walking like a group of competitors that are a synonym of unity; Ben, Mal, Evie, Doug, Carlos and I stand together, walking behind everyone else.

I distinguish some of the competitors since I have had to fight against them on several occasions, others are fresh meat, like Carlos, besides the wide range of colors and representative shields makes me smile, to see that the publicity of this events is so big, as tourney is in its respective seasons.

"Hey, guys!" I shrug while we I turn my head towards the euphoric voice.

Gil, the younger brother of the Gaston twins, greets us before approaching, he gives us a handshake, a hug and pats in the back to each one, to the girls he kisses them on the back of the hand, and now I'm sure something strange happens with him since he greets Carlos as if he had known him for decades.

"It's very good to see ya all, I missed y'all a lot" he keeps smiling, and I don't refuse to tilt my head, feeling quite confused.

"Hey, Gil" we all say while Mal looks at Ben mockingly.

"Where are Harry and Shrimpy?" she asks, not taking her eyes off Ben, hoping to upset him.

"Uh, Harry was around here a minute ago…" he stretches his neck to look out for him, shrugging when he doesn't find him, "and Uma will come a little late".

"Typical of shrimps".

"I didn't know shrimps had typical behavior".

"And I didn't know you knew the word behavior" Mal lashes out at him, and Gil only smiles before hitting his head with a finger.

"Neither do I, I guess it has to do with the boring new classes in school, Serpent Prep is no longer the same".

"School isn't boring" says Carlos, sounding more like something he would have said in a soliloquy, not in a loud voice.

"It's easy for ya to say, you're from Dragon Hall and you're used to it".

"Actually he's in Auradon Prep, with me and Doug" Ben says, putting aside Mal's errand to upset him.

"That do is a boring school, more than Dragon Hall".

"Yeah, yeah, it's boring like the story about Gaston, books, and rejection" Mal seems ready to kick him in the crotch, but she's contained.

"I don't know that story" Carlos's voice gets all the attention, Gil only raises his eyebrows. "And nothing about a school like yours either".

"Oh, it's on the other side of the Isle of the Lost, and about my dad…" he scratches his head, as if he were arranging his ideas, "you see, basically my dad is awesome, he's quick, slick, and his neck is incredibly thick, he wanted to marry Belle but Beast got in his way, they fought and all that stuff, and in the end she preferred him, leaving my dad aside".

"There are so many holes in that story" Ben adds, crossing his arms.

"That's basically what happened, Harry and Uma know it".

"Who is Harry anyway?" Carlos asks again.

"It's the first time anyone asks such thin'" I open my eyes when I hear him talking behind us, we can barely turn when the hook attached to his hand is placed under Carlos's chin. "Who's this runt? I don't know 'im".

I arches my eyebrow when his petrifying blue eyes are fixed on his, Carlos gets so tense that he could dislocate a bone or faint right there, the beads of cold sweat pearl his forehead while Harry sketches that smile of dementia so characteristic of him, it causes a cry for help in Carlos that stays stuck in his throat.

"This runt" I get in the way, pulling away his stupid hook and standing between them, "is named Carlos. Carlos, he's Harry Hook".

"Pleasure" he bows and takes off his stupid hat, waking up my desire to get my knee against his face, then he looks at him in the eyes again and continues smiling. "so it is to see y'all, Mal, Evie, Ben, and the one I don't know about, it's ei' lovely meeting, but Gil and I have things to do in other places".

"Do we?" he asks, frowning.

"Ya', we do, so let's go" he begins to walk, arms outstretched.

"We too" Ben says, trying to have the last word.

"Oh, uhm, uh, before you go, ah, tell your mom that Gaston says hi, and also tell your dad that my dad wishes he finished off your dad when he had the chance" Gil says as he takes Ben by the shoulder, looking at the ceiling as if there was written all he had to say, "he'll come to see me, but ya get what I'm saying".

"Gil, move it" Harry grunts and points at Carlos with his hook one last time.

I drop my head back and exhale a growl as I follow the others, remembering how harsh everything has been for years because of Mal, and I can only imagine what's going to come when Uma arrives.

"H-Harry was gonna kill me?" Carlos asks out of nowhere, causing all of us to stop for a second, then we keep going and I focus to reassure him.

"Of course not, and if he does I'll make sure he never walks again" I let out a mocking laugh, but he looks at me with a bitter expression on his face, saying that this is not the time for my stupidities. "He wasn't gonna do it, he just uses that thing to show off".

"But his look…" he shudders, "it's as if I could still see it".

"Chill, I told ya I'll take care of you, if I have to castrate him with his own hook then I will, stop thinking about it".

"I'll try" I stare at him, not convinced at all. "I swear I'll try it".

I give up to him but I refrain from kissing him, I don't want him to worry of more things than those already in his head. We walk towards the others, professor Joseph delivers the list of competitors at the main table and the coordinators point us to the area where we will be observing the opening ceremony.

The distinctive drums and some other instruments resonate from moment to moment, beginning with the ceremony and flooding the place with a deafening roar, so much that some people cover their ears. I cross my arms while I watch the acrobats doing back flips on the ground or in bars, a feature with motleys resembling dragons that are animated by five persons inside of them with traditional music and the ovation of everyone here, a couple of fireworks come into participation, followed by the presentation of each representative group that will compete today. We roar when they mention us, Harry and the others howl.

I measure the duration of the ceremony seeing the bleachers filling up, it's funny that our parents are gathered in one place at the same time, there's never been a time when they can conglomerate like this; dad and Joel, along with Maleficent and the Evil Queen, Harry's father and his sisters, Gil's dad and his brothers, Freddie, Laundry Detergent, among others, remain on the left side of the bleachers while Ben's family, the extensive family of Doug, Chad and Charlotte's parents, along with Ally, Lonnie, the little kids' parents, and so on, are on the right side, all of them cheering.

The main director of the affiliation to which we all belong, a woman in her fifties and so, hair dyed in bluish black, wearing sportswear that doesn't feels good in her body, and the skin already too wrinkled, claps when the ceremony ends, after three quarters of an hour if my calculations don't fail, then she stands up and takes a microphone.

"I am filled with joy to see the dedication that the acts have shown to prove their abilities, and I am filled with intrigue to see what will come from all those who until now have remained as observers" she points at all of us, then she raises her right fist, as if she were calling us to fight. "Give the best of you!".

We all clap while more fireworks explode, all the little kids are separated from us so their competitions can start faster, we the older are taken to the other end of the place, far from the bleachers. Carlos doesn't look in that direction, I would also avoid it to not get disappointed because no one came to support me, and anyway he has the support from dad, Joel, and mine.

"Okay, we'll make the weigh-ins as fast as possible, boys to the right and girls to the left" an organizer uses his arms to simulate the lineups; we all obey him, Carlos stays in front of me and now I can see that even his hair is shaking. "You know the rules, weigh-ins are in undies".

The girls complain while some of the boys wolf-whistle as if we were in a strip club, gradually it becomes in one as everyone starts to take off their clothes, the view towards the girls is cut short for a curtain lifting among us, high enough so you can't look at the other side nor even on tiptoes, although I wouldn't like to see unnecessary boners on this side of the curtain.

The visible shaking in Carlos's body increases, it reaches his hands that he tries to keep made fists.

"They just wanna make the graphics of the fighters, not a big deal" I place my hand on his shoulder but I can't reassure him.

"I-I don't w-want them to see m-me" he says, looking sporadically into my eyes when he decides to turn on his heels to talk at me.

"Ya don't have to be embarrassed, ya have a good physique" I talk truthfully, but the way he looks at me in the eye let me see the pleas inside them, as if I can change the way things are done. Then the revelation comes. "The scars" I mumble, so low that I didn't think I could have a tone of voice as such.

"What if t-they ask about them? What if someone t-touches them? I don't want them to see me weird, I've d-dealt a lot with it, so I…".

I put a finger on his lips to silence him and I snap the fingers of my other hand, the woman who cares for the girls by avoiding looks from some pervert raises her head when I attract her attention, I move my hand to ask her to come over and she rushes to us with a friendly smile on her face.

"Uh, hi" I say, breaking the ice, "you see, thing is that his religion doesn't let him show himself this way, is it possible that it can be solved?".

"Oh, of course it can, just come with me".

The woman takes his hand and he follows her without, it seems to be a common thing since three other boys and a girl are in an isolated group, she takes care of them and together they go to a room where other organizers receive them with kindness and they close the door to have more privacy.

Without that over my shoulders I take the hems of my shirt to get it off and let my pants fall to my ankles, I take off my shoes and pile everything up over my stuff to stand in the line, feeling some looks while I place my hands on my waist. Maybe it wasn't necessary to wear tight boxers today, but they certainly are appropriate, they keep everything in their right places, and I really had forgotten the weigh-in round to rectify the record.

The curtain between us has gaps between which I can see some girls while I walk, most of them are quite attractive, they're wearing sports underwear that matches by the colors, one or two are even wearing lingerie, and they also take advantage of the holes to look at us.

Ben is about twenty people afar, he stands out for the height, the haircut, and the paleness, he's wearing his ridiculous blue boxers with crowns before giving the ballot and stand in the scale, they adjust the weights to verify on the ballot and add it to the system, they take a picture of him and write in his arm the weight and the age with a black sharpie. For some strange reason I can't stop imagining us like if we were livestock at the moment of being marked as property of a ranch.

As he passes next to me, to get dressed again, I can see his record: _**154pds-16**_.

I cross my arms and scratch the inside of my elbows, stressed, while the wait continues, it increases in those cases when five boys and three girls have to do extreme exercise to lose weight in that instant, whether by jumping the rope, doing push-ups, or running, a decompensation that could come due to a heavy breakfast or because of an oversight.

When my turn comes I give them the ballot and do as everyone else, they take my picture and write in my arm the respective measures: _**166pds-17**_. I go back to where I left my stuff and I see that the door where the exiles were hidden it's now open, they all wear some clothing less than when they entered, he comes with everything on top, smiling slightly.

I get distracted to find Harry and Gil passing in front of me, I spot them by the voice, the slang, and the audible frustration from Harry by trying to explain Gil the meaning of the register in their arms, _**170pds-17**_ and _**176pds-17**_ respectively, but he speaks so loudly that he almost seems eager to boast about his numbers and the slow understanding of Gil. It pops into my head that Harry may be one of my likely opponents while Gil is in a more advanced category.

I put on my pants and shoes while Carlos goes to a computer to add his info, I see in his arm the numbers _**136pds-16**_ , not bad at all if I consider that he used to be abnormally thin, his head was too big for his neck, and I never wanted to talk about it for fear of him misunderstanding it.

"Ya see?" I say when he sits next to me. "It wasn't a nightmare".

"That girl, Leila, was very nice to me, she even raised a sheet in front of me when I was in my tank top and underwear, she always looked at me in the eye" he takes my arm to look at the writing. "You're obese".

"Shut it, ya love to hug all this while ya sleep".

"True that" he leans forward but I move my head back immediately, both of us raising our eyebrows at each other's actions. "Oh".

"Can we do it?" I inquire, afraid of the answer, "I mean, of course I wanna do it, I wanted it earlier when we talked but I didn't want to stress ya anymore".

"Yes we can, unless it interferes with your image of a rude boy or something".

I take him by the shirt, I pull him closer and I don't give in to my desire for something wild, I just push myself forward to gently press my lips against his, enjoying the sigh that comes out of my chest and the relief coming in his. My body resents all of this, both for the emotion of being seen with him in public and for finally have his face against mine, I feel it in such a way that I'm ashamed to admit that I have butterflies in my stomach and that even my nipples get hard.

"Fuck that, if anyone thinks he has some kind of advantage because we did this then I feel sorry for him".

"That's good, because I feel the same" he concludes with a kiss on my nose.

The rows diminish and the registers increase, I remain shirtless and with him by my side while the others get registered: Chad with _**160pds-17**_ , Doug with _**150pds-17**_ , and Mal with _**115pds-17**_. The interesting thing is Uma's record, the last of all, with _**117pds-17**_ , and I can only imagine what will happen if she and Mal have to fight for a winner in their category; that's why I enjoy gang fights, they make everything more interesting, even if professor Joseph is against it.

The giant televisions over the ten rings that were designed for the tournament get turned on at the same time, each one shows a different graph from all the competitors of the different categories, below them are the names of each one and the respective person with whom they will fight in the first round, the victor ascends on the graph until there is one winner per category.

"I didn't know ya had a middle name" I say, really surprised when I see his picture on the fifth monitor, in a category where there are eight competitors' in. "Oscar is a funny name".

"Oh, sure, as if Jayden were less funny" and now everyone knows…

I put my hand on his cheek and push him, as a game, and he takes it like that since he tackles me to have a fight on the floor, we both laugh like the pair of idiots that we are until Evie clears her throat next to us, she looks at us with folded arms and pursed lips.

"There's no need to turn this even more homoerotic, it's enough of it with so many guys without clothes and giving each other frontal hugs".

"Do ya need something?" I ask, my hands on Carlos's lower back.

"I'm about to make my performance, so hurry up".

We get up to follow her to the area where there will be forms and exhibitions with weapons or free hands, Mal is already here and Carlos reminds me to put on my shirt again while I see that the participants, all dressed in gala uniforms, get ready with calisthenics, and we arrive at the moment when they ask them to line up and take a seat on the side of the area.

"Evie" the main judge, Jules, announces from the evaluator's table, a grumpy and very strict man, everything has to come out perfectly for him.

She gets tense and we are all surprised because the draw chose her as the first competitor, fortunately she prepared while we were at the weigh-ins, and I still don't understand what happened, she was practicing her fight with dedication, and I guess the perfect image that her mother wants in her has something to do.

With a deep breath she gets up, she raises her hand to be seen, they indicate that she can enter the area and she does it with conviction, I notices it in her walk. When she is in front of the judges she bows and salutes as always, the judges respond politely but firmly at her, they start to make notes on her evaluation sheet, about the uniform and her appearance, and the give her the signal to begin.

She prepared some laborious routines, using a wooden rod, a metal saber, and her hands free, in them she must show balance, strength, flexibility, resistance and speed, things that are always practiced. Professor Joseph approaches when she's half the way through, he remains with his arms crossed and an appreciative look on his face, Mal, Doug, Ben, Carlos and I observe in silence, the ease of her executions resembles to a dance, one which demands even her last effort.

Judge Jules seems pleased by her performance, he nods on most occasions and his smile isn't erased; Evie ends with a deep cry of strength, she turns in the air with two kicks, she staggers when she falls before stretching her legs out, like an archer, then she stands up and makes a final salute, Jules asks for the score of the others, all of them put up notebooks with numbers on them and he makes the sum before writing down the total value on her sheet, forty-four points. Evie bows one last time and when she leaves the area she receives an ovation.

Evie approaches her stylized bag to drink some water while we approach to her, professor Joseph extends a hand to lift her up, he wraps her in a strong hug and says that she was great, then we all give her another hug and our congratulations. Her mother would go crazy to see her sweating that way, but I see her in the bleachers, she holds a huge sign with a picture of her in the middle, she jumps in her place and even here I hear the screams with her name on them.

"I think you deserved more points, E" Mal says, taking her hands.

"M, I lost my balance and didn't set the directions with my eyes".

"Still, you did it wonderfully" Carlos puts his head on her shoulder.

"And I'm with Mal, you deserved more" I say, touching her other shoulder.

Our four-fold hug splits and Evie stays wrapped in Doug's arms, we stay to watch her opponents while professor Joseph leaves to be with the little kids again, to encourage them, and sometimes we glance at the televisions to see the progress of the other tournament and that don't get disqualified by default.

When the last competitor leaves the area, a student from professor Joseph's brothers, who train a little harder than we do because they run improvised circuits in the Enchanted Forest and they lift weights on some occasions, and he gets his score, the television set above us gets turn on, the participants are shown with their respective scores, and sadly Evie doesn't reach to be in the three winners, a boy won over her by just one point.

"Well, that was sad" she says, with cookie crumbs on her lips, "but it makes me happy to know that I was about to achieve it. Next year will be better and…".

"What are all of you doing here?!" professor Joseph asks us, almost on the verge of a heart attack. "The time has come for you, so let's go".

He leaves the little kids to Joe, his closest brother, while we walk behind him and we stay in the respective squares, Ben in the second, Mal in the fourth, Doug in the fifth, where Evie accompanies him, Carlos will be in the eighth and I in the ninth, in some the action has already started, they have the timer running and some others are already in the second round.

"Next fighters: Johnson, black. De Vil, red" the referee says when we get to Carlos's ring, he indicates the color of the breastplate he has to use before entering the fight while the guys who are there rest for a minute.

When he hears that it's like if the person who came with me on the bus had disintegrated, the skittish one, and instead there is a boy who has a firm look, he breathes with energy and has the aura of a winner that surrounds him, and seeing that transformation makes me feel aroused, more than I would like to admit.

I help him prepare while he watches the fight of the other guys, I put him the breastplate in the right color and he gets distracted just to put on the shin guards and the sports shell, I practice placing bandages on his hands and professor Joseph corrects in what I'm wrong while he's talking to him, telling him that he can do it, that he is a very brave boy and that he has evolved a lot when he met him, besides that, if at any moment he thinks that he can't do it anymore or if we see that he's being hurt, we will throw the towel for him. Carlos just agrees.

He stands with his mask under one arm, the protector is in his mouth and the gloves are already in his hands, he moves from one side to the other and makes circles with his ankles, he bends down and gets up, practicing his dodges, and he keeps a steady breathe while they clean the sweat and blood of the other fighters.

"Ya can do it" I say when the referee calls him, I put him the mask and look at him in the eyes, smiling. "Trite or not, I know you can, you're brave and the best" he leans over to give me a little peck, he turns around and places himself in front of his opponent, the referee gives them the indications of his category, no low blows, no knockdowns, and it's banned to hit the other if he's on the floor.

The referee sets the beginning, they touch gloves and the time starts running, three minutes per round, immediately the other boy lashes out at Carlos, he pushes him out of the combat area and it gives him a reprimand, if he gets two more he will lose automatically. He hit his mask to concentrate and I nibble on the nails of my right hand, terribly distressed.

Carlos is the kind of fighter that moves around the available area, he's good for dodging, cautious with the still present motor awkwardness, and he's able to find the right moment to give his counterattack, his sum of points goes up every time he dodges and connects with hooks against the other boy's face, from time to time he catches up with kicks, and the other boy stops one using his elbow.

The referee stops the fight when the first round ends, Carlos limps towards us and sits on a chair, I take off his mask and I give him two gulps of water while professor Joseph looks at his injured foot and massages his legs.

"Judges, rate" the four observers in the corners put up high paddles with the colors of the opponents: red, red, draw, black.

"You're doing great, boy" Carlos takes another sip of water and again he just nods. "How is your foot?".

"It hurts, but I can continue" he says, but I frown.

"There's a line between being strong and being an idiot, I don't want you hurt" I say, and he looks into my eyes, with a flame burning in them. I bite my lip.

"I'm not gonna cross it, and I'm going to continue".

Professor Joseph gives him a couple of tactics before the minute of rest is over, I put his mask back on and he walks back to the center of the area, he keeps on limping but I stick to his words, even when my hand is on the towel in my waist, ready for the time when I should throw it if he surrenders.

I'm distracted from a second round that has a considerably smaller amount of action when someone places his arm over my shoulders, before I can break it I realize that it's Harry, he gives off a very particular scent when he's around, as if he had plunged into the ocean and let the air take over to dry the water, and it's a disgusting stench.

"Such ai' guy ya got, huh" he scratches my chin with his hook and this time I pull his hand away, giving up to hit him. "Strong, and good-looking".

"He is, and he's mine, so back off".

"Aye, nat interested in 'im, it was justa loose comment" I look at him out of the corner of my eye and he has that weird smile on his face. "Anyway, see ya later".

I follow him with my eyes to see that he's going to the tenth ring, Uma observes Gil, who is in the middle of his fight, and in a turn his opponent falls, his shoulder sticks out in a way that is not natural to the naked eye, the medical team inspects him and Gil looms over him, giving him a hug and lamenting for having hurt him, when the stretcher approaches to pick up the injured boy. «Harry will fall, hard», I say to myself, and I look back when the round is over.

Carlos again limps towards us and he lets his head fall back before the blood starts to come out through his nose, I presses his septum and he hisses a bit in pain, he drinks more water while the judges raise the rating paddles: red, draw, draw, black. There is a deliberation in the central table while the two boys recover, the Johnson guy seems on the verge of fainting, Carlos seems to have run a whole marathon in just six minutes.

"Fighters, come to the center" they two hurry up and stay at the referee's sides, he takes their arms and keeps his eyes straight ahead. "Winner by sum of points… De Vil".

The referee raises his arm and he follows the movement with his head, he keeps his mouth open while the screams with his name are audible from the bleachers, the voices of Mal and Evie are heard too, and I don't know at what point I left drop all his protective gear, in the next second he is in my arms, he looks at me in the eyes and he gets up on the tips of his feet to give me the most amazing kiss of the whole universe, I can even feel that there are fireworks detonating in the distance, however ridiculous it may seem.

Even when he needs to fight again, whether if he loses or of he wins again to advance to the final fight, I don't stop feeling like I'm with a brave champion, with someone who is willing to try new things and not let his fear overcome him. He is no longer the boy I knew before, and this Carlos fascinates me even more.

We left the area when they ask us to, I feel slightly embarrassed for having had such a lapse while he seems to float over the floor, professor Joseph congratulates him and tells him to be aware of his next fight while he tells me to get ready, the sixteen competitors of my category are already being called, and it's the moment when I become in a boy with too much conviction and arrogance, in the boy that professor Joseph doubted from me.

Using violence is something that does define me, this kind of discipline allows me to remove all the destructive feelings that I have inside, more than tourney, and now it's clearer since I can keep a good rhythm in each of the fights that I have, I give a lot of my effort and the dedication in the trainings while I beat the other guys, some taller or more muscular than me, but it's easy to make knockdowns in them and subdue them until they can't continue, since in our category, being more advanced, it is allowed.

Time seems to go by differently since half of my second fight is when they call him again, that distraction almost makes me lose the round that I'm in, and I don't like that I will miss it, although I'm sure there will be recordings that I'll be able to see later, dad always takes care of that.

During the rest times or when the other pairs are fighting I pay attention to Harry, the only one that matters to me since everyone else is easy peasy, I watch each of his movements and I realize something important: he's unpredictable, he feigns by making believe that he will make a move and ends up doing something completely different, that allows him to take the opponent out of the area with a kick, several times, or hit precise punches on their faces.

Uma and Gil are watching too, he has a second place medal on his neck and a look of regret on his face, I guess his father is not entirely proud of what he did, although he is never proud of what he does, and she walks from one side to the other, waiting for her turn to be able to fight. Mal and Evie have come to keep me up, there are only four competitors in Mal's category and they are postponing it for the end, Doug and Ben have also advanced, and Carlos had reached the final one. I wish I could give him a hug but I stay close because the end of my category is close too, this year there were very flabby guys around, some even gave up before they even started, and that has made Harry and I to be one fight away to decide who the hell will win today.

"Finalists: Hook, black. Jayden, red" I shrug my shoulders when my name is mentioned, but I can't do anything about it.

Professor Joseph helps me to get ready, he says that he regrets having doubted me and he just wanted to keep my fighting spirit alive. I put on my mask and move to the center of the area, Harry is already there, loosing his arms and with his petrifying gaze on me, his eyes are shaded with black and he almost seems to smile even with the protector in his mouth. I roll my eyes and lift my hands.

Until I feel the first blow against my face, a kick that brings me back to reality, I choose to take the safe path and start kicking his legs with force, we move in circles until he bends a little, his response are mocking punches in my face, without the strength to hurt me and only to remind me that I don't have my guard up, I raise my hands to cover myself and he kicks me in the stomach.

I listen to dad telling me things I should do, have my hands up, not move back, keep my circle, and fight, things that professor Joseph also tells me right now, and I try to listen to them at the same time when I try to think how to beat this insane dude here, luckily I manage to punch him in the face while taking a turn, causing him to wobble, before the round is over.

"Judges, rate" I get to sit down before I see the paddles up: draw, draw, draw, black. I spit my mouthguard and when I drink water I notice the coppery taste in my mouth, Harry looks at me with a broad smile from the other side of the ring while professor Joseph talks to me, but I don't listen to him.

My second round doesn't start as I would have liked, my despair and the fear that douche Harry can defeat me takes over me, that's why I oversee things more than before, he strikes punches that even a beginner would dodge, and I even fall when he puts me the foot, a dirty trick that the referee doesn't notice. I get up and I have ten seconds to raise my hands and decide whether I will continue or not, half of that time through I see Carlos approaching, his nose is inflamed and he still limps but no than before, the most important thing is the brilliant trophy he has in the hands, the trophy that only the first places receive.

I raise my hands and some common sense comes back to me, I push that senseless anguish to retake my main objective, connecting punch after punch against his square jaw, when he moves to the left I get in his way with a spinning kick, hitting on his side and causing him to kneel to breathe, for which the referee stops the fight.

I use that little moment to look at Carlos, who has his eyes fixed on me, he holds up his trophy and waves it, he gives me a shy smile before pointing to the trophy, then he points to himself and then he points at me, moving his mouth to say "if I could, you too". His dedication is an oxidizing for me, my flame that threatened to extinguish burns like a flamethrower when the referee continues the round, Harry prepares a kick my face but I intercept his leg, I hit him again on the resentful side before making him fall on his back, and the fall is visually painful, luckily the round is over.

"Judges, rate" the paddles go up: red, red, draw, black.

"It was a great improvement, but not a great start" professor Joseph says while massaging my thighs in addition to seeing my ankle, which is somewhat swollen, "let's hope the main table decide if there will be another round or the fight ends".

I look at Harry again, this time his stupid smile is not present, he looks at me with his head a little down, as if that would have the frightening effect he wants and that sometimes works, but it only makes me laugh at him. The only thing that does have an effect are the thin arms that slide on my shoulders and the kiss that is placed on my sweaty cheek, I turn my head to the right and Carlos smiles at me, he rubs the tip of his nose with mine and the butterflies in my stomach are present.

I can get used to that.

"I never win anything" he says, and he places the trophy on my lap.

"Told ya, you're the best" I wink my right eye, he blushes.

"Fighters, get ready, you'll have an extra minute of fight, who kicks the head of or submits the opponent will be the winner".

I take air and walk to the center of the area, they give us the signal to start and immediately Harry throws himself at me, I barely have time to do a left dodge, and that is exactly what I wanted to achieve since, before he can turn around, I kick once more his side with my heel, with enough force to get him out of the area and to fall on the judges table, the referee approaches him and Harry just shakes his head, he removes the mask and the look of total fury comes in my direction, the one that he usually devotes to Mal and Ben when they are together.

"Winner, Jayden".

I shrug again but raise my other arm when the referee announces my victory, I do the same stupid reverence that Harry does all the time, they give me the trophy and Carlos approaches me only to wrap me in a warm hug, so full of affection that I surround him with my arms and bury my face in his neck, even when I'm still sweating.

I look at the bleachers and I see dad and Joel doing animated jumps in their place, the Evil Queen and Maleficent also look content, Ben and Doug's parents are happy for me and their boys, but the fact that the fight between Mal and Uma is so well known had just to fuck itself all the performance of the others, they all meet near their ring because the battles between girls always receive more attention, I guess because they are more violent than boys are.

"Finalists: Uma, red. Mal, black".

Ursula and Maleficent are willing to tear their throats out with their own nails, Ben's dad keeps them separated while dad and the Evil Queen laugh behind their backs, Evie's mother is even eating popcorn while she's watching them, I turn my attention towards Mal while Harry keeps trying to kill me with his eyes from the other side of the ring.

Mal was not always the total pleasure for the people in the training, many people pointed at her, they said that she wasn't suitable and that she wouldn't get very far, that she should look for something else to do, and I'm pleased in a certain way to see that all those idiots now support her, they cheer her movements and scream her name, encouraging her to kick Uma's ass.

Neither of the two is willing to let themselves be won, their submissions don't last long before the other manages to get free, the blows are returned with more force than with which they are received, the grunts of frustration are heard at all times, and in the minutes of rest they two seem ready to jump into action, without using some kind of protection, only with the strength of their own hands.

"I will _not_ lose against you" Uma growls from the other side.

"Of course you will, all the time you do it, you are always one step behind".

They get warns for the vocabulary, their mothers receive a warning to be controlled or otherwise they both will be disqualified, and I understand it because they tell them to kill themselves or to make sure that the other doesn't walk anymore, things that are considered unsportsmanlike.

The fight doesn't last beyond the middle of the second round as Mal connects a blow against Uma's chin, which knocks her out instantly, she falls like a sack of potatoes to the ground and the medical team goes into action to make sure that there is no major injury, she manages to get up and she's taken to her chair for a more exhaustive checkup while Mal is declared as winner and receives her trophy.

"Sorry, Shrimpy, that's the way things should be".

Uma grunts once more while Mal's eyes seem to glow with a greener tone than they already have naturally, one of the organizers comes and they give her her first place trophy while Uma is given that second place medal that also have Harry and Gil, and with that we are all complete: Carlos, Ben, Mal and I got trophies, Doug a second place medal, and the kids oscillate between medals from first to third place, but they all have something.

"Group photo of all our competitors!" Dean's mom yells.

We line up behind the little kids, professor Joseph and Joe kneel to be at their height, we smile broadly as we raise our trophies and medals, Mal places one arm over my shoulders, the other over Evie's, Carlos's hand is placed on my waist and I place my arm over his shoulders. I keep my smile during all the photoshoot, and when his trophy enters to my peripheral sight it's inevitable that I turn my head to look at him, his genuine smile and a new glow in his eyes make me feel something new, that I'm proud of him.

* * *

A little more than two hours ago we were immersed in a situation of winning or losing, now, after a shower, it's like if nothing had happened, the reminder is the pain and the brilliant trophies on my chest of drawers. When I look up and see his I smile again, also the desires inside of me are oriented to him, sitting over his bed, concentrated in a thick book of yellowed paper, with a frown and rereading the last few lines before changing the page.

We both win a damn tournament, how can he be focused on that?

I have lost an hour seeing him sporadically, my homework is still undone but the distraction is worth it, and every time I feel more the strength of my desires, those who cry for him. His book gets more attention than I do, and I hate it, so I look at the sheet of paper in front of me, the equations that I must finish are still blank, and I realize the meaningless scribbles embodied there.

I give up and look at him again when he laughs, his book doesn't seem the kind that includes a joke, and seeing him makes my blood boil at an uncontrolled pace, I despair in such a way that I move in my place and nibble on my lower lip, and before I can name all that I get up to sit on his mattress, I put down his book and close it to straddle his lap, something that he watches with wide eyes and breathing throughout his mouth.

"What are you…?" the question doesn't end as I pounce on his face, sighing at the relief I feel when I have his lips against mine.

Giving control to anyone else is not a thing that defines me, but seeing him shuffle the emotion of his victory in his first tournament to set it in his homework causes me frustration, and it's my way to show him that it should be celebrated.

I see through my half-closed eyelids his hands made fists, taking the sheets, almost tearing pieces of the mattress off, I laugh a little before biting his lower lip when we move our heads, I take his hands to stretch the rigid fingers and I place them in my waist, they cling to my clothes while he's trying to speak but the encounter of our lips and the suction that I do in his tongue prevents it.

His hands, trembling and warm, slide under my shirt and he lets out a deep moan, he knows that the words are plenty. He moves away from the wall and that allows me to stroke his back with my palms open while my tongue keeps submitting his, then his little hands become more active than they had ever been, they remove my T-shirt to feel every muscle I have in the chest, they enjoy how tense I get when he holds my butt firmly, and finally they slip into my underwear before going back to my waist.

The only time his lips move from mine is when I remove his shirt from his body, but they don't return to mine, he fall on my collarbone, he's dedicated to lick and kiss along my chest, even my nipples are victims of his bites, his hand gets inside my pants, he takes me with a firm grip and he pulls me out of the cotton pants that I'm wearing.

I bite my lower lip hard and with a half smile on my face, I'm sure I'll faint at any moment because of the erraticness of my breathing and the strength with which I breathe on his shoulder. I needed this, and him.

He kisses a random pattern on my collarbone as my tip is pressed against his body and his hand keeps going slowly throughout my length, I make the necessary movements so that his trembling fingers get rid of the rest of my clothes with a quick movement, between my eyelids I still see the expression on his face, ecstasy and devotion in what he does, flushed and with his eyelids equally closed, although they do it delicately.

"Is this okay, Jay?" his voice, firm and without hesitation, makes me moan loudly and I leave my hands on his shoulder blades while I try to think.

"I-it is, s-so okay" I kiss his neck with my mouth open, my hair interferes with it a little, "but this is for you, n-not about me".

"This is what I want, but it's okay".

His hands slide under my legs and he lifts me up, I didn't expect something like that, less that my body fell so easily, and much less that he takes me by the waist to make me turn around, my face ends against his pillow and I can only start to imagine. I sink my nose into it and that allows me to relax a little bit, I don't understand quite well why the hell I am so tense, taking deep breaths and letting them out in sighs filled of everything that makes me feel scared, nervous, whatever I feel now.

I try to turn my head to look at him but his hand prevents me, it gets placed on my nape but not abruptly, just to avoid what I'm doing.

"By the way, blushing looks good in you, you should do it more often".

I push my hips against his blankets after he kisses my lumbar vertebrae with his mouth open, his nose makes an ascending path until his face is lost in my neck, my hands become fists under his pillow and the moan that comes out of my throat is the only thing I can express for the tickles and the chills with every touch, everything that increases in the moment his hand is placed on my waist and he presses his hips, he breathes agitatedly against my ear and I can barely follow the step to the circular and deep movements he makes.

"You seem eager" he growls, biting my lobe through my hair.

"S-stop teasing and d-do something" I wish I didn't sound so bent.

He shuts me up with a kiss, which I return with the same aggressiveness he gives it to me, but I can't go any further because my cell phone starts ringing with the high-pitched ringing tone and the violent vibration to my right, I stretch my arm to take it and slide my thumb over the screen, clearing my throat while he continues to bite my lobe and laughs mockingly, joyful of what he causes in me.

"Y-yeah?" I say, hating anyone who has decided to call.

"Whatup, whatup, bro" I'll definitely punch Joel without some apparent reason the next time I see him. "How's everything?".

"W-what do ya w-w-want?" I attempt to push the words out more naturally from my throat; failed attempt.

"Say hi for me" Carlos whispers and laughs, then he moves his head to kiss me, biting my upper lip when he's done.

"Oh, nothing, just tell you that the place where you told us to buy the pizza is grossly full with people".

"I-it's a p-p-place with really good p-p-pizza".

The nonsensical babble that he begins to whisper makes me leave my phone against the pillow, I take him by the hair so he kisses me again, his hand slips between my legs and he continues to play with me while his deep voice gives me more chills than those that I already have. I pick the phone up again.

"… and dad told me to call you to tell you that it'll take us an hour or so, if all these people hurry up".

"That's enough for m-m-me" Carlos pushes me back and my chest is against the blankets, I perceive his movements before something presses and slides against my back, something that leaves a liquid trail in its path and that seems to throb with the movements. I know it's not about his tongue or a finger; is his penis.

Now fear adds to all this, but it rather is uncertainty, because I didn't imagine that I would be the one who would have it inside first, I always thought it would be him, but now, with all the preamble he is doing, I'm not interested in the least if he decides to do it here and now, I just want to feel it in me.

"Y-yeah, n-no, w-whatever, Carlos and I c-c-can wait".

"Why do ya talk like that? I thought it was my phone, but apparently it's you".

"I-I hit my l-little toe against a c-c-chair".

"You're an idiot" he says, laughing mockingly.

"Yeah, w-whatever, see ya later".

I end the call and he was waiting for that moment, he puts his hands on my shoulders and this time he lets me roll over so I can look at him. He is completely naked, the sunlight coming through the windows makes his skin to acquire a very particular shine, his cheeks had left behind the pale color they usually have to turn completely pink, and the prominent erection that he has is such that it gives small bounces. I move back a little until my shoulders are against the wall, my head is leaning against his pillow, and he approaches without taking his look away from my eyes, the look of desire.

"It was boring just to see you talking".

"Now you have my _full_ attention" I slid my hand from his thigh to his crotch, I take it with a firm grip and he shrinks a little, letting out a whistle for the firmness I impose on him.

He bends down to kiss me, the way he does it combines the affection he has for me with the fact that all the sensations I give him still seem new and impressive, my hand moves on him as if I were doing it with me, going down to the base and I return completely to the top, stopping occasionally to caress the sensitivity of the tip or his frenulum with my thumb, just as I usually do it. I use my free hand on me for us to be on the same frequency.

He pushes his hips to have more friction against my hand while he closes his eyelids, he presses his forehead against mine as he exhales in a trembling way from his mouth, and it's inevitable to feel that I blush, which increases as his hips thrust more towards me, making him to be inches away from my mouth, then he lifts his head again and looks at me in the eyes once more.

"Open your mouth" he says, as an order, but the tone of his voice doesn't make it sound like such, it rather is an invitation.

I do what he asks of me and he places his tip on my lips, I let my breath fall on it while I see that his hands remain at his sides, not knowing where to place them or what to do with them.

"Now p-pull your tongue out" I obey again, pulling it out and sliding it under him, getting the drop of pre that was coming out of it at the precise moment, and it tastes so good, but before he can slip into my mouth I close my lips, like a kiss, to take it again with my hand.

"I just wanna say something" I begin, not knowing well where I want to get, letting my ideas to be ordered while I continue talking, "have been there to witness your performance in the tournament was the most incredible thing in the world. Seeing you endure the pain, not give up, give everything you have, and above all winning, are things that made me feel even happier to have you by my side, I realized how much you have changed and, especially, how much I heart you, so I just wanna say that I'm totally proud of you, and that this is for you".

The next thing I hear from him is his interrupted breathing as he re-encounters with the sensations that my mouth and my tongue gives him in highly sensitive areas, the only sound coming out of me is a relieving exhale. I slowly close my eyelids and let myself be carried by him, something I needed, my nails, short and without any edge that can hurt him, tremble as I caress from his thighs to his chest, feeling the tension of his muscles and the smoothness of his skin.

He finally decides what to do with his hands and he puts them on my cheeks, he caresses my cheekbones with his thumbs and that tickles me, besides that I feel a bit embarrassed, his fingers get lost between the long strands of my hair while my head keeps moving back and forth on him, I tilt it a little and even venture for my nose to sink in his pubic hair, which makes him to back off in addition to release a nervous laugh when he touches my throat.

He likes what I do even when I'm still not the best, my teeth still get in it and it's hard to take it deep, but he moans hard and loud, he eclipses the sound of my breathing and his own, he whispers my name sometimes, in others he tells me how sexy I am.

"You look good with my dick in your mouth" he says, and it causes me shivers to hear him say such things with his new deep voice.

His hands go to my nape and I leave my head still, he pushes his hips forward and back in a very marked rhythm, a circling way, and I struggle to hold it when he reaches my throat and stays there for a couple of seconds, I let him face-fuck me and a part of me feels that this must have happened long ago, being it he to me or me to him, but that should have happened.

In unequal times he leans down to kiss me, his tongue enters into my mouth and it battles against mine, he bites my lips multiple times, he laughs from time to time, he re-inserts his dick in it, and he drops his head back when I lick his balls, when I suck the inner part of his thighs to leave little marks on them, and in the moments when my attention is focused on licking the sides of his crotch while he's jerking off against my cheek.

I'm not sure how long we've been doing this, all I know is that my body shudders as he deepens and accelerates his movements against my face, my hand makes more erratic and rather desperate movements when I know that I'm about to reach my limit. The same shudder goes through his body, I see his knees falter and his hands cling firmly to my hair, he tries to pull his hips apart, as when we sneaked into the pool, but I put my free hand on his butt cheeks, forcing him to stay there when I give them a strong squeeze.

"J-Jay, I'm… a-almost…" I look at him in the eyes, telling him to do it, and he seems to understand my silent request as he closes his eyelids slightly, he pushes himself against me twice more, and with a total shudder he floods my mouth, his soft moans become music to my ears and to my body.

I swallow each shot in its entirety as my fingers cling to his skin gently, I feel goosebumps when I perceive the taste he has in sum of feeling another quit of satisfaction to know that I managed to make him cum.

My hips move upward, causing an unknown mixture of sensations to untie for me, the shiver in my body is more powerful than before and it makes me shrink right there, his penis is forced to come out of my mouth when a gasp combined with a chuckle takes hold of it, I nibble on my lower lip for being on the cusp of the ecstasy and I arch my back like never before until finally I get to cum too, my shots hits his exposed back, I know that for the gasp that he lets out, the remains in my hand feel warm, almost boiling hot, I'm sweaty and I can't stop shivering, I can't stop smiling, and I can't stop thinking that this has been the best moment of my life, thanks to him.

His aching legs can't stand being flexed anymore and he collapses on my waist, he breathes through his mouth in a choppy way, trying to calm himself down, and I try to settle in place all the thoughts scattered over my head while my hands move over his back, drawing circles and running the full width with my palms open, pulling him closer to me and feeling the ravages of what I did.

He decides to raise his head a little and he kisses me fully, without a warning and without question, and I respond in a wild and rude way, hungry for him. My hands are still on his lower back and his arms slide behind my head, he makes superficial touches on my neck that makes me shudder, and it's a hug that is weird but that is highly comforting at the same time.

"I swear I'll soon be ready for the real thing, I swear it" I tilt a smile and leave the shadow of a kiss on his lips, he smiles back at me.

"Don't worry about it" he rubs the tip of his nose against mine and I let myself be carried by the broad smile on my face.

"But now I need another shower, a cold one, I don't wanna look like this when your dad and Joel arrive".

He gets up, hissing for the pain of the tournament, and I takes his hand for a moment, I entwine our fingers and he turns when I don't let go, I give him one more look, not to his body, to the expression on his face and how is it that he looks different after the minutes that we just lived. Then I let him go, and I hear the bathroom door closing behind him.

I hear him sing cheerfully in the shower, something that has become more usual, I have get used from him to doing it even when dad or Joel are around here, they say he has a good voice, and I see that he has really stopped feeling shy of doing many things.

With his voice, which resonates throughout the department, and being alone, now I can ask myself a really important question, something that I want to tell him soon: it's time to tell him that I stopped hearting him and that I started to love him?


	14. Invaded

Penultimate chapter, with nothing more to add. Fav, follow or review, enjoy :)

* * *

 **Invaded**

I recover consciousness to wake up on a bustling Sunday morning, I raise my head a little from the pillow to see that the door is closed almost in its entirety, only a crack at the side lets in sunlight, I hear the hustle and bustle that dad makes every weekend for everyone to share breakfast before he goes to his store and takes Joel along with him.

I don't stretch as I usually neither do I growl because the rhythmic breathing I feel to the right forbids me, I drop my head to see him in his most vulnerable state, in which I don't see any expression on his face and nothing in the world bothers him. To see him sleeping so placidly has a reassuring effect on me, it's as if only here and now were enough to subsist, as if the whole stinky world didn't exist and it was only him and me.

I roll on my right side and place my hand on his cheek to caress his cheekbone slowly with my thumb, he reacts sinking his nose into the pillow and letting out one of those adorable grunts that he usually expresses every time he moves, he snuggles with me and now I can delineate the line of his eyebrows, the curve of his lips, the breadth of his nose, and see his abundant freckles more closely, and I almost give in to my stupid wish to count each one of them.

Sharing the same bed and sleeping in each other's arms are things that were going to happen at some point anyway, in the last two weeks we have fallen asleep several times while watching television, I on my back and he on my chest, because our school semester is becoming a douche, and we've woken up with blankets on us. I appreciate dad's decision not to make a fuss of it, and I can also assure that Joel has some pictures.

"Hey" I whisper, delineating his bushy eyebrows once more before shaking his shoulder for him to open his eyelids, "wakey, wakey".

His answer is a moan of discomfort in addition to another lovely grunt, I start to poke his cheek with my thumb and he frowns, he waves his hand close to his face, as he drives away an insect, then he lifts the blankets up to his nose and sighs, making his face relax again.

"I don't wanna" he says, sounding like a child getting up to go to school, "five more minutes, please".

"No five more minutes thing, breakfast is getting ready and I'm starving since last night".

"You ate last night, too much actually".

"Maybe, but I prefer it anyway to just stay lying here" I reply as I place my hand on the back of his neck and stroke his hair, trying to calm him down.

"Oh my…" he raises his head, looks at me with morning stupor and then he frowns, really feeling something about my nonsense. "You're an idiot, a big one".

"C'mon, it was just a joke" he sticks his tongue out and wrinkles his nose, then he turns around and shrugs on the blankets, letting out a sigh.

I stretch my legs lazily and a heavy book falls from the bed, I remember how it was that the hard study night ended up in the two of us sharing a single sized bed, we managed to have a good night though, there was enough space so we both could move, and I'm still sure that the times when he cuddled in my arms weren't just dreams.

Now that I think about it, Carlos is very good at teaching, he is very patient and explains everything with as many d examples as he can think of, he knows that I hate to ask for help so he just sat next to me in the dining room's table, he watched me in silence and told me where I was committing mistakes, in those moments where my frustration was too much I could calm down listening to his voice and finding the logic in what I should do, then he ended up between my legs while he solved my part of the school work in the room, and with every success he gave me a kiss in the cheek, after five answers it was one on the lips, and after ten we made out until we had to breathe again.

He's very good with incentives, that's been clear.

"So, what are you waiting for to spoon me?" he talks to the wall but I still hear the annoyance in his voice.

"Uh, ain't ya upset?".

"I needed a reason to tell you that you're an idiot of the big ones" he turns his head slightly and raises his right eyebrow, cocking a smile.

"Ya can say it that way, no need for reasons".

"If I say it without context then you might believe it's true" I frown when I begin to understand the twisted logic of his words.

"Yeah, but…".

"Shut up and spoon me".

I pull his body closer to mine, his legs are entangled with mine and my hands slide down his waist until I entwine them over his stomach, he moves back to press his back against my chest, his hips against mine, and his neck remains inches away from my lips.

"I wasn't kidding when I told the girls that you're like a teddy bear" he doesn't see me raise my eyebrows, and I realize that I don't like that comparison.

"Yeah, well, let's keep that between us, we don't want someone to steal your favorite teddy bear".

"Never gonna happen".

His hands finally meet mine, rather they get placed on them, and that doesn't last long since he rolls to look at me, now his legs are more entangled with mine, and I liked his butt on my waist, but now I can see his face, how sleepy his eyes are still, the way he smiles slightly and the hand that is placed on my cheek to caress my cheekbone is even better.

"Have I ever told you that I like your eyes?" I raise my right eyebrow.

"'Cause ya can't see much of them?" I laugh with my look still on him, and he doesn't laugh with me.

"Uh, what are you talking about?" he frowns.

"They're like super tiny, you can't see anything of them just like that".

"I don't know what you mean" he replies, stretching out his hand, "they're very pretty, and I love the way they close when you smile".

I do it not because he asked to, but because he just made me blush, it's the first time someone else gives me a compliment over my eyes that is not my family's, and there not tend to be many compliments around here. He puts his hand on my cheek and I look up, I can't help but lean forward, connecting his lips to mine and letting a part of me to be flattered in such a tender way, not the one that usually has double intentions.

Then we remain silent, as if the humor had died, but I do it only because I need to contemplate him, something inside of me just wants to see him do an infinity of things, that part that wants to have him by my side in a selfish way, forever and ever to a certain point. I don't understand what changed overnight, but if that is what it feels like to fall at someone's feet and to love that someone then I am more than willing to do it.

Love, such a word, and my lips are tingling for telling him so.

"Oh, oh! Well, well, it's happening, it's happening" I wrap my arms around him in a hug with which I try to convey things that my emotional cowardice doesn't dare to tell him until I have a shudder in my whole body. "Who are you and what did you do with the grumpy Jay of every morning?" his hand enters to my hair and I sink my nose into his neck.

"I stabbed him to death, instead I left this clingy beast".

"I like clingy Jay" he lets out a small laugh and he kisses my forehead.

"And he likes you, a lot".

I leave my face hidden in his neck while his fingers are placed on my nape and he scratches at my hair with the tips of his fingers, in a rhythm so soothed that I could fall asleep again, with the protection of his thin arms around me and with the warmth that fills my chest.

Yup, this is the kind of thing I would like to have every morning.

I press my lips against his neck, I take a deep breath and I begin to move over the line of his jaw to his chin, slowly I get up just to place my leg on the other side of his waist, he flexes his and that produces a kind of fluffy cushion to be under me, where I sit down while he looks at me with a relaxed expression, as if he knew that I was going to do something like that, and again I hate that he knows what I'm about to do. I must not be predictable.

Because of the temperature of the room I can say that it's close to noon, there is not a cold breeze that hits the exposed skin of my back or my chest, but what is present are his hands placed on my waist, his thumbs caress the lines below my abs and after that they move through that whole extension, causing me tickles and that I don't stop looking into his eyes.

I don't feel aroused in the least, I see and feel everything that he does but there is no such reaction in me. It's as if the same part of me that likes the compliments and the morning affection was making these decisions, and I accept them, but I also want to feel more of him this morning.

"Let's take this off, shall we?".

"B-but your dad is… and Joel… no…".

"They still don't make much noise, they think we're sleeping".

"Okay" he nods and I take the hems of his shirt, he gets up so I can take it off and I throw it to the side of the mattress, I let my hands to rest over his little pecs before he lets out a sigh that makes my skin crawl for some reason, the firmness of his nipples when I touch them tells me that he also has goosebumps, maybe because of the fear that someone will come in, or just because he likes what I do.

Be that as it may, I really like this person who woke up in me.

"What do ya say about this" I start, giving him my ideas so we can spend a good day in the city while his hands are still sliding down my arms, contouring each line of my muscles and letting me feel the goosebumps that he's feeling while I also make the same touches on him: "breakfast, we go where you wanna go, we have lunch there, and in the end we watch the stars from the ceiling".

He looks away for a second and turns his head around the pillow, he looks to the right and arches his eyebrows a bit, concluding something.

"I'd like to go to the aquarium very much" he looks at me again, smiling. "I'm not a fan of places that have caged animals, but I think it is the closest thing to see the bottom of the ocean and such stuff".

"Ya can get in a submarine to see it too".

"Hell, no" he adds, widening his eyes, shaking his head emphatically. "I don't wanna die inside a megalodon if it gets to eat the submarine".

"I know, right? It would be the worst".

"That's why I prefer the closest and safest" he makes quotes in that word.

"Sounds like a good plan" our stomachs make a deep sound, for the thing that they haven't been fed, and we both stop with our restless hands, I clear my throat once more and leave mine in his abs. "Carlos?".

"Yeah?" his hand finds one of mine and he entwines our fingers, I take a deep breath through my nose and spread a smile, making my eyes to close.

"I heart you".

He blushes completely in a matter of seconds, he takes my hand and guides it to his lips, he kisses my knuckles and caresses the back with his thumb, he gives me the most sincere smile since he also comes to close his eyes a little and that causes those ridiculous butterflies in my stomach, this time it's not about hunger.

"And I heart you, Jay".

I lean forward and I'm immediately caught in his arms, the pressure of his bare chest against mine still doesn't produce the slightest degree of sexual arousal, his hands caressing my shoulder blades either, in fact I feel that I melt in him when he kisses me on the cheek and I sink my face again on his neck, sliding my hands underneath to hug him more strongly.

"Oh, I have a gift for ya" I force myself to get up to my chest of drawers, I open the drawer on the right and take out the cardboard box inside, I walk back to the bed when he sits, taking small jumps in his place, and I take advantage of that I got up to open the curtains.

"Wow, Jay, you shouldn't have" he says, speaking with mock modesty since the wide smile on his face doesn't fade, I put the box on his lap and immediately he removes the lid he gapes.

It's actually not much: a bag of chocolates stuffed with kirsch, a pair of fingerless gloves made of leather, black with red details and some openings to get more mobility, and the pictures that Evie took two weeks ago in the tournament, where, according to her words, "you can perceive love".

I accept it and I realize what Carlos says about my eyes, they are closed by the amplitude of my smiles, the touches I made on his legs were wide, the relaxed way in which I looked at him is evident, and the notorious of his blush, his way of looking at me, the how tilted his head is, among other things, makes me clear that he likes to be with me, more than I came to imagine.

"Jay, I… I don't know what to say, but I'll start with thanks" he places the pictures aside to take the gloves and he tries on the right one, widening his eyes when he settles it on his wrist, he makes circles with it and stretches his fingers, looking at it from different angles. "It fits very well".

"Yeah, uh, let's say I know the proportions of your hands" I scratch my nape, surprised at the same time that I'm ashamed to have admitted something like that, which may sound like something with double intentions on it, and it's not what he perceives since he gets up to surround me once again with his arms, now he is the one who sinks his face in my neck, and he is also the first to say that he hearts me. I squeeze him in the hug, letting out a slow, relaxed sigh.

Our stomachs interfere and that interrupts the hug, I stretch my arm to take his shirt and I help him put it on, not because I think he needs my help, but because it's always easier to strip someone of his clothes instead of being someone to support to cover the other, I take a sleeveless shirt from the inside of the chest of drawers and I realize that I'm no longer hungry, all I do is turn on my heels to see that he is still sitting in a swirl of blankets, he stretches and ruffles his hair, then he lowers his hands to rub his eyes and I take it to go back to the bed, I lean on my back and put my head on his legs.

He takes his hands from his eyes and looks at me with a raised eyebrow, I look into his eyes and turn my head to rub my nose in his stomach, he laughs before placing his hands in my hair and sliding the strands between his fingers. I love it.

"Don't you feel that…?" he starts to say.

"… you could do this today, tomorrow, the next day, and the others?" his fingers pass over my forehead before cupping my cheek, with his free hand he bites one of the chocolates and a drop of kirsch stays on his lower lip. "Oh yeah, totally, and I wouldn't get bored in the most…".

"Wait a minute" I see him making movements with his tongue inside his mouth, tasting more carefully the chocolate filling, and he frowns. "Are you trying to get me drunk again? 'Cause this time it ain't gonna work".

"What are…?".

He doesn't let me finish as he lifts his legs a little while he bends to press his lips against mine, I lick his lower lip to taste the kirsch, I had never tasted that brand of chocolates before, and the liquor, although it is very little, it does have a rather peculiar flavor, not adulterated, it's only very strong, and I could have apologized to him if he hadn't moaned against my face, the sound makes me shiver, more than before, and I encircle his neck with my arms, I contract my toes while his hands slide over my chest.

I really hope that all my mornings become like this one.

"Hey, you two, dad says that… oh!" neither of the two of us departs abruptly when Joel comes in, he had the good idea to knock on the door before entering, and in fact we take our time to finish with that lip pressure, I put my head back in his legs and I keep looking at him while he raises his head. Carlos is so damn cute. "Well, this is new. Dude, you actually got to tame a beast like Jay. What was your secret?".

"Well, he…" I clear my throat, he looks down for a second and I give him a stern expression, he just winks at me before stretching his neck. "A lot of practice".

"Yeah, I can tell you do" I turn my head to see him, Joel is leaning against the chest of drawers, arms crossed and a mocking smile on his face. "Anyway, breakfast is ready, dad wants us at the table in two minutes".

Joel gets out and leaves the door open, the smell of bacon and eggs frying with a good seasoning in the kitchen, along with all the morning threats from dad, makes us stretch again and then get up, I take him by the hand and before he can leave the room I make him spin, as if we were dancing, then I hug him when he is facing away from me and I rub my morning wood against his butt, only to hear him laugh, ashamed, and kiss his neck.

"As fun as it may be, I really don't want your dad or Joel to see me on my knees in front of you".

"Well, fuck, that'll make me fantasize _all_ day long" I slide my hands under his shirt and his muscles get tense, before my fingers can sneak into his underwear he stops me, letting out a sigh.

"Maybe, a little later, we can fulfill that fantasy, and there could be more".

He moves his head in a strange angle and kisses me on the cheek, that makes my arms to release him and he leaves the room, having me perplexed and with a prominent bulge in my pants, I try to hide it before stepping out and see everyone sitting in the dining room table. Today there's the hope of an incredible day.

* * *

Breakfast passes without anything relevant, that if I ignore that we were playing footsies under the table, Joel noticed it but preferred to remain silent, and another thing that couldn't be important is that, after we told dad about what we would do today, he gave me seventy dollars, for the bus and if we need to use it on something else, in addition of him shaking Carlos' hair as well.

Yeah, it was a completely usual breakfast, nothing new.

"Can I choose the next song?" Carlos asks, he raises his head from my shoulder and looks at me with pleading eyes, the movement of the bus to go to the center of the city makes us take small jumps in our place because of the bumps in the road. It needs urgent remodeling, although we could take another route, but it would have been more durable then.

"Yeah, of course, wait a sec" I slide my thumb on the screen of my phone and get into the music app, I tilt it a little so that the sunlight reflects on it and prevents him from seeing my wallpaper when he stretches his neck. "All yours".

He smiles widely and go through my songs while I look out the window, the traffic jam and the buildings pass by us, the midday sun shines in a way that is not so uncomfortable, I prefer the cloudy days but this one in particular is of my total pleasure, maybe because of the hopes I have for it.

We're sitting in the last row of seats and share my headphones, he has the right one and I the left one, the rhythm in them changes, it passes from being a song that would be appropriate for a party in a club to a slow one, a total contrast if I think about it carefully, and I didn't remember having songs that spoke of love, and having Carlos by my side makes me give them a very different interpretation.

I have too many songs on my phone, and even so I tend to listen the same ones over and over again, without getting bored, although from time to time I get out of that vicious circle and let them play randomly, and I'm surprised to hear some that, literally, I didn't listen to them years ago, and he seems to find a taste for each of them, he describes what he thinks of them, if he likes them or if he doesn't likes them, and sometimes he asks me about some he has heard on the radio.

"Uh, hey" he murmurs, turning his head so that now his cheek is on my exposed shoulder, I lower me look and rub his nose with mine. "I-I have to ask you a question, it r-rather is to confirm something, or I'll explode".

"What up?".

"Uh, I… well, Mal told me once… and it's not that I believes her, it's just that… uh…" he wanders, he moves his hands anxiously between his thighs, as if I were hiding a secret, or as if he didn't want to reveal a horrible truth. I hope it's not about that, I haven't hidden anything from him anymore.

"Mal… what?" I frown, confused, and I tilt my head. He sighs.

"It's just a rumor actually, but Mal told me that uh… well, I'll just say it, she told me that you have a pic of me as wallpaper, and I wanted to know if it's true".

My throat closes in the moment and my hands sweat, until now I realize that I have them turned into fists, and I don't try to deny it because it's true. In this time mere moment I could have the word _BUSTED_ carved on my forehead and I would not feel bad in the least, I would rather feel like a coward for fear of what he might think that I see him in something that I use all the time, and that's precisely why I did it, I like to see him.

"I knew it, a joke" he interrupts me when I was building up the courage to tell the truth, he laughs a little and scratches his ear, "typical of Mal, I knew that…".

"A-actually…" I slide my thumb on the phone again and let him see the screen, I'm not sure what delirium was in my head to want to hide something like that.

He takes my phone and watched it, it's the first picture I took when he arrived at the apartment, I still remember well the anxious way in which his leg moved, the way he looked carefully at the television, and the remains of donuts I wanted to remove of his lips with my thumb, and he seems to return to that day too, when his head was a mess of different situations, governed by the uncertainty of what could happen to him in the next minute.

I chose that photo because, aside from showing the good profile he has, it lets me see again how he has grown from both physical and mental aspects, all those quantitative and qualitative changes that I have been able to experience every day for the last two and a half months. I still don't believe so little time has passed.

"And it ain't just about one pic".

I take the phone just to enter my folder of images, specifically the one I made about him, I return it and I can swear that his jaw would have fallen to the ground because of how open it would be to see something like it, for the surprise of the number of photos and small videos that I have, all that I take regularly when he is clueless, but he is struck by those where he's staring at my phone when I recorded it, telling him that I preferred to hold it like that to read better, and he believed me.

He plays my favorite and it interrupts the song, he tilts the phone so we can both see it. The first thing you hear is our laughter, then I focus on him next to me at the dining room table, we ate a bowl of cereal on the first weekend we were alone, a little milk drained from the corners of his mouth and he makes an attempt so that the chewed cereal doesn't fall out of it.

" _Okay, okay, I'll ignore ya just a second, school dilemma, meanwhile ya should make the funniest grin ya can think of"_.

Next to me he covers his face and lets out a nervous laugh, in the video he wrinkles his whole face, he raises the tip of his nose with a finger and the milk drains more from his lips, I loose myself to laugh while he tries not to choke, I give him a few pats on the back to save him, when he is free of the danger of suffocation he looks at me, or rather on the phone, and smiles, wrinkling his nose, and that's it.

He observes picture after picture, where he's reading, watching television, analyzing a point in the nothing, chewing, yawning, sleeping, laughing, angry, and video after video, doing many common and ridiculous things, I see him out of the corner of my eye and his are moving in different directions, now he's processing a large bank of information at the same time, his cheeks are blushing, and the tiny smile doesn't get erased at any time. I blush and shrink in my place when he comes to a specific one, the most embarrassing of them all, one in which I made a frame with my finger, simulating a heart, and with the inscription ' _You rock my whole world. How the hell do ya do it?_ ' in the bottom, with bright red letters.

I see through the window and I realize that we are a couple of streets from where we must get down, before I can tell him he gives me my phone, stretches a little his neck to kiss me on the cheek, pressing his whole face against mine, as if he wanted his nose to disappear against me.

"Well, I must admit that I'm very flattered, and I didn't think that you were the kind of stalker that takes photos".

"Can't help it, ya always seem to be in a good angle" I return him the kiss but I do it in the corner of his mouth, something he detests, but as he enjoys teasing me I will do it too. "And I confess that I still wonder how the hell ya do to rock my whole world".

"I admit I'd do the same, I'd take hundreds of photos of you, and I'd tell you so in the face, I knew something funny happened when you aimed at me with your camera like that, but I didn't say anything" he surrounds my neck with his arms before getting up, he rubs his cheek against mine and I start to growl. "Cheese!".

He surprises me when he takes a picture with the frontal camera, the first one where we are together, I turn my head when he ends and he pounces on me to give me a simple kiss, I keep my eyes open when the camera takes another picture, he laughs softly and I close my eyes to return him what he did, with butterflies in my stomach when he takes another picture, he gives them the go-ahead look and he gives me back my phone, all at the exact moment the bus stops.

We walk the five minutes it takes us to get to the aquarium from the bus stop with entwined hands, after a moment he places my arm over his shoulders and keeps his hand entwined with mine. I can't describe how good it feels to walk in this way, in such an open way; it feels right and it's okay to do it, everything works in an amazing way when I'm with him.

I have never been to this part of the city, I tend to go to the museum area just for school matters, so I don't get a big surprise when I see the aquarium, a simple white building with a huge sign stating its name, made with blue paint and some drawings that resemble some fishes, a simple fountain, and since passersby's seem to look at something on the floor, I imagine there is a glass floor to see what is inside. I don't stop myself frowning, it's not a very good impression to say, and yet we keep walking while he makes happy jumps under my arm; he wanted to come, I will not screw it for him.

The line to pay for tickets is relatively short, we talk a bit before giving away our school IDs to pay half of the ticket, of course mine is a fake one since I lost it just at the beginning of the school year, doing all the paperwork to get another one is boring, and it was easier to falsify it, anyway I enjoy from the same privileges as if it were real.

The lobby is not that impressive either, a couple of maritime artifacts here and there, paintings on the walls with moldings that resemble fish and boats, to give more ambience to the visit, we both read and observe the metallic plates under the frames, the smell of stagnant salt water comes to be very present, so I suppose the rumor of the huge pipe that runs from the ocean to here, which brings fresh water, isn't so true after all.

I don't characterize myself for being a skeptical person, I'm just the kind of lonely boy that dad has taught me to be, a teaching that I'm leaving aside, and even so I like to find the good side of things as far as I possibly can, I smile and cope when something is not of my total pleasure, so I swallow my bad impressions when the real "fun" begins.

"Hello, guys, welcome to the aquarium" says a lively and smiling girl, wearing a light blue uniform and khaki pants, "both of you are about to have a great adventure, but first we would like you to come over here".

The girl takes us and a group of students who are also visiting to a corner with a green screen, another boy with the same uniform has a professional camera hanging from his neck and a computer to the right.

"Very well, this is a station where we take pictures as a souvenir, you can choose among different backgrounds and at the end of the visit you can buy it".

"That sounds like fun" says Carlos, looking at some of the photographs on the wall. "Oh, I want one like this".

Among the backgrounds are penguins, seals, a decoration of plants and coral, a beach, and several types of sharks, he points to that last one, a joke I didn't think would come past that, and I just nod with a smile, he comes over and hugs me, he sinks his face into my chest and my arms surround him. He definitely ceased to be the Carlos I met some time ago, this Carlos is more daring and nervy, it was very clear with what he said in the department, more with what he does now.

Our turn for the photography comes and the camera guy asks us to pretend a shark attack, Carlos jumps into my arms and I can only limit myself to make a gesture of surprise, he points to the left and the camera flash shows up, it does it three times so that they can choose the one that looks better, then they point us the way we should follow towards an elevator, the doors get open and one of the employees presses the button so that we go down, only the two of us.

"You can take all the photos and videos that you want, it's forbidden to take photos with flash and put your hands in open areas, for your safety and that of our fishes. Enjoy your visit" she says, then the doors close and we begin to descend.

I start to walk in circles, I have a funny feeling in my stomach while we keep going down, he only looks at me with a raised eyebrow before doing the same, smiling when gravity takes effect on him.

"Have ya ever seen that movie where a girl says and does exactly what the girl up there did and after pressing the button those who are inside go plummeting towards their death?".

"You did _not_ just say that" he throws daggers at me sideways, as if I had dug in his drawer of worse ways of dying. "No, I haven't seen it".

"Good, 'cause I don't either, mainly because it doesn't exist".

"It sounds like a crappy and unoriginal plot".

"Are ya saying that my ideas are crappy and unoriginal?".

He doesn't have the opportunity to answer since we stop, the impact of the arrival makes me feel a bit dizzy, and that was the point of all this. All he does is to punch my arm and rub his temples in a circular way, as if he were trying to lessen the dizziness, I stay with the feeling.

When the doors slide open is when I can put aside my bad first impressions, the elevator brought us to the start of the tour, a tank that could be similar to the size of a stadium, the hallway is firm while the walls and some sections of the roof are made of glass, which allow to see when various creatures swim by, as if the symbiosis between the confinement of a maritime creature and the captivity didn't bothered them in the least.

We step out and I turn my head, Carlos has his mouth open and a spark in his eyes, the same spark that I only see when he discovers something impressive in the heavy books he likes to read. He looks like a small child in a toy store, and as such I follow him with slow steps while he goes from window to window, section after section, observing and describing in detail each fish, jellyfish, seaweed, plant, sand color, type of decoration he sees, the ones he likes the most and which he doesn't.

I really take back what I had thought of the aquarium, while we keep moving we also go up again, as if we were traveling from the bottom of the ocean to the surface, I'm captivated by the new discoveries that I make at his side, when I see a fraction of everything that is hidden under water. Seeing sea turtles, scorpion fishes, subspecies of rays that swim over our heads, octopuses that camouflage with the seabed, starfishes, anemones with small clown fish inside of them, various types of coral and predators that hide inside of them, crabs and lobsters, and a contrast between poisonous and inoffensive animals, are stoking my curiosity to experience everything up close.

I follow an angel fish that swims quickly in front of me to the other side of the tank, it turns to the bottom and then I notice that Carlos is not with me, we must had split ways near the cylinder with huge jellyfish and I didn't notice it. I take a couple of photos of the tank before starting my search for him, which doesn't last long as I see him with his hands resting against a large glass where several schools of fish swim in different directions, they make an interesting optical illusion, as if the water would be transformed into something magical.

We are a little beyond half of the visit as the color of the walls has become lighter, the sunlight shines brighter than before, and the reflection of the sun in the water produces a peculiar phenomenon on him, as if his skin, his hair, and his clothes, had a vital energy beyond the ordinary. He turns his head a little and asks me to come to him with a finger, I do it when he takes his hands off the glass.

"Can I tell you the truth?" I cross my arms over his shoulders and down to his chest, I slide my hands into his pockets and place my chin on his shoulder, he can see my smile by the reflection in front of us. "I've never seen the ocean, or well, never in real life, just on television".

"We can go there sometime" I kiss him on the cheek and then he makes the necessary moves to face me, looking into my eyes and with his hands on my shoulders, "the others can go, Mal, Evie, Ben, Doug, and anyone else you want".

"I like the idea, although I was thinking more about you and me, alone".

He moves me to the core, I shudder for the safety with which he speaks, and it hits me with more force that he also sees us as something in the future, something that can work in a long term. Is this really happening? Yeah, it is.

"That can also happen" I draw his right eyebrow with my thumb.

"It's what I want to happen".

He gets up on the balls of his feet at the same moment that I lean on his face, our lips connect in perfect synchrony, I put my hands on his waist and his hands are imprisoned between our bodies, he makes small movements with his fingers to lift my shirt a little, his cold fingers touch my skin and it makes me bite his lower lip with force, he touches my muscles with simple rubbing, making me feel chills because of the sensation.

I wonder what would be happening if we were in a more private place.

We pull away when the need to breathe is imperative, those were a couple of seconds that were enough to take our breath away, then he turn on his heels and I return to my position to hug him from behind.

"Did ya think about what ya wanna eat?" I whisper against his neck, pressing my lips on every possible occasion.

"I have a craving for hamburgers and fries".

"Milkshakes too?" he nods. "I know a place".

"Mine will be chocolate" he assures, stroking my hands with his thumbs.

"We can share it".

"Sure, if you wanna have a sugar problem and develop a hatred for chocolate".

"If that makes ya happy then I don't care".

"Funny, if that is what it is about then we wouldn't have to eat something, 'cause with you it's enough for me to be happy "I blush, I feel the heat on my cheeks. "Now c'mon, there'll be a projection on jellyfish that I really wanna see".

We go up to the projection room, the walls become to a light blue tone and that tells me again that we are close to leaving here, but we barely take a place when my cell phone vibrates in my pocket, I see the screen and it's dad, I ask him to give me a minute and I go out to answer his call.

"What's up, dad" I say when I answer, and I try to mitigate my anger.

"Hi, Jay, I hope you're both having a great day, but…" he hesitates a little, something strange in him since he usually goes to the point whenever he calls or orders me to do anything. "I've been trying to call you for a while now".

"We were in an underground section, I just found reception here".

"Yeah, uh, you know, I really need you to come home" he sighs. "Both of you".

I was about to tell him to leave me alone when Carlos catches my attention when he touches my arm, he tilts a small smile and stares at a cylinder with coral and little fish inside while dad is silent on the other side of the line. Why does he have to ruin an incredible day with some stupidity?

"Dad, listen, our plan for the day…

"A situation came up, nothing serious but it is important, I really need you two to return as soon as possible, it's not something I can talk about in here".

I look up and Carlos nods, he must have seen something on my face to take that position, the understanding one. I take a very deep breath and he approaches to put his hand on my shoulder, he looks at me in the eyes and silently tells me that it's okay, that we will find another moment to be able to have a day like these, that if I play my cards well and I told dad to step aside.

"We're on our way".

I finish the call and snort, he takes my hand and entwines our fingers, he takes the lead and guides us to the exit, to the end of our second real date.

* * *

"He didn't explain much to me, he just said we needed to go back, something came up" I say, using the important details dad gave me.

"Just that?" he inquires, frowning.

"Yeah, just that" we take a huge leap in a pothole and I roll my eyes, hating the path the bus takes. "I don't know, maybe something happened with a relative, or maybe Joel slipped and got Jane knocked up".

"That's not the kind of thing you wish for someone close to you".

"I'm just giving suggestions, I'm not sure what's happening".

"On the kind and funny side, Mr. Jafar wouldn't have to worry about something like that happening to us".

"Good point, he wouldn't do it now or ever".

He likes those hints of the future together, now he puts his cheek on my shoulder and strengthens the entwining of our fingers, I give him a kiss on the hair and I leave my chin on his head as I look out the window, not knowing what could have happened, considering that everything was great when we left the apartment.

It's atypical that the bus is full for the hour and the day it is, for a moment it passes through my mind that an earthquake occurred and the buildings collapsed, an attack of some kind happened, there was a fire or an explosion, but Carlos's humming to the rhythm of the music is what keeps me grounded.

If something so important had happened I would have found out one way or another, the frenzied news of the radio would have told me, Mal, Evie, Ben, whoever, would have informed me and asked about my well-being, so I'm sure it's about a minor problem that dad decided to exacerbate, that's why I only focus on the music, the humming, and the scent that leaks out of the bus's exhaust pipe.

We get off at the stop that corresponds to us and we walk with a step more or less accelerated, I transferred the dumb anguish that dad caused on me for nothing to him and now we're both a little quiet, I wasn't surprised when we stopped talking on the bus, just to exchange comments on the photo of the aquarium, in which, ironically, a megalodon attacks us. He has one and I have another.

The guard of the complex greets us kindly, as he usually does if he's not asleep or when he decides to be inept in his work, we walk towards the building and the first thing that catches my sight is the coolest car I have ever seen.

"No way!" I release his hand and rush down the stairs in front of the building, I look inside the car, the leather clothes, the accessories, the external painting is neat and has a combination of sublime black and white nuances, there's not a single scratch in it or a speck of dust. It's a car with modifications, but the kind of modifications that give it more luxury. "Carlos, look at this! It's a Panther De Ville in perfect conditions! It's worth a freaking fortune!".

"I-I k-k-know" I look up at the moment I hear the tremor in his voice, he paled from one moment to the next, his whole body is trembling, as if he were seeing a ghost or something. "I-I know the o-o-owner".

"It's a lucky bastard to have such a nit car" I lower my joy for witnessing an automobile jewel like that and return to his side. "You okay?".

"I-I-I need a glass of w-water".

"Let's go up, anyway I must know what happened to dad, but if there is a car like that in front of the building then I want to think that it's about an heritage".

I open the main door of the building, Carlos stays outside and enlarges his eyes, he stretches his neck tremblingly and that forces me to step out to take his shoulders, when the door closes behind us he gives a start while letting out a squeak, as if we had just entered a haunted mansion. The road to climb the stairs up is just as difficult, he stays still on occasion and looks at his feet before lifting them, as if he had forgotten how to walk.

I keep asking myself what's going on, I want to ask him questions but at the same time I don't want him to continue acting like that, one of my hypotheses is that he has a problem since we haven't had lunch since this morning, but that can't justify something like that; it's something more important, very substantial. We stop in front of the door of the apartment and I hear him taking deep breaths, as if he were about to faint, I can't do anything about it since it's like if dad had heard us from down below, it's him who opens the door completely, and it's then when everything makes sense.

Sitting in the couch, in _my_ couch, is her deranged mother, wrapped in a black and white coat with different kinds of patterns, wearing red leather gloves on her hands, her hair, black with ephemeral white areas, still looks as wild as in the photos we saw once, in her left hand she has a cigarette while holding a small plate with cookies, with her right one she lifts a cup of tea towards her mouth, drinking with her pinkie raised.

Carlos stands behind me and puts his hand on my arm, when Cruella turns her head in our direction he hides, clutching his hand to me. I sketch a tiny smile knowing that he will turn to me when he feels in danger, but she represents a danger I can't physically fight against. I look at dad and I don't like the expression on his face, because he doesn't say anything.

"Carlos! Sweetie!" his mother gets up and sets the cup on the folding table that dad puts on when there are visitors, her heels rattle on the floor and I force myself to step aside so she can talk to him.

She takes him by the cheeks and kisses him on multiple occasions, her lipstick doesn't leave a single mark on his still pale face, he wrinkles his whole face and tries to raise his hands to cover himself, I can't do more than stepping in and feel dad's hand on my shoulder. This is the situation not serious but that is important, it's more so than if Jane were knocked up with a curse that Joel can bring.

"Look to you! So tall, strong, and handsome, still wearing your mother's style, Jafar has done a very good job of taking care of you, my special little boy".

She says all those things about him but I don't believe them at all, her jaw is tense, her hands in Carlos's arms hold him firmly, when she takes him by the cheeks it's clear that it hurts him, it's as if she didn't like him to escape from her power, the sound of her voice is as false as the affection she tries to transmit in front of us. I look at dad and he raises his eyebrows, he doesn't believe her either.

"Mom, w-w-what are you doing h-here?" he manages to free his hands and lifts them to protect himself, she runs a hand down his cheek and looks at him.

"Oh, darling, I couldn't sleep, my designs have been bland, all the time I'm wondering about your welfare".

Out of nowhere she turns her head towards me, she is the living image of that portrait that is in the fireplace of their house, it's the same firm look that follows each one of my movements, a look that will be in my nightmares.

"Jay" she associates, I guess dad and she were talking about me, about us. "It's a pleasure to meet you" she extends her hand. "Cruella de Vil".

I answer her handshake for sheer cordiality, she stares into my eyes and squeezes her grip against my hand, demonstrating that she has the strength to cut down helpless animals in search of their coats to make clothes, and that she has the strength to break her own child, physically and mentally. Her firm grip makes me think of all the occasions when he caused marks on Carlos, those who have a terrifying history as background.

"M-mom?" all the attention turns to him, at last I can free my hand and my bones hurt. "Y-you still haven't t-t-told me what you're doing here".

"It's time for you to come home, son" unanimously it's decided that it is not a topic of conversation that others should listen to so they both come in.

Carlos is reluctant to sit down next to his mother, at first I think it's the fact that she is her, but when he looks at me it's as if he asked me for permission to use my space in the couch, and I lightly nod with my head to give it to him. I sit in front of them, dad sits back in the single couch, from here I see that Carlos stays bent over, he tries to take a cookie and receives a slap in the other hand as a reprimand, he clasps his hands between his thighs and he looks down, his mother places her face on her right hand, gracefully, and with the left she makes a move that only I see, she pinches Carlos's thigh and he only limits himself to take it, he shrinks and bites his lip to mitigate the pain.

"Jay" dad says in a whisper, a warning. He knows how I can react to stuff, and he knows that right now my blood is boiling with the fury I feel because of what Cruella does, and she knows I'm watching her, she smiles mockingly while she pinches Carlos harder.

"As I was saying, Jafar" she uses the same fake tone to talk to dad, I don't take my eyes off them, "I am totally grateful for your treatment towards my son".

"Well, he came here as a friend in need for my son, we extend a helping hand to those who require it".

Dad also lies, besides forcing the word 'friend' in his speech, he said something that goes against his ideas: we don't extend the hand to anyone, it's preferable that we turn our backs on someone who needs help, we shouldn't think in nobody but us. Me, myself, and I, basically.

The only thing I can be sure of is my feelings to Carlos, and his to me. They are strong, and real; they can cope with everything.

"And Carlos" she turns her head in his direction and leaves his thigh in peace, he barely looks at her sideways. "I was thinking everything more clearly, I know it wasn't the best way to take your news and I'm sorry, but it can be fixed, and…".

"He's not broken" I interject at last, sounding more relaxed than I thought.

"I'm sorry?" they both look at me, she with repressed anger since it's clear that she's not used to being talked back, he asks me to stop talking with the opening of his eyes and his fearful expression.

"Carlos isn't broken, he is a person, he is an amazing boy who is being himself, what he prefers is not something that can be fixed".

"I have ideals for _my_ son, and I want him to follow them".

"Yeah, well, Mrs. de Vil, people are not here to satisfy anyone, they are here to be individuals, to be and do whatever their damn will is".

"What Jay is talking about, Miss de Vil" Dad managed to be affected by the kind of authority she tries to establish. He got bowed too, "is that it may be something difficult to understand at first, I personally had harsh interactions with him when I knew it, but after all I realized that it didn't change anything about him, only that I needed to know him a little more".

Dad never told me something like that, and he's not telling me so directly, we are both in defense of Carlos, but knowing that those times when there were discussions was because he tried to understand me, makes me feel different about him, in the way in how we have been relating since always.

We remain silent and it becomes into a fight of looks between her and me, like those that Mal and Maleficent usually have before she ends up doing what her mother orders her. I'm not going to give in, I can't let Cruella do what she pleases with me in front of her, not against the person that matters most to me in the universe, and even less in the space that is my home.

Finally she straightens her back, sketches a smile and puts a hand on Carlos's cheek so that he looks her straight in the eyes, another form of threat from which he can't escape. It's obvious that he will never be able to escape from her.

"Carlos, bring your things, mom has things to do and we're leaving. Now".

"Y-yes, mom".

Carlos gets up quickly and goes to my room, I take the defeat of a fight against a figure of authority that surpasses me by far before I get up and follow him, when I cross the door I see him standing between the beds, as if he were waiting for me to appear. Fuck it if I'm predictable.

I close the door behind us and I remain silent, he sighs before starting to gather his clean clothes on a mound, he piles up his school books, and he begins to fold the shirts and pants scattered in his section of the room. It's definitive, he's going to leave, and that activates all the emotions that are associated with the fear inside of me, that's why it comes the trembling in my hands.

"I'm sorry I talked, I couldn't stop".

"It's okay, it's good to know that someone is on my side".

"You know I'll always be on your side, dad will be too" he smiles a little, and then I return to the main point of what's happening. "You can't leave".

"We both knew that my stay here wasn't gonna last forever, and you know I'm not leaving because I decide to do it" he folds one of his school's trousers and places it on top of the pile of shirts that are inside that backpack where his luggage was in the first day he arrived here. I still remember it.

"You can choose not to do it" I take out the trousers and a couple of t-shirts too, I put them on my bed and he just sighs, giving them a look before continuing with his task of 'bring his things'. "Even better, I'll choose for ya, and you're not going anywhere".

"You know it doesn't work like that" he adds those clothes to the pile in my bed and he takes the whole thing to put it in the backpack, I take it out again and he just sighs loudly, resigned to what the future has for him. "Jay, stop it".

"I will not do it, not until ya say ya'll stay".

"Jay…" he looks at me briefly in the eyes, and now I know that he holds back.

He approaches slowly, the tips of his boots are touching against mine's, his shoulders are trembling visibly and so does his jaw, he looks into my eyes sporadically, with the most depressing smile on his face, and he puts a hand on my shoulder, I try to find his big brown eyes to make eye contact, so that an image of them gets completely recorded in my brain and I keep seeing them every time I blink, but he prefers to keep his eyes down, to be hunched and let me see the black roots of his hair.

I slowly raise my right arm and he turns his head, the way he tries to hide his head tells me that he has had that reaction before, towards a threat, something that happened today makes him react like that again, and it hurts that he thinks I'm going to hurt him. He snorts, like a horse, and mechanically he stretches his neck, as if his head weighed twenty tons and he was fighting against gravity so he could look at me in the face, with his jaw tensed and his eyes red.

"Tell me that you heart me" he asks, looking at me in the eyes and with a bunch of tears wiping in his, about to stream down his cheeks.

I place my hand on his cheek, cupping it, caressing his soft cheekbone with my thumb and swallowing the urge I have to join him in his crying moment, and it's not because he's leaving my side, I'm scared of everything that can happen to him from now on, is too uncertain to tolerate it.

"I heart ya" I lean forward and kiss him on the forehead, hearing that the sigh he emanates tries to speak for him.

"Now say it without me having to ask".

I move my lips away from his forehead and I pounce over his face, I stay at a relative distance from his lips, giving him the chance to pull away if he wants to, and since in the three seconds that elapse he does nothing but stay there I take it as the sign that I can continue, and I press my lips against his, placing my arms around his waist while his hands slide over my chest, over my shoulders, until they're entwined behind my neck, that's when he sighs once again, leaving me breathless.

Why the fuck did I have to wait until now to say it? Why? Why?

"I love you, Carlos" I whisper as we pull back a little, feeling something shrink inside my chest, in such an ambivalent way that I'm not sure how I should react to the feeling.

He looks at me in the eyes again, the consternation is written all over his face, and I don't know if my stupid smile does something more but emphasize all the emotions that are mixing in his face, mine's are swirling in my stomach and I feel like If I had been kicked in the stomach, sore, wanting to throw up, and unable to do it even if I wanted to try.

"Y-you… you what?" his lips stay apart, the minimalist action for his jaw to drop to the ground for hearing me say something like that.

"I love you, Carlos" I say again, with the same firmness in my voice even when my thoughts are scrambled. I really don't understand any of this.

"Don't do it, Jay, don't say something like that… not now…".

"It's now or never".

"Jay, I…".

"Carlos, I love you from the first day you came here, maybe from the first day I saw ya, I was never quite sure how I felt when you were around, but now I know it well "he steps back and I take his hands, I entwine our fingers and he just blushes. "I love what you do, I love what you think, I love what you say, I love what you feel, I just love everything about you".

He brings his body closer to mine, he gets up on the balls of his feet and sinks his nose into my neck, the hug becomes wet as his tears now impact against my skin, warm and slippery, his thin arms cling to me, only to what he can cling to now, to me and to what I say. He hasn't given me an answer.

Every moment on which our relationship was built has been rapid, almost hasty. Correction, it has been very hasty; I have liked many people throughout my life, I had never felt as a first timer to when I was close to him, much less to think about kissing one and, not to mention of talking about him.

It's like a silent pact: to give love and receive love, now I'm giving him mine, and I have his, although not with the same intensity, and that's fine.

"We'll go through this, I know it" I caress his back and he lets out a sigh of relief. "We are stronger than this, and…".

"I love you too, Jay, since the minute I saw you I knew I was destined to be by your side, and dammit, we are sublimely perfect".

I have always thought that nothing and nobody is perfect, but listening to him makes my ideas to be erased and I only strengthen my hug around him, it's as if in my mind I reviewed all the moments we've spent, all the jokes we laugh together, the funny moments, some bitter moments, but my happy memories win, the image of his perfect smile, the brightness of his eyes, how adorable his freckles are; thinking about all that shows me that I have a real and sincere affection for him, it is a great love and fascination towards him. I really love him.

Carlos moves his head from my shoulder and kisses me slowly, his tears and mine now form a river of happy sadness for the confession that arose because of a force outside of us, his lips get pressed slowly against mine and he transports me to that dimension in which only he and I are. A kiss has never told me as true as it does now, it's real, it's totally real, Carlos loves me and I love him, I don't want anyone else in my life from now on, and now I accept it, I don't have more choice than letting him go even if everything in me is opposed.

We move away at the same time, he cleans my tears and I his, then we both silently participate in the task of gathering all his things, we put some loose objects in the box that we rescued from his house, he puts the photos that I have given him in the bottom, so that they don't mistreat, and his trophy from the tournament at the top, we close his backpack with clothes and another one that he brought after a month of stay, then we sat down in my bed.

"So…" I start, not wanting to get anywhere and only to break the silence, because I want to continue listening to him talk and keep the memory of his voice. He, on the other hand, opens the box again and takes something out of there, a red beanie that he leaves in his hands, something I never saw him wearing.

"I wanted to give you this later, you know, to help your bad boy style up, and it occurred to me that we could use it to… uh, well, have a little fun blindly, if you know what I'm talking about" he puts it in my hand and entwines our fingers.

I take it with both hands and slide the cotton seams between my fingers, soft to the touch, almost like his skin, something that can transmit heat on a cold night, just as he did yesterday when we slept together. I detect the double meaning in what he says and still I ignore it, I don't want to create more fantasies in which he won't be in, at least not a couple of steps away from me.

"W-why now?" now he is in my drawer of fears.

"I know, I know, I can give it to you later, but I want you to have it now, it will be safer here, I don't run the risk of losing it" he chuckles, nervously. "You can use it later and we can resume our visit to the aquarium".

"Sounds like a good plan, one that we're gonna fulfill".

"Yeah, you know where to find me, I'll be there when mom isn't around".

"Carlos! Let's go!" yells Cruella from outside, the tone was enough for him to cling to my leg, again turning to me when he's feeling in danger.

I hate that he leaves in these terms, but neither of us can fight against it, it's a battle that we end up losing in the end, so I help him with his box and I open the door, he comes out first with the two heavy backpacks in his back, I follow behind him when I see that she and dad are standing in the living room.

"Well, Jafar, it's time for Carlos and I to leave" Cruella puts a hand on Carlos's neck when he stands next to her, she gives him a squeeze that again makes him cringe, then she puts a hand in her coat and takes out a checkbook with a fountain pen, she opens it and uses his back for support. "I hope this covers the expenses that you have had to make throughout this time".

"There is no need for a payment, we did it to help him".

"I'm sure it's so" she rips the check and extends it to dad, he takes it and his breath stops when he sees the amount of money written. I see it over his shoulder, not every day a deranged woman gives you a check for ten thousand dollars so freely. "Now, Carlos, say goodbye, there are things to do".

He puts his things aside and approaches to dad, after he processes all the money he has in his hands, he folds it to put it in his pocket, something that doesn't surprise me in the least, and if he runs to the bank when they are not here I wouldn't be surprised either, then he ruffles his hair, places his hands on his shoulders and gives him a hug, whispering how proud he is of him and that he hopes to see him soon here, that he could use his help, and that wouldn't hurt someone who can control me. Carlos replies how grateful he is to him for all his unconditional support and guidance in what he did.

"I'll see you later" he says to me, smiling.

"You are".

He hugs me and my hair hides when he puts his lips on my neck, he whispers in the lowest tone he can that he loves me again, I take a deep breath in his neck and I pat him on the back, we move away and his mother is the first to leave, without addressing a last word, her coat follows her path before he does, with the box in his hands and the backpacks on his back.

The roar of the car's engine makes me run to the balcony, his mother makes the maneuvers necessary to route the car to the exit, Carlos barely ends up raising his legs when she goes, stepping on the accelerator fully. Now that he's gone everything is more real, everything begins to fall inside of me little by little.

It's like a hole in the stomach, a void in the chest. I don't like it.

"Jay" dad puts his hand on my shoulder and I pull it away, not wanting to have a conversation now. "It'll be difficult, if you need to talk then come to me".

He pats me on the back and goes down the stairs to enter the apartment, I look at where he was standing and I see a small mound of papers on the floor, I kneel to see them more closely and I realize that it is the check, he smashed it, keeping his idea of not accepting a payment.

Suddenly I feel dizzy but with enough strength to climb to the roof, I put a lock on the door and I crawl to feel secure inside my shelter, I pull my legs next to my chest and I sink my face into my arms, letting my tears run down my cheeks, my sobs to be audible, and my emotions to be expressed.

Whoever said that happiness is ever lasting is a complete idiot, in fact it is ephemeral, it can be extinguished in the same way in which one blows a candle to extinguish the flame, I know because mine lasted two and a half months, and although it sounds very catastrophic, too devastating, and even stupid, I don't think I will feel that way with anyone else.

I want Carlos, I need Carlos, because I will always be invaded by him.


	15. We were perfect

And here is the end of this story, I thank all the followers and the reviews, they encourage me to continue with one-shots or some other story that comes to my mind. Anyway, last chapter, fav, follow or review, enjoy :)

Song: Can't Help Falling In Love - Elvis Presley (/watch?v=vGJTaP6anOU)

* * *

 **We were perfect**

I'm not quite sure who had the brilliant idea about a picnic in the middle of the Enchanted Forest, it was a simple excursion until Evie stopped us, she put a kind of tablecloth on the ground and pulled out lots of snacks from a backpack that Doug had on his back, I don't complain in the least, now we are all lying on the floor and with a full stomach, Mal's head rests on Ben's chest and he caresses her back, Evie and Doug roll on the grass, and Carlos and I are silent, lying down and with the look in the sky full of clouds.

"Hey, guys" I ask, breaking the silence that hung over us for a couple of hours ago. "How would ya define being in love?".

Carlos turns on his right side and hides his face in my neck, he entwines his hand with more strength in mine and I hear him laugh, the harmonic and pleasant sound of his laughter, the kind of laughter I missed, the one I have close again.

"Uh, what kind of question is that?" Doug raises one hand to the air, the other is entwined with Evie's, and even so they still look like a strange pair.

"It's a pretty interesting question, baby" she says, curious and with a hint of happiness in her voice, "it involves a bit of metaphorical thinking, plus it's the first time I've heard Jay say that word, you've treated him very good sweetness, you deserve recognition".

Carlos laughs at the words that Evie addresses to him, I just blush because no one else sees me, and the only one that interrupts us is the laughter in the form of snorts that Mal exhales at that moment.

"Yeah, well, I think lover boy here wants an answer" Mal adds, still with her head on Ben's chest, I can see her out of the corner of my eye. "And you do deserve a prize, Carlos".

"I'll take care of that, ya all just answer the question" I answer abrasively, the same kind of reaction I have for that part that feels weak at the observation that Carlos got a way of controlling me.

I gave in to him without even thinking about it once, while the four of them make noises with their throats, as if they were thinking, I make a couple of movements with my whole body, the necessary ones to look into his eyes, before pressing my lips against his and feel the shudder that governs me every time I'm at his side. Indeed I can be at the mercy of his yoke.

"Is my prize just that?" he asks, breathless and with narrowed eyes.

"For now, wait until there's nobody around".

"I really like the sound of that" I rub my nose with his and raise my head to kiss his forehead. Now that I said it, I realize that I had never stopped to think seriously about what that is, everything that encompasses that emotion.

"I think" Doug begins, stopping rolling on the lawn, with Evie leaning against him, "that love is that feeling when you know there's someone by your side, be it in a brotherly or romantic way, and that it'll be there unconditionally, and that you know it will not change you for nothing".

"I like that" she says, "but I see it more as a sensation that runs through your body and makes you feel great".

"The same thing that is achieved with an orgasm" Mal is the only one who laughs at her comment, Evie's thought was good until she interrupted her.

"What's happening with you today?" Ben asks, without sounding annoyed, rather it seems that he really wants to know what happens to him. "Since we left the lake behind you've been with the spirit…".

"Of a bitch?" I ask aloud, and Carlos laughs, she just grunts.

"His words, not mine, but yeah, a similar kind of spirit".

"Uh, well, you know" she laughs, then she clears her throat, "I think I'm close to those girls' days".

"Is that really what makes you think about orgasms? Really?" I ask, and I'm sure she would have thrown me the first thing that was close to her, for doubting her and Ben's ability to please her, if they are already at that point.

"As I was saying" I see Evie putting her hair behind her ear, then she looks down at the nerd beneath her, "that feeling fills you and you have the need to share it with someone else, so you get a strong bond".

I keep thinking about my concept about something that is so common for some people but that nobody has defined so clearly, nor the most intelligent and profound thinkers have bothered to analyze it carefully, that if there aren't people who consider it as something dispensable. Although some people don't want it, it's necessary to know that someone is cared or loved by someone, and that such a strong feeling is reciprocal no matter how small it intensity is.

"Assuming that I have a heart, I have the idea that it is a force, as if you had a magnet inside and that pulls you towards the other part of that magnet, but it has no compatibility with everyone, only with a special someone, besides…".

I get lost in Mal's speech because Carlos snuggles closer with me, it's not cold enough for him to do it, in fact it's a warm afternoon, the sun is making its way to hide on the horizon, so he just puts his head on my chest, his hair tickles my chin, I use my hand under him to caress his hair, to which he responds sighing lazily.

I leave my gaze in the sky while in the background I keep listening to Mal, between her babbling she tries to justify her true feelings claiming that she doesn't have them, some clouds have fire rainbows that cross the sky like the leaves of a tree on the water, without a worry to go somewhere.

"Once I kissed someone" he says, as if it was a very casual comment, and he continues speaking before I can intervene, "well, something like that, it wasn't so funny that I can say but I remember it well, it happened when I was twelve, my friend was the same age as me, supposedly she had chatted with her friends that she had a boyfriend, he was an amazing boy with big brown eyes, very handsome and charismatic, quite special, all in her words".

"She didn't mention the freckles, but it's a good approach to describe ya" I look down at him to get a little closer, making him blush and smile widely. "But I would add the smartness, the bravery, and the sexiness you have".

"If I ever see her again I'll tell her to add that to her list, and it counts as double since it's coming from someone who looks like you" now I feel myself blushing. "Anyhow, she was going to introduce me towards them, it was totally embarrassing but there you had me with my best clothes and well settled to meet the friends of Claudine Frollo, we got along very well before I moved around, though we weren't friends per se, we only got activity together, she lived near my house then and we went to school together".

His lips move but not over mine, all I see is his smile and that they gesticulate daring's, all of them enunciate: "Jay, go ahead, just do it, kiss me here and in this moment, it's a challenge. Jay, I heart you, I love you, Jay; don't leave me".

"The day that happened I felt very scared, I just spoke in low voices and answer in monosyllables, her friends didn't believe much of it although we held hands and things like that, then they asked us to kiss, I tried to find excuses not to do it, like that I hadn't brushed my teeth, but in the end we did it because I was helping her. I didn't like doing it, I had a strange feeling in my body, at first I thought it was because of the pressure they were throwing on both of us but then I knew it was because it didn't feel right to me" I just nod, processing his words and drawing conclusions internally, but rather I only corroborate some things I had already observed. "I've never been good at talking to many people at the same time, with no one taller than me actually, I'm filled with a stupid fear and it's quite pathetic, I blame mom for it, you know I don't usually respond when they ask me about the marks in my arms or my hands, when I was little all the evidence of when mom beat me was very visible, once I had a black eye, and as they insisted on knowing what had happened I felt very pressured. I hate it" he tightens his jaw in that whole story, he deviated from the main topic, but I caress his cheek and he manages to chill.

"Soon ya'll not know anything about that, okay? We're leaving".

"Okay, Jay" his forehead touches mine and at this moment it's just he and I, nothing more, the hell with the noise that is heard by the boring and apparently long speech of Mal, at this moment Carlos is mine and I am his.

"I used to… flirt with Evie" I say and he opens his eyes completely, but it's not the look I expected, rather he seems surprised to rectify something he heard, "but we remain as good friends".

"Yeah… I had already heard about that" he tilts a smile.

"How did ya…?" I ask, and he silences me by placing a finger on my lips.

"My bad, sorry, it slipped out once" I roll my eyes, Mal had been listening, and who knows what else she'd heard, "well, that's how I see it".

"I just understood that you like to think things a lot and try to justify all the changes you have. You shouldn't complicate your existence so much, M, just live it up" Evie is in charge of speaking for everyone, I would stand up to applaud her.

Carlos distracts me when he leans down to kiss me on the lips, I open my eyes and I answer him with a smile, cupping his cheek and kissing him back, then I listen to Evie clearing her throat, I understand perfectly the scolding she gives us. I split away from his lips, I move down and place my head on his chest, his hand goes into my hair and he begins to make me soft caresses.

"It's not like that, E, I don't do it".

"Oh, I'm sorry Mal, but yeah you do it, although that's fine with me" Ben says.

"Well, well, who else hasn't said their idea?" it's funny how Doug finds ways to evade things, in this case he saved us a pointless discussion.

"You, my dear Prince Benjamin" Mal mocks of him, Ben just sighs.

"Well, for me it is to put a person that is very valuable before you, first of all, this is how you distinguish priorities. And now I take back what I said, I don't think you're hiding yourself from something".

I lift my head from his comfortable flat chest just in time to see how Mal gets on top of Ben and kisses him as if the world were going to end within half an hour, I can't tell where her lips end and where his starts, and it's disgusting but I'm glad Ben is happy with someone like her. In truth he must be madly in love with her to endure being treated like that.

"Excuse me" Carlos's voice sounds behind me, then his head is placed on my shoulder to look at them all, "I didn't say anything about Jay's question. My idea is that love is the greatest thing that can be in the world, so that you show someone how much you care and how relevant it is in your life".

"I vote for that one" says Evie, laughing.

"Now all that's missing is Jay, I'd really like to know what you think, buddy".

I take a deep breath when the attention looms over me thanks to Ben, I find Carlos' hand on the grass underneath us, we entwine our fingers and I raise it to my lips, giving it a kiss that always makes him blush. For me it's simple, it all comes down to one thing, the most wonderful thing that has happened to me in all my disgusting life. I smile and inhale deeply.

"Love for me can be summed up in one single word: union. For me, Carlos is everything that you have said and much more, I was lucky to find who I can assure is my other half, he is with whom I feel united in all the senses, he rocks my whole world and he became my everything with the course of a few days full of incredible moments.

I barely finish talking when his arms surround my waist, I turn my head to see his expression, he has a glassy look and a smile adorning his lips, which also trembles since he doesn't know what to say about it, and it's as Evie said it one minute ago, I don't want him to complicate things, only that he feels them.

"Jay" he mumbles against my shoulder. "Are you mine?".

"Ya know I am, whenever you want it. And are you?".

"Since the first minute, mainly because I love you, Jay" I tilt my head to touch his forehead, smiling in the way he likes it when I hear that statement even with the others present.

"I love you too, Carlos, a little more than you do" I close my eyelids and sigh before feeling his arms wrap around me completely, his head slips to my neck, and our feelings are presented in their entirety.

Then reality hits me with an ice cold breeze, one that makes me shudder completely, I open my eyelids to see what has caused such an abrupt change and I realize that everything is completely dark. I sit up and everything becomes clearer, within what fits in there, the walls, the window and the curtains, the chest of drawers, the desk, my clothes, everything is here back again, and I'm here back again too, clinging to the pillow that made me think it was his body, the blankets around from my waist were his arms, and only a lump of the same pillow was his head.

"Fuck" I grunt before rubbing my face against the pillow, scattering as I wipe away the tears that slipped down while I'm on another one of those nights full of my attempts to sleep, but it's another night of uncomfortable dreams and which makes me grunt, according to Joel, another damn night full of nightmares and idealizations that probably will never happen.

Everything was a stupid dream, another one in these last week and a half.

I remove the blankets and leave the pillow aside, I swing my legs to the side of the mattress and get down the bed with a jump, at last dad asked people to bring the new bunk, according to him he hadn't brought it before because he didn't want to make a kind of separation between us. I thanked him and then I stopped caring.

I go to the kitchen, I turn on the light and drink a giant glass of water, a little bit slides down the sides of my mouth, then I leave the kitchen, in the cold night and only in underwear, to sit in front of the main door of the apartment.

The last thing he said to me was a lie, everything was a fucking lie, it was his way so that I wouldn't explode in the emotions that flooded me that day, it was his way of relaxing me, of lowering the level of anguish I had because of the uncertainty of what could happen to me and with us, and now everything is still a vortex where there is no edge that I can hold on to, where I don't know what the hell to expect for the next morning.

Which is the worst part of all that? That I believed it, I swallowed everything he told me while he looked at me with his big eyes, stroked my cheek with the back of his fingers and sketched the saddest of the smiles, however contradictory that may seem to anyone.

I punch the wall next to me, feeling cramps all over the arm and how the pain extends through my fingers, all the way through my hand, and it manages to numb my whole right arm, something that makes me feel strangely pleased.

It's like if it were the reminder that everything happened in reality, that he's gone and that it's not just another damn nightmare.

I feel the stupidest guy for having to go to Auradon Prep to find out what happened to him, he hasn't been to training, I haven't received any kind of clue or indication from his part, so I assumed that the most concise way to even know if someone has seen him was talking with his classmates, because not even Ben has been some fucking useful to tell me the least of it, like if he had agreed with him that whatever that happened to him would be kept as a secret.

I know he's not dead, I could feel it if that happened.

I looked for answers and all I found was more questions, Ally and Jane, who were the closest to him, said they only received a notice from Fairy Godmother, saying that he has been sick with a terrible cold, which has him under some strict caring and a strong medicine regimen.

Fuck that, I know that there is something more in the background, is an excuse that can come from anyone to justify the absence of someone else, besides that, if it was his mother who raised all that scenario, then she would do anything for it to be a story as credible as possible, even exposing him to all kinds of contagious diseases to get the mutation of a virus and that in fact is the reason why nobody has known anything about him in so long.

I can't blame him because everything has gone out of my hands, the school for me has become a total fiasco, I still don't perform as I did it before in the training, I'm two steps away from isolation since not even spending quality time with Audrey is enough to be happy, Mal and Evie try to cheer me up but when we're together I do nothing but stand with folded arms, frowning and letting the world continue at its usual pace.

That dream was full of encrypted messages, it would take me a while to try to decipher them all. I wish I had assigned a label to us, the name boyfriends before everyone else, because he has been my most lasting, most real relationship, and I know he was content when I called him my boy when I introduced him to someone, but I know I could give him more, I could put a lot more of me in that.

Why? Why? Why?

"Jay" dad says when he sees me sitting there on the cold floor and staring at the wood of the door, I turn my head just to see him out of the corner of my eye, he yawns and rubs his arms even with a bathrobe on top, the one he always uses when he gets up, he can barely stand up because of how sleepy he is but I don't care, I still look at the door. "You're awake, though you have school tomorrow".

"I can't sleep, and I won't go".

"Son, it's not something that is up to discussion" he rubs his eyes, as if I had awakened him of the best dream that he ever had, "besides I already received three emails with notifications about your absences, we've already spoken it, and actually is worse since I'm still very upset with you".

I'm still wondering what I was thinking when I decided to get drunk the weekend after he left, it was my way of assimilating things, that nothing would be the same as before, that maybe there would be periods when I would see him from time to time, besides that there was alcohol available to me and I couldn't stop, that's why Ben's workers brought me here, and dad gave me a lecture.

I snort and pull my legs closer to my chest, I turn my head towards the wall and sigh, feeling my chest slightly released, as if I were taking a few grams off the ton that oppresses it. I've felt that way since Carlos left.

"It's the seventh time you do this".

"If it happens so often then ya shouldn't be surprised" I snap back.

"It's not about that, what I mean is that if he came back then he would make some kind of noise, so we know he's out there".

"Carlos is not a dog, and you know he wouldn't do it, he moved his schedules to always come with me and not bother you or Joel".

We remain silent, I contract my toes for the painfulness of all the memories that come to my mind now.

"This didn't have to happen" I growl at an invisible enemy in the wall, dad sits in the couch behind me and puts a hand in my hair, this time I don't remove it, in fact I look for his fingers because I need it, although I don't admit it.

"There, there, I imagine you visualized an end of the happily ever after kinds".

"I was thinking about something real, with ups and downs, but with upper ones" I'm still talking in the direction of the wall, feeling the tears in my eyes.

"Jay, it's not over yet, it just…" he hesitates, the caresses in my hair make a change, they went from being slow to being clumsy, sometimes aggressive, but I don't say anything anyway, "it's only paused, it will return to be as before".

"Why are we… all awake?" asks Joel, rubbing his eyes and moving from one side to the other, still dozing.

"It was only between dad and me, you're extra" he sits in the single couch, he uses his arms as a pillow and leans on the armrest.

"Is it about Carlos again?" my shoulders stiffen, not because of my desire to hit him, just to notice the reflection of his absence in me.

"He was someone really important to me, Joel".

"It doesn't look like it, if he was you would have gone to his house directly to know of him, instead you're investigating with other people, or wimping as now".

Now I do want to beat him up, just for being smarter than me in this, because someone really had to tell me something like that, not to down look at me with the condescension while I sink in my own misery like dad does. My lower lip trembles a bit from the fact that I have been acting passively to an abrupt change with what was happening between Carlos and me; I am a boy who is guided by acting and then thinks about the consequences, dammit.

"I think what your brother wants to say…".

"No, dad, that's exactly what I wanted to say" he affirms, sure of himself.

"But you don't understand his sadness".

"C'mon, dad, neither do you, you just pat him on the back and tell him that everything will be fine, and nobody is sure of it".

"Stop talking like I'm not here" finally I pull away from dad's hand, because he was starting to hurt me because his nails were embedded in my scalp, and I stand up, closing my eyelids so I don't feel like I'm going to falling down, because of getting up so fast and because that I haven't eaten well in these last days, the decompensation is evident in my performance with professor Joseph and when I see myself in the mirror, my muscles don't look the same as before, my cheeks have became deeper, and the color of my skin is different.

I point to Joel first, in an accusatory way, ready to tell him what I'm thinking now, and I also have a little for dad.

"You're right in what ya said and ya can go straight to hell for that, and you" I now point to dad, "I really don't think ya have a clear idea of what I'm going through, but I appreciate everything ya do to try to cheer me up".

"We're your family, we will try to support you whenever we can" dad gives me a sincere smile, putting his hand on my forearm.

"Yeah, bro, I will always try to help you".

Farce, what I tell them is a farce, but I really prefer to tell them a hollow yes to have them aside talking without me listening, without them confronting my ways of rejecting the support they want to give me, because my stupid pride and the mentality that I have had since I was little prevents me from receiving so.

I eat a snack, at three o'clock in the morning, to please dad and him to stop bothering me with the fact that I have been leaving half-full plates of food, I promise that tomorrow I'll go to school and that he won't receive more notifications from my absences, I brush my teeth again and wish them good night, closing the door of my room and climbing back to bed, wrapping myself in the blankets before clutching the pillow, to drown my expressions.

It's another night of nightmares, and another when my crying makes me sleep.

* * *

"Alright, everyone, sit down, review moment".

I finish my part of the training with the little kids and I tell them to sit down on the sides of the room, I go to a column from the far part and I put my back against it, the same point from where I usually observe in the moments that he asks us for reviews of what we have learned.

I snort as I flex my legs and put my arms on my knees, I play with my thumbs and with my toes while professor Joseph calls those of us who will present an evaluation to go up in grade. We have been quite busy, the tournaments that took place at the beginning of the year were plentiful, without many winners really, just to show the new competitors the spirit of the fights or exhibitions, in that which we attended recently is the most important of all, and now, with the evaluation, I can say that the year is about to end.

Mal, Evie, Ben and Doug are sitting close to me, with their backs against the mirrors in the room, muttering among themselves and laughing while I focus on silently observing and criticizing the failings of the kids, the mistakes still present on a regular basis by the posture of the hands or the look they must follow, or because they still confuse the left with the right.

Carlos would be next to me, watching even more carefully the movements and asking what animal which one of them corresponds to, in addition to asking about its usefulness in situations of self-defense, and I would answer each question even with the risk that professor Joseph would get angry with me, for considering an interruption as well as a lack of respect. He would do that besides plating with my fingers, taking measures and saying that they are too big.

Right now I wonder what he's doing. If I follow the idea that everything is fine then surely he is with his nose stuck in a book, taking endless notes in a notebook by his side, continuing with the experiments he talked to me about, helping his mother as much as possible, and waiting for the moment I climb through his window or knock on the door, with the ultimate goal of seeing me. But, if I don't follow that idea, then he's probably locked in that attempt of room that I know, in a diet based on water and stale bread, without attending school and without some kind of communication with the outside.

A punch on my right arm, right on the nerve, makes me stop thinking about everything, when I lower my eyes I see a small bruise, and when I look up I see that Mal crawls into her place, Evie enlarges her eyes and points to her right with her head, I follow her pointing and I find professor Joseph, with his arms behind his back and a smile that is not friendly on his face.

"I said your name three times now, come here" he orders me, and I get up.

"Sorry, I'm a little distracted".

"Okay, just don't let it get to your head" I nod, I stand in the center of the room and make the usual greeting.

The grade system consists of nine bands of different colors, I go in half of them, and each one increases in cost, which doesn't make dad so happy, but I don't give it much importance because he's the first one to tell me to get rid with everyone in the tournaments and in the fights that occur in the evaluations.

Professor Joseph gives me the signal to initiate and I ask permission to move a little to the right, he grants it to me and I immediately start with my hands-free form, marking my postures, my bending, the direction of the movements with my head, and the force that I apply in the blows. In addition to this routine, simple in reality, I must show my self-defense techniques, in addition to making a display with a wooden stick, and something goes wrong in the moment I make a turn on my own axis, on one foot, and I fall on my back, listening to Mal's laughter and Evie's anguished comments.

I look up and professor Joseph looks at me without expression, he silently communicates his comments that are not constructive, they are scolding, and the distraction with a name, read Carlos, is getting into my head, he invades every one of my thoughts and that clouds the sequence of my movements, my concentration and my dedication, because he used to tell me what I needed to improve what I do, and I accepted his criticism without question.

I stand up and shake my clothes, I make my greeting before taking my wooden stick, making maneuvers to get used to the movement again, I put myself back in the center of the room and make my greeting, I present my chosen weapon and start with the routine, one that differs from the one that Evie knows by the speed and the type of flexing that it implies.

I make a spin shaping an eight with the stick in front of me as I walk forward, in the middle of my routine, and when I make a maneuver with one hand, to place it behind me, my fingers hesitate for a second and that makes me release the stick, it falls with a sound so loud that I could swear it was heard on Uma's, Gil's, and Harry's ship, on the other side of the Isle of the Lost, and of the entire city.

I swallow with difficulty and lift the stick from the floor, the sound the others make doesn't help me feel better, they mutter that something must happen to me, that I'm not giving one hundred percent of myself, Mal is still laughing, and in fact I feel sunk by the expectations that I didn't fulfill, because I usually do this kind of thing with simplicity, with the ease that needs to be seen in the exhibitions.

I make my greeting again, I leave the stick aside and I can't return to the center as professor Joseph clears his throat, I look at him and he shakes his head, which only means that I failed in two grades of three that I should get.

I return to sit down where I was and I look at the floor under my feet, thinking about him again, now I think about the freckles on his chest, those that he let me caress when my head rested there, and those which make him blush when they were in contact with my lips.

Dad is right in what he said, it's not over, there wasn't a break up that made it formal, it's just paused, but still my mind processes it differently, as if that part of my life, happiness, could not last forever. It's just about me setting my foot in front as I move forward, digging holes before letting myself fall into my own trap; I'm just committing sabotage, nothing new.

Damn perfection we had found, he was the white hue in my life plagued with black, and together we produced gray, a gray that pleased both of us.

"Very well, we're done for today, take your places" we get up to the order of professor Joseph and we get lined in descending order, the highest grades in front and so on until we reach the newcomers. "I'm hoping to see improvements the next time we see each other, enjoy without the second hour of training".

The lines get broken and all the little kids rush to say goodbye to professor Joseph by shaking his hand, a habit that they formed after a competition to see who said goodbye to him first.

I walk to where my things are and I drop to the side, I take my bottle of water and I finish it in five big sips, without caring to have spilled a little on my clothes, it will dry later. I put on my shoes and I stay there, sitting and watching the others leave, noticing that Evie and Mal are close to me but they turn their backs on me, not like a rejection, rather they are giving me a minute to stop rambling in that head of mine.

Ultimately I get up, put the backpack on my back and go to the exit door when both of them, as if they had read my thoughts, get placed in front of me, side by side, preventing me from passing.

"You're not walking with us?" Evie asks, smiling a little.

"Not today, I have something to do" I promised myself that I'll try to say more things when I felt full of negative emotions, because I know I can find a solution on the outside, although my pride doesn't want it. "I'll go to his house, I have to see him and know that he's fine, that we are fine, and that he will come soon".

They both rush on me and hug me, something strange coming from Mal who just hugs Ben and Evie, I can swear she made some kind of deal with her, but I do nothing but pat them on the back, they move away and that lets me say goodbye to the others, then I turn around and put the headphones in my ears, leaving aside my list of sad songs for something more lively.

I walk the necessary streets while the sun gives off its last rays of the day, illuminating the sky with orange, pink and yellow nuances, an atmosphere that gives a different aura to the neighborhood, as if the area where I am passing wasn't as dangerous as tt is shown in some newspapers or in the news. After four songs, and a walk with my head down, I see to my right the metal fence that I have only seen once and in my recurring nightmares; his house.

I sigh and walk along the paved path with firm steps, a decoration that I don't remember from the first and only time I was here, towards the front door, the porch has a rocking chair on one side, some pots with plants of various colors adorn the windows, and it even seems that they changed the painting of the entire thing, it retains the white color but looks brighter, the blacksmithing is still black, and the windows are equally large, hiding what is inside with the curtains with wide folds.

I press the doorbell and wait anxiously while the irritating melody is heard all over the place, I move from one side to the other, then on the tips of my feet and on my heels, until I hear the footsteps of someone on the other side of the door , slow steps. I take courage and let out a long sigh, putting my arms behind my back and preparing mentally for whoever that will open the door, because if it's him I will only throw myself against his face, I will lift him off the ground and I will not let him I'm here for another day, and if it's his mother then I'm just ready to run, although it would have been different if I brought some backup.

The door opens and the sweet old woman on the other side baffles me, she looks like him in the freckles, which seem to be spots by age, in the big eyes, if they weren't blue, and in the hair, although that last one sure comes due to the age that she appears, not less than sixty years, however she smiles at me and stays in the door frame, raising her thin eyebrows a little.

"You are not the pharmacy boy who delivers my medications" her tone of voice manages to appease, it's the kind of voice that would calm any person in a night of apocalyptic storm, full of thunder and an incessant rain, it is the class of voice that would reassure those who fear the darkness, a voice that orientates, supports, and guides.

Although this woman doesn't have much to do with Carlos, if not that she has nothing to do with them, there is still that spark of hope, small, because they say that is the last thing to die in a person, and I really try to keep it alive. I swallow the lump in my throat and open my mouth to speak again, sensing that my lips tremble and I don't know what I want to say, she's not who I expected.

"Uh, I'm sorry not being who you expected" I manage to say at last, outlining my sincere smile, "I'm looking for Carlos".

She frowns and tilts her head, confused, in the same way that he used to when he couldn't understand any part of his tasks or his readings at the first attempt, a gesture that I found more and more adorable, and it turned so even more when he was frowning or biting his lower lip a little.

"Carlos?" she rectifies, squinting.

"Yeah, Carlos, medium height, freckles, white hair?".

"Ah, that kid" she shakes her head, as if she were looking at him, then she puts a hand to her chest, as if that would stop her from remembering something. I don't like what she has in mind, "poor little one, I remember it and I feel tears coming".

"Oh, did something happen with him?" I ask, calm in appearance, although inside I'm panicking. "We used to be… friends" the word tastes bitter to me.

"A whole tragedy, her mother practically gave me this house as a gift, when I saw it advertised in real estate, with maintenance for life and the price of a bargain I couldn't believe it, only until I made the deal directly with her I could believe her, when I asked her why she was selling it she just made her son came into the room, and then I understood everything" she cleans a treacherous tear that runs down her right cheek. "His skin, white as I saw it in some photographs in the living room, was greenish and purple, swollen everywhere, his eyes could barely open and he could barely walk, his mother said he barely came alive from the beating he got from those guys at his school for being gay, and she said that she couldn't tolerate seeing her only baby being treated that way, so the next day a moving truck was dropping my things to install me while theirs were in a direct flight to England, where she comes from".

"B-beating?" I ask, with a new knot squeezing my throat.

"Yes, she mentioned that, I thought in these times that kind of things no longer happened, but I see that it hasn't really changed much".

Lies, lies, and more lies, I don't believe for a second that someone from his school had done something like that, Ben and Doug would have intervened, it would have happened even before he asked me for help, and if they saw me with him when he left school then I don't think they would dare to put a hand on him.

Everything was caused by Cruella, that's evident, and she managed to cover it.

But… England? Carlos never mentioned something similar, I would have put all my attention if he had mentioned that he comes from another continent, his appearance didn't seem to come from another place, dammit, he doesn't even have the accent when he's speaking, the same kind of funny accent of Ally.

I look up when I notice the silence that I caused for staying in my thoughts, the old lady is still standing in the doorway, just smiling, like a robotic puppet that was programmed to say all that if someone knocked on the door, and I would believe that it she false if she didn't breathe.

"S-so" I speak with the knot still in my throat, and I try to control myself so I don't fall on my knees, so I don't sink into tears. "They m-moved".

"Indeed, for the well-being of the boy" the woman walks a couple of steps to put her hand on my cheek. "It must be very difficult to have lost a friend like that".

"He wasn't my friend" I swallow down the sob, "he was my boyfriend".

Shit, saying that word out loud is much better than keeping it for all this time, it feels good coming out of my mouth, it tickles my stomach just thinking about it, and it matters, because there can be simple pity for losing someone with a friendly bond, but losing someone with a loving bond has a greater importance in who lives it, and in others.

"Oh, my" she looks into my eyes and pats my cheek, I just don't change my expression and I keep calm, because I don't think she's willing to deal with my emotional breakdown. "It's a shame, young man, I'm sorry for your loss".

"Yeah, it's okay, I'm sorry I bothered you at this time" I move his hand and run my fingers over its back. "Thanks for the info".

I turn on my heels and walk down the porch steps, the darkness of the night has completely enveloped the sky, the stars begin to be visible, even the thin line of sunlight that continues on the horizon tries to fight to stay there, but for simple matter of nature it won't.

I'm feeling something like that now, the darkness is the new distance between us, the sun is him, and I'm on the darker side. My head hurts, it is a lot that I have to process, and I don't want to walk home, I just want to lie down in the nearest place and sleep for a whole week, maybe the whole month.

"Uh, excuse me, young man" she says again, and I stop without turning. Can you tell me what your name is?".

"Jay, the name's Jay" I turn my head, making her appear in my side view.

"Oh! Come back a minute, the boy left something for you".

A new emotion takes control of me, it entered through my ears when listening to her words and I don't know very well how to name it. My mind starts to work at an impressive speed, almost making smoke to come out, because I think maybe he left a clue to his new hiding place, where he could be if I ever reach that end of the Earth, or perhaps he decided to leave behind the gifts I gave him, so that the memories aren't so painful, and if he did something like that then I would live what some call as being dead in life.

I climb the porch at just the right moment when the old woman, whose name I never asked, leaves the house with something in her hands, a small envelope with a bow as decoration, a bow of the color of my favorite jacket.

"He told me that sooner or later you'd come, and he asked me to give you this, although I assumed you would come when he left" she says, and puts his hands in her coat.

"I didn't think he was going to leave so suddenly".

"Did you have an important discussion?" I look up from the envelope and look at her from the corner of my eye, because I don't usually stand the interference.

"Not really, he was living with me and his mother came for him".

"I see" she puts a hand on my arm, her cold hand in contrast to how warm my skin and my entire body are always.

I nod and smile once more, I turn my eyes to the envelope as she says goodbye to me, she closes the door when entering and turns on the light of the porch, I go down again and walk towards the street, the public illumination lets me see a bench a few steps away, I rush to it to sit down, I sigh once more and remove the bow, ready for whatever.

It is a totally light envelope, almost as if it had nothing inside, but the barely perceptible bulge gives me one more hope. I put my free hand under the opening and a snapshot falls into my palm, I frown before looking inside, like a little boy who is not pleased with a gift given to him and who expected to receive something twenty times larger, and I see that it's empty, there's nothing written inside either, it's just the photography.

The image is of us, I know that I am asleep by my face without expression and because my shoulder is discovered, the tip of his nose touches mine while his eyelids are closed and he has a smile on his face, he shows content, happy, pleased, I don't know well, but he feels it to be like that with me.

I stroke the section where he is with the backs of my fingers, like if I were to convey my touch, with a wish to he feels it right now, and I realize how much I miss him, how in a short time he became in someone so important to me, the way I fell madly in love with him, in the sincere of my feelings for him, and my desire to recover my first real love.

I try to put it in the envelope again and it slips from my fingers, it swings in the air before falling face down on the floor, when I lean over to pick it up I see that it has something written behind it, his stylized letter reveals it, in addition to his capacity to write a lot of things in a small space.

 _ **Jayden (sorry, but I like your entire name),**_

 _ **You taught me what happiness is, I was happy for the first time in my life, I will stay with that forever, and I can't stop you from making someone else happy.**_

 _ **I love you, and I know it's not the way to do it, I'm not sure what I want to do but I'm doing it anyway.**_

 _ **What I want to say is that, if I ever see you again, if our destinies meet again, and if I don't stand between you and someone else, we will be an us again, because you are my first love, and you always will be it.**_

 _ **I miss you, I heart you, I love you.**_ _ **Carlos de Vil (okay, Oscar too).**_

A drop of water falls on the message and damages the ink, I look up to see that there are no clouds in the sky, and I realize how stupid I am since it is my tears that are falling, it's the fear I had that becomes reality.

Carlos… Carlos broke up with me, in a certain way.

My head is clouded with mixed thoughts and emotions. Was it something that was consumed very fast? I'm almost sure so. Was it just a charade and a way for me to take advantage of his most vulnerable moment? It wasn't.

I love him? I do it, with every part of me.

I manage to put the snapshot in the envelope even with my trembling hands and with the tears that flood my view, I turn off my phone and start walking again, without a direction towards my house, without wanting to get anywhere, without wanting to be with someone, just thinking that the dreams we shared, the words we said, and the glory we had, are over, with the idea that it could return.

And which is the worst part of that? My acceptance, I'm bending my head at his decision, because he stayed with a part of me, and I with a part of him.

* * *

Last night wouldn't be the first time I don't get home, but it would be the first time I don't give a warning about where I am. Mal and Evie knew that I would go to Carlos' place, but they knew that I couldn't stay with him and that I would end up going home, dad was probably calling me all the time, Joel had filled my phone with messages, Ben, Doug, the rest, I don't know, they could try to locate me.

Last night was also the first time I felt like a homeless, I stopped at the place where my legs couldn't continue, because of the fatigue of training, I curled up and fell asleep against the wall, the constant crying made it easier. When I woke up, a little after ten in the morning, according to the position of the sun, I returned to the apartment, knowing that dad wouldn't be there for following the strict schedules of his new job, I took a shower and changed my clothes, leaving my stuff there and going out to walk again.

Obviously today I lost the school day, even if I try to arrive it's sure that they will give me detention, and if they catch me trying to sneak over the walls, once again, I'll have to find a new school, and it will go to my permanent school record. I can only think of what coach Jenkins will tell me for missing the practice of tourney, he will not be very happy, and although he needs me in the approaching game I know he will leave me on the bench half the game, or the full game.

My stomach growls because of hunger, I haven't eaten anything since yesterday afternoon, but it's a strangely pleasant feeling, the reminder that I am alive, that part of me suffers from the emptiness of not being satisfied.

Everything inside me feels sore, finished, the physical and mental fatigue that invades me today is too much, although I spent a night outside, cornered, with a little fear that my things were stolen, it wasn't a night of pleasant dreams, there were periods where I regained consciousness, and it was those moments that made me feel more pain everywhere.

It has been less than twenty-four hours and everything continues to settle slowly, I had to leave the picture in the apartment since two situations could have happened: I could tear it to pieces by seeing his smiling face in it, or, as I know it will happen, I will keep it preserved, like the photo I asked for from his box.

The mechanicism of my thinking has brought me to the mall near the department, I'm really surprised I wasn't hit by a car or a bus, but it seems that a part inside my head has a firm memory of what happened here, a happy memory, because here I sang for him, here I showed him what I feel for him, this is where we became something official, and it was also here where I discovered that I can be a better person, for him.

I'm surprised to see that the same stage where I made a fool of myself in front of lots of strangers is still standing, it's like if the necessary interest and diffusion had been given, since the line is long, and I only set myself to see from afar, with a desire to make a fool of myself again in front of others.

Am I disoriented enough to do it one more time, for him? My response is to start walking to the main table, luckily Scarlett is not in sight, but there is the boy to whom I answered badly when he said my name, it seems that he also recognizes me as he squints in my direction in the row, he tells whoever next to him to give him a minute and gets up from his place, with a paper clip in his hands and half smile on his face. I turn my head and let out a snort, ready for a talk I don't want to keep up.

"Oh, hey there" he says, and the girl in front of me turns her head a little, stuck in our forced talk. "You're… Jay, isn't it?".

"Yup, that's me" I reply, with the same half smile.

"Wow, that's cool, I mean that thanks to you people gave more interest to charitable works, now it looks like a talent show up there" we both look at the stage, and indeed it has changed, there are strobe lights and a pair of smoke machines on the floor. "I bet Scarlett would thank you in her own words, but she stopped working long ago around here".

"I see, it's a shame, she could attract anyone" I say, not knowing what to say.

"Yeah" he says uncomfortably, as if he finally got my little desire to speak to another stranger. "So, are you singing again?" he inquires, straight to the point.

"I thought about it for a minute, now I'm surer of doing it".

"Awesome!" he raises his voice, my irritability almost makes me close his mouth with a punch, but I limit myself to broaden my feigned smile even when he comes a little closer than he should, invading my space. "If you want me to I can get you ahead in line, it would be a way of thanking".

"Oh, that would be… awesome".

"And if you're gonna sing for that boy again it would be even more awesome, you should see all the comments in the video about you, they all talk about the vulnerability that was in you even with a song with such a lively rhythm".

"I'm sure I'll read them soon".

He smiles and pats me on my bare shoulder, he puts his whole arm on my shoulders and I pretend that I tolerate his closeness, I walk with him to the other side of the table, after a fleeting talk with the other guys there he gives me the sheet of paper where I write the name of the song, a massacre that I will make to a melody as perfect as the one I have in mind. Of course the people in the row complain, most say that what I do is shitty, many give me the middle finger, and another pair only looks at me furtively, as if they were envying the privilege I got.

I don't give a damn about their opinion, I just hand over the sheet of paper, with my only request for a stool in front of the microphone, and they put it on top of the considerably large stack of requests, I drop into an empty chair while I watch a girl of about twelve years giving a tribute to the most recent songs, and most of the people enjoy her voice.

I play agonizingly with my thumbs again, my thoughts from the first time I did this come back strongly, so much that I must take deep breaths to keep myself focused on it, as if I were going to enter an exhibition area or onto the field at a tourney game.

My self-absorption doesn't last long since the guy puts his hand back on my shoulder, he tells me it's my turn but his voice is heard far away, like an echo in a deep cave. I get up and go up with him to the stage, immediately the welcome applause receives me and he gives a little introduction, boasting of the little fame that I made in that first time, that the video is in the official page of the charitable association, and for them to don't forget to donate.

I take my place in the stool and adjust the microphone so that it is at the height of my mouth, I look up and I find a wide variety of cell phones that get up, surely recording this moment for posterity, to post a video that could reach all the places in the world, and I count on that.

"Uh, hey everyone, the name's Jay" some people look at me, confused, I would too if my voice were so low, the microphone is helpful in that. I let out a sigh and that helps me clarify my thoughts just a little. "Okay, maybe this isn't the place or the time to do this kind of catharsis, but if I don't do it now I know I'm gonna explode, because I want to get to you, Carlos, I want to tell you that there is still a space in my mind, a space where I keep all the moments we spend, every laugh, every touch, every emotion is there, and in days like today, where I feel totally lost in a known place, alone in a whole crowd, I visit it and I go deeper into it although now it hurts, it's the only place where I feel safe, and everything was because of you" I breath in since my voice threatens to break down, I just want to stay firm for the socially accepted thing, not because that's what I'm really feeling, "and… well, the truth is that I think about you… all the damn days I do it, that's why I do this, for you".

I nod slightly towards the band and they take their instruments, a few seconds later they start playing the melody of one of my favorite songs, the one that was I going to sing to him in the privacy of my room while I looked him straight in the eyes, deeply, wanting reach his soul. Now… now I will not do it anymore.

 _Wise men say_

 _Only fools rush in_

 _But I can't help falling in love with you_

 _Shall I stay?_

 _Would it be a sin?_

 _If I can't help falling in love with you_

I look up at the ice cream shop and it's like I see him there again, with his eyes fixed on the covers they could have, when I told those present to say him hello and that I was here for him. It was one of those things done for the other without expecting anything in return, and even if it was in the context of a challenge, I wanted to prove to myself what I could do for someone, and I did it for him.

 _Like a river flows_

 _Surely to the sea_

 _Darling, so it goes_

 _Some things are meant to be_

My voice comes out of tune several times as the audience moves from one side to the other, as if I were giving a concert, as if this was really something I can do to survive, because of the emotions inside me that I can't suppress for a long time, but to think about his affective smile, the way his voice changed when he spoke to me, his courage when trying new things, his naked body when pressed against mine, the support he offered me and the love he gave me, are the inner traces that I will have from now on. Carlos, Carlos, Carlos, I say it one more time and I will keep doing it, in fact we were perfect, my irregular edges found a place where they can fit, with his, we synchronized in a short time, and I am sure we would have been lasting.

 _Take my hand_

 _Take my whole life too_

 _For I can't help falling in love with you_

Even with all this in my head I can't help wondering if it was something that was quickly done, but I know it wasn't like that, because everything had changed in one way or another, we would have distanced ourselves, and I would have done anything to ask him to leave, so we didn't have that discomfort, but we got a strong and real feeling out of a fucked up situation for him. That was the proof of the truth, the fruit that we obtained: to us.

 _Like a river flows_

 _Surely to the sea_

 _Darling, so it goes_

 _Some things are meant to be_

Fuck with the socially accepted thing, I'm hurt, and that's why I start to cry in the middle of the stanza, the best person in the whole world, in all my universe, whom I didn't tell the complete truth about how I feel about him, is gone, because of my stupid fear of seeing myself as someone desperate, who doesn't meditate things with due seriousness, he doesn't know about it with my words, only about my actions, even though my actions have talked more. If I could correct things, if I had one more chance, I would tell him from the first moment that I love him, and that I want to be with him for a lifetime, and it's like I saw it in my dream, away from everyone, just him and me although we are surrounded by other people.

 _Take my hand_

 _Take my whole life, too_

 _For I can't help falling in love with you_

 _For I can't help falling in love with you_

The song ends and I realize that I'm short of breath, not because of the notes I tried to hold or my pathetic attempt to pay tribute to a melody as great as this, but it's something else, something that also makes me sweat cold.

"Only one more thing" I wipe the treacherous tear that runs down my right cheek, I take the microphone and look at a point in the nothingness, where it could be said that I'm looking forward, where the world is distorted a bit, as if people were vibrating and they look diffuse. "I love you, Carlos, every day".

The round of applause begins, the cheering and the people who are standing up also come to play, but I can't resist it anymore, I just get down the stage stumbling, I slip through the crowd while the air around me is scarce, the temperature gradually increases, I stop listening slowly and the oppression in my chest becomes increasingly intolerant, to the point where I slip with my own feet and fall flat on the floor, barely putting my hands in the way to lessen the impact of the fall.

I get up and stay at four points, breathing to try to calm myself down and rejecting the hands that stretch out in front of me that want to help me get up. I don't remember having a panic episode before, and I don't want to think about how people who really have a real pathology about it feel during them.

A hand extends in front of me, I turn my head a little, rejecting it again, but it shakes a little, insistent to give me the support that it tries to contribute, even if it's only about helping me to stand up. I take it and I get up, feeling pain in my knees and jaw, by the force of the fall, and I realize that the one who extended the hand is dad, next to him is Joel, with the worry also written on his face, and behind them are Mal, Evie, Ben, Doug, and Audrey, the girls on the verge of tears and the boys relieved to see me.

"We were dead with worry, Jaysee, you mustn't disconnect from the world in such a way" my audition returns, Audrey's screeching voice is like a warm blanket on my shoulders.

"Bud, that's not good, but I'm glad you're okay" Ben takes Mal's hand, she looks at me with irritated eyes, probably for having cried, something that she usually doesn't do under any circumstances.

"Jay, what you did doesn't have…".

I interrupt dad as I rush into his arms, he is so surprised that he moves back a couple of steps, Joel is the one who stops him because his voice whispers to me that everything will be fine, that I shouldn't stay with what I feel.

And I don't do it in the least, I take dad's clothes in my fists and sob uncontrollably against his shoulder, I cling to him like I've never done before, with the complete need for my father to hug me, to transmit me the most small affection that he has for me, that he gives me containment and that he gives me the kind of strength that a father figure should give.

"I'm s-sorry, I-I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I-I will not do it again, I s-swear, I couldn't think clearly… I j-just wanna go home, p-p-please".

"It's okay, Jay, it's okay, you'll get over this" dad caresses my hair and that manages to reassure me just a little. "I love you, son, you'll be fine soon".

The next thing I know is that the universe moves around me while I lie in the back seat of the car, I close my eyes slowly and the first thing that jumps into my mind are Carlos' big brown eyes, the curve of his lips along with that sincere and warm smile that he always gave me when he caught me contemplating him, his precious freckles, his eyebrows, his body, and my love for him; his everything. I can almost hear his voice whispering all those sweet nonsense to my ear, I can even feel every caress I experienced, every kiss he gave me, basically every moment we passed; he says that I taught him to be happy, he taught me to treasure every moment, and I couldn't tell him so.

I turn on my side to see dad driving, he has a firm look and from time to time he stops looking at the road to see me, Joel, in the other seat, stretches out his hand to take mine, he gives me a squeeze and tells me again that he is there if I need him, him, dad, and all my friends.

With my free hand I take out of my pocket the beanie that Carlos gave me, I put it on my head and let my eyelids close slowly, again the fulminating fatigue that I still feel disconnects me from suffering. I can count how may times I had previously said the word 'we', and the number would be zero, now I believe in plurals thanks to him, and the only thing I hope now is that the memory of Carlos doesn't leave when tomorrow arrives, nor the next day, nor the next one; basically, never.

* * *

 _ **THE END**_


End file.
